Six Guidelines for Avoiding Disputes

Parshat Korach
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Meditative Self-Examination to Discover Our Underlying Motives for Dispute

There is nothing worse or more aggravating than being entangled in an ugly dispute. Even a regular argument can be irritating. In the best case, any fight is a terrible waste of time. Admittedly, there are disputes for the sake of heaven, but today these are in the minority. Who can honestly claim after thorough self-examination, that their underlying motivation for engaging in a dispute is totally free of ulterior motives and without any ego involved? Although everyone rationalizes, just as Korach did, that their dispute is justified and for the sake of promulgating the truth or for the sake of bettering their family, society, community etc. usually a tinge of jealousy or indignation bleeds into their arguments. Korach had ample reason to challenge Moshe’s leadership, when he was unable to prevent the evil report of the spies whom he had appointed. Consequently, the generation under Moshe’s leadership became banned from entering Eretz Yisrael. They were condemned to wander in the wilderness for 40 years until they all died. Isn’t this a justifiable reason to claim that an immediate change in leadership is due? Yet deep down, Korach & Co each had their own personal vendetta for disputing Moshe and Aharon’s divinely appointed leadership roles. Rashi explains: “Now what made Korach decide to quarrel with Moshe? He envied the leadership of Elizaphan, son of Uziel whom Moshe appointed as chief over the sons of Kahat. Korach claimed, “Amram was the oldest son of Kehat, and his two sons received greatness - one became king and the other kohen gadol. Who is entitled to receive the second [position] if not I, the son of Yizhar, Kehat’s second oldest son?” Instead, Moshe appointed the son of Kehat’s youngest brother, so Korach’s burning jealousy incited him to instigate his revolt (Midrash Tanchuma Korach 1; Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 18:2). Based on this teaching, whenever we are spurred to oppose someone or something, let us take a few moments of silent, meditative self-examination to calm ourselves down and discover any personal, underlying motives for our uprising.

Save Uncomfortable Conversations to When Both Parts Are Emotionally Levelheaded

I have often heard a client cry, “X person is so wrong to say y or to do z. I’m so upset with her. I must talk to her immediately and tell her to stop her depraved behavior.”  When I respond, “No, you are unable to approach X person now,” she usually gets more upset and asks, “so what am I supposed to do now, what? what? what?” My advice is, “Do not do anything as long as you are upset, irritated, aggravated, frustrated or angry with someone.” Whatever you say when you are in such an emotional state, no matter how justified your words may be, they will not come off well. Most likely, you will end up causing an ugly fight. Likewise, don’t approach anyone, including your spouse, to discuss a sensitive matter when he or she is in a negative emotional state. If you do, you may set yourself up for failure and a fight. Impatience and impulsiveness are responsible for many misdeeds that caused exile. This includes eating from the Tree of Knowledge and making the Golden Calf. Timing is everything. Whenever I need to talk to my husband about a topic that may not be so comfortable, I practice waiting for the right moment, when he is satisfied, content and open to hearing. If someone reproaches you when you are tired, wiped out, brokenhearted or low on energy, simply let the person know that you are not ready to discuss the issue at this time. You could explain that you don’t have the emotional resources currently to deal with the matter and offer another time.

Take the Time to Formulate Detailed Written Agreements

In order to avoid monetary disputes, it is vital to make a written agreement, even with friends and family. The Talmud uses a שְׁטָר/shetar – ‘formal legal document’ for any agreement involving economic relations between Jews, such as bills of sale, gifts, leases, partnerships, mortgages, bonds, receipts, employment contracts and bills of indebtedness. The more detailed a written agreement is the more it will help you to prevent monetary disputes. Every single dispute over money that I ever experienced in my entire life, was due to vagueness in the agreement. The problem is that it’s not easy to think of all the possible details in advance, while formulating an agreement. My experience tells me that it pays off whenever you have a financial transaction, to take the time and concentration to truly give your attention to all those nitty, gritty details that may possibly come up. Use clear, concise language in your written agreement. Whenever a term can be understood in more than one way, specify your intended meaning. That way you can save yourself money, time and aggravation in the long run.

Renounce the Need to be Right

תלמוד בבלי מסכת סנהדרין דף קי/א

(במדבר טז, כה) ויקם משה וילך אל דתן ואבירם אמר ר"ל מכאן שאין מחזיקין במחלוקת דאמר רב כל המחזיק במחלוקת עובר בלאו שנאמר (במדבר יז, ה) ולא יהיה כקרח וכעדתו:

“And Moshe arose and went to Dathan and Aviram” (Bamidbar 16:25), Reish Lakish says: From here we derive that one may not perpetuate a dispute, as Rav says: Anyone who maintains a dispute transgresses a negative commandment, as it is written, “And he shall not be like Korach and his assembly…” (Bamidbar 17:5). Even the aggrieved party must seek to end the dispute. Dathan and Aviram had accused Moshe and by right they should have initiated the reconciliation. Nevertheless, Moshe was not insistent on this; he went to them (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 110a).

Whenever you are able to end a dispute by apologizing, do so - even if you are in the right, as long as your apology will not encourage the opposing party to persist in his or her wrongdoing. We all know how it is more important to be wise than to be right. I heard the following story of an ongoing quarrel between a husband and wife. They were both sure that they were right but couldn’t get the other to concede. The only thing they could agree upon was to seek guidance. Both husband and wife were certain that the therapist would side with their position and confirm their claim to be ‘right.’ To their utter astonishment, the therapist didn’t take sides. Rather, he asked matter-of-factly, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Most often the need to be right and the ability to maintain Shalom Bayit – ‘peace in the home’ are mutually exclusive.

Summary of Six Guidelines for Avoiding Disputes

1. Take a few moments of silent, meditative self-examination to calm yourself down and discover the personal underlying motives for your indignation.

2. Don’t ever rebuke anyone or make any decision to join a dispute when you are upset, irritated, aggravated, frustrated or angry.

3. Don’t approach anyone, including your spouse, to discuss a sensitive topic when he or she is in a negative emotional state.

4. Do not respond to reproach when you lack the emotional resources.

Rather explain yourself and offer another time.

5. In monetary matters make written agreements, even with friends and family.

Take the time and concentration to truly give your attention to all those nitty, gritty details that may possibly come up.

6. If you can end a dispute by apologizing, do so even if you are in the right.

For Heaven’s or Not for Heaven’s Sake?

משנה מסכת אבות פרק ה משנה יז כָּל מַחֲלוֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, אֵין סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם. אֵיזוֹ הִיא מַחֲלוֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, זוֹ מַחֲלוֹקֶת הִלֵּל וְשַׁמַּאי. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, זוֹ מַחֲלוֹקֶת קֹרַח וְכָל עֲדָתוֹ:

Every dispute that is for the sake of Heaven, will in the end endure; But one that is not for the sake of Heaven, will not endure. Which is the controversy that is for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Hillel and Shammai. And which is the controversy that is not for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Korach and all his congregation (Mishna Avot 5:17).

It is interesting to note that rather than stating, ‘the controversy of Korach and Moshe,’ which would be parallel to “the controversy of Hillel and Shammai,” the Mishna notes that Korach’s controversy was with his own congregation. The reason is that each member of Korach’s assembly was motivated by his own ego. The sons of Reuven felt slighted because they had not received any leadership role, despite Reuven being the firstborn of the tribes. Rather, Moshe had appointed Yehoshua, a descendent of Yosef, as the next leader of the nation. The 250 community leaders were b’chorim (firstborn) who felt entitled to serve as the Kohen Gadol. Therefore, Korach’s true adversaries in the Machaloket, were his 253 followers, who all vied for the position of leadership to replace Moshe and Aharon. While Korach and his factions shared the belief that Moshe and Aharon had assumed too much power, they were in total disagreement regarding whom should be their replacements. Had they lived to see the light of day, an all-out war between Korach and his 253 followers would have raged. The unity of Korach and his assembly was temporary, since none of them had intention “leshem Shamayim” – literally ‘for the Name of Heaven.’ In Kabbalistic terminology, this expression refers to two sefirot: Shem denotes malchut, and shamayim refers to tiferet. Thus “leShem Shamayim” signifies the unity of tiferet and malchut. Korach and his factions didn’t intend “leShem Shamayim.” They wanted to separate between Shem – malchut and Shamayim – tiferet. Therefore, only Moshe and Aharon endured, for their intention was “leShem Shamayim” – in order to bring about supernal unity Yekutiel Green, For Heaven’s Sake.

Why I Love This Land

Parshat Shelach
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The Exceedingly Good Land Prepared for the Jewish People

Parashat Shelach marks our personal anniversary of returning to Israel after having been separated from her during the four years we lived in the United States. Upon our return, Sefat Emet’s teaching about the holiness of the Israel, helped us land. It was hard to return from the cushioned, soft, pampered life to the stark land of truth. Her bright light was almost too much to bear because, “All other countries are hazy lands, whereas the Land of Israel is light. The spiritual dimension is revealed in the Land of Israel, and here we can cleave to our source. This land is dedicated to the Jewish people, whose soul also illuminates their body so that it doesn’t conceal the light of their soul. Therefore, the Land of Israel is suitable for the people of Israel…” (Sefat Emet, Parashat Masei, year 1901). I can’t believe it will already be 27 years since we moved back and made our homestead in Bat Ayin. Every single time I must leave my Land for longer or for shorter, I miss Israel like a child missing the embrace of her mother.

ספר במדבר פרק יד פסוק ז ...טוֹבָה הָאָרֶץ מְאֹד מְאֹד: (ח) אִם חָפֵץ בָּנוּ הָשֵׁם וְהֵבִיא אֹתָנוּ אֶל הָאָרֶץ הַזֹּאת וּנְתָנָהּ לָנוּ אֶרֶץ אֲשֶׁר הִוא זָבַת חָלָב וּדְבָשׁ:

“…The land we passed through to scout is an exceedingly good land. If Hashem desires us, He will bring us to this land and give it to us, a land flowing with milk and honey” (Bamidbar 14:7-8).

Below I share another Sefat Emet nugget about the holiness of the Land that resonates deeply within me, as well as a poem I wrote about why I love this land. I hope you will join me here sooner than later!

Activating the Hidden Light of the Land

Sefat Emet further explains what is so special about this “exceedingly good land,” and how it is only special for the Jewish people: “The land of Israel is truly only prepared for the Jewish people. Only to the Jewish people is the good light hidden within the land revealed. The Israelites become rectified through the Land of Israel and the Land of Israel becomes rectified through the Jewish people. As it states in the midrash, our relationship with the Land of Israel is two-way. The land is suitable for us and we are suitable for her (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 23:6). “Your people are all righteous, they shall inherit the land לְעוֹלָם/l’olam – ‘forever…’ (Yeshayahu 60:21). The word לְעוֹלָם/l’olam can also mean ‘hidden.’ Although the holiness of the land is hidden within her, the Jewish people have the vessels to activate her latent ohr haganuz – ‘hidden light.’ Before the Jewish people entered the land, her light was hidden. This is why the spies called her, “…a land that eats her inhabitants” (Bamidbar 13:32); (Sefat Emet, Parashat Bamidbar, year 1901). In other words, it is the Jewish people’s presence in the Land of Israel that brings out her beauty and holiness. Without the Jewish people, the land is “desolate and void.” “Let there be light” only takes place after the Jewish people make Aliyah. When you come here at first, you may notice the rough thorns and sharp elbows. Yet, if you stick it out, you will merit to taste its sweetest, softest sweetness! How can we stand back in exile and wait for the Mashiach to come, when redemption is the culmination of our accumulated efforts to activate the hidden light of the holy land?

  

Why I Love This Land

Would you like to know why I love this Land?

Here we experience the strength of G-d’s hand.

Instead of being awakened with a bell,

the 6 am radio blasts, “Shema Yisrael!”

In the bus, kerchiefed women recite tehillim.

On beaches in modest bathing suits we swim.

We’ve got not only our own bathrooms and showers,

We even have swimming pools with separate hours.

Standing on the street we can hitch a ride.

Many a driver happily lets us sit inside.

He may offer our son a suitable match.

His daughter could be the perfect catch.

A short drive to the desert makes us feel free.

The opposite direction takes us to the foamy sea.

Nowhere is too far from the tropical nature reserve.

In Ein Gedi manifold plants and birds, we observe.

Under the stars of the moonlit night,

we can reach beyond the highest height.

In the morning we revel in the lights

of countless, diverse nature sights.

The holy Kineret takes our breath away.

In its water we bring our children to play.

Swimming in the sunset of this magical sea

is an enchanted portal allowing us just to be.

To the prayer service in Israel nothing can compare.

Especially heartfelt is our communal Shabbes pray’r.

There is a synagogue at every street corner,

for the celebrant as well as for the mourner.

In the market, if we don’t have the right change,

we can give tzedakah. This is simple to arrange.

For a kilo of dates, we can bargain down the price.

The same goes for pistachios, pears, cumin and rice.

At the crossroads we enjoy fresh-pressed juice,

meeting new friends, that old friends introduce.

We munch on salty sunflower seeds,

while debating the latest political needs.

Despite the disputes we are all one,

breathing under the very same sun,

basking in the blueness of the sky,

even without knowing exactly why.

Why we love this land so incredibly much,

whether we are French, American or Dutch.

Even if we at times may be complaining,

our devotion to the land has no explaining.

Having traveled to the Far East, or lived in the West,

we all know that the Land of Israel is the very best.

Wherever we meet we greet each other, “Shalom!”

There exists no other land we can truly call home.

Is Writing a Negative Review Lashon Hara?

Parshat Beha’alotcha
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The Importance of Giving the Benefit of Doubt

I never wrote a negative review online in my entire life until a few weeks ago. Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin had received a service abroad. The payment was due a week beforehand, and unfortunately, we were over charged (billed for service neither ordered nor received). In addition, we were advised to order something we didn’t need, and which was not prepared and ready to be used for our purposes. Even the service we ordered was not provided for adequately, and there were many additional problems. (I’m telling you the story in very general terms in order to prevent you from figuring out what and especially whom I’m talking about, so that this article will not be considered lashon hara). By not including the details, I’m sacrificing making my story more interesting, but this is a small loss in order to avoid one of the most serious transgressions in the Torah – evil speech and slander. The Chafetz Chaim enumerates 31 Torah prohibitions and injunctions related to the sin of lashon hara. One of them is connected to this week’s parasha describing how Hashem inflicted Miriam with the spiritual disease of tzara’at as a consequence of her negative speech:

 ספר דברים פרק כד פסוק ט זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ לְמִרְיָם בַּדֶּרֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִּצְרָיִם:

“Remember what Hashem your G-d did to Miriam on the way, when you went out of Egypt” (Devarim 24:9).

Miriam’s main mistake was that she didn’t give Moshe the proper benefit of the doubt when she compared herself and Aharon to him. Although they were prophets too, their prophecy was not on par with Moshe’s. Regarding my recent experience, by giving the provider the benefit of the doubt, we could say that he truly thought that we needed the service even though we didn’t, and due to time pressure, he was unable to prepare it for our purposes. Similarly, the overcharge could very easily have been a mistake. The rest of the problems are likely due to his being unfamiliar with our holistic approach, which made it difficult to provide adequately for our needs.

The Parameters of the Mitzvah of Judging a Person Favorably

The mitzvah of giving the benefit of the doubt is one of the hardest mitzvot to keep. How far do we have to go in judging a person favorably? Sometimes, an action seems so outright against the Torah that it is hard to justify the perpetrator in any way. The answer is that it depends on the person being judged. The Chafetz Chaim enumerates 4 categories:

1. The righteous must be judged favorably even if the matter seems very likely negative. 
2. Average individuals, who are careful not to sin but sometimes slip, must be judged favorably if there is an equal chance of good or bad. Even if it is more likely that the negative interpretation is correct, it is still proper to leave the doubt unresolved in our mind without judging negatively. 
3. Wicked individuals are not to be given the benefit of the doubt. Even when their actions appear positive, they should be viewed as negative.
4. Unknown individuals have an intermediate status. While there is no obligation to judge them favorably, it is a good quality to give them the benefit of the doubt (Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Hilchot Isurei Lashon Hara 3:7-8).

Based on this, if a person, whom we do not know, overtly transgresses a mitzvah, especially from the Torah, we have no halachic obligation to judge him with the benefit of the doubt, especially if this could cause a monetary loss. Regarding monetary matters, even a Torah Scholar is not to be given the benefit of the doubt, as it states, “In the academy of Rabbi Yishmael, they taught: “If you see a Talmid Chacham commit a transgression by night, harbor no ill thoughts of him by day…  He has certainly repented… However, this applies only to personal matters; regarding monetary transgressions, he must first return the object to the original owner (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 19a).

Recognizing With Whom You are Dealing

“People should always be in your eyes like thieves, but honor them like Rabban Gamliel” (Rashi, Ta’anit 23b, quoting Pirkei Ben Azzai 3:3).

In the beginning of our story, I was inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. We spoke with the owner – a seemingly nice, young Jewish man. Let’s call him Shimon. He agreed to reimburse us for the part that we were advised to order since we did not require it, and it was not properly prepared. He even showed us how he was going online to make the payment. Regarding the greater part of the reimbursement claimed, Shimon said that he needed to look into the matter. I showed him the contract and the email exchange, which clearly proved that we were overcharged. Despite the proofs, Shimon delayed reimbursing us, even the amount he had first agreed to give. During the following two weeks, I made numerous unsuccessful attempts to contact Shimon, who pushed me off with his repeated, “talk to you later…” I started to get annoyed and wrote him: “We don’t need to speak. Just reimburse us the $... that was overcharged. Based on our documentation, things are self-evident and there is nothing to discuss. Let’s save both of our time, and that of my assistant from having to follow up again. I’m sure you want to do the right thing and have satisfied clients.” When Shimon continued to ignore the overcharge, and it turned out that the reimbursement that he had agreed to pay in front of two people had not been processed, despite the fact that he had showed me on his phone that he was going online to make the payment, it dawned on me that Shimon had no intention to make any reimbursement. That’s when I wrote: “I have everything documented that we were overcharged and that we would be reimbursed. Do you want to honor the agreement to reimburse us or do you want to go to Beit Din? Still being pushed off, I went online and wrote my first negative review ever!

Threats and Harassment

In the middle of the following night, my husband was woken up by a phone-call, which he didn’t pick up. In the morning, I saw that it was from Shimon. How interesting. This was the first time in three weeks that Shimon made any attempt to contact me. When I opened my messages, there were two almost identical threatening messages from Shimon: “If that review isn’t down in the next hour, you will not be getting your reimbursement. Your choice.” I was appalled. If he owes me money, what did my review have to do with honoring his contract and his own word in front of two? Shimon was now, all of a sudden, eager to speak with me and I replied to his message that he was welcome to call. What happened next shocked me to the bone. I received a threatening phone-call from a different man, who introduced himself as calling on behalf of Shimon. He hollered, “If that review is not down immediately, we will treat you in the exact same way and defame you and your institution everywhere possible.” I was shaken by this harassment and had a hard time sleeping at night. My friends warned me to be careful, as people like these can be dangerous. I am more concerned about negative energy than the actual threat to defame me and my midrasha, so I gave tzedakah for Shimon’s nefesh, ruach and neshama according to the way of EmunaHealing.

Appropriate Consulting of Rabbinic Authorities

The next day I received the following message from another of Shimon’s assistants, this was the person who had been taking our order in the first place: “I am reaching out to ask that the negative review that you posted be taken down. We have asked a sheila to a posek if this constitutes loshon horah and motzie shem rah and was told it does and is absolutely a chillul hashem. That it is poshut this is loshon horah and no debate about it.”  I replied, “…asking sheilot regarding what other people should or shouldn’t do has no purpose. We ask sheilot to ensure that our own actions are in accordance with Halacha. Why would I ask my Rabbi whether Shimon’s withholding of monetary reimbursement is a Torah prohibition? Instead of asking sheilot concerning other people’s actions why don’t you ask questions that pertain to you? I advise you to ask your Rabbi whether it’s permitted to make monetary reimbursement contingent on removing a negative review? And whether it’s permitted to threaten with revenge if such review is not removed?”

Only for a Beneficial Purpose

The question remains whether writing a negative review constitutes lashon hara and chillul Hashem or not. According to my Rabbi, if the intention of your review is for תואלת/toelet – ‘for a beneficial purpose’ – in order to prevent others from having the same negative experience that you had, it is permissible. It is even more so, if the provider is able to respond, which was the case in my review on google. However, the information in your review must be true, without exaggeration, and with proper intent to warn the consumer (Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Hichot Isurei Rechilut 9:2-3). Additional reasons, why it is halachically permitted to post a negative review of a Jewish provider is that when a service provider posts his business, he expects to receive reviews – both positive and negative. He hopes that the number of positives will far outweigh the negatives, but that can never be known in advance. He also can defend himself by posting his own comment to respond to any problems. Additionally, the negative comments may be useful to the service provider so that he can know about problems and improve his service. Can we, therefore, assume that when a provider posts his business online, that he has automatically allowed any user the free right to post negative comments? Or are there parameters for negative reviews to ensure that they are not lashon hara?

I would like to add the following conditions for posting a negative review for a business owned by a Jew:

 1. First speak directly with the provider, and only post your review when your direct communication proved to be fruitless (Based on Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Hichot Isurei Rechilut 9:6).

 2. Make sure you evaluate the product rather than the provider i.e. “The supply did not adequately match the order.” Rather than: “The provider was stingy and mean. He didn’t care about satisfying his customers.”

 3. Ensure that you only state facts rather than subjective judgments i.e. “The food consisted of rice and store-bought cheap humus. Fresh salad was lacking.” “Instead of: “The food was disgusting and tasted terrible”

 4. By all means avoid exaggeration, and state only the truth the way you experienced it (Based on Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Hichot Isurei Rechilut 9:2).

May Hashem bless Shimon to open his heart to do Hashem’s will and honor his word and his contract, and stop transgressing the commandment, “When you make a sale to your fellow Jew or make a purchase from the hand of your fellow Jew, you shall not wrong one another” (Vayikra 25:14). “You shall not wrong one another” - that is mistreatment [with] money" (Sifra, Behar 3:4); (Sefer HaChinuch, Mitzvah 337). “B”H may we Jews bring the Geulah closer by working on honesty in business dealings and being careful to avoid lashon hara!

What is Women’s Portion in Torah?

Parshat Naso

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Women’s Torah Renaissance

During the last four decades, Torah learning for women has received more than a renaissance. When I became a new Ba’alat Teshuva (returnee to Judaism) in 1979, there were only two Torah learning centers available for me. Today- wow!!!  There are more Yeshivot for women than cereal boxes in the supermarkets of the US! One of these being my own little Midreshet B'erot Bat Ayin: Holistic Torah for Women on the Land. In addition, more and more Torah books are published by women as women’s Torah erudition increases daily. Today, women are delving into deep esoteric Kabbalistic Torah, something completely unheard of even just half a century ago. Everywhere I teach, whether in Israel or abroad, women are craving deep, kabbalistic insights as though they were chocolate bars. In a recent student evaluation sheet, a student praised teachers that “make complex Kabbalistic concepts extremely accessible for students still learning basics.” Experiencing the current Torah thirst and learnedness of Jewish women stands in strong contrast to many reliable, classical Torah sources such as Rambam and Rabbi Yosef Karo, who describe women as having weak minds, and consequently exempting women from the mitzvah of Torah learning. Could it really be Hashem’s will that Jewish women, rather than delving deeply into Torah, read women’s magazines, or get a Ph.D. in English literature, for example?

Classical Torah Sources Limiting Women’s Capacity for Torah Learning

The Shulchan Aruch based on the Rambam (Hilchot Talmud Torah, Chapter 1 Halacha 13), clearly states that a woman is not commanded to learn Torah:

“A woman who learned Torah gets reward, but not the same reward as a man because she is not commanded. Although she does get rewarded, the Rabbis commanded that a person should not teach his daughter Torah, because most women are not fit to be taught, but they exchange the words of Torah for words of nonsense due to their weak mind…” (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, Chapter 246 part 6).

Although the inline Ashkenazi commentary by Rabbi Moshe Isserless modifies the Shulchan Aruch slightly, “In any case, a woman is obligated to learn the laws that apply to her” (Rema Y. D. 246), it doesn’t remove the harsh statement of the Shulchan Aruch. Its source is in Mishna Sotah 3:4, commenting on the ritual performed with the suspected adulteress, described in Parashat Naso (Bamidbar 5:12-31). A woman who was witnessed secluding herself with a man other than her husband, in violation of her husband’s warning, can be taken by her husband to the Temple, where, she drinks water in which Hashem’s name is erased. If guilty of adultery, the woman and her illicit partner die by the hand of G-d. The Mishna explains that specific merits can suspend the Divine punishment of the adulteress, for some time.

…From here Ben Azai infers: A person is obligated to teach his daughter Torah, so that if she drinks [the sotah water], she will know that the merit [of the Torah] suspends [her punishment]. Rabbi Eliezer says: Anyone who teaches his daughter Torah is as if he teaches her תִּפְלוּת/tiflut – ‘licentiousness’… (Mesechet Sotah, Chapter 3 Mishna 4).

The Lost Light of the Moon Reflects Women’s Lost Torah Perception

It is not our experience today that women’s minds are any weaker than the minds of men. Much less does it resonate with us to say that women “exchange the words of the Torah with the words of nonsense.”  With the greatest admiration for the Rambam, and while holding by the Shulchan Aruch and accepting the Divine authority of the Mishna, how do we reconcile their derogatory statements about women's limited Torah perception with the reality of today’s women’s Torah scholarship and desire for deep Torah knowledge? My friend Devorah Feistag in her book, The Lost Light of the Moon addresses this question. The change in the nature of women explains the contradiction between statements in traditional texts and our present-day reality. The descriptions of women by the sages were generally accurate at their time, although there have always been exceptions of learned woman. Women’s limited Torah perception in past generations reflected the diminishment of the light of the moon (Babylonian Talmud, Chulin 60b) as a result of the first woman, Chava’s eating from the Tree and sharing it with her husband. The lost light of the moon represents the loss of women’s spiritual perception and abstract understanding. Before the sin, Adam and Chava possessed unimaginable spiritual perception. When eating from the Tree of Knowledge, they both lost much of their perception. Yet, Chava, who initiated the sin and convinced Adam to go along with her, lost more perception that Adam did. As a result, we find many descriptions of women as lacking in intellectual understanding and unsuited for Torah study. It was not Torah law that caused women’s lowered status. Eating from the tree, changed the nature of most women from being abstract to becoming more concrete types. Since then, women’s primary job is the repair of the damage caused by the sin to the physical world by using the physical world to attain a spiritual purpose. Thus, the sages’ exemption of women from the mitzvah of Torah learning reflected the nature and capabilities of women during their time. Were a person to lose 80% of his vision, and as a result, be denied a driver’s license, would we call this unfair discrimination?

Predictions in the Words of the Prophets and Sages of Women’s Torah Transformation

What happened between the era of our sages up to the Shulchan Aruch’s time in the 16^th century and today when women’s Torah reality has so obviously changed? We live in the very exciting Messianic period, when eating from the Tree is being rectified as we come closer and closer to the heart of the final redemption. The change of women’s Torah perception during redemption times has long been predicted by our prophets:

ספר ירמיה פרק לא פסוק כא עַד מָתַי תִּתְחַמָּקִין הַבַּת הַשּׁוֹבֵבָה כִּי בָרָא הָשֵׁם חֲדָשָׁה בָּאָרֶץ נְקֵבָה תְּסוֹבֵב גָּבֶר:

“How long will you turn about, O you wild daughter? For Hashem has created a new thing on the earth, nekevah tesovev gever – a woman shall encircle a man” (Yirmeyahu 31:21).

Targum Yonatan from the Mishnaic time explains that “the new thing” is that “the people of the house of Israel will study Torah.” Whenever “the house” is mentioned in the Torah its known to refer to the woman as explained by the first Mishna of Yoma on Vayikra 16:6. The book Kol HaTor by Rabbi Hillel of Shklov, in the name of the Vilna Gaon, quotes the following Zohar:

“In the 600^th year of the 6^th millennia [5600 since creation written in Hebrew as תר/Tor – 1840 CE], the upper gates of wisdom will be opened as well as the wellsprings of wisdom below. This will prepare the world for the 7^th millennia like a person prepares himself on Friday for Shabbat…”  (Zohar part I, 117a). 

According to Kol HaTor, the power of nekevah tesovev gever – the rise of women’s Torah perception – is part of the opening of the upper gates of wisdom mentioned in the Zohar. When the power of nekevah tesovev gever started affecting the world, women began to regain their abstract capabilities. Since then, women have become more and more capable of various abstract pursuits, including the most important one, learning Torah. As a result, not all women today can be fulfilled only through assisting our husbands’ and sons’ Torah learning. Our own souls must be directly fed.

Yearning to Experience a Direct Connection with Hashem

We are in a childbirth-like transition. Hashem returned the abilities and interests to women for abstract learning in order that we apply them in Torah. Preventing women from learning Torah delays the redemption, while women’s Torah learning brings the Geulah closer. Returning to our Mishna in Sotah, Rambam explains Rabbi Eliezer’s position by saying that “most women’s minds are not attuned to being taught.” In that case, if a woman’s mind is attuned to being taught, the opinion of Ben Azai would apply, and such a woman should be taught Torah. Therefore, the increasing Torah learning institutions for women are a fulfillment of Hashem’s intention that Jewish girls and women delve into deep Torah learning. This is in accordance with the Torah ruling of Rabbi Eliezer Waldenberg, a recent posek and dayan in Jerusalem:

...In our times we do not have to continue to follow the approach of Rabbi Eliezer, on the contrary we need to come closer to the approach of Ben Azai. There can be no doubt that the intentions of the women who learn is l’shem shamayim, and likewise the intention of those who teach them. One must teach them Torah to whatever extent the matter contributes to forming the woman’s Jewish education (Tzitz Eliezer part 9:3 and part 10:8).

Perhaps the natural enthusiasm of women for Torah learning is caused by our desire to experience the direct connection with Hashem, which we originally lacked in the Garden of Eden.

The Secret of Torah Education Begins with Women

The exemption from learning Torah lishma (for its own sake) spurs us women to desire and yearn even more for spirituality and Divine connection. Hashem rewarded this desire and enthusiasm by giving the Torah to the women first:

ספר שמות פרק יט פסוק ג וּמשֶׁה עָלָה אֶל הָאֱלֹהִים וַיִּקְרָא אֵלָיו השם מִן הָהָר לֵאמֹר כֹּה תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב וְתַגֵּיד לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל:

“Moshe went up to G-d from the mountain and Hashem called him from the mountain saying, ‘Thus you shall say to the house of Ya’acov, and you shall tell the sons of Israel’” (Shemot 19:3).

Rashi explains that Moshe was to give the Torah to the women first: THUS YOU SHALL SAY In this language and according to this order. TO THE HOUSE OF YA’ACOV - These are the women… The secret of all Torah education begins with women. Once the women have been taught, the men will follow, thus successfully transmitting Torah to the entire nation. At the final geulah all desires will be fulfilled, and women will also learn Torah lishma as alluded to in our morning blessings:

סדור תפלה - סדר השכמת הבוקר                                                                            

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה השם אֱלקֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוותָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לַעֲסוֹק בְּדִבְרֵי תוֹרָה:

וְהַעֲרֶב נָא השם אֱלֹהֵינוּ אֶת דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָתְךָ בְּפִינוּ וּבְפִיּוֹת עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל. וְנִהְיֶה אֲנַחְנוּ וְצֶאֱצָאֵינוּ. וְצֶאֱצָאֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל. כֻּלָּנוּ יוֹדְעֵי שְׁמֶךָ וְלוֹמְדֵי תוֹרָתֶךָ לִשְׁמָהּ: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה השם הַמְלַמֵּד תּוֹרָה לְעַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל:

Blessed are You, Hashem, our G-d, King of the universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and has commanded us to engross ourselves in the words of Torah. Please, Hashem, our G-d, sweeten the words of Your Torah in our mouth and in the mouth of Your people, the family of Israel. May we and our offspring and the offspring of Your people, the House of Israel- all of us-know Your Name and study Your Torah for its own sake. Blessed are You, Hashem, Who teaches Torah to His people Israel (The blessings of the Torah in the morning prayers).

May we truly merit to learn Torah for the sake of heaven and return the lost light of the moon together with the Shechina – Divine, Feminine, Indwelling Presence!