Thursday, November 29, 2018

Tuning into Tamar’s Motivation for Seducing Her Father-In-Law

Parashat Vayeshev
Printable Version

The Veiled Woman Wrapped in Mystery
The story of Yehuda and Tamar intrigues me. Why did Tamar decide to sit at the crossroad, dressed up as a harlot in order to seduce her father-in-law? Why would this action be considered a mitzvah? Furthermore, how could Mashiach be born from such a shady relationship?  I often intersperse my teachings with creative writing and biblio-drama exercises as a way to tune into the deeper motivation of the various personalities in the Torah. What were the thoughts and feelings behind the Torah personalities’ actions? Which tone of voice and body language did they employ? These are examples of questions we need to address when we engage in writing exercises or play out the various biblical characters. However, Tamar is not easy to portray. She is a woman wrapped in mystery, shrouded in a veil as it states:

ספר בראשית פרק לח פסוק יד וַתָּסַר בִּגְדֵי אַלְמְנוּתָהּ מֵעָלֶיהָ וַתְּכַס בַּצָּעִיף וַתִּתְעַלָּף וַתֵּשֶׁב בְּפֶתַח עֵינַיִם אֲשֶׁר עַל דֶּרֶךְ תִּמְנָתָה כִּי רָאֲתָה כִּי גָדַל שֵׁלָה וְהִוא לֹא נִתְּנָה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה:
“So she took off her widow’s garb, covered herself with a veil and wrapped herself. She then sat down at the crossroads that were on the way to Timnah, for she saw that Shelah had grown up, but she was not given to him for a wife” (Bereishit 38:14).

Rashi’s commentary, “She covered her face so Yehuda wouldn’t recognize her,” only accentuates our bewilderment. Why would a righteous woman, the progenitor of the Mashiach, disguise herself in order to mislead her father-in-law and seduce him to have intimate relations with a woman he believed was a prostitute? These are questions I attempt to answer in my poem below based on the Torah commentaries, Midrash and Zohar.

For the Sake of the Soul of Mashiach
Tamar went to sit at the crossroads, in Hebrew, בְּפֶתַח עֵינַיִם/b’petach eynayim – “at the opening of the eyes.” Our Sages explained it to mean, at the entrance פֶתַח/petach – “opening” of our father Avraham, which all עֵינַיִם/eynayim – “eyes” looked forward to see. (Sotah 10a; Rashi Bereishit 38:14). The last letters of the place that Tamar sat, בְּפֶתַח עֵינַיִם אֲשֶׁר/b’Petach Einayim asher – “In the opening of the eyes that” spell out רמח/ramach – ‘248’ backwards – the numerical value of the name אַבְרָהָם/Avraham. For she prayed, “may it be Your will that I will merit to bring forth the offspring of Avraham (Ba’al Haturim). Chassidic commentaries explain that in the same way that Avraham was willing to risk his life to save Lot by pursuing the four mighty kings, Tamar intended to bring down the soul of Mashiach. Just as Avraham saw with ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration) that from Lot sparkled the soul of David and Mashiach, Tamar risked her life by playing harlot to seduce Yehuda because she prophetically understood that from him she could bring down the soul of Mashiach. This explains the Midrash, “she sat at the entrance of Avraham Avinu,” meaning, she followed in the footsteps of our father Avraham, who sacrificed his life to bring the soul of Mashiach into the world. For all the eyes are looking forward to see Him. The initials of, “So she took off her widow’s garb, covered herself with a veil and wrapped herself,” add up to 63, alluding to the world of teshuva that corresponds to Hashem’s four lettered name when  each letter is spelled out in the following way to add up to 63: yud-vav-dalet hei-hei vav-yud-vav hei-hei -הה ויו הה יוד. Thus, Tamar’s holy intention when seducing Yehuda was to bring down the soul of Mashiach from the world of Teshuva  (Maor V’Shemesh, Parshat Vayeshev). 

An Opening for Unexpected Holiness
According to the rules of Levirate marriage, Tamar was supposed to marry her late husbands’ younger brother, Shelah, in order to perpetuate the name of her deceased husbands (Devarim 25:5-6). Yet, she understood through divine inspiration that he was not meant for her. Her intentions were for the sake of Heaven; she wanted her seed to be from Yehuda who was more perfect and preferable to Shelah. From Yehuda, Mashiach would be descend (Sforno). There was only one opening in order to bring down the soul of Mashiach, and this was by seducing Yehuda, who was blessed by Ya’acov to become the father of kings (Bereishit 49:10). We reviewed the whole Torah without finding a place called Petach Einayim (Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 85:7). This is to teach that Tamar set her eyes on an opening upon which all eyes are dependent, and said, “May it be your will Hashem my G‑d that I will not leave this house empty-handed.” Tamar in her wisdom set her eyes on a tiny opening through which kedusha (holiness) could sprout forth through seemingly unholy actions. In the straight way there was no opening for the Mashiach to be born, since Shelah was not fit to father him, and Yehuda would never have agreed to marry Tamar because she was his daughter-in-law.

Women Build the House of David through Rectified Sexuality
Deeds that are intended for the sake of Heaven, even if they seem distasteful in public light, are praiseworthy, and Hashem rewards them greatly. Therefore, Tamar’s deed and Ruth’s as well, are praised because of their good intentions (Abarbanel).

Two women, Tamar and Ruth, gave over their soul for the sake of the tribe of Yehuda. Tamar would cry out, “Let me not go out empty-handed from this house...” (Midrash Zuta Ruthparasha 1). 

Tamar prayed to G‑d that she wouldn't leave this house empty-handed. Which house?  We were not told about any house in Petach Einayim. Perhaps it is referring to the house of David – Beit David from where Mashiach will come. Tamar prayed to have a part in this house, and her prayer was answered. She became the mother of the Davidic dynasty. The building of the house of David happens through the arousal of the woman, such as the daughters of Lot, Tamar, and Ruth since they arose to repair themselves and the world (Rav Tzaddok, Kometz Hamincha 2:45).

 
Tamar’s Monologue

I am Tamar and I have a mission.
I venture out on a risky expedition.
Since a young girl I could never agree
to all the evil in the world that I see.

Long enough have I wasted my beauty,
in order to fulfill my wifely duty.
No longer will I remain a fruitless palm.
My descendant will praise G-d in psalm.

Two husbands I have long ago buried.
About my future no one has worried.
Seeing that their brother has already grown.
How long am I supposed to remain alone?

I am Tamar and I come from a holy stem.
My father is no other than the Kohen, Shem.
Deep inside I have this awesome feeling
that it is my role to bring world healing.

I don’t care what people might say.
I have to find my own special way
to bring forth prophets and kings,
especially King David who sings.

I lift my face in prayer to the Eternal,
that He will sprout forth my majestic kernel.
I’m willing to sacrifice my life in His Hand,
for my children to inherit the Promised Land.

I am Tamar – Woman at the Crossroad.
To Yehuda my face I have never showed.
I came into this world to engender repair,
so Yehuda’s offspring can hold the royal chair.

My countless tears waters his forthcoming seed.
Such supplications no adversary can impede.
I’ve found the only opening to do what I must
With trembling faith in Hashem’s salvation I trust.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Rectified Jewish ‘Fight-Flight-Freeze’ Response


Parashat Vayishlach
Printable Version

Ya’acov Didn’t Put all His Eggs in One Basket
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” (Don Quixote) motivates my approach to life. It is important not to concentrate all efforts and resources in one area. For example, success in matters of health, childrearing and relationships, require that many elements work together as a synergy. This approach to life originates from the Torah. We first learn about it from Ya’acov, our Father. I recall the special picture my children colored when they were in nursery school, for Parashat Vayishlach. It had three parts: A person with a long beard and peyot (side-locks) swaying in prayer, a person extending his hand with a gift to another and a group of warriors with spears. This coloring page illustrated Ya’acov’s preparation for meeting his brother Esav who had been pursuing him to kill him for years.

ספר בראשית פרק לב פסוק ט וַיֹּאמֶר אִם יָבוֹא עֵשָׂו אֶל הַמַּחֲנֶה הָאַחַת וְהִכָּהוּ וְהָיָה הַמַּחֲנֶה הַנִּשְׁאָר לִפְלֵיטָה:
“He said, ‘If Esav comes to one camp and strikes it down, the remaining camp will escape’” (Bereishit 32:9).

THE REMAINING CAMP WILL ESCAPE: Against his will, for I will wage war with him. He (Ya’acov) prepared himself for three things: for a gift, for war, and for prayer. For a gift, [as Scripture says] (verse 22): “So the gift passed on before him.” For prayer, [as Scripture says] (verse 10): “G-d of my father Avraham…” For war, [as Scripture says]: “the remaining camp will escape.” [Tanchuma, Vayishlach 6] (Rashi ibid.).

The Benefits and Detriments of the ‘Fight-Flight-Freeze’ Response
With this approach Ya’acov succeeded in appeasing his hateful brother as it states, “Esav ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept” (Bereishit 33:4). Perhaps Ya’acov’s triple approach to facing imminent danger parallels the human innate ‘fight-flight-freeze’ response. This natural survival-oriented reaction protects us by assessing if we have the power to defeat the immediately threatening force. If so, the body goes into a fight mode and releases hormones – such as adrenaline – necessary for triumph in battle.  Conversely, when we realize that the adversary is too powerful to overcome, then our flight response engages, instantaneously gathering our emergency biochemical supplies to enable us to hopefully escape the intimidating force. The innate freeze response is the reaction to a situation, when neither fight nor flight is viable. Under such circumstances, ‘freezing up’ or ‘numbing out’ – dissociating from the here and now – is the best thing we can do. Being physically, mentally, and emotionally immobilized prevents us from feeling the horror of the danger, which might otherwise threaten our sanity. The chemicals secreted in response to our dread, such as endorphins, function as an analgesic, desensitizing us to the pain of any injury. However, the ‘fight-flight-freeze’ response can also backfire. When certain current situations remind us of a trauma suffered years ago, which we have still not fully resolved, then the original fear or panic linked to that memory may compel us to react to the current-day trigger as if our past trauma is happening all over again. It is even possible that dissociating in the midst of a traumatic experience may cause PTSD symptoms later on (see, e.g., van der Kolk & van der Hart, 1989).

Prayer, Present and Preparation for War
Ya’acov was overcome by dread at the prospect of facing his murderous brother, rapidly approaching him with four hundred men (Bereishit 32:7-8). This is when his natural Jewish response to danger mobilized him to deal with the horrifying situation by preparing: “a gift, for war, and for prayer” (Rashi, Bereishit 32:9). “Preparing for war” clearly parallels the ‘fight response,’ except that rather than unconsciously going into an aggressive mode that could be unnecessary at best and elicit more animosity at worst; “preparing for war” is a conscious, thought out plan, only to be activated if absolutely necessary. The ‘gift’ is likewise a conscious rectified response that allows us to avoid combat through assuaging the danger. Rather than evading the adversity by running away in ‘flight’, appeasing the enemy or the threatening situation with a gift or a peaceful, compromising solution is the preferred mature way of soothing any threat. Lastly, “prayer” is certainly the rectified ‘freeze’ response when we are in dire straits – feeling utterly helpless. When realistically, there’s no way we can defend ourselves  having neither the strength to respond aggressively nor the speed to run away from it, “prayer” is all that is left. Even while immobilized and physically ‘freezing,’ our mind and heart does not have to unconsciously dissociate. A higher level, rectified response is to be mindful of the imminent pain, yet hand it over to Hashem in heartfelt prayer, as King David teaches, “Cast your burden upon Hashem, and He will sustain you” (Tehillim 55:23). This sensible response will also surely prevent PTSD symptoms later on.

Transforming Unconscious reactions to Conscious Torah Responses
Our holy patriarchs and matriarchs lived fully conscious, mindful lives. Through their superior G-d-fearing awareness, they were in control of every one of their physical reactions all the way down to the release of hormones. For example, it states about Avraham, our Father,that he never ever lifted a finger without it being for the sake of heaven. Ya’acov, our Father, was able to channel his natural ‘fight-flight-freeze’ response into conscious elevated ways of turning to Hashem while dealing with imminent danger. In this way, he handed over the rectified Jewish ‘fight-flight-freeze’ response to every Jew. It is our challenge to accept Ya’acov’s mantle of mindfulness by working on transforming our unconscious reactions to become mature, mindful, fully conscious responses to hardships and threats. This way we can prevent a hurtful remark, a condescending glance or an aggressive tone of voice etc. from becoming a trigger to relive past trauma. Moreover, by transforming unconscious reactions to become conscious Torah responses we can rectify all of our relationships and grow closer to Hashem.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Tapping into the Soul Prints of Rachel & Leah

Parashat Vayetze
Printable Version

In Parashat Vayetze we learn about Rachel and Leah who overcame the challenge of sharing the same man. Although polygamy was permitted in the Torah, it was never encouraged. A wife in a polygamous family was called a צרה/tzara –‘trouble’ or ‘tragedy.’ Since sisters are naturally each other’s best friend, the Torah prohibited a man from marrying two sisters and thus setting them up against each other. Ya’acov’s marriage to both Rachel and Leah was an exception, because these holy women were destined to make a rectification for all future discord among sisters. By being able to overcome the ultimate challenge of being set up against each other as co-wives, they paved the way for all future sisters to get along.

Rachel & Leah Rectified All Future Discord among Sisters
Through their inner struggle, Rachel and Leah became like one person as Arizal teaches, “The feet of Leah ensconce (is clothed) within the crown of Rachel” (Etz Chayim, Sha’ar 38, Chapter 3). He also explains that Rachel was the revealed world while Leah was the hidden world (Sefer Etz Chaim). True relationships are not automatic, but must survive the struggles and bumps on the way. Like Rachel and Leah, struggle may strengthen our bond. Rachel in her soul-work and spiritual struggle with her sister allowed herself to be changed by her to become the inner (hidden) world as well. Whereas at first Leah was the one who did the inner work of tefilah and tshuva, (crying so hard that her eyelashes fell out), in the end it was Rachel’s heartfelt tears that elicited  Hashem’s promise to return His exiled children to the Land (See Yirmeyahu 31:14-16). Both Rachel and Leah met each other in the middle ground halfway between hidden and revealed. The greater each partner in a relationship is able to change herself towards the other the holier is that relationship. 

Bridging the Schisms in Israel
When we continue the rectification enacted by Rachel and Leah, we will be able to overcome the jealousy among the Jewish people so prevalent today. The foundation of shalom bayit (peace in the home) within the Jewish people as a whole, is reunification of the two main tenants of the bayit of Israel – the children of Rachel with the children of Leah. Each of the different schisms that we experience today can be traced back to the division between the children of Rachel and Leah. This includes the divisions between the Ashkenazim/Sephardim, religious/non-religious, settlers/city-dwellers Chareidi/Dati Leumi, etc.

Tuning Into the Rachel & Leah within Our Own Psyche
We women have the ability to bridge these gaps. Whenever the situation arises, we can do the greatest rectifications by really accepting and respecting our sister deeply even when her way of serving Hashem is so totally unlike ours. It is only schism, friction and contention between the children of Rachel and Leah that prevent the final redemption. The more we get in touch with the different aspects of Rachel and Leah within our own psyche and balance our own personality the more we will be able to truly bridge the different segments of Am Yisrael and bring about the true ahavat chinam  and achdut with Hashem’s Shechinah in our midst!

Bringing Redemption by Overcoming Sisterly Challenges
The spiritual energy created by Rachel and Leah’s true loving bond generated Divine unifications that give us the merit to conquer the Land of Israel and bring redemption. I recall my mother’s wise words, “When you sisters learn to get along, there can be peace in the world.” In our endeavor to bring redemption, we must tap into the energy of Rachel and Leah in order to learn to get along as mothers, daughters, sisters and friends. Connecting to others on the deepest level is most women’s highest aspiration. Redemption takes place in the merit of the righteous women who strive towards perfection in relationship, by overcoming jealousy, indifference, anger, and power-struggle to express true love in relationship on all levels. Below I share with you a poem that expresses the yearning for this kind of sisterly relationship.

Sisterhood Struggles

I always knew I loved you, but not how much I feel.
You taught me to rub off the dead skin in order to heal.
When I scrub myself with loofa, my heart thinks of you.
My skin is red from rubbing, awaiting the growth of new.

Since time bygone, we have been each other’s spiritual guide.
Like stitches in a perfect seam, together we were tied.
With sisterly love, we comforted each other when we cried.
Now the seam is ripping but your share of my soul never died.

I miss your gentle sweetness and your soft-spoken voice.
Allowing your caring wisdom to prevail above all the noise.
I long once again to strengthen you, and help you to succeed.
Must we loosen our loving bond just because we disagreed?

Even if my best friend refuses to budge,
I will not harbor resentment nor hold any grudge.
I don’t want my sister to be penalized because of my pain.
Yet I mourn lost opportunities that would make us both gain.

When you are so close for so long, you expect to share.
Therefore, silence and rejection is too much to bear.
Why can’t we work things out and each other truly hear?
So that we once again can become seamlessly near.

I wish we could melt away each and every block
to open all the barriers and our hearts unlock.
I imagine us dancing together in the sun holding hands,
going through the process of clearing up the misunderstands.

With great effort, strength, courage and care,
We may unravel the tangles and mend the tear.
We could grow wiser and learn how to truly respond,
Like Rachel and Leah, struggle may strengthen our bond.

Let us overcome ourselves and our desire to hide!
Let us seek true unity and reconnect every side!
Together we can work out the issues and become highly aware,
With fearless love build the Temple and bring world repair!

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

The Saga of Primordial Jealousy


Parashat Toldot
Printable Version


Jealousy is the core essence of so many of our miseries and woes, both on a personal and cosmic level. From a young age, children compete for their parents’ love and adoration. The seed of anti-Semitism was planted in Esav’s heart when Ya’acov surpassed him. Jealousy is a result of our imperfect world that seemingly doesn’t provide sufficient light for us all. It is a challenge to share if there is not enough to go around. We have to learn that the more we share – both spiritual light translated into honor and love etc. – as well as material goods – the more there will be for everyone including ourselves. In practical terms, we must work on believing that the gifts Hashem granted us are sufficient in order to fulfill our mission in life the very best way. Whatever belongs to others would only impede us. We need to begin with loving ourselves completely and being happy with our portion (Pirkei Avot 4:1).  I truly believe that overcoming jealousy is one of the main repairs we need to make in order bring redemption.
                                          

Below is a poem I wrote describing the root of jealousy, highlighting Esav whose jealousy at his younger brother Ya’acov the progenitor of the Jewish people is the centerpiece of Parashat Toldot.  It is my hope that my writing will inspire us to eradicate jealousy from our hearts ones and for all. 

The Saga of Primordial Jealousy
Why can’t every sister and brother
learn to get along with one another?
Being branches growing from the same tree,
they compete for sustenance, light and glee.
Jealousy and envy is the venom of the snake.
Its stinging pain in the heart makes us ache.

Yet from primordial time, we have been out of tune.
Everything began with the complaint of the moon.
She was seeking to take all the power on her own,
asking how two kings could share the same crown?
Reflecting someone else’s light doesn’t seem fair,
until the day when the universe will learn to share.

Jealousy hides her ugly head in the cracks of the darkest cellar.
She lives in a convertible tent, besides being a city dweller.
She adorns herself in heavy robes with chains at her chest,
befriending complaint, hatred, competition and contest.
Boasting is her breakfast and compliments are for dinner.
Always greedy for more, she will never be a winner.  

Jealousy planted her heinous seed in the smooth snakeskin.
The seed grew into a monster who spurred everyone to sin.
Then she consorted with the very first son who felt rejected.
After slaying his brother, could he ever become perfected?
She instigated Yishmael to throw his arrows and rocks.
His missiles sits on the media spewing lies while he mocks.

His nephew Esav did not care how low he might stoop.
He loved gaming, hunting, women and lentil soup.
Without the capacity for taking responsibility and repair,
He lived in the moment indulging in his hedonistic flair.
Life is short, the glitter of pleasure seeking glowed.
The birthright duties was a weighty cumbersome load.

Yet in the end of the day, no one wants to get less.
Would father Yitzchak not want also Esav to bless?
He was to swing on a seesaw, in order to reach the top.
Only when Ya’acov would be down, Esav could rise up. 
No wonder his hatred was ignited against his own twin brother.
His chance to succeed was by harming the favorite of his mother.

Throughout millennia, Esav tried to overcome Ya’acov.
Yet, deeply buried beyond mire and mirth is his spark of love.
At an intimate moment in the wake of Ya’acov’s humble bow,
Esav was ready to open his heart and amical feelings allow.
Yet, that moment was short lived and so was the embrace.
Before long the old, ugly jealousy would surface.

We await the time when jealousy will have played itself out.
When her wrinkly face and gray hair will be buried without doubt.
At that redemptive phase every single sister and brother
will finally get along perfectly with one another.
When sharing becomes more important than the desire to own,
then it will be possible for two greater kings to share one crown.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Herbal Remedies from the Judean Hills


The Book of Bereshit
Parashat Bereshit: Plants Connect Heaven and Earth
Parashat Noach: אֶתְרוֹג – Etrog – Citrus Medica
Parashat Lech Lecha: Chaste Tree Berries
Parashat Vayetze: Thyme - Courage to Cleanse
Parashat Miketz: Calendula - Sunshine Flower

The Book of Shemot
Parashat Shemot: Dandelion - Reviving Your Inner Child
Parashat Va'era: Milk-Thistle – A Thorny Liver Remedy
Parashat Bo: The Strong, Musty Scented Protective Rue
Parashat Beshalach: The Seven Fruits of Israel
Parashat Yitro: Nourishing, Mild, Mucilaginous Mallow
Parashat Mishpatim: Plantain - Accessible, Edible, Effective, Bug-Bite and Skin Healer
Parashat Terumah: Benefitting from Burning Nettle
Parashat Tetzaveh: Myrtle: Fresh, Upright, Evergreen Symbol of Success
Parashat Ki Tisa: The Bitter, Detoxifying, Amalek-Eliminating Myrrh
Parashat Vayakhel-PekudeiThe Spiritual Protective Warming Energy of Cinnamon


The Book of Vayikra
Parashat Vayikra: Chickweed –The Sweet, Gentle, Powerful Star-shaped Healer
Parashat Tzav: עולש – Chicory – Cichorium Intybus
Shabbat Pesach: Was Horehound One of the Bitter Herbs for the Pesach Seder?
Parashat Shemini: Hyssop – The Humble Herb of Freedom
Parashat Tazria-Metzora: Rockrose – A Carefree Evergreen with Spring Petals
Parashat Acharei Mot-KedoshimShepherd’s Purse - Calming, Comforting, Soothing
Parashat Emor: Lamb’s Quarters: G-d-Given Most Nutritious Edible Weed
Parashat Behar: My White Broom Rebirth
Parashat Bechukotai: My Self-planted Mulberry Fairy-Tale Tree


The Book of Bamidbar
Parashat Bamidbar: The Rose – A Symbol of Love
Parashat Naso: English Walnut: The Majestic Loner Tree
Parashat Beha’alotcha: Garlic - A Natural Antibiotic, Stamina Strengthener, Indigestion Causing Plant
Parashat Shlach L’chah: The Hardy, Humble Honeysuckle
Parashat Korach: Feminine, Balancing, Heart Opening Geranium
Parashat Chukat: Refreshing, Sweet, Uplifting Mint
Parashat Balak: Noble, Verdant Bay Leaf Tree
Parashat Pinchas: Capers and a Rebbetzin’s Shabbat Confession
Parashat Matot-Masai: Prickly Burnet: Pot-Shaped, Paradisiac Thorn of Division


The Book of Devarim
Parashat Devarim: Helpful Herbs before Fasting
Parashat Va’etchanan: Lemongrass: Cleansing, Energy Transforming, Mind-Clearing Herb
Parashat Eikev: Purselane: Omega 3 Rich, Welcome Volunteer, Summer Latecomer
Parashat Re’eh: Calamint: Inconspicuous, Sorrow Soothing, Sweet Smelling Herb
Parashat Shoftim: Soothing, Relaxing, Mood-lifting Lavender
Parashat Ki Tetze: Black Seed Sprinkled on Bread since Talmudic Times
Parashat Ki Tavo: Most Bitter, Soul-Inflicting Wormwood
Parashat Nitzavim: The Holy Apple Orchard
Parashat VayelechCastor Oil – The Natural Detoxification Agent
Parashat Ha'azinu: Pure, White Yom Kippur Surprise
Shabbat Sukkot/Parashat V’Zot Ha’Bracha: Basil: Soul Reviving, Gentle Plant of Peace