Parashat Chukat: A Tribute to Miriam – The Provider of the Eternal Well of Emunah

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Parashat Chukat
A Tribute to Miriam – The Provider of the Eternal Well of Emunah 

Why do We Appreciate Something or Someone So Much More When They are Gone?

“You only appreciate something when you lose it” seems to be a universal principle. How many times has it happened that you held on to an item – be it a garment or a cooking utensil or whatnot – although you hadn’t needed it for years? Then after you finally gave or threw the item away, the very next day you urgently need it!  Unfortunately, we also often truly appreciate people after they are gone. Many great authors like H.C. Andersen, only received their due credit posthumously.  I realize how much I often appreciate the contribution of certain students especially after they have left. For example, we have a wonderful, modest student who went abroad to visit her family for an extended time. As soon as she was gone, the cleanliness of the midrasha kitchen and Beit Midrash fell apart. None of us had realized how hard this student worked to take out the compost and garbage, sweep, mop, clean up the stray mugs from the classroom, do the dishes, organize the books, and more. She did her work quietly without taking any personal credit. When our youngest son took a while to get married, it seemed a bit of a nuisance to keep providing him with room and board for so many years. Only after he got married and left us empty nesters, did we truly appreciate all his many contributions, and we still miss his daily presence dearly. I especially recall working at my desk and hearing my son’s singsong of his Torah learning from his adjacent room. Pesach preparations this year were also overwhelming without his help, and with no one to clean ‘his own room.’ At this moment, I’m praying for the return of the internet or to be able to complete my blog without the internet. I’m counting the hours that Netfiber has been down which so far amounts to 15, it seems that there is only one thing more vital for survival than the internet, which we may all take for granted until it runs out, as we have experienced in our neighborhood at the most inconvenient occasions. Yes, you guessed it, when the water pipes have broken down we all cry out “Water, water!”

Miriam Perpetually Answers the Cry for Water
This cry – although less severe – echoes the cry of our forefathers in the wilderness, after Miriam’s burial:

במדבר פרק כ:א-ב וַיָּבֹאוּ בְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל כָּל הָעֵדָה מִדְבַּר צִן בַּחֹדֶשׁ הָרִאשׁוֹן וַיֵּשֶׁב הָעָם בְּקָדֵשׁ. וַתָּמָת שָׁם מִרְיָם וַתִּקָּבֵר שָׁם: ב) וְלֹא הָיָה מַיִם לָעֵדָה. וַיִּקָּהֲלוּ עַל משֶׁה וְעַל אַהֲרֹן: ג) וַיָּרֶב הָעָם עִם משֶׁה וַיֹּאמְרוּ לֵאמֹר וְלוּ גָוַעְנוּ בִּגְוַע אַחֵינוּ לִפְנֵי הָשֵׁם: (ד) וְלָמָה הֲבֵאתֶם אֶת קְהַל הָשֵׁם אֶל הַמִּדְבָּר הַזֶּה לָמוּת שָׁם אֲנַחְנוּ וּבְעִירֵנוּ: 

“Then the children of Israel, with the whole congregation, to the desert of Tzin, on the first of the month: and the people dwelled in Kadesh.” Miriam died there and was buried there, and there was no water for the congregation. They then assembled against Moshe and Aharon. The people quarreled with Moshe saying, ‘If only we had perished when our brothers perished before Hashem.’  Why have you brought Hashem’s congregation into this wilderness for us and our animals to die there?” (Bamidbar 20:1-2).

The Talmud asks why the lack of water is mentioned immediately after Miriam’s death. Rabbi Yossi answers that of the three miraculous gifts in the wilderness, the well was in the merit of Miriam. When Miriam died, the well subsided, as it is written: “Miriam died there.” This is followed by, “Then there was no water for the congregation” (Babylonian Talmud Ta’anit 9a). This is to teach us, that during the entire forty years, the Jewish people were blessed with the well of water in Miriam’s merit (Rashi, Bamidbar 20:2). Only after Miriam’s passing was it discovered that the well was in her merit. For more than 38 years, the Well of Miriam accompanied the Israelites’ desert wandering, without Miriam ever receiving the slightest credit, or gratitude for it from any of the Israelites. The water that the people had enjoyed all these years was due to the merit of Miriam who had stood by watching what would happen to her infant brother when he was in a basket in the reeds at the edge of the river (Shemot 2:4). G-d rewarded her for that act of kindness by making her the water provider for Moshe’s people. The people didn’t appreciate this until the well ceased with Miriam’s death (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Bamidbar 20:2).

The Concealed Well of Miriam

The first time we hear about Miriam’s Well is in Refidim, when Hashem tells Moshe to hit a certain rock that would spring forth water. That was the well of Miriam (Shemot 17:1-7). “This rock at Refidim was the same rock we encountered almost 40 years later at Kadesh. This was also the source of the well of Miriam which traveled with the Israelites through the desert during all those years” (Rabbeunu Bachaya, Shemot 17:6). On the surface it seemed that Moshe brought the well as he was the one who hit the rock that gushed forth water. No one had any idea that the well was in the merit of Miriam until she died. We also don’t hear a word of Miriam taking credit for the well. She modestly concealed her greatness, allowing her brothers to stand in the limelight. With a soft motherly caress, she sweetened Israelites’ bitterness and provided sweet waters.

Sweetening the Bitterness of Doubt with Waters of Emunah

The thirst for water caused Israel to doubt Hashem: “Is Hashem among us or not?” (Shemot 17:7). The consequence of this heresy appears in the following Torah verse: “Amalek came and fought with Israel in Refidim” (Shemot 17:8). Amalek is the exterior reflection of the piercing doubt in their heart, as the gematria of עֲמָלֵק/Amalek = סָפֵק/safek – ‘doubt.’ The inner conquest over doubting Hashem happened when the people drank from Miriam’s well: …Before they drank from the well, what did they say? “Is Hashem among us or not?” (Shemot 17:7). After they drank, they said, “All that Hashem spoke we will do and we will hear” (Shemot 24:7); (Midrash (Shocher Tov), Tehillim 5). מִרְיָם /Miriam strengthened the people against doubt and Amalek as the gematria of both the first part of her name and Amalek is מר/mar – ‘bitter.’ Miriam’s well not only satiated the Israelites’ thirst but moreover, provided them with the spiritual nutrients of emunah, which sweetened their spiritual bitterness. After Egypt had imbittered their lives for so long, the Israelites needed Miriam to soothe their pain. Sweetening and soothing the pain is exactly the job of Puah to soothe the crying babies. Puah: This was Miriam, [called Puah] because she cried (פּוֹעָה/poah), talked and cooed to the newborn infant in the manner of women who soothe a crying infant (Rashi, Shemot 1:15). Miriam was the spiritual midwife who appeased and soothed the people newborn from the womb of Egypt.

Where is Miriam’s Well Today?
Parashat Chukat teaches us that Miriam’s well provides faithful nourishment even to this day.

ספר במדבר פרק כא פסוק יח בְּאֵר חֲפָרוּהָ שָׂרִים כָּרוּהָ נְדִיבֵי הָעָם בִּמְחֹקֵק בְּמִשְׁעֲנֹתָם וּמִמִּדְבָּר מַתָּנָה: (יט) וּמִמַּתָּנָה נַחֲלִיאֵל וּמִנַּחֲלִיאֵל בָּמוֹת: (כ) וּמִבָּמוֹת הַגַּיְא אֲשֶׁר בִּשְׂדֵה מוֹאָב רֹאשׁ הַפִּסְגָּה וְנִשְׁקָפָה עַל פְּנֵי הַיְשִׁימֹן:

“A well dug by princes, carved out by nobles of the people, through the lawgiver with their staffs, and from the desert, a gift. From the gift to the streams, and from the streams to the heights. From the heights to the valley in the field of Moav, at the top of the peak, that overlooks הַיְשִׁימֹן/hayeshimon – ‘the wastelands’” (Bamidbar 21:18-20).

Although Miriam’s name is not mentioned, our sages explain that the well described here is the well of Miriam. Just as she didn’t receive credit for the well while being alive, so did the Israelites praise Hashem for the well, without mentioning her name. Rather they attributed the well to the princes referring to Moshe and Aharon (Rashi, Bamidbar 12:18 based on the Midrash). Describing the healing properties of Miriam’s well, the following midrash also confirms that the well dug by the princes indeed is the Well of Miriam. It happened that someone who suffered from boils went down to immerse himself in the waters of Tiberias. It was a favorable time, and he saw Miriam’s well, washed in it, and was healed. Where is the well of Miriam? Rabbi Chia bar Abba said, it states, “Look down on the face of Yeshimon” (Bamidbar 21:20). Whoever ascends the mountain of Yeshimon and sees something like a small sieve in the lake of Tiberias, this is the well of Miriam… (Midrash Vayikra Rabbah 22:4). Even in our day and age, “some have a tradition to draw water Motzei Shabbat because Miriam’s well supplies all the wells each Saturday night, and one who does so and drinks will be cured of illness” (Kol Bo, Orach Chaim, 299:10). Miriam’s well is said to feed the waters of Israel’s most important water reserve nowadays, the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee), while hidden in its depths. Rabbi Chiya said, Miriam’s well is a type of sieve located in the Mediterranean Sea. Rav said, Miriam’s well is mobile and pure (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 35a).

Keeping the Spirit of Israel Alive Through Maintaining Miriam’s Well
The fact that Miriam’s well is mobile and changes location teaches us that Miriam’s power enlightens everywhere. Miriam is herself the well that gives water. She strengthens “those who sow with tears,” in bitterness to “reap in ringing song.” Believing in the Master of the Universe and continuing to sow – is the power of Miriam (Rav Nir Minussi, Mi Zot Olah, p.217). The well of Miriam is implanted within the people of Israel through the righteous women of all generations. This is the basic inner power of the people, hidden within the daughters of Israel who are greatest in their emunah and greatest in their power to endure. They do not break but continue and build the coming generations and the chain of generations of the Jewish people. Just as Miriam embodied the character trait of kindness, when as a young midwife, she kept the babies alive and supplied them with food (Shemot 1:17; Sotah 11b), so did the well supply the Jewish people with all their needs. Thus, in the merit of Miriam, the well sustained the Jewish people with water in the wilderness. Water symbolizes life, since nothing can grow without water. The nurturing quality of water associated with Miriam is a feminine quality. Women keep the Jewish people alive. Without the perpetual kindness of women pouring out like a bottomless well, nothing would be able to be conceived, born, or kept alive (Chana Bracha Siegelbaum, Women at the Crossroads, Parashat Chukat, p. 145). Let us keep Miriam’s Well of emunah flowing! 

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Chukat –

Some Tips for Cultivating Gratitude During Hardships

Humans are unique creatures, who often only fully appreciate what we have once it’s gone. We take things for granted and only understand their value once we lose them. We start to value things only when we experience the pain of losing someone or something, and then we realize their worth. “People can get so self-absorbed chasing their desires that they take the special people in their life for granted. This reality hits hard when a person passes on because the opportunity to love and appreciate is over then. Nothing can be done anymore. The guilty feelings and thoughts of ‘could’ve and should’ve’ take hold. In losing someone all the trivial barriers held against the person dissolve and become meaningless. We are reminded of death as the great equalizer. The illusion of conflict is over, and the ego is left with nothing to fight against. Truth is finally allowed to flow. You see the person as they really are…. far bigger than the petty issues your ego led you to fixate on” (Mandy Wessen).

• Work on Valuing Yourself – To genuinely respect and appreciate others, you must first value yourself enough to respect and appreciate who you are. This is because your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. To change your experiences, you must start by changing your personal beliefs and attitudes to align with what you wish to experience.

• Remind Yourself to be Grateful – take just a little bit of time to remind yourself to appreciate all the people and things we may take for granted without valuing them properly. Send them thoughts of appreciation regularly, preferably daily, for example, your health. You definitely appreciate being in good health while you have it. The more you value it the more you will be able to keep it. 

• Take an Object (Anything You Choose) – associate it with being grateful for being healthy and place it somewhere you see it every morning.
  
  
• Write in Your Gratitude Notebook “I am grateful to be happy” – I recommend at least ten times. In addition, if you have ten things in mind that you are grateful for, perhaps you can write about one of these things each day.
  
  
• Make an ‘I am grateful to be happy’ Poster – Post it somewhere you see it every morning like your mirror, put it on your cellphone or next to it the night before, and put it on a door you open at the time you want to exercise your gratitude.
  
  
• Set an Alarm on Your Cellphone – with a push-through message – to the time you want to be reminded to pay attention to the people you are grateful for in your life. 

Parashat Korach: What is the Small Adjustment of Attitude that Could Have Prevented Korach’s Rebellion?

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Parashat Korach
What is the Small Adjustment of Attitude that Could Have Prevented Korach’s Rebellion? 

Why Would we want to Believe that “I’m Getting More Than I Deserve?”                                    Looking for an inspiring YouTube while making challot, Hashem guided me to a short recording by Rabbi Manis Friedman, which connected to gratitude. The basic message was, “Don’t pursue happiness, allow it to happen while being enthusiastic about the things you are doing, or do the things you are enthusiastic about.” The recipe for happiness that the Rabbi shared is, cultivating an attitude of “I’m getting more than I deserve.” Although my husband disputed this concept, saying that working hard to deserve things in life makes people feel happy, I perceive truth on both sides. My husband is relating to the issue from the perspective of our actions, and I certainly agree that it’s commendable to work hard and then allow ourselves a well-deserved vacation. Yet from the perspective of receiving blessings and goodness in life, if we believe that we are getting less than we deserve, we will be constantly unhappy, thinking that life is unfair and that we have drawn the shortest straw. This mindset often leads people to become envious and compare themselves with others, thinking: “How come my neighbor is more successful, has a better job, and is more respected, although I’m working just as hard, and am at least as talented?” Feeling that we deserve all our gifts of life stems from an attitude of – as we say in Hebrew – מַגִּיעַ לִי/magia li – literally, “I have it coming to me!” Why should I be happy or grateful when things are going well? Don’t I deserve it? Why should I be thankful if I have earned the goodness I gained? These attitudes can lead to arrogance. Whenever I’m upset with my husband who doesn’t always understand me, or I experience minor marriage problems such as being criticized and accused of being critical, I must remind myself that I’m still getting more than I deserve. Baruch Hashem my husband isn’t abusive, he is faithful and never looks at other women, and what’s more, he usually dotes on me! Only when we realize that no one can ever deserve any of the gifts of life with which Hashem blesses us, can we truly feel grateful and happy. When we lower our expectations of what we deserve, we will welcome each surprising blessing with overflowing gratitude. 

Every Blessing is Bestowed According to Precise Divine Supervision                                                  In certain situations, it’s easy to forget that Hashem is in charge of EVERYTHING and that what we receive for good or bad is according to precise Divine Supervision. Sometimes we may feel slighted, when others are remiss in giving us the gifts, or the applause we think we deserve. This reminds me of a story I heard from a recording by Sara Cohen on Torah Anytime. A certain respected Rabbi was invited to a wedding. Since he was a very good friend of both the family of the Chatan (groom) and the Kallah (bride), he surely expected to receive the honor of reciting one of the sheva brachot (blessings) under the Chuppah (wedding canopy).  He was waiting patiently, but the brachot were given to others one by one. Finally, they got up to the final sheva bracha, but someone else was called up to recite it. When he was absent, they called a second person who had just stepped out due to an urgent phone call, and the third person they called up was somehow delayed. Now, our Rabbi friend of the family could easily fall into the pitfall of thinking “What’s going on here? Do the families not consider me a close friend? Have they forgotten about all I have done for them throughout all the years I have known them? Why don’t they even consider me worthy to be the substitute for the substitute reciting a blessing for the couple?” Finally, when three other rabbis were unavailable, the said Rabbi friend heard his name called, and he went up to the Chuppah to give his blessing to the new couple. As he returned to his place, the person standing next to him whispered into his ear:                                               

תלמוד בבלי מסכת יומא דף לח/א-ב מִכָּאן אָמַר בֶּן עַזַּאי: בְּשִׁמְךָ יִקְרָאוּךְ, וּבִמְקוֹמְךָ יוֹשִׁיבוּךְ, וּמִשֶּׁלְּךָ יִתְּנוּ לְךָ. אֵין אָדָם נוֹגֵעַ      בַּמּוּכָן לַחֲבֵירוֹ, וְאֵין מַלְכוּת נוֹגַעַת בַּחֲבֶרְתָּהּ אֲפִילּוּ כִּמְלֹא נִימָא... “                                                                                  Ben Azzai said: “by your name, they shall call  you,  and in your place, they shall seat you, and from your own they shall give you. Not one reign overlaps with another and deducts even a hairbreadth from  the time allotted” (Babylonian Talmud, Yoma 38a-b).b

In other words, we should not be concerned that others might usurp our livelihood or success, since at the appropriate moment, everyone has a portion designated for him by G-d, and everyone is privileged to receive what is coming to him. The principle is: No person may touch what is prepared for another by G-d. Everyone receives what is designated for him. This implies that the last sheva bracha had the name of the Rabbi-family-friend written on it. If the blessing wasn’t designated for him, one of the others called up would have gotten it. Hashem made it so that each of the others was unavailable for various reasons, just so that this particular Rabbi would be the one reciting the last bracha under the chuppah, as he was meant to do. 

My Student’s First Spelt Challah Gift is Surely More Than I Deserve                                              This Talmudic teaching has helped bring me back on track when – at times – I may have felt jealous of others who seemingly were chosen over me as teachers, mentors, or healers, or when the younger brothers of my son’s friends got married one by one while he remained single. (B”H he is now married to a wonderful young woman who was worth the wait!). The other day, when we had the thank you luncheon for the host families in Bat Ayin who graciously open their homes and hearts to welcome our students for Shabbat meals, was a testing moment. The students had made beautifully decorated goody bags for each host family with handwritten thank-you notes. What a beautiful gesture! Had it not been for recalling the above mentioned Talmudic teaching from Yoma, I may have felt left out, thinking, “Why didn’t I get a decorated bag with a handwritten thank-you-note? After all, my husband and I open our home to the students, no less than the other host families.” But I believe I passed the test, focusing on how nice it was that my students expressed genuine gratitude to the families in Bat Ayin who keep hosting them. I’m considered more like the mom that you are always welcome to eat by. Having a welcoming home for students is part of the Rebbetzin role. It’s expected and not anything exceptional that warrants special recognition. I remained happy because even without a special decorated bag, I recognized that I was getting more than I deserved thank G-d. as I write these lines, I’m interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by an SMS “Are you home? I’m outside the door, I wanna give you something!” It’s one of my dear students holding an immense whole-spelt sourdough aromatic challah giving off the delicious scent of Shabbat. “It’s my first challah and I wanted to give it to you! Enjoy! With all my love🤍Thank you for everything!” she says with a hug. Here I got my confirmation! Hashem knows what He is doing. He ensures that everyone gets what’s due to them, as it states, “…and from your own they shall give you…” (Yoma 38). Nevertheless, I am overwhelmed with a grateful feeling that I surely am getting more than I deserve! 

Korach’s Rebellion was due to Feeling that He was Getting Less Than He Deserved  

ספר במדבר פרק טז פסוק א וַיִּקַּח קֹרַח בֶּן יִצְהָר בֶּן קְהָת בֶּן לֵוִי וְדָתָן וַאֲבִירָם בְּנֵי אֱלִיאָב וְאוֹן בֶּן פֶּלֶת בְּנֵי רְאוּבֵן:

“Korach the son of Yitzhar, the son of Kahat, the son of Levi took [himself to one side] along with Datan and Aviram, the sons of Eliav, and On the son of Pelet, descendants of Reuven” (Bamidbar 16:1).

Rashi asked, Now, what made Korach decide to quarrel with Moshe? He envied the chieftainship of Elizaphan the son of Uziel whom Moshe appointed as president over the sons of Kahat by the [Divine] word. Korach claimed, “My father and his brothers were four.” …Amram was the first, and his two sons received greatness, Moshe became the king, and Aharon Kohen Gadol. Who is entitled to receive the second position? Is it not I, who am the son of Yitzhar, the second brother to Amram? And yet, Moshe appointed the son of his youngest brother to become the president of the tribe of Levy! I oppose him and will invalidate his word (Midrash Tanchuma Korach 1, Midrash Rabbah 18:2). 

Korach is an example of someone who feels he is getting less than he deserves. He was a great Torah scholar, seemingly more suitable for the position as president of the tribe of Levi than his youngest cousin. Therefore, it didn’t make sense to him that he wasn’t chosen. Here is where emunah comes in! No matter whether it makes sense or not, we must recall the Talmudic teaching that everyone receives the precise portion metered out by Divine decree. By refusing to accept that each person gets exactly what Hashem ordains, Korach caused himself and his cohorts tremendous aggravation, in his unbridled honor-seeking, he brought everyone to meet their untimely death and to be taken out of the world as it states: 

משנה מסכת אבות פרק ד משנה כא רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר הַקַּפָּר אוֹמֵר, הַקִּנְאָה וְהַתַּאֲוָה וְהַכָּבוֹד מוֹצִיאִין אֶת הָאָדָם מִן הָעוֹלָם:

Rabbi Elazar Ha-kappar said: envy, lust, and honor-[seeking] takes a person out of the world (Pirkei Avot 4:21). 

Since envy, lust, and honor-seeking stem from a feeling of lack – of getting less than we deserve – this attitude interferes with the ability to function in this world, as well as making a person lose entrance into the world-to-come. The world cannot suffer the existence of such a person. Although G-d is not so quick to “remove sinners from the world,” those who are driven by these negative character traits of envy, lust, and honor-seeking cannot remain in the world because they are so self-destructive that they actively remove themselves from the world. Had Korach cultivated an attitude of, “I am getting more than I deserve,” he could have saved his own life and that of all his 252 followers. Perhaps when reading this, even my husband will agree that this dictum is the secret to living meaningful, happy, long lives in this world and the next!

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Korach –

Some Tips for Being Happy with Our Portion

It takes work to continually live by “I’m getting more than I deserve” and remain happy with our portion even when things don’t play out according to our preference. It takes great humility to perpetually accept that Hashem is the Boss and whatever He meters out to us, is exactly what we need even to a hair’s breadth. Let us practice some of these tools perhaps with a partner, even a phone partner. In addition to Partners in Torah let us become Partners in Gratitude! 

• Practice Gratitude – Take time to appreciate the things you have in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Maintain a gratitude journal where you can write down things you are grateful for each day. A journal is a good way to organize your thoughts, analyze your feelings, and make plans. You don’t have to be a literary genius or write volumes to benefit. It can be as simple as jotting down a few thoughts before you go to sleep. If putting certain things in writing makes you nervous, you can always shred it when you’ve finished. It’s the process that counts.

• Foster Positive Relationships – Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who bring out the best in you. Cultivate meaningful friendships and spend time with loved ones who make you feel good about yourself and your portion in life.

• Practice Self-Care – Pay attention to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious food, and engage in regular physical activity. Take time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and recharge.

• Set Goals to Feel Enthusiastic About What you are Doing or to Do What you are Enthusiastic About – Set realistic goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. Having a sense of purpose and actively pursuing your passions and interests can contribute to a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness with your portion.

• Find Joy in Simple Things – Learn to appreciate and find joy in simple pleasures and everyday experiences. It could be spending time in nature, enjoying a hobby, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and contentment.

• Engage in Chesed to Help Others – Engage in acts of kindness and service towards others. Helping others not only makes a positive impact on their lives but also brings a sense of fulfillment and happiness with your portion.

• Focus on the Positive – Train your mind to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than dwelling on the negatives. Keep repeating to yourself “I’m getting more than I deserve!” Practice positive self-talk and challenge negative thoughts or self-doubt.