How Does Gratitude Help Us Grow in the Process of Self-refinement?

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Parashat Emor

 How Does Gratitude Help Us Grow in the Process of Self-refinement? 

Counting in Anticipation of Marrying the King’s Daughter 

Counting the days between Pesach and Shavuot teaches us how much we look forward to receiving the Torah and how much we appreciate it. As a child, I recall counting the days the led up to my birthday and Chanukah in anticipation of receiving presents. Some children may also count the days until vacation, but I never did because I liked attending school. As an adult, I appreciate even more the opportunity to learn Torah, and go to school and teach Torah to students eager to learn. I together with my students look forward with gratitude to celebrating Receiving the Torah on Shavuot, in our all-night learning program. The following parable describes the mitzvah of counting the Omer in anticipation of receiving the Torah:  A messenger of the king’s servants told an imprisoned man: “On such and such day the king will release you from prison, and fifty days after your departure, he will give you his daughter.” The prisoner replied: “When the king’s words are fulfilled to bring me out of prison, I will believe that his second promise to give me his daughter will also come true. After he was released, he began to count, and the king gave him his daughter on the fiftieth day. This is an allegory for Hashem’s words to Moshe: “Go... and bring my people (the children of Israel) out of Egypt. When you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship G-d on this mountain, and I will give them the Torah” (Shemot 3:12 with Rashi). Moshe went and told Israel, but they did not listen to him, because of hard work (Shemot 6:9). They said: “We can’t believe that He will bring us out of Egypt from slavery, let alone that He will give us the Torah.” When they were brought out, Israel began to count the days until they would receive the Torah. It was given to them at the end of fifty days from the Exodus. G-d commanded that they count every year for the sake of their endearment of the Torah, for the Torah that He gave them is the most desirable vessel through which the world was created (Rav Yosef, Bechor Shor, on Vayikra 23:16). There are no bounds to how blessed we are to have the freedom to learn Torah. At times we may forget how the Jews were executed for Torah learning during the Roman Exile, and more recently in the Soviet Union, Jews were sent to cruel labor camps for learning and living according to the Torah. The counting of the Omer reminds us and ingrains within us the gratitude for the Torah.  Especially women, who traditionally didn’t learn Torah inside the text until the last four or five decades, how can we not be ecstatically grateful for the ability to learn Torah in depth? 

Facilitating Our Eternal Journey from Physical to Spiritual Freedom

Parashat Emor lists all the holidays of the Jewish calendar including the mitzvah to count the Omer for 49 days from the day following the first day of Pesach until Shavuot the 50th day. It is fitting that we read about the mitzvah of counting the Omer during the period of counting the Omer:

ספר ויקרא פרק כג פסוק טו וּסְפַרְתֶּם לָכֶם מִמָּחֳרַת הַשַּׁבָּת מִיּוֹם הֲבִיאֲכֶם אֶת עֹמֶר הַתְּנוּפָה שֶׁבַע שַׁבָּתוֹת תְּמִימֹת תִּהְיֶינָה: (טז) עַד מִמָּחֳרַת הַשַּׁבָּת הַשְּׁבִיעִת תִּסְפְּרוּ חֲמִשִּׁים יוֹם וְהִקְרַבְתֶּם מִנְחָה חֲדָשָׁה לַהָשֵׁם:

“You shall count for yourselves, from the morrow of the rest day from the day you bring the Omer as a wave offering seven weeks; they shall be complete. You shall count until the day after the seventh week, [namely,] the fiftieth day, [on which] you shall bring a new meal offering to Hashem (Vayikra 23:15-16). 

It has been just over a month since we celebrated Pesach.  Around our tables, we relived the journey from slavery to freedom. We worked on liberating ourselves from our compulsive thoughts and reactions, and unconscious habitual repetitive patterns in our own lives. The more we bring our unconscious automatic reactions to our awareness, the more we can be free to make our own conscious choices in life. Just being aware that we do have a choice in every situation is an indicator of freedom. All Jewish holidays related to the calendar cycle, have both a physical, agricultural, land perspective and a corresponding spiritual message. Just as the journey of the Israelites from Egypt to Mount Sinai is reflected by counting the days between the first barley harvest at Pesach time and the first wheat harvest at Shavuot, so does this period denote our eternal journey from physical to spiritual freedom. I believe that attaining true spiritual freedom is to align our personal will with Hashem’s will, as Rabbi Gamliel used to say, “Make His will like your will so that He will make your will like His will…” (Pirkey Avot 2:4). When you toil in Torah which is the will of Heaven, do so with zeal and joy, without having your thoughts scattered on other things, just like you focus all your thoughts singly on your occupation (Tiferet Yisrael). I believe that true spiritual freedom is to master our thoughts and desires and devote them all to Hashem’s Torah. The spiritual practice of counting the Omer is to facilitate this mastery and devotion. It is not by chance that the practice of counting the Omer pertains to the entire month of Iyar in which the sense of thought reigns (Sefer Yetzirah 5:7).

Physical and Spiritual Renewal Reflected by Barley and Wheat Respectively 

True freedom is expressed when releasing physical, emotional, and spiritual blocks that block us from constant renewal. The coarse, hard barley that ripens in spring during nature’s rising energy of spurting forward reflects our physical renewal.  The soft, sweet wheat that comes to fruition when most flowering fruit trees have begun to yield their loving mulberries, cherries, and early figs reflects our spiritual renewal. Just as Hashem created the body to be a vessel for the soul, so does physical renewal convey the potential for spiritual renewal. Thus, the spring flowers during the barley harvest symbolize potential, whereas the first fruits during the wheat harvest embody actualization which is the ultimate spiritual purpose of creation. At that time of year, we stood at Mount Sinai and chose to accept the Torah declaring – na’aseh v’nishmah – “We will do, and we will listen.” So too do we possess an ongoing potential for renewal and refinement at this time between Pesach and Shavuot, when we are helped from heaven to become aware of our potential for growth and change. Each day during this period we have the opportunity to meditate on, tune into, and cultivate the Sefirot combination that requires rectification then. The beauty of the Omer practice acknowledges that all growth is a process that cannot be accomplished in one day. We all go through a process, traveling a spiral path round and round, but never in quite the same place each year. Thus, each spring, after the elaborate Pesach Seder that made us more deeply aware of the pursuit of freedom within ourselves and the world, we embark upon the journey through the wilderness of our lives.

A Healthy Soul in a Healthy Body

The culture of our Western society emphasizes physical beauty. It focuses on improving our physical health, and physical body. Yoga, pilates, special diets, detoxing kits, and supplements are advertised everywhere. In the Torah, care of our body is also vital but only to benefit our soul. As Rambam teaches, “Maintaining a healthy and sound body is among the ways of G-d, since it is impossible to understand or know the Creator when one is ill. Therefore, one must avoid anything that harms the body, and cultivate healthy habits that strengthen the body (Rambam, Hilchot De’ot 4:1). The final purpose of maintaining physical health is to refine our inner lives and bring more holiness into the world, through character improvement. Moving from physical to spiritual freedom during the Omer count between Pesach and Shavuot can be depicted as a ladder, counting up, not down, toward the possibility of revelation. As we commit ourselves to becoming and entering into a process of refining our hearts and opening our eyes, we can come more into contact with our Divine nature and become conduits for revealing holiness in the world (Based on Kaya Stern-Kaufman, Gratitude is a choice). 

Celebrating the Half-Steps and Mid-Journey-Moments

Barley in the Torah is considered animal fodder, whereas the more refined wheat is the main Torah staple for humans. The suspected adulteress brings a barley offering “But not wheat; [since] she conducted herself like an animal, therefore, her offering is [composed of] animal feed” - (Rashi, Bamidbar 5:15 based on BT, Sotah 15b, Sifrei Naso 1:48).  The Ba’al Shem Tov, would never say lachayim! on beer because it is made from barley. Although barley is relegated to be considered animal feed, we still offered it to Hashem as the omer offering before we sacrificed two loaves of whole wheat bread on Shavuot. The Omer is actually a biblical-era measurement (equivalent to 43.2 oz. or 57.6 grams). On the 16th of Nissan, in addition to the regular holiday offering, a lamb was offered together with an Omer of barley taken from the first harvest of the land of Israel (Rambam, Hilchot Temidin uMusafin 7:3-5). It was forbidden to eat or even reap any newly grown grains before the Omer Offering (Ibid. 7:13). If we wanted to celebrate the crops, would it not suffice to celebrate more refined wheat?  Farmers in biblical and Talmudic times grew their grains – the central crops and main source of income from Pesach to Shavuot. Before the ripening of the wheat, they only had barley, and for that, they would need to be thankful already. We often do not celebrate the half-steps, the beginning of a journey, or appreciate the not-yet-perfect life. But life is full of “not-there-yets,” work-in-progress, and mid-journey moments, for which we must show appreciation and gratitude. Embracing the half-measures can help us feel just that much more complete (Based on Rabbi Shua Brick, Emor: Gratitude for the Half Measures).

            

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Emor –

Some Tips for How to Strengthen Gratitude for Self-Improvement 

Recent research shows that gratitude can lead to a growth mindset and facilitate you to persevere when faced with challenges. A growth mindset entails believing that our abilities are not fixed, rather they can be developed through practice, skill-building, help from others, and reflection. Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, who coined the term growth mindset, says that having a growth mindset is having a passion for stretching ourselves and sticking with something even when it is not easy or going well. With that in mind, an easily navigable path leads from gratitude to a growth mindset. By expressing gratitude regularly and appreciating what we have, we are pointing out to ourselves how our efforts have led to improved skills or new abilities. 

• Consider an evening practice of recalling and writing down five things that occurred that day for which you are grateful – Try to increase the number over time. See how your attention may change during the day if you know you must report your blessings each evening. Perhaps you would seek out moments for gratitude otherwise unseen? These do not need to be historic happenings. They can and are simple moments; when someone offers you a smile, the sun shines on your face, or a favorite song comes on the radio. Whatever it is, notice it and write it down in the evening. We all have countless moments to be grateful for when looking through the lens of blessings rather than being too absorbed in worldly things. 

• Tune Into Blessings that Occurred to You Reflecting the Sefirot Connection of Each Day – Your Sefirot Soul Accounting can be finetuned by relating to the sefirah of the week with its combination of the sefirah of the day. For example, on the day of Chesed of Netzach, tune into good deeds of extending yourself through tenacity that you accomplished. Another example may be to count your victories, even small ones, such as overcoming an urge to binge, during the week of Netzach associated with tenacity and victory. 

• Count Your “Not-Yet-Perfect” Blessings – Acknowledge the baby steps you take on your journey toward tikun and self-improvement. It is the process rather than the project that matters or the effort rather than the end result that counts in Hashem’s eyes. If you began to speak lashon hara (evil speech) but caught yourself and instead of speaking 100 words only spoke 20 that too is a partial victory for which to be grateful. Keep recognizing and acknowledging your efforts towards becoming a better person more aligned with Hashem’s will. 

What is the Connection Between Holiness and Gratitude?

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Parashat Kedoshim What is the Connection Between Holiness and Gratitude? 

How do we Define the Term קְדֻשָּׁה/kedusha – Holiness? 

Before taking on the Torah way of life, I had no idea what it meant to be holy. The word ‘holy’ in the slang of my mother tongue was used as a derogatory term denoting someone who tried to be better than others. In my teenage hippy circles, no one took the word or the true concept of קְדֻשָּׁה/kedusha – ‘holiness’ seriously, because no one wanted to be holy. We all just wanted to be natural and free. It took some time until I started to understand the complexity of the concept of קְדֻשָּׁה/kedusha. It is not by chance that Parashat Kedoshim is always read in the first week of the month of Iyar in which the land of Israel returned to Jewish sovereignty after 2000 years of exile. I feel very blessed to have experienced moments of kedusha when deeply in prayer at holy places in the Holy Land such as the Kotel, Kever Rachel, and the Machpelah. The entire Land of Israel is indeed Holy. I also experience the feeling of holiness everywhere in Israel, especially in the waters of the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee) and in nature here in Bat Ayin. Whenever I return from abroad, as soon as the wheels of the airplane touch the ground and we clap I get this special feeling of the holiness of the land that touches me to tears. As I view the rolling hills of Gush Etzion this feeling is intensified, from all the beautiful nature sites I have visited in the entire world, the inner beauty of Eretz Yisrael stands out from any other land, in its holiness. One of the main meanings of the root ק-ד-ש/k-d-sh is to be apart.  The first time the word is used in the Torah is about Shabbat, “G-d blessed the Shabbat and sanctified it” (Bereishit 2:3). I always understood this to mean that just as the Shabbat is set apart to be separate from the mundane weekdays, so does holiness denote elevated separateness from our lower instincts. For me – “To be holy” – means rising to our divine selves rather than letting our animal souls dominate. Therefore, I cringe when I hear children say, לֹא בָּא לִי/lo ba li – “I don’t feel like…” – an expression stating the desire to follow our lower urges. Why should I honor let alone revere my parents if I don’t feel like it? Why should I get up for an elderly person on a crowded bus if I am tired? Why should I hold myself back from taking something that belongs to another if I want it?...   

What is the Connection between Holiness and the Entire Community of Israel?

We are called upon to be holy just as Hashem is holy and Parashat Kedoshim – which means ‘holy’ – gives us directions on how to live our lives as a holy people both on the individual and communal level: 

ספר ויקרא פרק יט פסוק א וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָֹה אֶל משֶׁה לֵּאמֹר דַּבֵּר אֶל כָּל עֲדַת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם קְדשִׁים תִּהְיוּ כִּי קָדושׁ אֲנִי הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם: (ג) אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוּ וְאֶת שַׁבְּתֹתַי תִּשְׁמֹרוּ אֲנִי הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם:

“Speak to the entire congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy, for I, Hashem, your G-d, am holy. Every person shall fear his mother and father, and you shall observe My Shabbats. I am Hashem, your G-d” (Vayikra 19:1-3). 

This section was stated in the assembly of the entire congregation of Israel because most of the fundamental teachings of the Torah are dependent on it (i.e., they are encapsulated in this parasha), (Rashi based on Torat Kohanim 19:1; Vayikra Rabbah 24:5).

The commentaries are puzzled about why specifically Parashat Kedoshim is paraphrased with “Speak to the entire congregation of Israel” an expression never used in any other place in the Torah. Among the many answers given, I find the Maor’ v’Shemesh explanation especially relevant to us who live in the meditative mountaintop of Bat Ayin. Although we must sometimes seclude ourselves to avoid negative influences that may lead us to evil ways, this approach is only beneficial to avoid evil. Rashi teaches us that it is impossible to attain holiness without being united. To reach holiness it is necessary to join others in serving Hashem together as a community. Therefore, the mitzvot in Parashat Kedoshim relates equally to Jews of all different social states and ages, the Kohen, the judge, the farmer, and the elder. This section was said in assembly because only our nation in its completeness can carry it into action. I’m grateful for living in the unique Bat Ayin community comprised of scholars, artists, and farmers, and for running the micro-community of women of Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin who engage in intense Torah learning as part of an integrated, participatory approach to Torah living. We can only fully serve Hashem as part of a holy community. When we are united as a community, the divine spark of each person’s soul merges with the rest of the community to embody the cosmic soul of the Shechinah (Divine Feminine Indwelling Presence).

Who Has the Ability to Climb the Ladder of Piety to Reach Holiness?

I connect with Alshich who explains that since this section alerts us to be holy and resemble our Creator, some people may think that only a very few selective people in each generation could reach the level of holiness. Yet, among Israel, anyone who so desires can climb the ladder of piety, until he reaches holiness. Therefore, Moshe assembled everyone to show that we all have the potential to be holy. It makes me happy and grateful to realize that together with my fellow Jews I have the opportunity to become G-d-like by rising to the level of kedusha. Parashat Kedoshim, moreover, offers the recipe for exactly how to reach this lofty level through the performance of no less than 51 mitzvot.  (Parashat Kedoshim has the greatest amount of mitzvot per verse in the entire Torah). Each of the mitzvot of Parashat Kedoshim can be read with the mindful perspective of gratitude. These mitzvot can help us to summon the courage and strength, not to mention the will, to reach higher, toward the good and the holy. Even amid the struggles and imperfections of regular people, we can feel gratitude for the mitzvah guidelines that guide us to strive to do good and become holy. With an additional layer of gratitude, Parashat Kedoshim can become more than a checklist of behaviors and attitudes by which we are called to live. 

Examples of How to be Grateful for the Mitzvot of Parashat Kedoshim 

Here are some examples of reading some of the mitzvot of Parashat Kedoshim through the lens of gratitude: 

“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not fully reap the corner of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. You shall not pick your vineyard bare or gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I the Eternal am your G-d.” (Vayikra 19:9-10).

In fulfilling my sacred responsibility of tzedakah, I can see it not only as a way to extend myself to others but also as an aspect of recognizing and acknowledging the good that I enjoy. There is always reason to be grateful for being in the position of being the giver rather than the recipient. We can best show our hakarat hatov (recognizing the good) for our blessings when we share them with others. I’m grateful for Hashem’s blessings of abundance that enable me to share with those less fortunate. I’m even thankful to share mulberries with various birds, whose singing I enjoy especially on Shabbat when I swing on my hammock in my enchanted garden. 

“Love your neighbor as yourself, I am Hashem” (Vayikra 19:18).

You may ask yourself, “I may not love everything about my neighbor, but can I recognize what is good in her? Can I use hakarat hatov to appreciate and honor how she adds to our world?”

“You shall rise before the aged and you shall respect the elderly, and you shall fear your G-d. I am Hashem” (Vayikra 19:32). 

The elders among us may have worked hard and contributed much to the community throughout their long lives. Yet they often don’t receive the appreciation and respect due to them. This reflects a personal and communal failure to fulfill the mitzvah of respecting the elderly. As a community, we can do better. How would our engagement with our elders change if we viewed them not only through the lens of kavod (honor), but also through hakarat hatov and gratitude? (Based on Rabbi Eric S. Gurvis, Hakarot HaTov – Gratitude: Our Daily Struggle for Kedushah).

           

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Kedoshim –

Some Tips for How to Strengthen Gratitude for Holiness 

The Hebrew term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, literally, ‘recognizing the good.’ The good is already here. Practicing gratitude means being fully aware of the good that is already yours. Rabbi Bachya Ibn Pekuda, explains in Duties of the Heart that although every person has gifts, and there is good all around us, there is a tendency to not recognize it for several reasons, including: 

• We are too absorbed in worldly things. Physical and material pleasures can never fully satisfy us. This endless pursuit of gratification can keep us from appreciating what we do have. 

• We become so accustomed to our gifts that we take them for granted or become blind to them.

• We focus on the negative, rather than the positive. We waste too much energy focusing on others’ mistakes instead of emphasizing the good they bring into our lives.

• Fulfill the Mitzvah of Loving Your Neighbor as Yourself – by telling someone the good points you notice in her and why you’re grateful for them. Tell a significant person in your life that you are thankful for him or her and why.

• Honor Your Parents by Showing Gratitude – for everything your parents have done for you and honor them with a visit or at least a weekly phone call. Send them photos often, of yourself and your children and grandchildren if you have any, and drop them an old-fashioned postcard whenever possible from places you visit. 

• Express Gratitude by Sharing Your Gifts with Others – Whenever you feel blessed with abundance, take the opportunity to share with others. Organic fruits from your garden are a loving gift, but so are homemade oatmeal cookies, and sundried tomatoes! Giving your time by offering help to a family blessed with many children is a wonderful way of showing gratitude for being blessed with time to spare while fulfilling the mitzvah of loving your fellow like yourself.

How Can We Not Appreciate Belonging to a People Imbued with Laws of Morality?

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Parashat Acharei Mot 
How Can We Not Appreciate Belonging to a People Imbued with Laws of Morality?  

Why Would I be Thankful for Having Grown Up with Immodesty?

I am grateful that I grew up in a sexually permissive and perverted society. Denmark has traditionally been characterized as progressive and liberal in terms of attitudes regarding sexuality. Denmark boasts a liberal stance on public nudity, rooted in its longstanding tradition of promoting individual freedom. Unlike many countries where public nudity might be confined strictly to designated areas, in Denmark, it’s generally legal to be nude on most public beaches. This means no one needs to find a specific ‘nudist’ or ‘naturist’ beach to sunbathe or swim without clothing. In addition, certain areas are specially designated for naturists, to provide a sense of community for those looking to engage with fellow naturists.You may wonder why, in the world, I would be happy, let alone grateful, for my exposure to such blatant immodesty. You did read right, I AM thankful for having experienced such decadence, which has heightened my awareness of the importance of modesty. Maharal teaches that a matter develops through its opposite. Therefore, at the beginning of our nationhood, Hashem brought us to live specifically within the two most perverse nations:Egypt and Canaan. In contrast to the degree of their sexual depravity, the Israelites would turn out all the more refined and chaste. (Gevurat Hashem Chapter 4). So, I’m thankful for having experienced such darkness that aroused within me the greatest desire for light. While I used to believe the naturists’ claim to be free to be themselves without inhibitions, when I embraced the Torah lifestyle it became clear that being a naturist and allowing oneself to follow nature’s call without inhibitions is no different from acting the way of the natural animals. Hashem imbued humans with the ability to overcome our natural instincts including various sexual urges, as Pirkei Avot 4:1 teaches, Who is mighty? He who subdues his [natural] inclination, as it states, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit than he that captures a city” (Mishlei 16:32).

 

Why am I Proud to no Longer be a Danish Citizen?

At the end of Parashat Acharei Mot Hashem warns the Israelites to distance themselves from the immoral practices of Egypt and Canaan:

ספר ויקרא פרק יח פסוק ב

דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם אֲנִי הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם: (ג) כְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם אֲשֶׁר יְשַׁבְתֶּם בָּהּ לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ וּכְמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ כְּנַעַן אֲשֶׁר אֲנִי מֵבִיא אֶתְכֶם שָׁמָּה לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ וּבְחֻקֹּתֵיהֶם לֹא תֵלֵכוּ:

(ד) אֶת מִשְׁפָּטַי תַּעֲשׂוּ וְאֶת חֻקֹּתַי תִּשְׁמְרוּ לָלֶכֶת בָּהֶם אֲנִי הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם:

“Speak to the people of Israel, and say to them, I am Hashem your G-d. Do not behave like the people of the land of Egypt where you dwelt, and do not do, like the deeds of the land of Canaan. You shall fulfill My laws and observe My statutes, to follow them. I am Hashem, your G-d” (Vayikra 18:2-4).

 

This verse informs us that the deeds of the Egyptians and the Canaanites were more corrupt than those of all other nations and that the Egyptians residing in that region where the Israelites had dwelt, were the most corrupt of all. The same verse also informs us that those Canaanite peoples that the Israelites conquered, were more corrupt than any other people (Rashi, Vayikra 18:3) based on Torat Kohanim 18:138).

                                                                                                                                                                      

Why does our paragraph state twice, “I am Hashem your G-d?” The Midrash explains: “I am G-d – twice – I am the one who punished the generation of the flood, Sodom and Egypt. I will in the future punish those who act like them” (Vayikra Rabbah 23:9). According to Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 26:5, “The generation of the flood were not eradicated from this world until they had established marriage contracts between two men and between man and beast.” The commentary of Mararzo explains, “They erred in their defective minds and thought that since they were created with powerful lusts, they were obliged to follow their desires in whatever direction it would take them… Thus, they established marriage contracts between two men, and their judges legitimized them.” The fact that Denmark was the first country in the world to legally recognize same-sex partnerships is commonly referred to as indicative of its ‘progressive’ and ‘liberal’ attitudes regarding sexuality. Surveys also show that the approval of homosexuality has increased significantly in the last three decades. Yet, according to the teachings of our Sages, this kind of progressivity and liberality is no other than the immorality that brought about the destruction of the world during the Flood. So, even if I must wait in longer lines at airport security when I visit my mom and sister, I’m proud that I’m no longer a Danish citizen. 
 

Reversing Immorality Through Modesty

“Separate yourselves from sexual immorality and sin, for wherever we find a barrier against sexual immorality, we find holiness (Rashi, Vayikra 19:1). Pardes Yosef instructs us, “If you don’t know how to behave, look at the practices of Egypt and Canaan and do the opposite.”Having been rebellious from early childhood, I’m in the good company of Miriam the Prophetess, whose name derives from the word מֶרִי/meri ‘rebellion.’ Today there is no lack of decadent countries – from where many of us originate – whose practices we can reverse. I’m grateful that I have learned from my country of origin to be a staunch advocate of modesty, through kabbalistic lenses. I teach my students that we cover our bodies to reveal the light of our souls. The more holiness, the more covering is required (Rav Eliyahu Kitov, Ish U’Beito). Just as in the Synagogue the most sacred Torah scrolls are not only concealed within a wooden ark but moreover enveloped in a beautiful velvet embroidered cover, so does the holiness of the Jewish woman require her to cover most of her body. Sexuality specifically between husband and wife (as opposed to two husbands or two wives) is likewise sacred. In the Holy of Holies of the Temple, where only the Kohen Gadol could enter once a year, the two Keruvim – cherubs, male and female – embraced and engaged in intimacy manifestingthe holiness of marital relations that reflect Israel’s relationship with Hashem. Likewise, the Holy of Holies is referred to as Cheder Hamitot or ‘bedroom chamber’ (Rashi, II Melachim 11:2). This highlights the metaphoric relationship between Gd and His people as that of bride and groom by referring to the Holy of Holies as the master bedroom!

 

The Light of Israel Emerges from the Darkest Darkness 

Surprisingly, the nation of Canaan became the most corrupt specifically because they dwelled in the Land of Israel. The reason for that seems to be that the Sitra Achra (side of impurity)desires to cleave to kedusha to nurse from it. Therefore, the Sitra Acha attaches itself specifically to the place where Israel dwells. Since it is unable to attach itself to Israel at all, due to our holiness, it cleaves to the nations amid whom Israel dwells. These nations learn a few mitzvot and good deeds from Israel through which they require a tinge of holiness. Then the Sitra Achra dwells upon these nations, and through this they become the most corrupt in the world (Pardes Yosef, Vayikra 18:3). This explains why Israel dwells amid the evilestnations in the world like a lamb among wolves. From Bat Ayin we can hear their many prayers through the broadcastings of their minarets. This testifies to how they have a few mitzvot learned from Israel such as praying to Allah the uppermost only G-d. Through this, they attract the forces of impurity that entice these nations to become the most evil of all – the real obstacle to peace. The eyes of Mosab Hassan Yousef, the son of Hamas founder Sheikh Hassan Yousef, were opened to the darkness in which he was raised, and of all people, he began working for the Mossad and saved thousands of Jewish lives. Through the October 7th atrocities, our national Jewish Neshama has been revived, as Maharal taught us, “A matter arises through its opposite.” This principle is reflected by the beautiful emunah-filled finalwords of Israel’s assumedly secular Eurovision entry, “We don’t need big words, only tefilot, even if it’s hard to see, You always leave me a small light!” 

           

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Acharei Mot –

Some Tips for How to Strengthen Gratitude for Modesty

  Modesty is moderating exposing and expressing your endowments. Modesty is humble and empathic rather than flashing and flaunting. Unfortunately, we live in a world of exhibitionism where showing off has become a necessary part and parcel of most people’s daily lives. Yet, thankfulness is manifested in the state of self-transcendence. It is an awareness that inspires us to pursue our daily life experiences with expressions of contentment, modesty, appreciation, and joyfulness.

• Accept Hardships as Opportunities for Growth – I truly believe that someone who wants to find the truth will find it. By Hashem’s providence, every hardship we must undergo is placed before us for a reason. They helped me realize that I needed to change, and I am thankful for the time and opportunity to learn to strengthen my modesty

• Keep Learning Torah – The world (now more than ever) is telling us to wear short shorts and rock the swimsuit. The body positivity movement has completely taken the fashion industry by storm and is telling us that showing skin equals confidence and beauty. But truly, Torah-modesty standards tell us the opposite! Through Torah study we learn to be humbly adorned, and that our beauty will shine through our actions. It doesn’t mean we can’t feel good in our own skin, but I’m thankful that I don’t need to show everything off to feel so!

• Ask for Help from an Accountability Partner – Whether this is a spouse, a parent, or a good friend, having someone you trust check your outfit before you leave the house is wise. If they say what you don’t want to hear, let it be a lesson learned, and be grateful for their truth rather than holding a grudge against them for telling you what you asked them.

• Set Modesty Boundaries – This takes some training and sometimes re-programming of the brain. If a garment is snug on top or falls short, leave it out. Ask yourself whether you would feel it was appropriate if an attractive woman wore this in front of your husband. Be thankful for the ability to take responsibility to do your part in not causing others to stumble. 

• Turn Inward in Prayer – Through crying out to Hashem in heartfelt prayer, you can learn to turn inward and discover the hidden light in the world and in your soul.