What is the difference between the Urim & Tumim and the Ouija board?

Ask the Rebbetzin - Parasha V’Zot Ha’Bracha

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Dear Rebbetzin Chana Bracha,

I’m wondering if you could shed light on the breastplate of the High Priest. I heard that it had different precious stones with letters on it that would light up in response to questions the High Priest would ask, either on behalf of others or himself. In this way, obscure questions would magically be answered. This sounds to me very similar to the Ouija board, which I didn’t think was allowed in Judaism. I also believe that the Torah forbids the practice of magic. So how could the Torah allow asking questions to a breastplate with illuminating crystals? 

Sincerely,

Sonja Scheiner (name changed)

Dear Sonja,

You are right. The Torah requires us to have a pure relationship with G-d, untainted by any occult practices such as witchcraft and practical magic. Forbidden practices include divination through trance; divining auspicious times through astrology; divining by omens; sorcery, magic; incantation; consulting mediums and oracles; and communicating with the dead (See Shemot 22:17, Vayikra 20:27 and Devarim 18:9-13). Whereas, there is much good to be gained from the spirituality of the New Age movement, which moves the world towards believing in G-d, prayer and good deeds, some of what the movement offers involves forbidden occult practices such as Tarot cards, angel cards, and mediums who help people communicate with the dead. Since the Ouija board – also known as a spirit board or talking board – is used to communicate with the dead – the Torah prohibits using it as it states, “There shall not be found among you …a necromancer” (Devarim 18:10-11). How exactly  are the Urim & Tumim different from the mechanism of the Ouija board and how come the Torah permits them?

What is the Ouija Board all About?

The Ouija board is a flat board marked with the letters of the alphabet, along with various symbols and graphics. It uses a small heart-shaped piece of wood or plastic called a planchette.  Participants start by moving the planchette around the board and speaking to the entities they wish to summon. Then, they begin asking questions. Eventually the planchette comes to rest on one letter after another, spelling out a message. Participants believe that it is a communicating spirit who controls the motions of their hands, to spell out messages. They see the board as a tool or medium through which they can communicate with the spirit realm. Others use the Ouija board to communicate with their own unconscious. The participants are subconsciously making small, involuntary, physical movements, demonstrating a well-known phenomenon, called the Ideomotor effect. This second way of using the Ouija board, without invoking any kinds of spirits, is similar to using a pendulum. I heard from a reliable source that Rav Mordechai Eliyahu, z”l, permitted the use of a pendulum. I’m not sure if he also would include using the Ouija board to reveal answers buried inside one’s own unconscious, since the Ouija board is also used for forbidden practices. In any case, I do not recommend it, as it is possible to reveal our own unconscious through prayer and meditation alone, without any external means. 

Differences between Urim & Tumim and Ouija Board

The breastplate of the Kohen Gadol was inlaid with 12 precious stones engraved with the names of the 12 tribes of Israel (Shemot 28:15-30; Vayikra 8:8), with the name of Hashem folded inside. These were the אוּרִים וְתֻמִּים /Urim & Tumim – ‘Lights and Completions.’ ‘Lights’ – because they illuminate their words, ‘Completions’ – because they complete their words, by endowing the Kohen with the ability to interpret the illuminations of the Urim. By means of the Urim, the Kohen Gadol inquired of Hashem on behalf of the king of Israel (Bamidbar 27:21). Urim, dreams, and prophets were the three legitimate means of obtaining answers from Above. Whereas, there certainly are similarities between the Ouija board and the Urim & Tumim, there are many more differences. They are similar by both conveying messages in a seemingly occult manner through particular letters on respectively a board and a plate. However, the origin of the Urim & Tumim is from the Torah, according to Hashem’s command, whereas the Ouija board may stem from ancient pagan beliefs. This is also the main difference between the Keruvim (Golden angel figures) on the cover of the Ark and the Golden Calf. Moreover, not just anyone could invoke the Urim & Turim – only a Divinely inspired Kohen Gadol and “only for the king, the high court, or someone serving a need of the community” (Mishnah Yoma 7:5). Most importantly, the answers received through the Urim & Tumim emanated from no other than the Shechinah – the Divine Indwelling Presence rather than from some extraneous impure force. Receiving answers through these stones is considered one of the four levels of prophecy that include: 1. Bat Kol – literally daughter of a voice – a heavenly or divine voice which proclaims G-d’s will or judgment. 2. Urim & Tumim 3. Ruach Hakodesh – a lower level of prophecy 4. Prophecy (Rabbeinu Bachaya).

The Holiness of the Urim & Tumim

In Parashat V’Zot Ha’Bracha, Moshe blesses the tribes of Israel before his demise. When blessing the tribe of Levi, Moshe praises them for piety that afforded them the merit to wear the Urim & Tumim:

ספר דברים פרק לג פסוק ח וּלְלֵוִי אָמַר תֻּמֶּיךָ וְאוּרֶיךָ לְאִישׁ חֲסִידֶךָ אֲשֶׁר נִסִּיתוֹ בְּמַסָּה תְּרִיבֵהוּ עַל מֵי מְרִיבָה:

“To Levi he said: ‘Your Tumim and Urim belong to Your pious man, whom You tested at Massah and whom You tried at the waters of Merivah’” (Devarim 33:8).

The reason the Kohen is chosen to wear the Urim, is because he has been tested and is clean and pure, therefore it states, “whom You tested at Massah” (Tzror HaMor). Sforno explains that the Tumim & Urim were given to Aharon because he was the head of the righteous tribe of Levi. He would be Divinely inspired, and the Shechina would dwell on him. However, if a certain Kohen is not Divinely inspired and the Shechina doesn’t dwell on him, then he is not qualified to invoke the Urim & Tumim (Babylonian Talmud, Yoma 73b). The Urim & Tumim correspond to two kinds of holiness that Hashem granted to Israel: the Mishkan (Tabernacle) as described in Parashat Teruma and the Kohanim whose garments are described in Parashat Tetzaveh. Hashem sanctified the Mishkan via the Tablets that originated in Heaven, and He sanctified the Kohanim from Above through the Urim & Tumim – which are likewise from Heaven (The Vilna Gaon, Aderet Eliyahu).

The Difference between Holiness and Spirituality

In summary, the difference between the Urim & Tumim and the Ouija board is the difference between holiness and spirituality. There are countless mystical practices out there that attract us with their occult, magical allure. They may make us feel that we are endowed with otherworldly powers and that we are operating on a higher spiritual level. Yet, it is all an illusion! While the magic of incantation, consulting mediums, oracles, astrology, Tarot cards,etc. may exude a psychic surge, in reality, it turns us away from Hashem by giving us a feeling of spiritual fulfillment that dulls our innate desire to cleave to Hashem and His Holiness. This can be compared to how filling our stomach with junk food spoils our appetite for a good nutritious meal.

Do not Corrupt the Pure and Wholehearted Relationship with Hashem

Hashem commanded us:

  ספר דברים פרק יח פסוק יג תָּמִים תִּהְיֶה עִם הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ:

“You shall be pure with Hashem Your G-d” (Devarim 18:13).

For Hashem is the G-d of the gods, He is supreme above all. He has the ability to change the stars and the constellations, and overturn signs and witchcraft. We must believe that our destiny is determined only by how much we come close to serve Him. This is why, right after the warnings against consulting with magicians, mediums and oracles regarding the future and communicating with the dead, it states, “You shall be pure with Hashem Your G-d” in all these matters. Do not fear the words of a soothsayer. Rather, seek only the true prophet and listen only to him. Being תָּמִים/tamim is to be pure and complete without any blemish (Rambam, Devarim 18:13). The word תָּמִים/tamim – ‘pure/wholehearted’ is the same as the second word in the אוּרִים תֻמִּים/Urim & Tumim – the stones on the Kohen Gadol’s breastplate. This alludes to the difference between the holiness of the Urim & Tumim and the false spiritualties of the world, which are everything but pure. In the Torah verse from Parashat V’Zot Ha’Bracha quoted above, the order of the words אוּרִים תֻמִּים/Urim & Tumim is reversed, emphasizing their purity and that of the pious Kohen worthy of wearing them. This teaches us the important message that we are not to corrupt our pure wholehearted relationship with Hashem by indulging in other impure practices. There is no higher spirituality than keeping the mitzvot and thereby cleaving to the holiness of Hashem and His Torah!

How can you Justify Living in Occupied Palestinian Territory?

Ask the Rebbetzin - Parasha Ha’azinu

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Dear Rebbetzin Chana Bracha,

Although I connect with your Torah and spiritual views from a woman’s perspective, I cannot condone that you live on Palestinian occupied territory on the West Bank.

What gives you and your fellow settlers the right to grab land that belongs to the Palestinian people who have deep roots in their treasured homeland? Just because the Jews were persecuted during the holocaust, why do innocent Palestinians have to be driven from their home in order to provide a Jewish homeland?

Sincerely,

Anna Small (name changed)

Dear Anna,

Getting into a political discussion is always a touchy topic, with the risk of losing supporters. People seem to be set in their ways when it comes to politics, especially Middle Eastern politics. The world is greatly influenced by biased propaganda that has taken over the media, making it very difficult to view a different perspective.  Emotions often take over and make it hard to really hear the facts. Therefore, I generally stay out of public political discussions, but I will nevertheless make an exception and do my best to answer your questions. 

The ‘West Bank’ Invention

Let us start with discussing the expression, ‘West Bank’ where, according to your perspective, I live. This expression is a major linguistic error. The ‘West Bank’ refers to the Western bank of the Jordan River. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of a riverbank is “The ground at the edge of a river.” Therefore, where I live, in Bat Ayin, Gush Etzion is not a  riverbank, since the Jordan River is at least 60 Km away (over 32 miles). It would take more than 10 hours to walk from my home to the Jordan River. Gush Etzion is about in the middle of the Land of Israel with a similar distance to the Jordan River as to the Mediterranean Sea. So, we may as well be called the ‘East Bank’ of the Mediterranean Sea! Moreover, a riverbank is typographically on the lowland, whereas my region – the Judean hills – is about 950 meters above sea level. “Because the historical hills of Judea and Samaria never had any meaning to Arabs, they never had a name for them. The term ‘West Bank’ only came into significant use after the Six-Day War of 1967” (Sha’i ben Tekoa, Phantom Nation p. 8). It is sad that even Jews the world over, including Israelis, are influenced by the media to use the erroneous term: ‘West Bank’ rather than the proper Biblical names, Judea and Samaria, when referring to the areas of the Land of Israel that were liberated during the Six-Day War.

Provoked by a Non-People

I would also like to address the term ‘Palestinian’ which you use to describe certain Arabs that live in Israel or who fled Israel in the wake of the formation of the Jewish state. As Golda Meir states, “There were no such thing as Palestinians. When was there an independent Palestinian people with a Palestinian state? It was not as though there was a Palestinian people in Palestine considering itself as a Palestinian people and we came and threw them out and took their country away from them. They did not exist” (Sunday Times,15 June 1969). No Arabs claimed to be ‘Palestinian’ until the sixties. In 1947, the Arab Higher Committee wrote, “Politically, the Arabs of Palestine [were] not independent in the sense of forming a separate political identity.” This is only one example of the numerous examples Sha’i Ben Tekoa brings in his very informational book, Phantom Nation. Traditionally, the Arabs in Israel called themselves Arabs! Actually, it was the anti-religious Zionists who called themselves ‘Palestinians.’ For example, in Leon Uris’ The Exodus, the Sabra hero is routinely called a ‘Palestinian.’ The Arabs who lived in Israel, prior to 1948, were not a people with a separate identity from the rest of the Arab world, but rather a society of clans and tribes. Israel is constantly on the defense, targeted by a “non-people,” as Moshe prophesied in Parashat Ha’azinu:

 ספר דברים פרק לב (כא) הֵם קִנְאוּנִי בְלֹא אֵל כִּעֲסוּנִי בְּהַבְלֵיהֶם וַאֲנִי אַקְנִיאֵם בְּלֹא עָם בְּגוֹי נָבָל אַכְעִיסֵם:

“They provoked Me with a non-god, angered Me with their vanities. Thus, I will provoke them with a non-people, with a foolish nation shall I anger them” (Devarim 32:21).

Actually, the Arabs, themselves, when their public-relation's guard was down, admitted that there is no such thing as a Palestinian people. Here is what Zahir Muhsein, Palestine Liberation Organization executive committee member, said in an interview in a Dutch paper:  “The Palestinian people does not exist. The creation of a Palestinian state is only a means for continuing our struggle against the State of Israel for our Arab unity. In reality today, there is no difference between Jordanians, Palestinians, Syrians and Lebanese. Only for political and tactical reasons do we speak today about the existence of a Palestinian people, since Arab national interests demand that we posit the existence of a distinct ‘Palestinian people’ to oppose Zionism” (Trouw  March 31, 1977).

The Palestinian Refugee Myth

The so called ‘Palestinian refugees’ is a phenomenon invented by the Arab world. The media paints a picture of the poor, indigenous Palestinians, who have tilled their beloved homeland from time immemorial, being ousted by aggressive Western Zionist imperialists. Such apparent oppression is compared to what the British did to the colonies and the USA to the American Indians. This is what I believed as a high-school student in Denmark! Since I have an affinity for all native peoples, who have an inherent connection with their land, and who live in harmony with it, I naturally sided with the “poor” Palestinians who were treated so brutally by my own people. It didn’t occur to me that the Arabs in Israel chose with their own free will to desert the land that they had only recently learned to call their own. In  1947-1948 thousands of wealthy Arabs left in anticipation of a war, thousands more responded to Arab leaders’ calls to get out of the way of the advancing armies, a handful were expelled, but most simply fled to avoid being caught in the cross fire of a battle. “The Arab civilians panicked and fled ignominiously. Villages were frequently abandoned before they were threatened by the progress of war” (General John Glubb, The British commander-in-chief of the Jordanian Army, London August 12, 1948). Had the Arabs accepted the 1947 UN resolution, not a single Palestinian would have become a refugee and an independent Arab state would now exist beside Israel. The leaders of the nascent Jewish state asked the Arabs in Palestine to stay and live as citizens in Israel. Instead, they chose to leave, either because they were unwilling to live with the Jews, or because they expected an Arab military victory, which would annihilate the Zionists. They thought they could leave temporarily and return at their leisure. Later, it was claimed that the Palestinians were ordered to leave, with radio broadcasts instructing them to quit their homes (Steven Glazer, 1980, The Palestinian Exodus in 1948, J. Palestine Studies 9(4), pp. 96–118). The Arabs themselves testify that their brethren deserted Palestine with the following admonishment: “Those who abandon their houses and businesses and go to live elsewhere… At the first sign of trouble they take to their heels to escape sharing the burden of struggle” (As –Shaab, Arab newspaper, January 30, 1948). The first to leave were roughly 30,000 wealthy Arabs who anticipated the upcoming war and fled to neighboring Arab countries where they had family. Less affluent Arabs from the mixed cities of Palestine moved to all-Arab towns to stay with relatives or friends. By the end of January 1948, the exodus was so alarming, the Palestine Arab Higher Committee asked neighboring Arab countries to refuse visas to these refugees and to seal the borders against them. Meanwhile, Jewish leaders urged the Arabs to remain in Palestine and become citizens of Israel. The Assembly of Palestine Jewry issued this appeal on October 2, 1947: “We will do everything in our power to maintain peace, and establish a cooperation gainful to both [Jews and Arabs]. It is now, here and now, from Jerusalem itself that a call must go out to the Arab nations to join forces with Jewry and the destined Jewish State and work shoulder to shoulder for our common good, for the peace and progress of sovereign equals.”

Twisted Truth

There are so many more omissions and distortions of facts regarding the struggle between the Jews and Arabs for the Land of Israel. Why does no one mention the hundreds of thousands of Jews who were forced to flee from Arab states before and after the creation of Israel? What about the demonization of the Israeli army who risk their lives to do anything it can to avoid killing civilians, whereas the Arab terrorists hide behind human shields- often women and children?  Why does world opinion seem to be so ignorant of the historical facts of the Middle East conflict? “Rabbi Yehuda said: In the generation when the son of David comes… truth will be entirely lacking, as it is written, ‘Truth is lacking, and he who turns away from evil is considered mad’ (Yesha’yahu 59:15). What is meant by ‘truth is lacking ne’ederet ]’? – The Scholars of the School of Rav said: This teaches that it will split up into separate groups and depart” (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 97a). The fact that the truth is twisted is part of the redemption process predicted by our Talmud. May we live to see Mashiach unravel the twisted media strips and set the world straight!

How can I Make Up for having Spoken Lashon Hara (Evil speech)?

Ask the Rebbetzin - Parasha Nitzavim-Va’yelecheh

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Dear Rebbetzin Chana Bracha,

I live out of town in a very small Jewish community, and they don’t offer many Torah classes for women. I always look forward receiving your weekly writing, which is my lifeline and connection to Torah and the Land of Israel. Thank you so much for making the effort to keep sharing your unique Torah of the Land. I hope you are well, and that Hashem gives you the strength and insight to keep inspiring many more women! I’ve been having some challenging relationships with a family member, and I feel really badly about having spoken negatively about her to others. I am wondering what to do if I spoke lashon hara and then feel badly about it later.
How do I deal with it?  Is there a specific way to repent? Thank you so much!

Sincerely,

Devorah Silverman (name changed)

Dear Devorah,

It’s good that you are contemplating doing teshuva (repentance) at this time, just prior to Rosh Hashana. When we remember our imperfections and shortcomings, then G-d will overlook them on the Day of Judgement. Teshuva is the greatest gift, because “Teshuva preceded the world” (Babylonian Talmud, Pesachim 54a). Therefore, nothing stands in the way of teshuva (Jerusalem Talmud, Peah 5a). When we express regret, do teshuva and sincerely cry out, we draw down towards ourselves pardon and forgiveness from the upper world. Since teshuva preceded the world, it causes us to become a new person, with our slate totally wiped clean like before creation (Ohr L’Smamayim, Parashat Bo). Even more so today, when there is no altar of atonement, there remains nothing but teshuva to atone for sins. Even a person who was wicked his entire life but repented in his final moments, will not be punished for any aspect of his wickedness as, “the wickedness of the evil one will not cause him to stumble on the day he repents his wickedness” (Yechezkiel 33:12); (Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva 1:1). Then, how do we repent in general and more specifically from speaking lashon hara?

The Teshuva Process Involves Our Heart, Speech and Action

The meaning of Teshuva is “return.”  It is about returning to our true selves – the Divine spark within us – beneath the layers of murky ‘soul-fog.’ When we do teshuva, we assess our ways, recognize our shadow sides, and return to our own original state of spiritual purity – our divine selves. We essentially return to our direct bond with Hashem.

The process of teshuva involves the following four steps:

1. Regret – Realizing the extent of damage and feeling sincere regret.

2. Cessation – Immediately discontinuing the harmful action.

3. Confession – Confessing the sin before Hashem and asking for forgiveness.

4. Resolution – Making a firm commitment to change for the future.

You need to apply your entire heart and soul in the teshuva process, as we learn from the first verse of the teshuva section in Parashat Nitzavim:

ספר דברים פרק ל פרק ב וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ בְקֹלוֹ כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:

“Return to Hashem your G-d and listen to His voice, according to everything I command you today, you and your children, with all your heart and with all your soul” (Devarim 30:2).

Feeling badly about doing what we shouldn’t have done is actually the first step of teshuva – regret. When you move through the process of teshuva, the bad feeling goes away and is replaced with a feeling of relief. Not only must our hearts be involved in doing teshuva, we also need to apply our faculty of speech and change our actions. We must confess to ensure that we will make a real effort to change. When we express with our lips the feelings of our hearts, we are more likely to live up to it and carry it into action.

Asking Forgiveness for Speaking Lashon Hara

Confession can be just moving your lips quietly to ourselves and Hashem, but if we wronged anyone, we also need to ask forgiveness from that person. If we have caused a person emotional, physical, or financial harm through our lashon hara, we must ask him or her for forgiveness. While it is relatively easy to apologize to the peoplewith whom we spoke loshon hara, it is not so, regarding the person we disparaged. It wouldn’t go off well, to approach him or her saying, “I’m sorry I spoke lashon hara against you, please forgive me!” We have a Danish expression that translates something like, “What you do not know can’t hurt you.” If the person was unaware of your lashon hara, your request for forgiveness will only cause unnecessary pain. However, we can only obtain Divine forgiveness after we have tried everything to received forgiveness from our victim. Therefore, the solution is to ask general forgiveness from the person without specifying for what.

Creating the Highest Light Imaginable by Refraining from Negative Speech

Doing teshuva for negative speech is to become aware of the effect of our words. Before speaking, we must ask ourselves, “Can it damage someone?” Not only derogatory words, but even words that are seemingly neutral could cause harm. Before speaking about someone, we can visualize that person overhearing our words. Would the person that I am speaking about be embarrassed if she was present? We can also train ourselves to ask before speaking whether our words may cause anyone to look down at the person about whom we are speaking? This way we can learn to elevate our speech. The words of holiness we speak in this world create upper worlds and holy angels, who become advocates for our soul. Even if we have already spoken lashon hara and we feel that everything is lost, it is never too late to stop. For every single extra word that we refrained from expressing, we create a light so great that even the highest angels are unable to imagine it (The Vilna Gaon).

Permission to Speak

Sometimes speaking negatively about others is not lashon hara, because it is for a beneficial purpose. It could, for example, be for the purpose of getting advice for how to deal with a delicate situation. There are other reasons, too where it is permitted to speak negatively. For example, to help prevent others from getting involved with a certain person which could be harmful for them. When a person is going through great hardships, due to a negative encounter with someone, it is permitted to vent to a good friend, in order to gain relief from the inner turmoil. However, we must carefully select the friend with whom we share our feelings. Venting to every person we meet is no longer for a beneficial purpose. I heard an old tape by Rabbi Kessing where he said, “Although it is allowed to vent, who said we can be an air conditioner?”

The Mirror of Noticing Your Fellow’s Flaws 

The Ba’al Shem Tov explained that the person, who is completely pure and holy, never notices anything negative in others. The reason we notice when someone does something wrong is because that person is a mirror to our own shortcomings. Even if we may not engage in the misbehavior to the same degree, we have a tinge of it ourselves. Hashem made us see or hear this imperfection in someone else, in order to make us aware of our own similar shortcoming, so that we can repent and repair the flaw in ourselves. Therefore, rather than speaking lashon hara, we need to look inwardly and mend our own ways. This way, we also rectify the imperfection in the other person. This concept is a deeper way of reading the well-known injunction against speaking lashon hara: “Guard your tongue from evil …turn away from evil and do good” (Tehillim 34:14). “Guard your tongue from evil” – do not despise and speak about the evil of others. Rather, “turn away from evil” – and rectify the evil in yourself. By means of this, you will “do good” – by causing the person whom you noticed to also become good and repent from his evil (Arvei Nachal, Parashat Lech Lecha). 

Which Kind of Fertility Treatment is Permitted in the Torah?

Ask the Rebbetzin - Parasha Ki Tavo
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Dear Rebbetzin Chana Bracha,

I am a convert and married late in life, when I was 47. I’m very happy with my husband who also was never married beforehand. Since none of us have any children, we both really want to do everything possible to be able to build our Jewish family, and we are aware that because of my age we need to move fast. According to the doctors, the only way we will be able to have a baby of our own is through in vitro fertilization (IVF) and egg donation. We want to make sure to do everything right according to Jewish law, and we are aware that there are delicate issues involved. Therefore, before moving ahead I’d like your Torah perspective on these various fertility treatments. We are also concerned how to be able to afford fertility treatments and wonder if you may have any advice for us. Please share with us anything else that you believe we need to know before proceeding with the fertility procedure.

Miriam Gutkind (name changed)

Dear Miriam,

First of all mazal tov! I’m happy for you that you are happily married. What a great blessing. I completely identify with your yearning to bear children and raise your own Jewish family. This is not only your personal desire, but also the very first mitzvah in the Torah, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Bereishit 2:22 and 28). We live in very exciting times, when so many new fertility treatments are available to help us fulfill this important mitzvah. I believe that the new research and technology related to infertility, pregnancy, birthing and pre- and postnatal care, is all part of repairing the curse on Chava involving not only difficulties in pregnancy, birth and childrearing, but also includes the pain of the period, as well as the pain of infertility.

Fertility Treatments Need Rabbinic Supervision

I commend you on your wish to undergo fertility treatment according to Halacha (Jewish law). Many intricacies are involved in fertility treatments that need Rabbinic supervision. Halachic supervision is required in all fertility treatments, in order to verify the halachic identity of both the sperm and eggs involved. If it is a third party donation, it is necessary to ensure that the correct donor’s eggs are used as well as the husband’s sperm. We are fortunate in Israel to have PUAH Institute, under the guidance of Rabbi Menachem Burstein, which certifies the genetic integrity of fertility treatments worldwide. It furthermore provides counseling, referrals and support, free-of-charge, to all those seeking professional help, by halachic counselors trained in modern reproductive medicine. I recommend that you and your husband get in touch with PUAH institute, and speak with some of their Rabbis who will explain why IVF is okay according to Jewish law, and the different halachic opinions regarding ovum donation. I personally believe, that the revelation of new discoveries and technology, which help us fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiply are G-d sent. I’m sure that there is great reward for those who make the extra effort and take on the extra expense for the sake of bringing children into this world.

How Can We Afford Fertility Treatments?

Regarding the finances, this is a tough question. Without the money to finance the costly fertility treatments, it is not easy to undertake the procedures. PUAH Institute advises that a couple considering fertility treatment should review their finances and identify all anticipated costs in advance. The cost of IVF is expensive, and egg donation includes the additional cost of the donor. The procedure furthermore, in many countries might not be covered by insurance. In Israel, socialized medicine (Kupat Cholim) covers the major expenses of IVF and egg-donation for couples who do not yet have any children or have only one child, up until age 54 for the woman. All Rights, a non-profit, collaborative project, has an extensive list of resources about rights and entitlements in Israel, including the financial coverage of fertility treatments. It is good to know that IVF treatments are included in the healthcare basket for first and second children. You will need to complete your Aliyah process and subscribe to a Kupat Cholim in order to qualify for the financial subsidies from the State of Israel.

Who is the Halachic Mother?

There are different opinions regarding the halachic permissibility of egg donation. An increasing numbers of rabbis permit this procedure, when other fertility treatments have been exhausted, and it is clear that the woman doesn’t produce her own eggs or that they are no longer viable. In this case, egg donation is the last resort to enable her to have her own baby. It is vital that you consult either with your personal Rabbi or a PUAH counselor to determine if ovum donation is permitted in your case. There are three different rabbinic opinions regarding who is the halachic mother of the child born through ovum donation: the birth-mother, the donor or both. According to the opinion that the birth-mother is the halachic mother, the child is Jewish even if the egg donor is not. According to the opining that the donor is the halachic mother, the child’s Jewishness depends on the donor. Since the halachic definition of the mother is questionable, most hold by the third opinion, that it is good to be strict in all cases. According to this view, the child is only considered Jewish if both the birth mother and the donor are Jewish. If only one of them is Jewish, the child must undergo conversion to eliminate any doubt regarding his or her Jewish identity. PUAH institute concludes: “In order to satisfy all opinions, the optimum donor is a single Jewish woman. However, such a donor is not always available. Each couple should consult their Rabbi or a PUAH counselor to determine the best option for their specific circumstances.”

The Fruit of our Womb Depends of Hashem’s Blessing

With all the advanced technology, let us not forget that everything is up to Hashem. It all depends on His blessing. By interacting with nature through modern technology, the complex miracle of creating an infant becomes even clearer, making us tremble in hope and pray for the success of each stage. We need to be aware that the fruits of our womb are a blessing from G-d alone. It is included in this week’s parasha among the blessings:

ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק ד בָּרוּךְ פְּרִי בִטְנְךָ וּפְרִי אַדְמָתְךָ וּפְרִי בְהֶמְתֶּךָ שְׁגַר אֲלָפֶיךָ וְעַשְׁתְּרוֹת צֹאנֶךָ:

“Blessed be the fruit of your womb, the produce of your soil and the offspring of your cattle, the calving of your heard and the lambing of your flock” (Devarim 28:4). 

Prayer can make all the difference. While it is important to get your family and friends to pray for you, your own prayer is most important. You need to storm the gates of heaven with your heartfelt supplications, like Chana, the mother of our prayer, who poured out her soul to Hashem (I Shemuel 1:9-15). It is not surprising that it is a segula (spiritual remedy) to recite Pirkei Chana (I Shemuel 1-2:10) every Friday night, which is the Haftorah for the first day of Rosh Hashana. Rabbi Nachman also has special prayers for bearing children (Likutei Tefilot part 1, prayer 21 and prayer 60). Furthermore, in the prayer book for women called תפילת חנה השלם/Tefilat Chana HaShalem – Chana’s Complete Prayer, you will find a beautiful prayer on pp.191-209.

Lastly, here is a prayer I composed when I went through fertility treatments 21 years ago:

“Oh G-d, please answer my prayers. Please grant me fruits of the womb.  I can no longer bear being a barren tree who yields no fruit, year after year after year. Until when? I only want to fulfill my purpose as a woman. If it is Your will that I be blessed after having voiced my prayer, please Hashem help my prayers reach Your inner sanctuary to pull down a new soul into the world!”

I bless you success in each of the stages of your fertility treatments. May Hashem accept your heartfelt prayer to enable you to fulfill His will by bringing children into the world!