Did Ya’acov Ever Die?

Parashat Vayechi
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Why is it Better to go to a Funeral than to a Wedding?
Many secular Jews don’t believe in the afterlife. They believe that once a person closes his eyes for the very last time, it’s all over. Thus, they lack faith in the light at that other side of the tunnel. I’ve always thought how scary it must be for them to get older and approach the darkness of death. It seems to me daunting enough to think about the prospect of crossing over to the other side, even when we do believe that there is a greatest eternal light awaiting us. Fear of death is fear of the unknown, even if that unknown hopefully will turn out to be the greatest good. We may also be afraid of the judgment that face us on the other side. Who can truly claim to have lived up to his or her potential in full? If our lives were short of achieving ultimate perfection, will we be barred from the eternal bliss awaiting the righteous in the world-to-come?  King Solomon teaches us: “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for that is the end of every man, and the living shall lay it to his heart” (Kohelet 7:2).  A person must take to heart that every being eventually must die (Ibn Ezra), and thus it will cause his heart to repent before it’s too late. At a funeral we are reminded to straighten out our lives. Thinking of death reminds us about why we are here, and that life is short to accomplish our purpose. So, we better repent and put ourselves back on track, after having been easily sidetracked and stuck in physical pleasures, forgetting about our ultimate purpose to perfect our character and perform mitzvot. At a graveyard, men tuck in their tzitzits, since the tzitzits represent the mitzvot, which no longer can be performed in the hereafter. Disbelieving in the afterlife causes disbelief in the importance of perfecting ourselves in this life. If we only live once, and life is over once and for all, when the body becomes lifeless, then how can there even be a purpose to life? Why were we even placed here to begin with? 

What Convinced Me to Believe in the Hereafter?
I recall reading the following Taoist quote in high school: “Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man” (Zhūangzi (c. 369 BCE – c. 286 BCE)). This Chinese proverbial opened my mind to the possibilities that our present life may be like a dream or illusion, whereas true life may only begin at the end of this life. The notion of the hereafter is what originally brought me to teshuva. Learning about how we are to do our work in this world, and receive our reward in the coming world, brought me to belief in the Torah path. It always seemed to me that there is a spiritual law that every lack must eventually become filled. Otherwise, what would be the purpose of experiencing this lack? Most people never feel complete fulfillment in this world. We always yearn for more. So, there must be a place beyond this world for receiving the ‘more’ for which we long. The more we become aware of our soul, the more we fathom its eternity. The fact that the soul is always yearning for spirituality – for a greater connection with the divine, which it can never fully achieve within the body – convinced me that there must be another place beyond this physical world in which the yearning of our soul will finally become fulfilled. 

Why Did Ya’acov Never Die?
Tzaddikim are called alive even in their deaths” (Berachot 18). Thus, the parasha describing Sarah’s death and burial is called “Chayei Sarah – The Life of Sarah.” Likewise, Although the main theme of Parashat Vayechi is the demise of Ya’acov, the parasha opens with “Vayechi Ya’acov” – “Ya’acov lived.”

ספר בראשית פרק מז פסוק כח
וַיְחִי יַעֲקֹב בְּאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם שְׁבַע עֶשְׂרֵה שָׁנָה וַיְהִי יְמֵי יַעֲקֹב שְׁנֵי חַיָּיו שֶׁבַע שָׁנִים וְאַרְבָּעִים וּמְאַת שָׁנָה:

“Ya’acov lived in the land of Egypt for seventeen years, and Ya’acov’s days, the years of his life, were a hundred and forty-seven years (Bereishit 47:28).

From this our sages learn that “Ya’acov Avinu lo met – our patriarch Ya’acov never died” (Babylonian Talmud, Ta’anit 5b). The Torah portion about Ya’acov’s death is really about his life, that he “lived” even after he “died.”  I was pondering about what it means to live on after death, and it seems to me that our sages were not only referring to the afterlife but moreover to the ability of the righteous to live on even in this world, but how exactly? The Talmud sheds light on our question: 

Rabbi Yochanan said: Our patriarch Ya’acov did not die. [Rav Nacḥman] asked him, “And was it for naught that the eulogizers eulogized him, and the embalmers embalmed him, and the buriers buried him?” [Rabbi Yitzcḥak replied:] “I am interpreting a verse, as it is stated: ‘Therefore do not fear, Ya’acov My servant, says Hashem, neither be dismayed, Israel, for I will save you from afar, and your seed from the land of their captivity’ (Yirmeyahu 30:10). This verse juxtaposes Ya’acov to his seed: Just as his seed is alive when redeemed, so too, Ya’acov himself is alive” (Babylonian Talmud, Ta’anit 5b). 

Whereas Avraham fathered Yishmael, and Esav was born to Yitzchak, Ya’acov was the only patriarch whose entire offspring was righteous. Each of his 12 sons were worthy to be included in the Chosen People. We learn this from the verse: “…Israel prostrated himself on the head of the bed” (Bereishit 47:31). He prostrated himself to G-d because his offspring were perfect, insofar as not one of them was wicked, as is evidenced by the fact that Yosef was a king, and furthermore, that although he was captured among the heathens, he remained steadfast in his righteousness (Sifrei Va’ethannan 31, Sifrei Ha’azinu 334); (Rashi, Bereishit 47:31). Thus, Ya’acov’s entire offspring are called the Children of Israel, because they continue the legacy of their righteous father, Yisrael. Therefore, Ya’acov never died, but lives on through his children.

Can the Childless Remain Alive Forever?
So how can a childless person live on? There are numerous ways to leave our legacy behind, as our sages explain concerning the verse: “These are the generations of Noach, Noach was a righteous man” (Bereishit 6:9).  This is to teach you that the main progeny of the righteous are their good deeds (Midrash Tanchuma Noach 2); (Rashi, Bereishit 6:9). Even if we don’t have any children in this lifetime, our good deeds are our legacy through which we live on. Moreover, inspiring anyone to perform a good deed, grants us eternity, because any positive influence we had on someone else can be transmitted to others throughout the generations. Rebbe Nachman explains that we also can gain eternal life through eating in holiness the Torah way. Acquiring true humility is the main prerequisite to be able to eat in holiness. Thereby we draw out the holy sparks within the food – its inner lifeforce that derives from the source of life – the eternal life of the future. The person who eats in this way will live forever as it states, “He will eat and live forever” (Bereishit 3:22). This pertains to the true tzaddikim who are alive and established forever, and never die. Likewise, Ya’acov, our Father, never died” (Ta’anit 5b); (Likutei Halachot, Hilchot Tefillin 6). Just as the holy sparks within the food is its lifeforce, so is the holy soul the life of a person. Since the body without the soul is just an empty shell, the soul is our essence, not only in the world-to-come but even in this world. The expressions of the soul are the spiritual accomplishments and the legacy – the special qualities for which a person is eulogized. Rather than making a good living, or being an excellent bridge player, the legacy of the soul includes qualities such as faith, kindness, self-discipline, honesty, wisdom, courage, gratitude, humility and repentance. These are some of the qualities that Ya’acov bequeathed to his children that still live on today within his descendants – the people of Israel.  

What do we Learn from Yosef about Forgiveness?

Parashat Vayigash
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Learning to Open our Heart to Truly Forgive
Someone in my family just asked me, “please forgive me!” Of course, I want to forgive more than ever, being so happy that the person is remorseful for having caused me excruciating pain. While it’s easy to say, “I forgive you!” it is far more challenging to truly forgive and let go of any trace of resentment, especially if the hurtful actions may be repeated. So, wanting much more than lip service, I responded, “I surely want to forgive you, but in order for me to truly forgive, I need you to make a plan for how to prevent a repetition of the hurtful behavior.” I was thinking, perhaps, I was wrong to make terms for granting forgiveness? Perhaps, I should offer total unconditional forgiveness? Yet, on the other hand, in the same vain that Hashem prohibits us from bearing a grudge, He commands us to give tochecha (rebuke). “You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow Jew, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take revenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your fellow Jew as yourself: I am Hashem” (Vayikra 19:17-18). What I said, was a loving way of giving reproach to help prevent the person from repeating the negative action. Yet, even without an apology, we must forgive. Just as Hashem “pardons iniquity, and forgives our transgression” (Michah 7:18), so must we emulate our compassionate G-d and open our heart to truly forgive, regardless of whether the perpetrator is sorry or not. This is not a simple task. When our heart is blocked, we may harbor hidden resentments of which we are unaware. To let go of these resentments, we need to first get in touch with them, and air them out in the sun, at least to ourselves. Wounds can only be healed in the light. They need acknowledgment and awareness to find the healing power, we all have inside ourselves. We can’t make someone apologize or change what they did or might do. While we have no control over other people’s behaviors, we do have control over how we feel and what we do about our own feelings. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from our own grip, freeing our own hearts and spirits of the unnecessary burden of believing that what we endured justifies our misery. Hashem has imbued us with Free Choice, to move into forgiveness and allow ourselves to be joyous, loving, people, no matter what circumstances have occurred in our lives. 

Health Benefits of Releasing Grudges and Granting Forgiveness
Spiritual, emotional and physical health go hand in hand. Rambam asserts this important principle in his holistic approach to healing in Chapter 4 of Hilchot Deot, Mishna Torah. Therefore, in order to keep the Torah indictment דברים פרק ד פסוק טו))וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד לְנַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶם  – “You must take very good care of your health” (Devarim 4:15),  we need to not only stay physically healthy, but also be emotionally healthy and balanced people. Medical studies show a strong correlation between forgiveness and good health. Holding grudges hurts the immune system. People who are more prone to holding grudges tend to be sicker than their peaceful peers. A 2000 study conducted at the University of Tennessee asked volunteers to tell stories about betrayal while measuring their heart rates and blood pressure levels. Researchers found that people who forgave more easily registered lower numbers. They also made less sickness-induced trips to the doctor than the grudge-prone. No wonder that heart attack is so rampant in our time! The Department of Psychology at the Medical College of Georgia published a paper entitled, “Bearing Grudges and Physical Health: Relationship to Smoking, Cardiovascular Health, and Ulcers” in 2009, concluding, “In a population-based survey, bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.” Clearly, grudges damage not only our relationships, but our health as well. In summary, granting forgiveness engenders the following Health benefits: Improved mental health ¨ Less anxiety, stress and hostility ¨ Lower blood pressure ¨ Fewer symptoms of depression ¨ A stronger immune system ¨Improved heart health. 

Accepting that our Hurts are from Hashem for a Higher Purpose
As long as we can’t truly forgive another in our heart, we can’t get close to G-d. To truly connect to Hashem’s Oneness and to our own selves in a much deeper way, we must learn to forgive others as well as ourselves. To the extent that we learn to forgive, we begin to take responsibility for our life and are no longer victims of circumstance. Taking responsibility involves waking up to a higher meaning in our lives, realizing that there is a Masterplan, and that nothing happens by chance. Although blaming is an ingrained instinct, carried over from Adam and Eve in the Garden, the stories in the Torah teach us to trust in Hashem’s Master plan. Whatever we have gone through, whatever we have suffered – whether within ourselves  or in relation to others – it was meant to teach us something” (Rabbi Avraham Sutton, If we cannot truly forgive another in our heart, we cannot get close to the Creator). Gaining this greater perspective, helps us clean out leftover energy patterns from past gilgulim. Rather than becoming upset when someone wrongs us, we can practice looking inward and gain valuable lessons from the pain we endured. According to the Talmud, there is no greater atonement than bearing insults. Rebbe Nachman emphasizes (in 12 places) the importance of accepting insults without reacting. 

Releasing Grudges and Freeing Ourselves from Past Negativity
People have asked me; how can I forgive when the person is not sorry about her damaging behavior? How can I forgive her if she continues to hurt me? These are difficult questions, but we must learn to separate forgiveness from condoning the negative behavior. Forgiving and letting go of grudges, does not mean that we agree with the behavior that we are forgiving. As Robert Enright puts it: “Forgiveness means giving up the resentment to which you are entitled; it doesn’t require the other person to recognize the harm they’ve done, nor does it necessarily require reconciliation. Those who refuse to forgive, lose their power to this memory.” 

By forgiving the people that have hurt you, you set yourself free from the chains of resentment and other harmful emotions, running rampant through your mind, body and spirit. By forgiving, you remove the control the other person has over you. Forgiveness is vital to our spiritual health and growth. Without forgiveness, our hearts are held hostage, and thus, we willingly perpetuate the pain of the original hurtful story. Learning to forgive “is a gift we give ourselves for our own wellness, to free us from the past, in order to move forward” (Dr. Fred Luskin). Forgiveness helps us gain improved self-esteem and nurture healthier relationships. It can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who has hurt you. When we forgive, even without the person making amends or being sorry, we walk in Hashem’s way and activate our Tzelem Elokim/Divine Image. 

Yosef – The Perfect Model and Teacher of Forgiveness
Yosef is the perfect model and teacher of forgiveness. His brothers sold him as a slave to the most decadent society. Nevertheless, Yosef didn’t have the slightest grudge against them, but forgave his brothers with a complete heart: 

ספר בראשית פרק מה פסוק ה, ז וְעַתָּה אַל תֵּעָצְבוּ וְאַל יִחַר בְּעֵינֵיכֶם כִּי מְכַרְתֶּם אֹתִי הֵנָּה כִּי לְמִחְיָה שְׁלָחַנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶם:... וַיִּשְׁלָחֵנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶם לָשׂוּם לָכֶם שְׁאֵרִית בָּאָרֶץ וּלְהַחֲיוֹת לָכֶם לִפְלֵיטָה גְּדֹלָה:

“Now be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves that you sold me hither; for G-d did send me before you to preserve life…G-d sent me before you to give you a remnant on the earth, and to save you alive for a great deliverance” (Bereishit 45:5,7). 

Yosef clearly realized how all the pain he had suffered through his brothers was part of Hashem’s master plan for a higher purpose. Therefore, within this greater perspective, he was able to totally forgive, regardless of how much he had been wronged. Think about it – Yosef’s own brothers first wanted to outright kill him. Then, they threw him into a pit filled with dangerous, life-threatening snakes and scorpions, to do the dirty work for them, before finally selling him into slavery. What could be worse mistreatment? Nevertheless, Yosef found it in his heart to forgive, and therefore, he was chosen to keep his family alive during the famine. It is interesting to note that the word לְמִחְיָה/lemichyah, translated “to preserve life,” has the same letters as מְחִילָה/mechilah – ‘forgiveness.’ Perhaps, the reason why Yosef was chosen to preserve the life of the Jewish people was his ability to forgive. When we truly forgive, we preserve our own and the offender’s life. Holding on to grudges is holding on to the negative force created by sin – to the sitra achra (the other side). Through forgiving, we allow the negative forces to vanish. Then we become a channel for positive influences from the source of life – Hashem. The word מְחִילָה can further be unscrambled to חַי לָהֶם/chai lahem – ‘Life to them.’ Through forgiveness, we grant the gift of life. The words לְמִחְיָה/ מְחִילָהalso equals the words לֶחֶם י”ה/lechem – ‘the bread of Hashem.’ (The word לֶחֶם additionally has the gematria of three times the four-lettered name of G-d (78 = 3 x 26). Through his amazing act of forgiveness, Yosef had the power to revive and gather the holy sparks that were scattered in Egypt. It was for this sake that they went down into Egypt (Tiferet Shlomo). 

Daily Prayer Declaration of Forgiveness
Integrating perpetual forgiveness into our life is so essential in Judaism, that the Torah directs us to not even let one day go by, without first forgiving anyone who may have hurt us. Thus, part of our Bedtime Shema Prayer is the declaration of forgiveness, in which we grant forgiveness to any Jew who may have hurt us in any way. Rabbi Nechunya claimed that one reason he lived so long was that, he never went to bed at night without first forgiving anyone who hurt him that day (Babylonian Talmud Megillah 28a). Based on this, the Bedtime Shema includes a paragraph in which we forgive anyone who hurt us:

רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם הֲרֵינִי מוֹחֵל לְכָל־מִי שֶׁהִכְעִיס וְהִקְנִיט אוֹתִי אוֹ שֶׁחָטָא כְנֶגְדִּי בֵּין בְּגוּפִי בֵּין בְּמָמוֹנִי בֵּין בִּכְבוֹדִי בֵּין בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר לִי בֵּין בְּאֽוֹנֶס בֵּין בְּרָצוֹן בֵּין בְּשׁוֹגֵג בֵּין בְּמֵזִיד בֵּין בְּדִבּוּר בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֶׂה בֵּין בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה בֵּין בְּהַרְהוֹר בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל זֶה בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל אַחֵר לְכָל־בַּר יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלֹא יֵעָנֵשׁ שׁוּם אָדָם בְּסִבָּתִי:

Master of the Universe, I hereby forgive anyone who has angered me, or sinned against me, either physically or financially, against my honor or anything that is mine, whether accidentally or intentionally, inadvertently or deliberately, by speech or by deed, by thought or by speculation, in this incarnation or in any other incarnation: any Israelite [is forgiven], may no man be punished on my account.

May we learn from Yosef to develop perpetual forgiveness and grant true life not only to those who have wronged us but also to ourselves!

Why do Big Boys in the Bible Cry?

Parashat Miketz
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Do Tears Spring Out of the Essence of the Soul?
Since childhood I have often shed tears. I cried when I felt lonely – when I felt the lack of love and compassion. Since then, I am easily moved to tears. I cry over an emotional episode in a well written book, when I hear exquisitely moving music, when silently meditating, at the end of a releasing yoga class, when someone I care about throws an insulting remark, and when my feelings are hurt by a loved one. Today, I first and foremost cry out to Hashem in prayer – for that which my soul years for the most. While there are crocodile tears used to manipulate others, as in the case of Shimshon’s wife Delila (Shoftim 16:15), most tears are cathartic expressions of our inner emotions and at times they spring out of the essence of our soul. I relate to Chana – The Mother of our Prayers – when she desperately cried out to Hashem for a child (I Shmuel 1:7, 10). She was finally rewarded as it states, “the gates of tears are never locked” (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 32b). Like my namesake, I too, thank G-d, experienced my tears transformed into a healthy baby more than two decades ago. Now I’m crying the same tears – to pierce through the gates of heaven – for Hashem to grant him, his soulmate. According to Rabbi Karelitz in Benei B’rak, a woman’s suitability to convert to Judaism, depends on her shedding tears at the notion that she may never be able to become Jewish. When Naomi repeatedly turned Ruth away, she wept and cried, in her desire to follow Naomi to the Holy Land and become Jewish (Ruth 1:9,14). We all need to learn from Esther, who taught us to cry out to Hashem from the depths of our heart to avert evil decrees (Esther 8:3). Although women generally cry four times more often than men, and parents have conditioned their sons saying, “big boys don’t cry!” in the Torah many holy men shed heartfelt tears. The most famous is David, who cried deeply over the death of Yonatan (I Shmuel 20:41), and poured out his soul, in his Book of Tehillim, in which he shared how he cried out, through suffering, repentance and prayer in his yearning for closeness to Hashem. It is less well-known how Yosef, who represents the masculine sefirah of yesod, cried on no less than eight occasions, two of which occurs in Parashat Miketz. 

Tears are Healthy Cathartic Expressions of Our Inner Emotions
I have always known that it is healthy to cry, both emotionally and physically. Tears are cleansing, even when crying over peeling onions. A research team at Johns Hopkins concluded: “Tears aren’t simple. They’re complex creations of water, mucins, oils, and electrolytes. They also possess some protective bacteria-fighting substances that help reduce our risk of getting eye infections.” For the cornea, tears provide a smoother optical surface, so that our vision remains clear; they also help keep the cornea properly moisturized and rich in oxygen. For the eye in general, tears act also as wiper fluid, allowing the eyelids to wash the eye free of debris with every blink. Without tears we would quickly go blind. Emotional tears are initiated by a different part of the brain than the part that initiates reflexive tears, the part of the brain which responds to sad, happy, painful, or pleasant experiences. Tears help us express our grief at the loss of those who are precious to us. When we go through hardships, many of us experience a cathartic healing release after a good cry. Consequently, holding back tears, is a negative way of dealing with stress, pain and hardships. Hashem granted us the process of weeping to help us deal with the unhealthy effects of stress. Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings, giving us a glimpse of who we really are. They can bring us greater emotional awareness, as an indicator of which things in life triggers our various emotional states, be it pain or pleasure. Crying arises from the heart and signifies an open and softened heart. Perhaps that is why so many people are embarrassed to cry; being afraid to reveal their vulnerability. 

Yosef’s Tears of Compassion
Yosef lived a dichotic existence. On the outside, he is the strong determined leader and provider, the prime example of worldly accomplishment. Yet, on the inside, he suffers much emotional pain from the alienation and hatred of his brothers that spurred them to attempted murder and finally to sell him as a slave, sending him far away to decadent Egypt. Yosef’s struggle with this pain emerges through the names he gives his sons: “Yosef named his firstborn Menashe, saying, because G-d has caused me to forget all my trouble and all my father’s household” (Bereishit 41:51). When Yosef’s second son is born, he has already acclimatized himself to his exile existence, cut off from his family and faith. Yet despite his success as the viceroy of Egypt, Yosef still misses home and regards Egypt as the land of his affliction: “The name of the second he called Ephraim, “For G-d has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction” (Bereishit 41:52). Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein zt”l explains that the eight instances, where Yosef cries in the Torah, express the process of dealing with his inner world of pain, moving from restraint to outward weeping. The first time that Yosef cries, is when he hears his brothers speaking words of repentance among themselves, for the way they had treated Yosef. 

ספר בראשית פרק מב פסוק כד
וַיִּסֹּב מֵעֲלֵיהֶם וַיֵּבְךְּ וַיָּשָׁב אֲלֵהֶם וַיְדַבֵּר אֲלֵהֶם וַיִּקַּח מֵאִתָּם אֶת שִׁמְעוֹן וַיֶּאֱסֹר אֹתוֹ לְעֵינֵיהֶם:

When Yosef hears his brothers admit their guilt, “He turned away from them and wept, then returned to them and spoke to them; and he took Simeon from among them and imprisoned him before their eyes” (Bereishit 42:24).

According to Sforno, Yosef was moved to tears upon perceiving his brother’s anguish, as the saying goes: “tears are often the first sign of the ice beginning to melt…” Yosef’s tears express his desire to be reunited with his brothers immediately, Although, he gives expression to his emotions, and his tears flow freely on the inside, on the outside, Yosef must hide his emotions from his brothers, and deal harshly with them, in order to fulfill his dreams. Yet on the inside he was filled with compassion for his brothers, when he heard them repenting (Gur Aryeh). The element of compassion, the inner, emotional bond that contrasts so starkly with the royal role that Yosef plays in Egypt, rises up all at once, and with great power. It ignites his Jewish soul, as a sign of a Jew is to be “merciful, descendants of the merciful ones” (Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 8b). 

Tears Turn the Inner Chamber Inside Out
The second instance when Yosef sheds tears, is when Binyamin finally appears before him. Now Yosef actively seeks to weep: 

ספר בראשית פרק מג פסוק ל וַיְמַהֵר יוֹסֵף כִּי נִכְמְרוּ רַחֲמָיו אֶל אָחִיו וַיְבַקֵּשׁ לִבְכּוֹת וַיָּבֹא הַחַדְרָה וַיֵּבְךְּ שָׁמָּה:
(לא) וַיִּרְחַץ פָּנָיו וַיֵּצֵא וַיִּתְאַפַּק וַיֹּאמֶר שִׂימוּ לָחֶם:

“Yosef hastened, for he felt compassion towards his brother, and he wanted to weep; so he entered his chamber and wept there. He washed his face, went outside, restrained himself and said, bring bread” (Bereishit 43:30-31).

In his first encounter with his brothers, Yosef wanted to restrain himself, but was unable to. Now, Yosef seeks to weep – he has come to greater terms with his inner world and is entirely accepting of his weeping here. The fact that “he entered his chamber” to weep, expresses more than just a physical transition from one place to another. It is a transition from one level of existence to an entirely different one: from the external functional world to the inner emotional world. At the first encounter, Yosef’s tears are less forceful, he needs to do nothing more than turn his face aside to hide them. Yet when encountering his full brother, Binyamin, Yosef’s weeping busts forth with such intensity that, when he emerges, he must recompose himself, wash his face and restrain himself. The washing of the face is more than a physical act – it represents rearranging his official mask of viceroy over Egypt. Yet, eventually when Yosef reveals his identity, he sheds his mask and transforms his restraint to uncontrollable weeping: “Yosef could not restrain himself before all those who stood before him, and he called out: ‘Take every person from my presence!’ So, no one stood with him when Yosef revealed himself to his brothers. He gave his voice to weeping, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard” (Bereishit 45:1-2). Yosef’s weeping here expresses release and transformation. Yosef allows his inner chamber to become outwardly revealed as he becomes master of an emotional domain that contains both (Harav Aharon Lichtenstein, Yosef’s Tears, Alei Etzion 16). 

The Spiritual Experience of Crying
I connect with Yosef’s emotional inner world, which eventually bursts forth to the outside. We all have inner chambers that we hide from others and sometimes even from ourselves. Tears truly draw out our deep feelings of connection with others as well as with our own inner world. Through crying we can get in touch with this inner world and allow it to merge with our outer world. In this way through allowing ourselves to shed tears we can deepen our relationships, our self-awareness, and our connection with the Divine. Tears are an expression, a potent non-verbal communication, to others, to ourselves and to Hashem about who we are and who we want to be, of our inner desires, passions and yearnings. Tears can be a bridge between our soul and body. Pouring out our soul in heartfelt cries is not only a cathartic emotional and physical healing release, but also a spiritual experience of expressing our heart and soul. Let us not be afraid or embarrassed to cry! When we overcome our fear to reveal our vulnerability, we express our greatest strength!

Why do the Righteous Yearn for Tranquility?

Parashat Vayeshev
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Can We Ever Attain Serenity?
We all yearn for serenity. Yet, what is serenity, and can it really be attained? It seems as if our lives are filled with one challenge after the other: troubles at work, troubles with neighbors, troubles finding a soulmate, health issues, worries about money, family feuds and above all problems with our children. Who can, in all honesty, claim to live a life devoid of anxiety and stress? We are in this world to grow, and growth requires going through hardships and overcoming challenges, so why even bother yearning for serenity? If serenity means ‘peaceful,’ perhaps, serenity implies coming to peace with being unable to attain serenity? My google dictionary defines serenity as tranquility, the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. Serenity is the opposite of anxiety, agitation and disruption. It is “an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city.” Thus, we advertise that “Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin is located in the pristine setting of the Judean Hills, where you will enjoy nature hikes, farming, stunning sunsets and prayerful serenity.” Ahh, ‘prayerful serenity!’ I want to breathe it in – please Hashem – help me bring some prayerful serenity into every fiber of my being. Looking forward to Shabbat is yearning for even just a glimpse of this serenity – when all electronics are turned off. For me. serenity is basking on a hammock in the sun, without any pressure to write my blog, organize a schedule, advertise a program or reply to the emails overflowing my inbox… Basking in the sun, listening to the chorus of the various birdsongs, or even relaxing on the couch with a book on a windy or rainy Shabbat – these are glimpses of serenity for me. Just as Shabbat is a glimpse of the world to come. “Rabbi Ya’acov would say: This world is comparable to the antechamber before the World to Come. Prepare yourself in the antechamber, so that you may enter the banquet hall” (Pirkei Avot 4:16). This is why it is good to work so hard on the eve of Shabbat, in order to prepare ourselves to enter the serenity of Shabbat – even if it’s just a glimpse – a tiny foretaste of the real thing. 

Let Us not Turn Serenity into Complacency
In our yearning for serenity, we are often diverted into fleeting pleasures. Therefore, we must  grow up from being a kid in the candy-store, and realize that our purpose and main work on earth is not to enjoy all the tempting pleasures of this world, which have no eternal existence, but evaporate like the steam from our tea kettle. Rather, we are only placed in this world to serve Hashem – through which we tap into the source of life and gain eternity (Bat Ayin, Parashat Shemot). We must never become complacent, even if we achieve the highest level. We should always be concerned to avoid receding and down sliding. This is what David exclaimed, “I said בְשַׁלְוִ֑י/veshalvi – in my tranquility, ‘I will never falter’” (Tehillim 30:7). This song was written in his childhood. However, from the day David became a man, until his old age, he never allowed himself to dwell in tranquility and serenity, for he was always concerned about backsliding. Therefore, we must put all our strength and energy into staying on the Torah path without slipping. We must train ourselves to transform even our smallest attraction to anything but the mitzvot, to keep ascending on the path of emunah (Menachem Tzion, Parashat Vayikra). Yet, to maintain free choice, it is impossible to completely draw down Hashem’s kingdom into this world, until the future-to-come, when Hashem will remove the spirit of impurity from the land (Ohev Yisrael, Likutei Chadashim Parashat Vayeshev). Darkness and impurity are necessary in this world of tikkun, in which we must struggle against the many temptations to choose light and life over darkness and death. Thus, serenity is a rare commodity in our current world, as there is always the danger that it will revert into its flipside of complacency.   

Yearning for Serenity Results in Rectified Relationships
The word ‘serenity’ translates as to שַׁלְוָה/shalva in Hebrew, as well as רֹגַע/roga – ‘tranquility’ and שֶׁקֶט/sheket – ‘peacefulness.’ The word שַׁלְוָה/shalva connects us to Parashat Vayeshev: 

ספר בראשית פרק לז פסוק א וַיֵּשֶׁב יַעֲקֹב בְּאֶרֶץ מְגוּרֵי אָבִיו בְּאֶרֶץ כְּנָעַן:

“Ya’acov dwelt in the land of his father’s sojournings, in the land of Canaan” (Bereishit 37:1).

 רש"י על בראשית פרק לז פסוק ב ועוד נדרש בו וישב ביקש יעקב לישב בשלוה קפץ עליו רוגזו של יוסף צדיקים מבקשים לישב בשלוה אומר הקב"ה לא דיין לצדיקים מה שמתוקן להם לעוה"ב אלא שמבקשים לישב בשלוה בעוה"ז:

When Ya’acov sought to dwell in שַׁלְוָה/shalva – tranquility, the troubles of Yosef sprang upon him. The righteous seek to dwell in tranquility. Said the Holy One, blessed be He, “What is prepared for the righteous in the world-to-come is not sufficient for them, but they seek [also] to dwell in tranquility in this world!” (Rashi, Bereishit 37:2).

The very name of Parashat Vayeshev “settling down” – intimates a yearning for serenity. Yet, the righteous even in the world-to-come do not rest. As it states, “They go from strength to strength…” (Tehillim 84:8). So, how come Ya’acov, the progenitor of the righteous of Israel, yearned for serenity?  Rabbi Matis Weinberg explains that the word שַׁלְוָה/shalva is often mistranslated as peace, serenity, rest and relaxation. Rather, שַׁלְוָה/shalva is the opposite of strife, as in “Better a piece of dry bread and tranquility with it, than a house full of sacrifices of strife” (Mishlei 17:1). It denotes being free from emotional disturbances and agitation. Thus, rather than referring to ‘peace,’ שַׁלְוָה/shalva means peaceful relationships. The petty demands brought by unpeaceful interpersonal relationships, distract us from focusing on the real battles for overcoming evil. This is why Ya’acov yearned for shalva (Rabbi Matis Weinberg, Frameworks, genesis pp. 220-222).   

The Constant Struggle for Serenity
Ya’acov’s life was indeed replete with challenging relationships. He managed to deal with numerous difficult people, and avoid being exploited by his father-in-law, Lavan, the trickster. Ya’acov also accomplished to make peace with his jealous brother, Esau, who planned to kill him. Other interpersonal challenges that Ya’acov struggled with included educating his children, who suffered from sibling rivalry, dealing with the abuse of his daughter, Dina, and lastly with the sorrow of being separated from his favorite son, Yosef. Ya’acov, as the archetypal father of the Jewish people, encapsulates the struggles of his descendants, the children of Israel. The very meaning of the name Yisrael “you have struggled with [an angel of] G-d and with men, and you have prevailed” (Bereishit 32:29), embodies the constant struggle for peaceful relationships that we must undergo. I, personally, experience this ongoing struggle in my life. Despite, the many hours I spend in solitude at the computer, in a kind of social distancing mode, challenges in interpersonal relationships dominate my life, which is all about how to deal with people in peaceful ways. These challenges span from expressing love in intimate marital relationships, dealing with young or adult children, connecting with parents and siblings, facing challenges with co-workers, employees, students and clients, to respecting Rabbis and community leaders. There is always a new challenge to handle, a recent misunderstanding to clear up, an emotional reaction to diffuse, an angry email to delete and a petty desire to transform. Thus, the yearning for שַׁלְוָה/shalva – ‘peaceful relationships’ is indeed the struggle of personal growth – the very struggle against our own pettiness that impedes us from achieving the true good of rectified relationships – which is the crux of serving Hashem. We learn this from Hillel, the sage, who taught, “…That which is hateful to you do not do to another; that is the entire Torah, and the rest is its interpretation. Go study (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 31a). 

What Does the Torah Say about Sunbathing?

Parashat Vayishlach
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The Healing Power of Sunlight
I love to bask in the sun, especially in the gentle morning sunlight. More than thirty years ago, I remember my French neighbor in Yishuv Metzad warning me, that if I continued to sunbathe, my face would get premature wrinkles. Although I knew she was right, I wasn’t going to give up on feeling the warm rays of the sun caressing my face. So, here I am today at the age of sixty, wrinkled but healthy, never giving up on any opportunity to sit in the sun. I even purchased an outdoor-optimized laptop model, to be able to sit in the sun and work. Oh well, it didn’t exactly work out the way I had hoped. So, I try to spend at least most of Shabbat on my hammock in the sun, and pray outdoors, daily. In Denmark, where the sun is a rare commodity, whenever a clear sunny day is discerned, people move their table and chairs onto their balcony, patio or garden to take their main meal in the sun. Sunlight sparks the release of the ‘feel good’ hormone, serotonin, a natural mood-lifter that prevents or alleviates depression. Besides harmonizing body temperature and strengthening libido, serotonin also turns into melatonin at night, which helps us sleep more deeply. My beloved teacher, Shoshanna Harrari, shared with me, that exposing the back of the knees to direct sunlight relieves jet lag. Now, I see scientists are also discussing what they call a bizarre cure for jet lag and insomnia – shining a bright light on the backs of the knees. In tandem with my other supplements, I try to get my daily 15-20 minutes of direct sunshine either early morning or later in the afternoon. In order to release the desired serotonin, it’s recommended to sunbathe with closed eyes, without sunglasses. Some people avoid the sun, due to concern about skin cancer. In an article called Don’t let the phony melanoma scare keep you out of the sun,Sam Shuster explains that most skin ‘cancers’ are benign: they don’t spread or kill. Their cancerous name is a historical misnomer. Thus, despite ‘solarphobic’ fear, melanomas do not predominate in sun-exposed skin. On the contrary, all created beings owe their existence and continued growth to the rays of the sun.  

Vital ‘Sunshine Vitamin’ D
During the first three days of creation, the world was illuminated directly by Hashem’s light. When the sun was created, the original או­­ֹר/ohr – ‘light’ became transformed to מַאוֹר/ma’or – ‘light vessel’ or ‘luminary’ (Malbim, Bereishit 1:14). Since the original light was too strong for any living being to endure, it was set aside to shine miraculously for the Righteous in the future to come. The rest of the light, Hashem gathered inside the sun, which serves as a confining vessel for the light, contracting it’s light and heat, making it usable for created beings. Since then, all nature, including humanity is solar-powered. Deprived of sunlight, man loses physical vigor and strength. Take away sunlight and all life on earth would soon perish. The most well-known healing power associated with sunlight is that it provides vitamin D. Sunlight is our primary source of vitamin D. 75 % of the vitamin D we need comes from the sun. Only a quarter of our vitamin D needs derive from our diet. The body is better able to use the vitamin D it makes itself, than that which it gets from the diet. Your skin makes vitamin D from casual sun exposure, from as little as five to 15 minutes of sunshine per day, two to three times per week on the face and hands. Exposing our skin to sunlight enables our body to produce vitamin D from cholesterol. Most people are unaware of being vitamin D deficient, because the symptoms are often subtle and non-specific. It’s hard to know if they’re caused by low vitamin D levels or something else. Yet, vitamin D deficiency is a global health problem caused mainly by insufficient exposure to sunlight. It is estimated that 1 billion people have vitamin D deficiency worldwide. Some of the symptoms include low immune function and increased risk of illness or infections, depression, excessive fatigue, bone pain and lower back pain. Hair loss in women may also be a symptom of vitamin D deficiency. Since vitamin D helps absorb calcium, adequate vitamin D is important for preserving bone mass as we get older. 

The Healing Wings of the Sun
It is not surprising that the Torah describes sunlight as bringing healing in its wings: 

ספר מלאכי פרק ג פסוק כ וְזָרְחָה לָכֶם יִרְאֵי שְׁמִי שֶׁמֶשׁ צְדָקָה וּמַרְפֵּא בִּכְנָפֶיהָ וִיצָאתֶם וּפִשְׁתֶּם כְּעֶגְלֵי מַרְבֵּק:

“And the sun of mercy shall rise with healing in its wings for you who fear My Name. Then will you go forth and be fat as fatted calves” (Malachi 3:20). 

I love the imagery of ‘healing wings.’ It reminds me of how mother birds protect their chicks from both predators and the cold. Likewise, the Shechina – the Indwelling Feminine Presence uses the wings of the sun to protect and heal the righteous, who are devoted to Hashem. The meaning of “in its wings” is that the rays that emanate from the sun spread out on the face of the earth as if they were wings (Ibn Ezra ibid.). The tzaddikim that serve Hashem with love are like a shining sun. Its warmth brings healing in its wings from the divine light. This light, will in the future be revealed as healing light for the righteous, and as burning fire for the wicked (Malbim, ibid.). After his circumcision, Avraham “was sitting in the opening of his tent, in the heat of the day” (Bereishit 18:10). Rashi explains, IN THE HEAT OF THE DAY, to mean that Hashem took the sun out of its sheath, so as not to trouble him with wayfarers. Yet, it is also possible that Hashem took the sun out of its sheath in order to heal Avraham from the wound of his circumcision. Yet, Avraham, in his righteousness, cared more about welcoming guests than to sit in the sun in order to be healed (Toldot Yitzchak, Parashat Vayera). Sunlight has been well-known for its wound-healing properties since antiquity. Even before the time of ancient Egypt, doctors and natural healers relied on sunlight to mend wounds, treat bone diseases and lung infections. Before antibiotics, sunlight was used to speed up the healing of wounds because it is an efficient germ killer, writes Dr. Marga Boyani 

Hashem’s Faithful Servant, the Sun – Heals Ya’acov and His Descendants
In Parashat Vayislach, Ya’acov wrestles with Esau’s angel. Although, he emerged victorious, the angel sprained Ya’acov’s thigh. Although many commentators explain the wound as a spiritual wound, trying to block Ya’acov’s voice of Torah, he was also injured physically, as the Torah makes clear:  

ספר בראשית פרק לב פסוק לב וַיִּזְרַח לוֹ הַשֶּׁמֶשׁ כַּאֲשֶׁר עָבַר אֶת פְּנוּאֵל וְהוּא צֹלֵעַ עַל יְרֵכוֹ:

“Then the sun rose for him when he passed Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh” (Bereishit 32:32).

 Rashi notices the expression “the sun shone for him” and asks why the sun rose specifically for him? How did it benefit him? He explains that he was only limping when the sun began to rise, but immediately afterwards he was healed (Siftei Chachamim). The sun rose for him, to heal his limping, as it is states, “The sun of mercy, with healing in its wings” (Malachi 3:20). When Ya’acov originally left Beersheba, the sun set two hours earlier than its usual time, so that when he arrived at Beit El, Ya’acov would sleep in this auspicious place and experience his prophetic dream. Those hours that it hastened to set for him when he left Beersheba, it hastened to rise for him upon his return (Rashi). Couldn’t Hashem have healed Ya’acov’s limp directly, without having to use the sun? I believe Hashem specifically used the sun to heal Ya’acov, in order to teach his descendants – including our generation – a vital lesson. The שֶּׁמֶשׁ/shemesh – ‘sun’ – as its name indicates, is Hashem’s devoted servant. Although we relate to Hashem as Infinite Light, and the light of the sun resembles Hashem in its brightness, the sun is not G-d. It is only His servant. Hashem uses the sun as a vessel and interface between His infinite light, and mortal beings, who are limited by a coarse body. He imbues the sun with only a fraction of His divine light – the exact amount that heals righteous people – who always go for the light. Yet, those who aren’t worthy, will become scorched by this same sun, as the Midrash teaches: Rabbi Berchia said, didn’t the sun shine for everyone?  No, it shone for Ya’acov alone, to heal him. The same sun which healed our father Ya’acov, would burn Esau and his princes. Hashem said to him, this is going to be a sign for your children. The same way that the sun heals you, but burns Esav and his princes, so will it heal your descendants, while burning the idol-worshippers. As it states, “For behold, the sun is coming, glowing like a furnace, and all the audacious sinners and all the perpetrators of wickedness shall be stubble. And the sun that comes shall burn them up so that it will leave them neither root nor branch, says Hashem of Hosts” (Malachi 3:19); (Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 78:5). 

The Return of Direct Divine Light at the End of Days
After Ya’acov passed Penuel limping, the sun rose and healed him. It will be the same way in the future to come, as it states, “The sun of righteousness shall rise for you, with healing in its wings…” (Sforno, Bereishit 32:32). In the future to come, the Holy One, Blessed be He, will remove the sun from its sheath, and the righteous will be healed by it, because they act faithfully like the sun, without allowing the deterrents of life to impede them. Rather, they deliberately perform their tasks in service to Hashem. However, the wicked will be punished by the same sun, because their many excuses, impediments and delays render them guilty. The righteous will not only be healed by the sun, but they will even be rejuvenated by it, as it is states: “…And you shall go forth and leap as calves of the stall” (Aperiyon, Bereishit 32:32). At the time of Mashiach, the original Divine Light will return to the world once again, and the righteous will be able to benefit from it. If the sun contains such incredible healing powers, who can imagine the immense healing of the ‘original Divine Light”?