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Can We Ever Attain Serenity?
We all yearn for serenity. Yet, what is serenity,
and can it really be attained? It seems as if our lives are filled with one
challenge after the other: troubles at work, troubles with neighbors, troubles
finding a soulmate, health issues, worries about money, family feuds and above
all problems with our children. Who can, in all honesty, claim to live a life
devoid of anxiety and stress? We are in this world to grow, and growth requires
going through hardships and overcoming challenges, so why even bother yearning
for serenity? If serenity means ‘peaceful,’ perhaps, serenity implies coming to
peace with being unable to attain serenity? My google dictionary defines
serenity as tranquility, the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
Serenity is the opposite of anxiety, agitation and disruption. It is “an oasis
of serenity amidst the bustling city.” Thus, we advertise that “Midreshet
B’erot Bat Ayin is located in the pristine setting of the Judean Hills, where
you will enjoy nature hikes, farming, stunning sunsets and prayerful serenity.”
Ahh, ‘prayerful serenity!’ I want to breathe it in – please Hashem – help me
bring some prayerful serenity into every fiber of my being. Looking forward to
Shabbat is yearning for even just a glimpse of this serenity – when all
electronics are turned off. For me. serenity is basking on a hammock in the
sun, without any pressure to write my blog, organize a schedule, advertise a
program or reply to the emails overflowing my inbox… Basking in the sun,
listening to the chorus of the various birdsongs, or even relaxing on the couch
with a book on a windy or rainy Shabbat – these are glimpses of serenity for
me. Just as Shabbat is a glimpse of the world to come. “Rabbi Ya’acov would
say: This world is comparable to the antechamber before the World to Come.
Prepare yourself in the antechamber, so that you may enter the banquet hall” (Pirkei
Avot 4:16). This is why it is good to work so hard on the eve of Shabbat,
in order to prepare ourselves to enter the serenity of Shabbat – even if it’s
just a glimpse – a tiny foretaste of the real thing.
Let Us not Turn Serenity into
Complacency
In our yearning for serenity, we are often diverted
into fleeting pleasures. Therefore, we must
grow up from being a kid in the candy-store, and realize that our
purpose and main work on earth is not to enjoy all the tempting pleasures of
this world, which have no eternal existence, but evaporate like the steam from
our tea kettle. Rather, we are only placed in this world to serve Hashem –
through which we tap into the source of life and gain eternity (Bat Ayin, Parashat
Shemot). We must never become complacent, even if we achieve the highest
level. We should always be concerned to avoid receding and down sliding. This
is what David exclaimed, “I said בְשַׁלְוִ֑י/veshalvi
– in my tranquility, ‘I will never falter’” (Tehillim 30:7). This song
was written in his childhood. However, from the day David became a man, until
his old age, he never allowed himself to dwell in tranquility and serenity, for
he was always concerned about backsliding. Therefore, we must put all our
strength and energy into staying on the Torah path without slipping. We must
train ourselves to transform even our smallest attraction to anything but the
mitzvot, to keep ascending on the path of emunah (Menachem Tzion, Parashat
Vayikra). Yet, to maintain free choice, it is impossible to completely draw
down Hashem’s kingdom into this world, until the future-to-come, when Hashem
will remove the spirit of impurity from the land (Ohev Yisrael, Likutei
Chadashim Parashat Vayeshev). Darkness and impurity are necessary in this
world of tikkun, in which we must struggle against the many temptations to
choose light and life over darkness and death. Thus, serenity is a rare
commodity in our current world, as there is always the danger that it will
revert into its flipside of complacency.
Yearning for Serenity Results in
Rectified Relationships
The word ‘serenity’ translates as to שַׁלְוָה/shalva in Hebrew, as well as רֹגַע/roga
– ‘tranquility’ and שֶׁקֶט/sheket –
‘peacefulness.’ The word שַׁלְוָה/shalva connects us to Parashat
Vayeshev:
ספר בראשית פרק לז פסוק א וַיֵּשֶׁב יַעֲקֹב בְּאֶרֶץ מְגוּרֵי
אָבִיו בְּאֶרֶץ כְּנָעַן:
“Ya’acov dwelt in the land of his father’s
sojournings, in the land of Canaan” (Bereishit 37:1).
When Ya’acov sought to dwell in שַׁלְוָה/shalva – tranquility, the troubles of Yosef sprang upon
him. The righteous seek to dwell in tranquility. Said the Holy One, blessed be
He, “What is prepared for the righteous in the world-to-come is not sufficient
for them, but they seek [also] to dwell in tranquility in this world!” (Rashi, Bereishit
37:2).
The very name of Parashat Vayeshev “settling down” – intimates a yearning for serenity. Yet, the righteous even in the world-to-come do not rest. As it states, “They go from strength to strength…” (Tehillim 84:8). So, how come Ya’acov, the progenitor of the righteous of Israel, yearned for serenity? Rabbi Matis Weinberg explains that the word שַׁלְוָה/shalva is often mistranslated as peace, serenity, rest and relaxation. Rather, שַׁלְוָה/shalva is the opposite of strife, as in “Better a piece of dry bread and tranquility with it, than a house full of sacrifices of strife” (Mishlei 17:1). It denotes being free from emotional disturbances and agitation. Thus, rather than referring to ‘peace,’ שַׁלְוָה/shalva means peaceful relationships. The petty demands brought by unpeaceful interpersonal relationships, distract us from focusing on the real battles for overcoming evil. This is why Ya’acov yearned for shalva (Rabbi Matis Weinberg, Frameworks, genesis pp. 220-222).
The Constant Struggle for Serenity
Ya’acov’s life was indeed replete with challenging
relationships. He managed to deal with numerous difficult people, and avoid
being exploited by his father-in-law, Lavan, the trickster. Ya’acov also
accomplished to make peace with his jealous brother, Esau, who planned to kill
him. Other interpersonal challenges that Ya’acov struggled with included
educating his children, who suffered from sibling rivalry, dealing with the
abuse of his daughter, Dina, and lastly with the sorrow of being separated from
his favorite son, Yosef. Ya’acov, as the archetypal father of the Jewish
people, encapsulates the struggles of his descendants, the children of Israel.
The very meaning of the name Yisrael “you
have struggled with [an angel of] G-d and with men, and you have prevailed” (Bereishit
32:29), embodies the constant struggle for peaceful relationships that we must
undergo. I, personally, experience this ongoing struggle in my life. Despite,
the many hours I spend in solitude at the computer, in a kind of social
distancing mode, challenges in interpersonal relationships dominate my life,
which is all about how to deal with people in peaceful ways. These challenges
span from expressing love in intimate marital relationships, dealing with young
or adult children, connecting with parents and siblings, facing challenges with
co-workers, employees, students and clients, to respecting Rabbis and community
leaders. There is always a new challenge to handle, a recent misunderstanding
to clear up, an emotional reaction to diffuse, an angry email to delete and a
petty desire to transform. Thus, the yearning for שַׁלְוָה/shalva
– ‘peaceful relationships’ is indeed the struggle of personal growth – the very
struggle against our own pettiness that impedes us from achieving the true good
of rectified relationships – which is the crux of serving Hashem. We learn this
from Hillel, the sage, who taught, “…That which is hateful to you do not do to
another; that is the entire Torah, and the rest is its interpretation. Go study
(Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 31a).
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