How Do the Bitter Waters Heal our Deeper Traumatic Experiences?

Parashat Beshalach
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True Healing from Trauma Requires Continuing Divine Healing 
True healing is multilayered. It includes physical, emotional and spiritual healing. As a second-generationer holocaust survivor, my process of healing still has a long way to go. As with anything in life, the outer, physical layer is always easier to work on. It is the pain and worry in the heart that lingers longer. Although, some people find therapy helpful, in my experience, only Hashem, Who knows our innards, can heal the innermost layers of our hearts. To receive divine healing, we need to call out to Hashem for help, and then we need emunah and much patience. The Temple in Jerusalem was not built in one day. (It actually took seven years, see I Melachim Chapter 6). Over time, Hashem will heal our hearts, through the happenings and tests of our life. Sometimes, several reincarnations are necessary. To receive inner healing, we need awareness of our misalignment and to engage in meditation, prayer and hitbodedut, together with strengthening of our emunah. In Parashat Beshalach, the Israelites were redeemed from physical slavery, and they praised Hashem for the final delivery from their Egyptian enemies at the Song of the Sea. Despite their exhilaration at the splitting of the sea, expressed through praising Hashem, their healing was not done. The Israelites’ forty-year trek to the Promised Land was an arduous journey by a people struggling with post-traumatic stress, fears, insecurities and ambivalence. Just imagine the women’s trauma of having their babies cruelly taken from their bosom and drowned in the Nile. It would take more than watching the Egyptians drown to heal their bleeding hearts.  

Bitter Waters or Bitter People?
I was inspired by Rabbi Fohrman’s brilliant teachings on Refaeinu to learn a deeper perspective on the Israelites’ process of divine healing. He noticed the contrast between the epic moment of the Song of the Sea, and the mundane story about the lack of water, the bitter waters and the complaint of the people. 

ספר שמות פרק טו פסוק כ וַתִּקַּח מִרְיָם הַנְּבִיאָה אֲחוֹת אַהֲרֹן אֶת הַתֹּף בְּיָדָהּ וַתֵּצֶאןָ כָל הַנָּשִׁים אַחֲרֶיהָ בְּתֻפִּים וּבִמְחֹלֹת: (כא) וַתַּעַן לָהֶם מִרְיָם שִׁירוּ לַהָשֵׁם כִּי גָאֹה גָּאָה סוּס וְרֹכְבוֹ רָמָה בַיָּם: (כב) וַיַּסַּע משֶׁה אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל מִיַּם סוּף וַיֵּצְאוּ אֶל מִדְבַּר שׁוּר וַיֵּלְכוּ שְׁלשֶׁת יָמִים בַּמִּדְבָּר וְלֹא מָצְאוּ מָיִם: (כג) וַיָּבֹאוּ מָרָתָה וְלֹא יָכְלוּ לִשְׁתֹּת מַיִם מִמָּרָה כִּי מָרִים הֵם עַל כֵּן קָרָא שְׁמָהּ מָרָה: (כד) וַיִּלֹּנוּ הָעָם עַל משֶׁה לֵּאמֹר מַה נִּשְׁתֶּה:

“Miriam, the prophetess, Aharon’s sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women came out after her with timbrels and with dances. And Miriam called out to them, ‘Sing to Hashem, for He is very exalted; a horse and its rider He cast into the sea.’ Moshe then led Israel away from the Reed Sea, and they went out into the desert of Shur; they walked for three days in the desert but did not find water. They came to Marah, but they could not drink waters from Marah because they were bitter; therefore, it was named Marah. The people complained against Moshe, saying, ‘What shall we drink?’” (Shemot 15:20-24). 

It is interesting to notice that the name ‘Miriam’ means ‘bitter water.’ When it says that the Israelites couldn’t drink the waters, it doesn’t state ‘because the waters were bitter,’ but “because they were bitter.” I recall learning with Nechama Leibowitz z”l many years ago, that it was the people who were bitter. When we have a bitter attitude, everything seems bitter. Rabbi Fohrman asks, if the Israelites hadn’t drunk water for three days, wouldn’t they be thankful for any water, even if it is bitter? Perhaps, it was their own bitterness that made it impossible for them to drink the bitter waters? 

The Ambiguity of Bitterness

כה) וַיִּצְעַק אֶל הָשֵׁם וַיּוֹרֵהוּ יְדֹוָד עֵץ וַיַּשְׁלֵךְ אֶל הַמַּיִם וַיִּמְתְּקוּ הַמָּיִם שָׁם שָׂם לוֹ חֹק וּמִשְׁפָּט וְשָׁם נִסָּהוּ: (כו) וַיֹּאמֶר אִם שָׁמוֹעַ תִּשְׁמַע לְקוֹל הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ וְהַיָּשָׁר בְּעֵינָיו תַּעֲשֶׂה וְהַאֲזַנְתָּ לְמִצְוֹתָיו וְשָׁמַרְתָּ כָּל חֻקָּיו כָּל הַמַּחֲלָה אֲשֶׁר שַׂמְתִּי בְמִצְרַיִם לֹא אָשִׂים עָלֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי הָשֵׁם רֹפְאֶךָ:

“So, he cried out to Hashem, and Hashem instructed him concerning a tree, which he cast into the waters, and the waters became sweet. There He gave them a statute and an ordinance, and there He tested them. And He said, ‘If you listen to the voice of Hashem, your G-d, and you do what is proper in His eyes, and you listen closely to His commandments and observe all His statutes, all the sicknesses that I have visited upon Egypt I will not visit upon you, for I am Hashem, your healer’” (Shemot 15:25-26).

There is an ambiguity concerning the bitterness. On the one hand it pertains to the waters as it states, “and the waters became sweet.” On the other hand, it refers to the Israelites, as in the same context it states, “I am G-d your healer.” Why would the Israelites need healing unless there was something wrong with them? Perhaps, they needed healing from their bitterness, which can be traced all the way back to the bitterness of the Egyptian exile: “They embittered their lives” (Shemot 1:14). Thus, the bitterness of the waters of Marah entailed not just physical bitterness. It, moreover, recalled the Israelites’ deep traumatic bitterness – the bitterness of having their sons drowned in the waters. The bitterness of the waters at Marah is also reflected in the very first moment of the plagues – the plague of blood – that caused the Egyptians to gag, and the very last moment, when the Egyptians drowned at the splitting of the sea. It is interesting to note that the expression:וְלֹא יָכְלוּ לִשְׁתֹּת מַיִם  – “they could not drink” (Shemot 15:23), is only written one other time in the entire Tanach  when describing the plague of blood (Ibid. 7:21), except for just one slight difference: The wordלִשְׁתּוֹת /lishtot – “drink” is written incomplete, missing the letter וֹֹֹ/vav at Marah. Perhaps, this alludes to the fact that the inability of the Israelites to drink the water was beyond the physical realm. It was their trauma and survivor guilt that made them terrified that the bitter water could turn into blood, and then, eventually, to water in which they would drown, just as the Egyptians. Therefore, Hashem had to reassure them: “…all the sicknesses that I have visited upon Egypt I will not impose upon you, for I am Hashem, your healer” (Shemot 15:26). 

The Trauma of Uncertainty
The deep bitterness of psychological trauma is living in complete uncertainty. Whereas the slavery of Hitler and Pharaoh may seem on the surface to be for the sake of building camps and pyramids, the underlying motive was to make our people crumble (Rashi, Shemot 1:13). They compelled the men to do women’s work, and the women, men’s work. An Egyptian would say to the man: “Get up! Knead the dough and bake the bread;” and to the woman, he would say: “Fill this barrel with water, chop down this tree…” (Midrash Tanchuma, Vayetze 9). Moreover, it may seem as though genocide was not perpetrated, because everything on the outside looked oh so clean. Pharaoh’s decree did not pertain to all the infants, and the evidence of the murdered babies was quickly washed away by the Nile. Bitterness is when you don’t know whether the objective reality is as devastating as it appears to you, or perhaps, there is something wrong with you, and your pain emanates only from your own subjective perspective. This perplexity is also reflected at Marah, in the uncertainty whether it was the people or the waters that were bitter. A person, who lives with someone mentally ill, experiences this kind of trauma. The spiderweb of the mind-games of uncertainty can break a person into pieces and make anyone crumble. 

Dispelling Bitterness Through Drumming and Dance
Just as the trauma of the holocaust didn’t end with the liberation of the allies, so did the bitterness of the Israelites not come to an end at the Song of the Sea. Even after everyone was saved, the people were still suffering from trauma and experienced bitterness – which is a kind of disease. By taking a drum or a timbrel in her hand, Miriam began the process of spiritual healing from this profound psychological wound She began to transform the pain of the bitter memory of the infants cast into the Nile, into utter joy. This is alluded to by the word הַתֹּף/hatof – “the drum,” which is pronounced similarly to טַף/taf – “infants.” Moreover, “all the women followed her, with their timbrels, and בִמְחֹלֹת/b’mecholot – “with dancing,” which shares the same root letters מ/ח/ל as sickness – מַּחֲלָה /machala. The women thus began to transmute the bitter sickness through their exultant dancing. Similarly, Rebbi Nachman teaches, “By means of dancing and clapping the hands, the judgments are sweetened” (Rebbe Nachman, Likutei Moharan, Mahadura Kama 10:1). Dancing “displaces depression,” and sweats out our bitterness. It is a way that we come out of ourselves. By reducing self-focus, it can bring us to a state of joy. 

Hashem – Our Ultimate Healer
It is a natural tendency for people who have undergone trauma to repress it, because it’s just too painful to face. Therefore, many holocaust survivors refuse to talk about their experiences. Yet, those who do have the courage to remember and tell the story of their trauma, find it a most cathartic and healing experience. Hashem is our ultimate healer. He brought us the bitter water, to help us face our own bitterness, in order to heal us completely from the slightest trace still blocking our heart. To transform the trauma of the babies hurled to their death in the water, Moshe was to hurl a tree into the water, where it could continue to live and grow. In this process, not only the bitter waters were sweetened, but also the bitter scar of our trauma would eventually be healed. Instead of shunning and repressing the gruesome memory of our bitter torment, we were now not only faced with it, but compelled to ingest it in the form of bitter waters. Yet, now it turned sweet, together with our own healing transformation. In this way, Hashem completed the process of healing the Children of Israel that Miriam began.

How Does the Plague of Locusts Heal Our Spiritual Vision?

Parashat Bo

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The Blessing of Vision
Although, I’ve been slightly vision impaired since early childhood, I thank Hashem for the ability to see. Despite all the darkness, the world hosts so many magnificent, colorful creatures, butterflies and flowers. I understand why a blind person is one of the four considered dead (BT, Avoda Zara 5a-b), as it states, “He has made me dwell in darkness like those who are forever dead” (Eichah 3:6). I recall my paternal grandfather in his old age, nearly blind, sitting, and sometimes nodding off, on an armchair in his own corner, very cut off from everyone around him. How sad to be unable to see the light of dawn or marvel at a sunset. How wonderful to be able to enjoy the beauty of art and revel in reading regular books! As a young bookworm, it was noticeable that I always held the book close to my face and thereby often hunched my shoulders. My parents took me to the eye doctor, who diagnosed me with nearsightedness (myopia) and astigmatism. I would always sit in the front row of the classroom to be able to read the blackboard, but now, my conscientious parents also ensured that I wore glasses. Yet, from the time I turned a teenager, I shed ‘the ugly glasses.’ They were uncomfortable on the bridge of my nose, and vapor would also condensate on the inside. Besides I naturally looked much better without them. So, I happily freed myself of the constraint of the old glasses, accepting a bit of blurry vision, as a small price to pay. Until this day, I hardly ever wear glasses, since I don’t do much driving or watch performances. Interestingly, I’ve noticed that often people who wear glasses on a daily basis need to get stronger and stronger eyeglasses, whereas I – bli ayin hara – have kept more or less the same prescription over the years. There are also other benefits to not wearing glasses, such as not being bothered by all the particles of dirt on my floors and the wrinkles that face me in the mirror. I kind of like my blurred world. So, if you wave to me from afar and I don’t recognize you, don’t take offence. It is nothing personal. I will make sure to get close enough, to find out who you are! Yet, besides physical vision, spiritual vision is no less important. The Plague of Locusts in Parashat Bo alludes to the rectification of spiritual vision. 

Chava’s Transgression Through the Sense of Sight
According to Eliezer ben David, author of Out of the Iron Furnace, the purpose of the Ten Plagues was not only to punish the cruel Egyptians, but also to repair the various wrongdoings of each generation, including the generation of The Flood and of the Tower of Babylon. This culminates in rectifying the fall of Adam and Chava in the Garden of Eden. He writes that the plague of hail atoned for Adam’s sin of not listening to Hashem, while instead, he heeded the enticement of his wife. The plague of locusts atoned for Chava’s part in the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Her transgression began with eyeing the forbidden fruit, as it states: “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes… so she took of its fruit, and she ate…” (Bereishit 3:6). Whereas, Adam’s sin consisting in listening, Chava’s misdeed was through seeing. This is because the sense of hearing is intrinsically linked to understanding and to the intellect, whereas the sense of seeing relates to our heart and emotions as it states: “…and you shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes after which you are going astray” (Bamidbar 15:39). Women are capable of great intellectual achievements, as we learn from Bruriah and many other holy women. Men may rise to great height of emotions, like King David, whose book of Tehillim expresses the entire range of emotions, from deep pain to the greatest exhilaration. Nevertheless, the realm of emotion is primarily in the feminine sphere, whereas the realm of intellect is primarily in the masculine sphere. There is an allusion to this principle in the Talmudic names of the sun and the moon. When you look closely at these words, you notice that the Talmudic name for sun: חַמָּה/chama includes within it the letters of מֹחַ /moach – brain, whileלְבָנָה /levanah – ‘moon’ includes the letters לֵב/lev – heart. Every culture, religion and spiritual path recognizes that the moon is intrinsically linked to the feminine, whereas, the sun relates to the masculine. Thus, generally speaking, the heart is the major driving force of women, whereas men are mainly motivated by their brain. That, of course, does not mean that men don’t have hearts and women lack brains. 

The Fall of Spiritual Vision
The serpent, which was cunning, was aware of women’s emotional vulnerability associated with sight. Therefore, it first tempted her to use her power of sight to look at the Tree and become seduced by its beauty. Chava’s fatal look at the forbidden fruit caused a spiritual fall in the sense of sight of all humanity. Adam and Eve could no longer fathom the divine through their sense of sight. They could now only “hear the sound of Hashem walking around in the garden” (Bereishit 3:8). Whereas, the human eye has a great power to affect love and healing, after the sin, it also became capable of causing harm, both to the ‘seer’ and to the ‘seen.’ When a person looks at others with jealous eyes, it can cause both physical and spiritual damage. For example, the Torah describes how Bilam attempted to curse the Jewish people through his eyes, as it states: “Bil’am lifted up his eyes, and saw Israel dwelling according to its tribes” (Bamidbar 24:2). He tried to impose upon them the evil eye” (Rashi). Healing spiritual vision not only includes rectifying the evil eye, but also to strengthening our eyes against temptation and opening them to spiritual vision. Since Chava looked at the Tree, our eyes can easily lead us astray. This is documented by the power of colorful billboards and attractive advertisements. Moreover, we often walk around with blinders. Although, blinders are supposed to reduce visual distractions from a horse, when misused by people, it may work the other way around, in a spiritual sense. People may be distracted by the many attractive pleasures of the world, so that, they become blinded to the true goal of serving Hashem. 

Rectifying the Sense of Sight Leads to Conscious, Holy Eating
The inner purpose of the Plague of Locusts was to rectify the sense of sight, which, when properly used, can bring humanity to great heights and holy perceptions. Unfortunately, just as in Egypt, the sense of sight is still often misused causing much damage. Due to the relationship between the Plague of Locusts and the sense of sight, the locust is described as covering the ‘eye’ of the land, and darkening the land:  

ספר שמות פרק י פסוק יד וַיַּעַל הָאַרְבֶּה עַל כָּל אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם וַיָּנַח בְּכֹל גְּבוּל מִצְרָיִם כָּבֵד מְאֹד לְפָנָיו לֹא הָיָה כֵן אַרְבֶּה כָּמֹהוּ וְאַחֲרָיו לֹא יִהְיֶה כֵּן: (טו) וַיְכַס אֶת עֵין כָּל הָאָרֶץ וַתֶּחְשַׁךְ הָאָרֶץ וַיֹּאכַל אֶת כָּל עֵשֶׂב הָאָרֶץ וְאֵת כָּל פְּרִי הָעֵץ אֲשֶׁר הוֹתִיר הַבָּרָד וְלֹא נוֹתַר כָּל יֶרֶק בָּעֵץ וּבְעֵשֶׂב הַשָּׂדֶה בְּכָל אֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם:

“The locusts ascended over the entire land of Egypt, and they alighted within all the border[s] of Egypt, very severe; before them, there was never such a locust [plague], and after it, there will never be one like it. They obscured the view of all the earth, and the earth became darkened, and they ate all the vegetation of the earth and all the fruits of the trees, which the hail had left over, and no greenery was left in the trees or in the vegetation of the field[s] throughout the entire land of Egypt (Shemot 10:14-15). 

The locusts could not see the land because of their own multitude. Just as the blind eat ravenously and are not easily satisfied, because sight is a prominent factor in satisfaction, so too, the locusts ate without pause or satiation, because they could not see how much they were devouring” (Kli Yakar, Shemot 10:5). In contrast, we, who can see, must learn to elevate our sense of sight. Let us make our meals a feast for the eyes and take the time to enjoy the colors and textures of the food, before digging into it. Thus, rectifying our sense of sight – in the month of Tevet – can bring us to the rectification of the sense of eating – the sense of this month of Shevat. The way of beautifying food, and consciously looking at it, for the sake of mindful eating, is a vital repair of Chava, whose eating from the forbidden fruit was preceded by her misused sense of seeing.  

The Centrality of the Sense of Sight
Due to the centrality of the sense of sight, the parasha starts with the plague of locusts, to begin this new stage of redemption. In fact, all three plagues mentioned in Parashat Bo, relate to the darkening of sight: “The locusts, darkened the face of the earth” (Shemot 10:15); by the plague of darkness, it states, “There was darkness over all the land of Egypt” (Shemot 10:22); whereas the plague of the first-born “was in the middle of the night” (Shemot 11:40). These last three plagues clarified once and for all the darkness and death of the Egyptian outlook – “He placed them in darkness, like the eternally dead” (Eichah 3:6), and paved the way for discovering the light of Hashem. Our eyes can lead us astray or elevate us. Just as the plague of locusts repaired the sense of sight in the redemption from the Egyptian exile, so can we bring about redemption today, by repairing our sense of sight, and steering clear of all the enticing distractions. “As in the days of your Exodus from the land of Egypt, I will show him wonders” (Michah 7:15). May Hashem grant us heightened vision, and may we merit to see revealed miracles in our days! 

Which Lessons Does the Plague of Blood Teach us About Modern Civilization?

Parashat Vaera
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Plagues Come to Liberate us From Spiritual Enslavement
As devastating as the current pandemic is, with its victims and the fear it evokes, I truly believe it is here to heal us from our enslavement to exile. We may think that we already live in the free world, since slavery was abolished 150 years ago, but there are many forms of slavery. As a teenager, I yearned for freedom – true freedom to be able to act from within my authentic self, rather than from a need to conform. I wanted to express the essence of my soul in dress, speech and action, without being limited by the accepted norm. For example, in high school, I decided to sit on the floor on a sheepskin, rather than on a chair at the desk. I also danced with my friends in the street. My quest for freedom eventually led me to the Torah path, where I discovered a new outlook on true freedom, as it states, “There is no free person, except for the one who occupies himself with the study of Torah” (Pirkei Avot 6:2). The Torah taught me a new perspective on freedom. Freedom is not necessarily unbridled expression. If I play a piece on the piano with both precision and deep feeling, having learned the notes well, am I not expressing greater freedom, than just clacking randomly on the piano keys? While, today, we may not be slaves like in Egypt, we may still be in spiritual bondage. Just as the Jews during the Egyptian exile were sinking lower and lower into the unhealthy atmosphere of Egyptian civilization, so have many of us adopted the licentious lifestyle of “The Free World.” In that way, we resemble the slaves in Egypt, as “the essence of their bondage was not in their physical chains, or the difficulty of their labors, but the mortal danger of their soul near assimilation into Egyptian culture…” (Eliezer ben David, Out of the Iron Furnace p.  29). Nowadays, we may actually be included in the category of ‘the unknowing slave,’ who is deeply entrenched in the upper echelon of society, dedicating his energies to keep moving upwards in wealth and esteem.  Just as the plagues in Egypt came to free the Jewish slaves of their spiritual enslavement, by alerting them to the depravity of Egyptian society, so, too, does the current corona plague come to alert us to the decadence of Western society. It clearly teaches us that despite our advances in science and technology, only Hashem is in control. 

The Lesson of the First Plague: The Idolatry of Science
Since the Egyptians worshipped the Nile as their source of all irrigation and prosperity, it therefore made sense, that the first plague should specifically hit the Nile. Yet, Eliezer ben David explains, that the main purpose of the plagues was to teach the assimilated Israelites vital lessons. “All the miracles done on behalf of the Jews were brought by G-d to awaken them to the peril of their moral condition and to illuminate the decadence and ugliness of the Egyptian way of life. Thus, each plague accentuated a different aspect of Egyptian depravity” (Out of the Iron Furnace p. 36). Through the lessons of the Ten Plagues, the Israelites rose from the 49^th gate of impurity to the 49^th Gate of Understanding. Simultaneously, it atoned for the wrongdoings of prior generations. In this way, the Ten Plagues are guides for how to avoid the pitfalls of history. Each plague held its own lesson to the Israelites. The first one, the Plague of Blood is called “wonders” (Devarim 26:8), as it states וּבְמוֹפְתִים זֶה הַדָּם/uv’moftim zeh hadam – “with ‘wonders’ this refers to the [plague of] blood (Hagaddah of Pesach). The Plague of Blood is a greater wonder than the rest of the plagues, not only because it was the first, but because it is completely beyond nature. The rest of the plagues reflect an extended natural phenomenon. On a smaller scale, frogs, vermin, and locusts sometimes do infringe upon humans. However, water never turns into blood, even on a smaller scale. Thus, the first plague, “Blood,” established Hashem’s transcendence over nature. The Plague of Blood, which was beyond nature, came to atone for worshipping nature which was the science of their time. It can be traced all the way back to the sin of the Generation of the Tower, who misused their great knowledge and tried to compete with G-d. 

Awakening to the Depravity of Nile River-God Worship
The Nile represented Egypt’s cultural, scientific and technological achievements. In this way, the first plague established G-d’s transcendence over nature and showed His ability to structure a new world with new laws, according to the Divine will. 

ספר שמות פרק ז פסוק יז
כֹּה אָמַר הָשֵׁם בְּזֹאת תֵּדַע כִּי אֲנִי הָשֵׁם הִנֵּה אָנֹכִי מַכֶּה בַּמַּטֶּה אֲשֶׁר בְּיָדִי עַל הַמַּיִם אֲשֶׁר בַּיְאֹר וְנֶהֶפְכוּ לְדָם:

“So said Hashem, ‘With this you will know that I am Hashem.’ Behold, I will smite with the staff that is in my hand upon the water that is in the Nile, and it will turn to blood” (Shemot 7:17). 

The plague of blood completely demoralized the Egyptians, by making them question the sacred nature of their Nile river-god. They began to understand that no amount of technology, advanced culture and scientific achievements can stand in the way of the G-d of the Israelites – Hashem. As the Nile became putrid, the Jews also began to awaken to the depravity of the Egyptian faith and lifestyle. 

וְהַדָּגָה אֲשֶׁר בַּיְאֹר תָּמוּת   … “And the fish that are in the Nile will die…” (Shemot 7:18)

 Fish may symbolize those nourished most directly by the Egyptian culture, such as Pharaoh’s magicians, ministers and advisors. They are the harbingers of the decadence and immorality of Egyptian society. 

וּבָאַשׁ הַיְאֹר… “…and the Nile will become putrid” (ibid.)    

Through the sense of smell, Egyptians and Israelites alike were repulsed, by the fetid decay of the Nile. How could such a putrid, disgusting, stinking river be divine?  

Trying to Control the Uncontrollable

וְנִלְאוּ מִצְרַיִם לִשְׁתּוֹת מַיִם מִן הַיְאֹר“…the Egyptians will become weary to drink water from the Nile.”      :

The Egyptians, bereft of their ordinary sources of drinking water, tried to dig wells beside the Nile, as it states, “All the Egyptians dug around the Nile for water to drink because they could not drink from the water of the Nile” (ibid. 24). Although, we would have expected that Hashem’s first gigantic blow to the Egyptian lifestyle, would shake Pharaoh and his people into repentance for their wicked ways, including all the bloodshed, they committed against innocent Israelites, Pharaoh continued to harden his heart. Instead of recognizing G-d and repenting, the Egyptians kept trying to enforce their own power to defeat Hashem and His plagues, by digging for water around the Nile. In their obstinate arrogance, they refused to surrender to the King of Kings. Trying to draw a parallel from the prototype plagues in Egypt and our current pandemic, I’m wondering if we, too, are reacting to Hashem’s revelation of His power by “digging around the Nile”? Just as the Egyptians tried in vain to control their reality and procure water through their own efforts, perhaps, we, too, are trying to control the uncontrollable- the minuscule Corona virus? This reminds me of the Talmudic story, about a tiny gnat that entered the nostril of the wicked Titus and picked at his brain for seven years. One day, when Titus passed by the gate of a blacksmith’s shop, the gnat heard the sound of a hammer and became quiet. Then Titus ordered a blacksmith to hammer before him every day. Yet, after thirty days, the gnat became accustomed to the hammering, and once again it began to pick away at Titus’s brain. Thus, the most powerful Roman Emperor was unable to control the tiniest creature (Babylonian Talmud, Gittin 56b).

The Main Healing from Plagues is Surrendering to Hashem
Is it possible that we, too, are blinded to the message of our current plague? The unpredictability of Covid 19 clearly teaches us that only Hashem is in control. With all our science and technology, we cannot control this tiny virus. No one is able to prove for certain, why is the virus fatal for some people (and not only the elders), while others are totally asymptomatic? The various measures to prevent spreading the virus are widely disputed, and proper treatment to prevent more fatalities has, also, not yet been discovered. Although, certain medical researchers claim that the new vaccine will be 95% effective, no one can know 100% for sure if this is indeed true, and whether the effectiveness of the vaccine also pertains to the new coronavirus strain. We are clearly at Hashem’s mercy, and while I’m not saying we shouldn’t take measures to protect ourselves, the main healing, which is required of us, is to surrender to Hashem and cry out to Him. Without changing our ways, strengthening our Torah observance and prayer, isn’t taking protective measures from masks to vaccines just like ‘digging around the Nile?’

Why Was Our Greatest Leader Stricken by a Speech Impairment?

Parashat Shemot

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The Centrality of the Power of Speech in Torah Leadership
I grew up with a speech defect – a slight lisp. My caring parents, who foresaw that I may be involved in public speaking, when I would grow up, sent me to a speech therapist. Although she taught me to curl my tongue, I refused to continue speech therapy, so my lisp is following me my entire life. However, it seems that it is, after all, not impeding my teaching. I don’t recall anyone ever mentioning it. My husband never even noticed it! Perhaps, people assume it’s just part of my accent? Being eloquent and well-spoken is important in the Torah world, which centers around sharing words of Torah. This is what we say, daily, in the Shema prayer, “You shall teach them to your children and speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk on the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Devarim 6:7 and 11:19). Of the three garments of the soul: thought, speech and action, speech is the intermediate garment. Thoughts are expressed through speech, and speech helps actualize our thoughts into action. I often find that when I speak about what needs to get done, I am much more prone to get it done. Moreover, we can heal and strengthen our relationships through rectified speech, as most of the strife between people is caused by lack of communication or by miscommunication. In the terminology of Kabbalah, the “word of G-d” is called malchut, (royalty,) for a king rules his kingdom through his speech as it states, “the word of a king rules” (Kohelet 8:4); (Tanya, Iggeret HaKodesh, middle of Epistle 25(. Since Moshe is considered our first king (see Midrash Shemot Rabbah 52:1, based on Devarim 33:5), it is hard to understand how this well-known speech defect didn’t impede his leadership ability. I also wondered about the nature of his flaw. Howdid  it came about? Why didn’t G-d heal it, before appointing Moshe as the Jewish leader? And, how did Hashem finally heal Moshe’s speech defect?

What was Moshe’s Speech Defect?
When Hashem revealed Himself to Moshe at the burning bush, in order to send him to Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Shemot 3:10), Moshe hesitated to accept the appointment of leadership, due to his speech defect: 

ספר שמות פרק ד פסוק י וַיֹּאמֶר משֶׁה אֶל  הָשֵׁם בִּי אֲדֹנָי לֹא אִישׁ דְּבָרִים אָנֹכִי גַּם מִתְּמוֹל גַּם מִשִּׁלְשֹׁם גַּם מֵאָז דַּבֶּרְךָ אֶל עַבְדֶּךָ כִּי כְבַד פֶּה וּכְבַד לָשׁוֹן אָנֹכִי:

“Moshe said to Hashem, ‘I beseech You, Hashem. I am not a man of words, neither from yesterday nor from the day before yesterday, nor from the time You have spoken to Your servant, for I am heavy of mouth and heavy of tongue’ (Shemot 4:10).

Rashi explains that “heavy of mouth” means speaking with difficulty, and stuttering. Rabbeinu Bachaya quotes the famous midrash: While growing up in Pharaoh’s palace, Moshe once took Pharaoh’s crown and threw it on the ground. The king wanted to execute him on account of this misdemeanor. His astrologers used this incident to point out that Moshe must be the boy of whom they had warned that he would become the redeemer of the Israelites. Pharaoh consulted with his closest advisors, who offered various advice. One said that the boy was guilty of death. The other said that it was a youthful prank not to be taken seriously. They devised a means to test if there had been an evil intent in Moshes knocking off his foster grandfather’s crown. They placed before him a bowl containing both a golden coin and a glowing coal. If Moshe were to grab for the coal, this would prove that he had no evil intention. If he were to grab for the golden coin, this would be a sign that he was dangerous and would have to be killed. Moshe was about to grab the golden coin, when an angel pushed his hand toward the coal, and he burned his tongue, as he tried to taste it. This is what caused Moshe’s stuttering (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Shemot 4:10, based on Pesikta Zutrata and Shemot Rabbah 1:12). Yet, how come Moshe only burned his mouth and tongue, but not his hand, with which he grabbed the coal first? This is because, when the daughter of Pharaoh first brought an Egyptian nursemaid for Moshe, he pushed away her breast. Then, the nursemaid expressed milk directly into Moshe’s mouth. Therefore, the hot coals came to purify Moshe from the impure milk that fell into his mouth (Siftei Kohen). Others explain that Moshe’s speech defect was his inability to pronounce certain sounds. Being HEAVY OF TONGUE refers to the lettersדטלנ"ת  (d/t/l/n/th), whereas HEAVY OF MOUTH refers to the difficulty of pronouncing the letters of the teeth, pallet and throat, the letters of the lips בומ"ף (b/u/m/f) Moshe referred to the latter, when he called himself of uncircumcised lips (Shemot 6:12); (Toldot Yitzchak). When Hashem responded: “I will be with your mouth, and I will instruct you what you shall speak” (Shemot 4:12), it implied that he would put words in Moshe’s mouth that didn’t include the problem letters (Ibn Ezra). 

Why Did Hashem Choose a Leader with Speech Impediments?
When Moshe told the elders of Israel, פָּקֹד פָּקַדְתִּי אֶתְכֶם/Pakod pakadeti etchem – “I have surely visited you” (Shemot 3:16), the people immediately believed him, because they had a tradition from Ya’acov, that the true redeemer will be verified through pronouncing these codewords (Midrash Shemot Rabbah 5:13). Yet, why would this convince the elders that Moshe was a verified redeemer? Couldn’t anyone have used this code? However, due to Moshe’s speech impediment, he would naturally have been unable to pronounce the sentence correctly (The “p” sound of Pakod pakadeti). Yet, the fact that, despite his speech defect, Moshe somehow miraculously was able to pronounce the code phrase perfectly, authenticated Moshe’s credentials. When the Israelites saw that Moshe was unable to speak any words correctly except for the code phrase, they were convinced that he was the true redeemer (Pardes Yosef). Thus, being “heavy of mouth and heavy of tongue” was necessary to make Moshe their undisputed redeemer. Moreover, we often find, throughout the ages, that also great demagogues become popular leaders, through their ability to speak, although their message may be rotten. This is due to their charisma and ability to entice people with their slick words. The eloquent speech and magnetism of a great orator, may blind his followers from judging the essential content of his message. Therefore, Hashem retained Moshe’s speech defect, so that no one could claim that it was his smooth speech that convinced people to accept the Torah. The fact that the Israelites accepted Moshe’s message, despite his speech defect, affirmed the Torah’s Divinity (Ran, drashot 3). 

Healing Moshe’s Speech Impairment
It seems to me that we often come across obstacles in connection with our greatest strength and mission. The purpose of these obstacles is to sharpen our ability to excel in the task that we came into this world to fulfill. Life is like an obstacle course. It challenges the rider to maneuver through a series of obstacles, while gaining skill and finesse. Thus, Moshe’s speech impairment was the obstacle intended to enable him to achieve his mission to become the greatest speaker ever. The fact that Moshe’s soul perfection is through speech, is alluded to by his being a reincarnation of Hevel (Arizal, Sha’ar Hapesukim, Shemot), since הֶבֶל/hevel can refer to the breath that precede speech as in, “the world only exists because of the הֶבֶל/hevel – ‘breath,’ [i.e., reciting Torah,] of schoolchildren” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 119b). Taking the Jewish people out of the Egyptian exile also entailed redeeming them from the exile of speech. Therefore, after the Exodus, their mouth was opened, as it states, “then Moshe sang…”  Together with Moshe, the entire Jewish people were initially of uncircumcised lips. They had to go through the hardship of the Egyptian exile to merit the removal of the foreskin from the mouth, which is necessary for receiving the Torah (Sefat Emet, Parashat Vaera, Year 5654). Hashem healed Moshe of his speech defect on Har Sinai, before He gave him the second tablets, since Moshe gave up food and drink for 40 days on Mt. Sinai. When nothing went into his mouth, he could forgo materiality and attain a high level of spirituality. Then, Hashem rewarded him by healing his mouth to speak well (Yalkut Shimoni 3:172). At the end of his life, Moshe’s speech reached its ultimate perfection during his 36-day monologue, that became the Book of Devarim, meaning ‘speech.’ Devarim opens with “These are the words which Moshe spoke to all Israel…” (Devarim 1:1) and continues with “Moshe commenced [and] explained this Law, saying…” (Ibid. 5). EXPLAINED THIS LAW - implies that Moshe explained the Torah to Israel in seventy languages (Rashi based on Midrash Tanchuma 2; Bereishit Rabbah 49; and Sotah 32a). Haketav Vehakabbalah explains that Moshe gave seventy interpretations to every passage. Clearly, this is a far call from Moshe’s initial speech impairment. Just as Moshe was able to transform his Achilles heel to become his greatest accomplishment, so can we, by acknowledging our vulnerabilities and working consistently to overcome them, prevail over our greatest weaknesses!