What Could be One of the Underlying Reasons for the Suffering we Experience Today?

 

Parashat Ki Tavo

Why is Life Becoming Increasingly Hard for So Many People Nowadays?

It seems like various kinds of suffering are increasing in people’s lives- at least among the people with whom I am familiar. Many are living in a nightmare without being able to wake up to a better reality. Divorce and serious illness run rampant in many families. My dear friend, who lost her husband more than ten years ago to terrorism, is now struggling for her life, with metastasized cancer. Her children have not yet married. As I’m writing this, I just received an invitation to join the entire community in prayer for her complete healing. On my prayer list are many additional women, struggling with this cursed illness, may Hashem protect us! I also know countless young women, who are twice divorced from abusive relationships. Some struggle, not only to put bread on the table but also with the difficulties of being single mothers. More and more people are suffering from mental illness. Is there anyone who hasn’t suffered from dementia in the family? Moreover, the number of people looking for help with anxiety and depression has skyrocketed in the last few years. This phenomenon began even before Corona, but it has been rapidly increasing since the onset of COVID19. 37 percent of Americans reported having thoughts of suicide in 2020. When someone in the family suffers from mental illness, it affects the entire family more than the pain of physical illness, and causes, fear, frustration, sadness and sometimes anger. Friends of mine, in their prime, who lost husbands to corona, are struggling to rebuild their broken lives. The list could go on and on, and I wonder what has happened? Why does life seem to be increasingly more challenging across the board? I remember back in the old days, being a new ba’alat teshuva (returnee to Judaism), happily pushing the stroller of my sweet baby boy. True, we didn’t have money, and once, the electric company shut down our electricity, since we hadn’t paid the bill. Yet, all in all, these were happy, carefree days. Why did we lose them? What’s going on? Why is life becoming harder and harder for so many people, nowadays?

Why are the Curses of Parashat Ki Tavo Happening Today?
Parashat Ki Tavo includes both blessings and curses. The latter we have, unfortunately, gotten a bitter taste from, in recent times. Sickness, loss of income, destruction, death – hits way too close to home right now:

ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק כב

:יַכְּכָה הָשֵׁם בַּשַּׁחֶפֶת וּבַקַּדַּחַת וּבַדַּלֶּקֶת וּבַחַרְחֻר וּבַחֶרֶב וּבַשִּׁדָּפוֹן וּבַיֵּרָקוֹן וּרְדָפוּךָ עַד אָבְדֶךָ

“Hashem will strike you with consumption, fever, illnesses with burning fevers, a disease which causes unquenchable thirst, with the sword, with blast, and with yellowing, and they will pursue you until you perish” (Devarim 28:22).

Our society, globally, is not only experiencing physical and emotional trauma of the pandemic – we are experiencing spiritual trauma. We can pray and meditate and find moments of holy connection as individuals, but many have experienced isolation and separation from the community and synagogues. This separation challenges the sense of security and emunah. The places we would go to pray for healing and for peace are closed to many and that only exacerbates the pain. I would say that our midrasha has successfully addressed these issues and created an online community, which provides ongoing support, bonding, and a feeling of belonging. Still, not everyone is privileged to experience such a supportive community.

ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק כב

:יַכְּכָה הָשֵׁם בַּשַּׁחֶפֶת וּבַקַּדַּחַת וּבַדַּלֶּקֶת וּבַחַרְחֻר וּבַחֶרֶב וּבַשִּׁדָּפוֹן וּבַיֵּרָקוֹן וּרְדָפוּךָ עַד אָבְדֶךָ

The Cause of Our Pain
It seems to me that we have been spoiled brats (excuse the expression) for the prior, post-holocaust, prosperous decades. Perhaps, we haven’t appreciated how fortunate we have been since the sixties, living in relative security with minimal antisemitism, and with ample opportunities for educational and financial success in building our families. Have we forgotten how just two generations ago, Jews were barred from many university departments, including medical school?  It is human nature, that most people don’t appreciate our blessings until G-d forbid, we lose them! Serving G-d with joy is the source of all blessings in this world!

:ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק מז תַּחַת אֲשֶׁר לֹא עָבַדְתָּ אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּשִׂמְחָה וּבְטוּב לֵבָב מֵרֹב כֹּל

“Because you did not serve G-d with joy and good heart when you had it all good!” (Devarim 28:47).
Rashi explains that we forgot to serve Hashem joyously when [we had an] abundance of everything: when we still had all good things. Cultivating an attitude of appreciation seems to be the key to developing a sense of joy, which brings about healing on all levels. Mastering the emotion of שִׂמְחָה/simcha – ‘joy’ is great work, as Rambam explains, “The simcha with which a person must rejoice in fulfilling the mitzvah and in loving G-d that He commanded is a great worerves punishments as it states, ‘Because you didn’t serve Hashem your G-d with simcha and good heart’”k. Whoever withholds himself from this simcha des (Devarim 28:47); (Rambam, Hilchot Lulav, Chapter 8).

Developing Joy Protects us from Suffering Any Effect of All Curses

The importance of developing this simcha especially during meals is also reflected in Jewish law: “A person must be goodhearted during his meal. Whether he eats little or much, he must eat his bread with simcha. He must eat what is good and beneficial for his healing and not whatever seems sweet to him at a given moment” (Mishna Berurah 170, Laws of Meals, Halacha 45). Although women are exempted from most of the positive timebound mitzvot, women are still obligated to develop simcha (Rambam, Hilchot Avodah Zarah, Chapter 12). Rambam continues to explain how being joyous protects us from all ailments: “We are promised in the Torah that if we fulfill it with simcha and with the goodness of soul, and we meditate on its wisdom perpetually, Hashem will remove from us all the matters that prevent us from performing it, such as sickness, war, famine etc. He will bestow us all the goodness which will support us with the means to perform the Torah such, as satisfaction, peace, much silver and gold… (Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva, Chapter 9). Despite hardships, we must continue to be grateful and joyous as Rambam explains: “A person is obligated to bless on the evil with goodness of soul, in the same way as one blesses on the good with simcha… even at the time when He afflicts us, we must thank and praise Hashem with Simcha (Rambam, Hilchot Berachot, Chapter 10). It is not enough to serve Hashem, we must do so joyfully, no matter what He dishes out for us in life. Many Chassidic stories testify about righteous people, who continue to be joyous throughout their great suffering. 

Complete Mitzvah Performance Includes a Joyous Heart
The great Spanish 14^th century, Torah commentator, Rabbeinu Bachaya, comments on our Torah verse (Devarim 28:47) similarly to Rambam: “A person is obligated not merely to carry out G-d’s instructions but to do so gladly, in a happy frame of mind. Joy, when performing any of G-d’s mitzvot, is considered as fulfillment of a commandment in itself, meriting additional reward. This is why one may be punished for failing to perform the mitzvot with a joyful heart. The Torah requires that its mitzvot be performed with full intent and joyfully. Our sages in Midrash Ruth Rabbah 5:6 comment concerning this that if Reuven had been aware that G-d would write in the Torah concerning his attempts to save Yosef’s life from the hands of his other brothers (Bereishit 37:21) that he would receive a reward not only for his deed but for his good intentions accompanying it, he would have carried Yosef on his shoulders and brought him back to his father. The Torah also makes a point of underlining the joy in Aharon’s heart when he saw his brother Moshe again after so many years. Had he known that his feelings would be commented upon favorably (Shemot 4:14), he would have gone out to meet his brother accompanied by an orchestra of many different musical instruments. Had Boaz known that his offering Ruth food and drink in abundance would be recorded for eternity as a good deed of his, he would have fed her the choicest parts of a fatted calf, instead of merely bread and vinegar (Ruth 2:14); (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Devarim 28:47).

Practical Tips on Working to Attain True Joy

It is easy to preach about the importance on working becoming happy, but how can we practice what we preach? One of our online teachers Yehudit Garmaise, has compiled a beautiful list of what we can do to develop simcha. I will share some of her tips here:

Live, Dance and Celebrate as if You Have Everything You Need and Want

Joy is not only the result of being in a good situation. When we feel we lack something, a sure way not to get the things we want, is to focus on the lack and to complain or blame others. We may find it difficult to feel joyful. Yet making the effort to live as if our prayers have been answered brings about their favorable answer. Think good, and it will be good!

Know Your Mission

Value yourself, your talents, strengths and skills, just as G‑d does. The Ba’al Shem Tov taught, “Realize that everything depends on you: With your every mitzvah, the universe resonates in blissful harmony that heals and nurtures.” Imagine your power!

Remember G‑d Follows us Like a Shadow

“G‑d is your shadow at your right hand” (Tehillim 121:5). The way we present ourselves to G‑d elicits similar responses from Him. When G‑d sees that we are living joyfully, He responds with goodness and blessing.

Start Your Day Positively and Gratefully 

Start your day by expressing your gratitude to G‑d by reciting the Modeh Ani morning prayer before getting out of bed. Ask G‑d to help you feel joyous throughout your day. As you wash and get dressed for the day, remind yourself that G‑d wants you to be joyful. 

Speak Cheerfully

Practice speaking respectfully and cheerfully to everyone. Greet everyone with a pleasant face (Pirkei Avot 1:15). Let us especially exercise our pleasant faces in our own homes!

Increase Your Sense of Awareness and Appreciation 

Feel grateful for what you hear, see, smell and feel. Nurture the pleasurable moments and feel grateful for life’s small treasures. Note that it’s great to be alive.

Enjoy Community
Value the spiritual benefits of gathering together. Do whatever it takes to create an environment of joy, peace and contentment.

Dress the Part
Make work or boring errands more fun by dressing up and taking your role as a daughter of Hashem seriously.

Take Care of Yourself by Properly Eating, Sleeping and Exercising

Eat slowly, sit down and don’t eat meals on the run or in the car. Take care of yourself by making healthy, nurturing food, by going to sleep early, and by engaging in enjoyable exercise. 

Do Something Every Day Just to Make you Happy

Take the time to engage in self-care daily. Do you feel happier when you listen to music, bake, go to a great Torah class every week? Make time for creativity. Every day, do one thing on your happiness list.

Engage in Acts of Kindness – The Secret to Happiness

Volunteer to do a kind act for someone in need. Try to give tzedakah every day, even just one coin a day.