How Can we Transcend Jealousy by Allowing Ourselves to Face it?

Parashat Korach

Archetypal Jealousy Must Come Out of the Closet in Order to Heal  

Jealousy is one of the underlying negative emotion of מַחֲלֹקֶת/machloket – controversy and strife. If only we could overcome jealousy, we would be opening the door for Mashiach to come already. It begins at a young age among siblings. The world of a firstborn child shatters when a sibling is born. All the parents’ love and admiration, which had been focused on the firstborn, now seems to be showered on the new baby, leaving the elder sibling feeling left out and forgotten. As we grow up, we often don’t grow out of that old jealousy, just as we don’t automatically evolve from the urges of our ego, without persistent inner work. The ego, which often manifests as our separate self, indulges in jealousy in order to avoid the greatest threat – to have to give unconditional love. The media also doesn’t help. The advertisements are actually geared to make us jealous, in order to hook us and get us to buy more. One of my spiritual healing clients – a professional performer – shared with me, her struggle dealing with her competitive lifestyle, which encourages jealousy and envy. She gets obsessed with jealousy when another performer attracts a greater audience and receives more cheers. It makes her feel isolated, forgotten, and a failure when someone else is getting all the love, attention, rewards, success, and glory. I worked with her to break her false worldview of perceiving others as rivals, enemies, or a threat to her success. This negative attitude only creates further conflict and division. It causes much pain both to the jealous person and to those around her. As uncomfortable as it can be to admit, feel, and deal with these emotions, they need to come out of the closet in order to be healed. What does the Torah have to say about competition and jealousy, and how can we heal this negative emotion, so we can clear our blocks to feel abundant joy?

 

Removing our Jealousy-Tainted Glasses

 ורבי יוחנן אמר לפי שאין מלכות נוגעת בחברתה אפילו כמלא נימא:תלמוד בבלי מסכת ברכות דף מח/ב

Rabbi Yochanan said one kingdom [sovereignty] does not overlap with its counterpart, even one hairbreadth (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 48b). 

I understand the above Talmudic quote to imply that no one can take anything away from you! We all have our time and place in the world. It is only Hashem that determines the parameters of our ‘kingdom’ – meaning our wealth and health, sphere of influence and success, etc. We are easy prey for jealousy when feeling insecure and doubtful about our own path. By comparing ourselves to others – wanting what they seem to have, we bring the focus away from ourselves and from facing our own pain. In order to heal, we need to shift our focus away from others and back to ourselves, becoming honest about our own insecurities. As we allow ourselves to become aware of our shadow sides, we begin the process of slowly letting them go. Then, we can integrate the Talmudic teaching, that no-one else’s achievement can infringe upon what each of us is meant to accomplish or receive, even as much as a hairsbreadth. Before we came into this world, we already chose our kingdom – our circumstances of operation – together with our package of obstacles. If everyone else’s grass often seems greener, this is only due to our looking through ‘jealousy-tainted glasses.’ Our life challenge is about exchanging these blemished glasses with clearer lenses. Through the old glasses, our peace was dependent upon someone or something else! They made us see a million rivals, a million blocks to joy. The path of jealousy is giving away our own G-d given malchut (sovereignty). It allows others to exert power over us while resenting them for taking what we ourselves gave away with our own negative attention. By returning our attention to ourselves, facing our jealous emotions, they will teach us new things about ourselves and ultimately help us to transcend them. 

Jealousy and Controversy Have No Real Existence

Parashat Korach deals with Korach’s rebellion against Moshe’s leadership and Aharon’s selection as the Kohen Gadol (High Priest). The commentaries are puzzled about the opening of the parasha: 

:ספר במדבר פרק טז פסוק א וַיִּקַּח קֹרַח בֶּן יִצְהָר בֶּן קְהָת בֶּן לֵוִי וְדָתָן וַאֲבִירָם בְּנֵי אֱלִיאָב וְאוֹן בֶּן פֶּלֶת בְּנֵי רְאוּבֵן

“Korach the son of Yizhar, the son of Kehat, the son of Levi took along with Datan and Aviram, the sons of Eliav, and On the son of Pelet, descendants of Reuven” (Bamidbar 16:1).

What exactly did Korach take? The Torah doesn’t tell us. If he took aside the additional people mentioned in the verse, it shouldn’t have introduced the list of whom he took with the word וְ/ve – “and” in /וְדָתָןveDatan – “and Datan.” Rather, instead of “and” it should have said אֶת/et – a word that makes the next word the object of the sentence. The word “and” implies that the people mentioned after Korach were not the object but the subject in the sentence, meaning that they, too, were taking whatever Korach was taking, but what on earth did they take? The Talmud says that “Korach took a bad acquisition for himself” (Sanhedrin 109b). Arizal explains that this bad acquisition was the evil aspect of Kayin’s ruach (spirit). This is what caused him to persecute his brother Hevel (Abel) incarnated in Moshe. Korach erroneously thought that he had rectified the firstborn brother, Kayin, and therefore, he would be able to overpower Moshe. Yet, it was not Korach, but his descendent, Shmuel, the Prophet, who was able to rectify Kayin, having received the good part of Kayin’s spirit (The Gate of Reincarnation, Introduction 33, 36). The reason why the Torah didn’t specify what Korach took is because evil and darkness do not have true substance. When we extract the good points from the bad, then the bad automatically dissipates. Thus, when taking the evil spirit of Kayin, Korach took something that doesn’t have true existence. The Aramaic translation of ואתפלג קרח is, “Korach took himself aside” which implies that he took the bad from the good, and this causes lack of existence. Therefore, he eventually was swallowed up by the earth and ceased to exist.  In contrast, Aharon pursued Shalom (Pirkei Avot 1:12), by means of which he became a vessel to contain the blessings and bless Israel with Shalom. Conversely, a person who upholds controversy – the opposite of Shalom – blemishes his vessel. Even if he receives abundant goodness, without a proper vessel to contain it, none of it will remain with him. All the goodness will dissipate through the hole in his vessel and be lost forever. All he is left with is a broken empty vessel. This happened to Korach, who also lost all his wealth. This is the meaning of “Korach took a bad acquisition.” He took something that doesn’t keep without the vessel of peace to contain it. Yet, in the future, when Eliyahu Hanavi, (also from the root of Kayin - Gate of Reincarnation, Introduction 35), will make Shalom in the world, he will be able to rectify even Korach, as is alluded in the verse, “the tzaddik will blossom like the date palm” (Tehillim 92:13). The last letters of these words spell out the name of Korach: צַדִּיק כַּתָּמָר יִפְרָח/tzaddik katamar yifrach (Agra D’Kalah, Parashat Korach). 

Meditation for Transmuting Jealousy

The key to healing jealousy and controversy is found in the awareness that these negative emotions have no true existence. The first step of our healing is to stop running away from ourselves by focusing on others. We can begin our healing process by turning to the present moment and acknowledge our own experiences deeply. The following meditation is designed to help transmute jealousy, by shedding light upon our personal experience of this painful emotion.

1. Allow yourself to be present in the here and now, tuning into the painful sensation of your burning throbbing jealousy. Pay attention to where in the body it resides, in your stomach, heart region, throat or all of them?  

2. Let yourself feel the raw sensations without judgment and without trying to make them ‘better.’ Let go of the label ‘jealousy,’ just feel the aliveness of your experience.

3. Get in contact with your own doubts and insecurities, your feeling of unworthiness and powerlessness. 

4. Can you feel the root of your pain? – Perhaps it is the urgent need to take control?

5. Don’t run away from experiencing your discomfort and don’t be afraid to keep focusing on the pain within you.  

6. Bring awareness and light to the aching and ignored shadows within yourself. 

7. Note the good points within that lost jealous child in yourself, who always longed for love and understanding and felt ‘faraway’ from life and fun. 

8. Get in touch with the innocence, even within that lost child, who would destroy a universe just to get attention.

9. Bring gentleness and loving-kindness to your inner, jealous child, who felt left out in the cold. 

10. From a place of deep acceptance of yourself as you are, allow yourself to access sparks of compassion for those whom you previously regarded as your ‘rivals.’ Perhaps, you can even share the happiness of their achievements.

11. Allow yourself to become part of their abundance rather than the judge of it. You may be able to learn from your ex-enemies, or at least be inspired by them. 

12. Alternatively, you can forget about them altogether, let go of trying to know their experience, and simply walk your path! 

13. In your transformed state, you realize that there is enough room in Hashem’s universe for everyone to walk their own path, find their own happiness, dance their own dance. Including you.

Human Beings Rather than ‘Human Havings’

“Korach took…” By trying to fill up his own emptiness, a jealous person will always take from others. Yet, “Who is rich? The person who is happy with his portion” (Pirkei Avot 6:1).

He doesn’t need to take from others or envy them. We can achieve this level by becoming centered within ourselves and content with who we are, realizing that we are human beings rather than ‘human havings.’ We then realize that all our achievements and acquisitions or the lack of them are all completely in accordance with Hashem’s plan. Then, we can let go of trying to take control, and just accept and rejoice with what is. May we all become happy with our portion, count our blessings in the awareness that what we have is exactly our portion, designated precisely for us by our loving Creator. Don’t we really have everything we need right now, including the necessary lack that helps us grow?