How do we Reexperience the Light of Matan Torah in our Lives?

 

Parashat Yitro

How do we Reexperience the Light of Matan Torah in our Lives? 

Finding the Divine Spark within our Own Selves
Sometimes I can’t fall asleep due to incessant worry. So many fearful thoughts keep me up at night while encircling my restless mind. What often helps me is to go to another room (not to wake my husband) to read Tehillim. But why do I get these anxious thoughts in the first place? Why can’t I embody what I preach? Why is it so hard to truly trust in Hashem? Since eating the forbidden fruit, we have all become blocked to various degrees from experiencing Hashem’s presence in our lives. This includes the estrangement from our own inner divine spark. Our negative emotions – such as worry and fear – are both the result of being detached from Hashem, as well as the cause for losing touch with our inner Divine spark. Spiritual healing is about removing the husks that block our Divine spark within. Through prayer, Tehillim recital, guided meditation, and energy work, we strive to get in touch with our inherent Divine spark. When we stood at Har Sinai ready to receive His holy Torah, we became totally attuned to Hashem’s Presence. Furthermore, when we heard the first commandment: “I am Hashem, your G-d, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage” (Shemot 20:2), we found Hashem’s ‘I’ within our own selves (Based on Sefat Emet, Bamidbar, for Shavuot, year 5627). Yet, the giving of the Torah happened more than 3,500 years ago. Then how can we tap into Hashem’s Divine Spark within our own ‘I’ today or tonight when we may be struggling to feel Hashem’s assuring presence?

The Two-way Street of Giving and Receiving Torah
The Sefat Emet (based on the Pesikta) explains how Torah learning is a two-way street:
Sometimes the Rav wants to teach, but the student doesn’t want to learn from the Rav. At other times, the student wants to learn from the Rav, but the Rav doesn’t want to instruct the student. Yet at Har Sinai, the Jewish people were prepared and eager to receive Hashem’s commandments, and Hashem was no less yearning to share His deepest truth with the children of Israel. This utmost mutual desire to give and receive is expressed in the following Torah verse:

ספר דברים פרק ה פסוק ד פָּנִים בְּפָנִים דִּבֶּר הָשֵׁם עִמָּכֶם בָּהָר מִתּוֹךְ הָאֵשׁ:

“Face to face, Hashem spoke with you at the mountain out of the midst of the fire” (Devarim 5:4)

Not only did Hashem give us the Torah, He, furthermore, imbued the souls of the Israelites with the strength and preparation to receive the Torah. This is why the Sinaitic revelation is referred to at times as Matan Torah (The giving of the Torah) and at other times as Kabbalat HaTorah (The reception of the Torah). When a man is called up to the Torah in the synagogue, he thanks Hashem for giving “…us the Torah of truth” referring to Matan Torah. He continues to bless “…and implanted eternal life within us,” referring to Kabbalat HaTorah – preparing Israel to receive the Torah. For imbuing us with the ability to receive the Torah we praise Hashem during the dayenu song in the Pesach Seder, “If You only brought us close to the mountain without giving us the Torah, it would have been enough” (The Haggadah).

Recognizing the Divine Power Within Ourselves
The Torah includes the entire life and vitality of creation. Therefore, at Matan Torah, Hashem implanted the life of the world within us. Shavuot is called the ‘Day of the First Fruits, since the world was recreated and renewed on the day of the giving of the Torah. On that day, the Jewish people became purified from their yetzer hara (negative inclination). This enabled them to stand before Hashem at Mount Sinai with a purified heart, ready to receive the Torah. When Hashem spoke the first commandment: “I am Hashem Your G-d…” (Shemot 20:2), He revealed to them the power of His Divinity. Then the Israelites’ G-d-consciousness became so expanded that their souls left their bodies in their desire to cleave to the Creator. Yet, when each Jew recognized the Divine power from Above that was found within himself, then their souls were able to return to their bodies. This is why the midrash states, “The voice of Hashem is in His power (Tehillim 29:4) – in the power of each person. It is written in the singular form to indicate that each person recognized the Divine power within himself (based on Sefat Emet, Bamidbar, for Shavuot, year 5627). Through tapping into the Divine spark within we have the power to dissolve the yetzer hara which includes negative emotions such as anger, fear, and worry.

EmunaHealing Exercise for Experiencing the Divine Light Within
Based on Rachel Anisfeld, Torah and Inner Work, Parashat Yitro, Mount Sinai and The Divine Empowerment of Each of Us
1. Settle into a comfortable place and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and mindfully.
2. Before receiving the Torah, at Mount Sinai, the Israelites prepared themselves for this intense experience and went through a ritual cleansing. Let us prepare ourselves by clearing our thoughts. Just allow all your thoughts to settle.
3. Allow all your fluttering snowflakes of thoughts to settle. While they are all swirling around, you don’t have to do anything except allowing your thoughts to settle. Just allow your thoughts whatever they may be to be.
4. Envision your thoughts as colorful leaves of the trees falling during fall. While the wind blows, the leaves fall one by one until they settle into a pile of dry leaves on the ground.
5. Now imagine a mountain. Not just any mountain but a majestic mountain surrounded by a sacred atmosphere.
6. As you approach the mountain, feel yourself being filled with awe. All your petty fears and worries pale in comparison as they are transformed to awe of the sacred.
7. Now, the mountain you behold becomes filled with smoke. “The entire Mount Sinai smoked because Hashem had descended upon it in fire, and its smoke ascended like the smoke of the kiln, and the entire mountain quaked violently” (Shemot 2:18).
8. This sight is so awesome you begin to shake. Feel your body overcome by trembling. You can’t stop trembling and shaking in awe.            
9. You keep trembling as the sound of a Shofar keeps growing increasingly stronger. Not like a regular shofar, which starts strong and then fades. This shofar keeps getting stronger and stronger until you can hardly remain in the shade of the Shofar’s power.  
10. Then everything becomes silent. So silent and still. You no longer shake or tremble when you perceive a great Light descending on the mountain. The Light is so powerful and magnetic! You yearn for this Light. You yearn to dissolve yourself into its brightness.
11. As you feel yourself levitating, you are gently brought back to your body.
12. Now, you discover the Light shining so bright, shining on top of your head.  
13. Breathe the light into your forehead, to your eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks, and the back of your head. Your entire head is now like an ignited lightbulb.
14. Draw the Light into your lungs, heart, and diaphragm, all the way down to your belly button.  Now both your head and midriff are illuminated.
15. Breathe the Light down through your seat, legs, and feet, all the way down to your toes. As you recognize the Divine Light from Above within your own being, you are filled with such pleasure and joy beyond any happiness you have ever felt before. Envision how the power of your joy dissolves all negativity, worries, and fear.