True Forgiveness is a Prerequisite to Becoming Holy

 

Parashat Acharei Mot/Kedoshim
True Forgiveness is a Prerequisite to Becoming Holy

True Forgiveness is a Prerequisite to Becoming Holy
When I became a Ba’alat Teshuva in 1980, I found it easy to take on the external mitzvot such as covering my elbows and knees, keeping kosher, and even keeping all the laws of separation from the other sex. I found it much more difficult to actualize the internal mitzvot such as serving Hashem with joy, being happy on the holidays, and feeling love for those people whose energy irritated me. Most difficult is the mitzvah to remove grudges by totally forgiving others for the deep hurts they may have caused us. As known, the resistance of ‘the other side’ is always in proportion to the holiness involved. Therefore, it seems that precisely the most challenging mitzvot, are the most essential.  Based on this principle, I believe that the internal mitzvot are most vital, and especially the mitzvah of not bearing a grudge. Having negative feelings, remembering someone did something to us that we hold in our heart, is unhealthy and can cause us to focus solely on the negative. It has been scientifically proven that taking revenge or harboring grudges is destructive not only to victims but also to the perpetrators. People who are more prone to holding grudges tend to be sicker than their peaceful peers. The mitzvah not to bear a grudge is written in Parashat Kedoshim, which means “Holy.” This parasha opens with “…You shall be holy because I am holy” (Vayikra 19:2). If we strive to be truly holy, we must rid ourselves of even the tiniest tinge of grudge towards anyone. Thus, for me, removing any vendetta from our hearts, to truly love, is the most important principle in the Torah. As Rabbi Akiva teaches, “The greatest principle in the Torah is to ‘Love your fellow as yourself’” (Vayikra 19:18); (Bereishit Rabbah 24:7). This implies that feeling positively toward someone else and to care for that person we must also care for ourselves.  But how will we be able to truly love others as well as ourselves without letting go of old grudges and resentments?

The Mitzvah of Love and Forgiveness Starts with Ourselves
One of the many interpersonal mitzvot in Parashat Kedoshim is the mitzvah to love others feel like we supposedly love ourselves:

ספר ויקרא פרק יט פסוק יז-יח לֹא תִשְׂנָא אֶת אָחִיךָ בִּלְבָבֶךָ הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת עֲמִיתֶךָ וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא:

לֹא תִקֹּם וְלֹא תִטֹּר אֶת בְּנֵי עַמֶּךָ וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ אֲנִי הָשֵׁם:

“You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow Jew, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your fellow Jew as yourself: I am Hashem” (Vayikra 19:17-18).

To truly love we must let go of all grudges not just against others but primarily against ourselves. People who understand the necessity of taking responsibility for their choices and actions are always harder on themselves than on anyone else. We often hold ourselves accountable to a much higher standard. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can become damaging when we are unable to forgive ourselves. When we work on forgiveness, self-forgiveness is the starting point. We cannot give to others what we do not have ourselves. How can we give love if we harbor self-hate? How can we forgive others if we haven’t forgiven ourselves? When we forgive, it is not about validating the act, but about letting go of the power that act has in our lives. This is particularly important when it is our own actions that we must forgive. I find that women who had critical mothers have a harder time with self-love and being able to forgive themselves.

Eight Steps to Complete Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not always a neat or linear experience. It is more like peeling an onion. The following steps can help you peel back new layers of the onion. Each step can help you experience deeper levels of divine compassion and healing. As time passes, you may find that additional layers with new emotions surface. You can then repeat the steps, and it may also be helpful to share your feelings with a soul friend and continue the process of forgiveness with an EmunaHealer.

1. Accept Your Pain by Looking for G-d within Every Painful Experience
Blaming others is an ingrained instinct carried over by Adam and Eve in the Garden. Rather than becoming upset when someone wrongs us, we can practice looking inwards and gain valuable lessons from the pain or irritation we endured. There is a deeper reason why this thing was done against you, which you may or may not be aware of. Look for the benefits of the interpersonal transgressions you have experienced. Accept that in whatever way you have been hurt by others, it was meant to be, as a wake-up call and a lesson to learn from. It may also be a cleansing and subsequent atonement for something you have done in this reincarnation or in prior incarnations.

2. Emulate Hashem’s Tolerance and Forgiveness
“Who is a G-d like You, who pardons iniquity, and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His heritage?... (Michah 7:18). Just as you desire Hashem’s forgiveness, so must you grant it to others. Receiving Hashem’s forgiveness helps you to forgive others, and extending forgiveness to others helps you to ask for the forgiveness that you need. A simple prayer begins the journey.

3. Sooth Yourself and Acknowledge Your Hurt
Usually, when you’re upset or aggravated you feel hurt, loss, disrespect, or rejection. By self-soothing, we can control some of the anger and fear and lessen any subsequent unforgiveness. Self-soothing includes listening to our own pain, acknowledging the hardship we experience, and sending self-love and compassion to our hurt feelings. Years ago, I was upset with an old neighbor (no longer my neighbor) who kept dumping garbage in our garden. If I repressed my feelings, it would make me depressed and cause me to accumulate resentment. If I’d make an irritated remark, I’d offend her and feel worse myself. Instead, I listened to my emotions and kindly acknowledged them. When I was able to pray, I deeply realized that the offense was quite unintentional and certainly not targeted against me. Then I was able to speak lovingly without any hint of irritation and kindly request of the neighbor to make more effort to ensure that none of their garbage would end up on our plot.

4.  Set Boundaries
If you reflect on your past and present relationships, perhaps you will find a pattern of repeated mistreatment in similar ways. You may have a blind spot or a way that you’re inadvertently enabling others to disrespect or hurt you. It’s important to set wise boundaries on your expectations and interactions with others. Sometimes you need to keep your distance, say no, or hold back your vulnerable emotions and needs. True reconciliation depends on both sides acting with honest and responsible love for one another without compromising their own basic emotional needs.

5.  Relieve Your heart to Hashem and to Mentor
For your emotional healing and to gain the insight and strength you need to forgive, it’s important to find someone safe to verbalize your pain with, as it states, “If there is anxiety in a man’s mind let him speak of it” (Mishlei 12:25). Don’t forget to speak with Hashem in hitbodedut specifying to Him all the details of your pain. This will bring you the greatest relief. I have made it my practice to recite the forgiveness prayer, which is part of the bedtime prayer, to avoid going to sleep without first having done my best to forgive everyone.

6.  Lessen the Injustice Gap and Entrust the Negative Behavior into Hashem’s Hand
It’s important to view the scenario from a different and more positive perspective and lower your expectations about the ideal outcome. Your EmunaHealer may facilitate this and suggest what might be working, even to a small degree, trying to magnify that positive perspective. Ultimately, forgiveness means letting G-d be the true judge to handle what you have gone through with the other person. Praying certain Tehillim that describe dealing with enemies can help you to feel your emotions, share with G-d, and leave justice in His hands (see Tehillim 10:15, 18:6-15, 31:17, 35:1-28, 54:5, 56:5-7, 58:6-8, 69:19-28, 70:13).

7. Open your Heart to Find Sympathy and Pray for Your Offender
Whenever possible try giving the benefit of the doubt and empathize with your offender. Sometimes this is simply impossible, particularly in the case of unexpected betrayals or heinous harm. A realistic goal in such cases is to simply cultivate sympathy. Your EmunaHealer can facilitate you to search for reasons and ways in which you can feel sorry for the person who inflicted the harm. You can practice thinking of what kind of help the offender might be given and what nice things people could do to help this person. Although not easy, this way we can learn to feel even the smallest amount of compassion toward the transgressor (Worthington & Scherer, 2004). Whenever you feel hurt or upset with anyone, practice blessing and praying for her. At first, it may be hard, but eventually, this practice softens the heart and helps us to forgive.

8. Repent for your Own Tinge of your offender's Sin
The Ba’al Shem Tov teaches that if it happened that you saw, heard, or experienced someone else’s wrong, understand that you yourself have a tinge of that same failing. Hashem makes you experience the offense to motivate you to rectify yourself completely. When you realize that the main reason you came to witness the misdeed, is to rectify it by removing yourself completely from this kind of behavior. Since all of Israel is considered as one person, when you repent you will include the offender within yourself by means of this unity. Thus, the offender will be transformed to repent as well, and you will achieve the character trait of “seek peace and pursue it” (Tehillim 13:15); (Based on Toldot Ya’acov Yosef, Parashat Lech Lecha).

Three Tools for the EmunaHealer to Facilitate Forgiveness

1. Emotional Replacement
The EmunaHealer can facilitate the person in treatment to replace negative unforgiving emotions gradually with positive other-oriented emotions by experiencing other self-forgetful positive emotions. This emotional replacement can be facilitated by helping the person in treatment give an altruistically motivated gift of forgiveness. We can use a memory described by the victim to motivate altruism through humility in realizing that she too has offended. This leads to the feeling of gratitude for having been forgiven. We can instill hope in the victim that when we do something good for others, even those who have hurt us, we will be blessed in return. When it is difficult for the person we treat to reflect on her past and recall times when she offended another but was forgiven, the EmunaHealer can give prompts such as: Think of whether you offended a parent, teacher, romantic partner, friend, or coworker. Usually, with these prompts, people can recall many experiences where they wronged someone and were forgiven (Worthington & Scherer, 2004).

2. Empty Chair Technique
One of the most effective ways to help a person in treatment experience empathy is to use the empty-chair technique. The person victim imagines sitting across from the offender, who is imagined to be sitting in an empty chair. The victim describes her complaint as if the offender were there. She then moves to the empty chair and responds from the point of view of the offender. The conversation proceeds with the person in treatment moving back and forth between chairs. The objective is to allow the person to express both sides of the conversation personally, and thus experience empathy. In doing so, the person might imagine an apology or at least an acknowledgment of the hurt that was inflicted.

3. Naikan Therapy
Naikan therapy is a Japanese practice of self-reflection relatively unknown in the Western world. It focuses on three questions:
What have you received?
What have you returned?
What trouble have you caused?
According to this therapy, we first focus on the person’s relationship with the mother and from there we expand outwards to other relationships. A simplified form of Naikan therapy involves asking the participants to journal daily for one week answering the three Naikan questions after a brief version of loving-kindness meditation (Ozawa-de Silva, 2006). During the sessions, we listen to the participant allowing her to put into words what she has discovered.

EmunaHealing Exercise for Facilitating Complete Forgiveness for Yourself and Others
(Based on A Meditation for the Anniversary of 9/11 Spiritual Practice by Jack Kornfield and Exercise: Revenge and Forgiveness by Louise Hay)
1. Sit quietly and peacefully. Allow your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Let your body and mind relax. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers you have erected and the emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven – not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others.
2. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the suffering caused by others or yourself. You can do everything in your power to prevent more harm. Forgiveness is the release of any bitterness and hatred in your own heart, so you are free to move on. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed. Then, breathing softly, begin asking and extending forgiveness, letting the feelings that come up grow deeper as you repeat them.
3. Asking Forgiveness of Others
Recite: “There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others, have betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusion.” Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See and feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear and confusion. Feel your own sorrow and regret. Sense how you can finally release this burden and ask for forgiveness. Picture each memory that still burdens your heart. Then repeat to each person in your mind: “I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.”
4. Offering Forgiveness to Yourself 
When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to self-forgiveness. Recite: “There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself. I have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly and unknowingly.” Feel your own precious body and life. Let yourself see the ways you have hurt or harmed yourself. Recall them and picture them. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this and sense that you can release these burdens. Extend forgiveness for each of them, one by one. Repeat to yourself: “For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain, and confusion, I now extend full and heartfelt forgiveness. Say out loud to yourself, “I forgive myself for ___________.” Do this for another five minutes or so. I forgive myself, I forgive myself.”
5. Think of the people who are hardest to forgive. What would you really like to do to them? What do they need to do to gain your forgiveness? Imagine that happening now. Get into the details. How long do you want them to suffer or do penance?
6. Offering Forgiveness to Those Who Have Hurt or Harmed You
Recite: “There are many ways that I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word, or deed.” Let yourself remember and picture these many ways. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this past and sense that you can release this burden of pain by extending forgiveness whenever your heart is ready.
7. Now we are ready to forgive. Say to yourself: “I now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger. I have carried this pain in my heart for too long. Recite loudly: “The person I need to forgive is ___________ and I forgive you for ___________. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.”
8. Do this over and over. You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for. Imagine the person you are forgiving saying to you, “Thank you, I set you free now.” Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Search your heart for the injustices you still carry. Then let them go.
9. Gently repeat these directions for forgiveness until you feel a release in your heart. For some great pains, you may not feel a release but only the burden and the anguish or anger you have held. Touch this softly. Be forgiving of yourself for not yet being ready to let go and move on. Forgiveness cannot be forced; it cannot be artificial. Simply continue the practice and let the words and spiritual practices work gradually in their own way. In time you can make forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life, letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moment with a wise loving-kindness.
10. When you feel complete, let it be over forever. These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week to clear out any remaining rubbish. To indulge in this every day would be too much. Some experiences are easy to let go and some we must chip away at until suddenly one day they let go and dissolve. Usually at this point, you feel lighter and freer.

Tapping into Underlying Emotional and Spiritual Causes of Disease

 

Parashat Tazria Metzora
Tapping into Underlying Emotional and Spiritual Causes of Disease

Every Physical Ailment has an Underlying Spiritual and Emotional Root

In this week’s double parasha we learn about the spiritual disease of tzara’at, (commonly mistranslated as leprosy, but in fact more like the skin disease of psoriasis). In EmunaHealing we believe that every illness has an underlying emotional or spiritual cause. If, in treatment, we only treat the symptoms, but ignore the underlying cause of the disease, the illness will keep returning and manifest itself in other ways. Even in conventional medicine, it has been recognized that chronic stress is a major factor in causing various ailments such as high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression or anxiety, and skin problems, such as acne or eczema. During an EmunaHealing treatment, we ask Hashem to reveal the underlying roots of the various symptoms the person in treatment experiences. In my experience, the underlying roots of many physical ailments are not only stress but fear, trauma, anger, self-hatred, perfectionism, confusion, lack of commitment, guilt, criticality, judgment, bitterness, shame, lowliness... as well as negative energy, jealousy, ayin hara (evil eye), lack of simcha (joy), love, self-acceptance, clarity, etc. The disease of tzara’at described in this week’s Torah portion is the strongest proof that it is only possible to thoroughly heal the sick by treating the psychological and spiritual root of the illness. Rabbi Yochanan says: tzara’at comes due to seven matters, (there are seven possible causes of this disease): 1. forbidden sexual intercourse; 2. arrogance; 3. robbery; 4. bloodshed; 5. an oath taken in vain; 6. lashon hara, (evil speech); and stinginess (literally a narrow eye) (Babylonian Talmud, Keritot 26a). 

The Kohen and Spiritual Healer rather than the Physician Treats the Metzora

Two chapters of the Book of Vayikra are devoted to the halachot of dealing with a person afflicted with tzara’at. Of the seven causes of this disease, the sin of evil speech is foremost. The Hebrew term, metzora (someone afflicted with tzara’at), is an acronym for motze shem ra – ‘spreading a bad name. It refers to a spreader of slander or one who brings about harm through speech. The metzora would be isolated from the community for an indefinite period. This consequence would heighten the slander’s awareness of the divisive effects of harmful speech.

ספר ויקרא פרק יג פסוק ט נֶגַע צָרַעַת כִּי תִהְיֶה בְּאָדָם וְהוּבָא אֶל הַכֹּהֵן:

(י) וְרָאָה הַכֹּהֵן וְהִנֵּה שְׂאֵת לְבָנָה בָּעוֹר וְהִיא הָפְכָה שֵׂעָר לָבָן וּמִחְיַת בָּשָׂר חַי בַּשְׂאֵת:

(יא) צָרַעַת נוֹשֶׁנֶת הִוא בְּעוֹר בְּשָׂרוֹ וְטִמְּאוֹ הַכֹּהֵן לֹא יַסְגִּרֶנּוּ כִּי טָמֵא הוּא:

(יב) וְאִם פָּרוֹחַ תִּפְרַח הַצָּרַעַת בָּעוֹר וְכִסְּתָה הַצָּרַעַת אֵת כָּל עוֹר הַנֶּגַע מֵרֹאשׁוֹ וְעַד רַגְלָיו לְכָל מַרְאֵה עֵינֵי הַכֹּהֵן:

(יג) וְרָאָה הַכֹּהֵן וְהִנֵּה כִסְּתָה הַצָּרַעַת אֶת כָּל בְּשָׂרוֹ וְטִהַר אֶת הַנָּגַע כֻּלּוֹ הָפַךְ לָבָן טָהוֹר הוּא:

“If a person has a lesion of tzara’at, he shall be brought to the kohen. The kohen shall look [at it]. If, behold! there is a white se’eit (lesion) on the skin, and either it has turned the hair white, or there is healthy, live flesh in the se’eit, it is old tzara’at on the skin of his flesh, the kohen shall pronounce him impure; he need not quarantine him because he is impure. But if the tzara’at has spread over the skin, whereby the tzara’at covers all the skin of the [person with the] lesion, from his head to his feet, wherever the eyes of the kohen can see it, then the kohen shall look [at it]. Behold! the tzara’at has covered all his flesh, he shall pronounce [the person with] the lesion pure. He has turned completely white; he is pure” (Vayikra 13:9-13).

When a person noticed that he might be coming down with tzara’at, rather than consulting a physician he would go to the Kohen, who served as a spiritual healer. The kohen would examine, diagnose, and subsequently oversee the healing ritual of the spiritual disease of tzara’at. The diagnosis was somewhat counterintuitive. A person whose tzara’at had spread to cover his entire body was considered pure. 

Achieving Purity from the Total Spread of Disease

When a disease has spread fully it is presumably at its worst, then why is a person – whose entire body is covered with tzara’at – considered pure? This phenomenon can be understood in light of the Talmudic dictum, “The son of David will not come until the entire kingdom will be converted to heresy” (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 97a). Similarly, “The son of David will come only in a generation that is entirely meritorious, or in a generation that is entirely guilty” (Ibid. 98a). If a person is totally free of tzara’at it is evident that he is pure, but when delving beyond the surface it also makes sense that a person completely covered with the disease is pure as well. The Torah Temima explains that when the disease spreads to the entire body, it shows that the sickness emerged completely to the surface of the body leaving the interior body healthy. Often people – who have experienced life crises – report that when they reached the bottom, there was only one way to go – so they elevated themselves into a positive life-changing experience. It seems to me that once the tzara’at has spread so totally that there is not even a speck of healthy skin, the inflicted person has become so broken that his ego totally dissolves. He becomes aware of how powerless he is to heal himself and how dependent he is on Hashem’s mercy. Through completely surrendering and letting go of the prior arrogance he has achieved the spiritual purpose of the disease: complete repentance. As it states, “When suffering comes upon a person, he must consider his deeds, as the prophet proclaims, ‘Let us search and examine our ways, and let us return to Hashem’ (Eichah 3:40);” (Berachot 5a). The relevance of paying attention to the outward signs of an illness – be it physical, emotional, or spiritual – is eye-opening. We’re taught the importance of being proactive, not just reactive. The Torah alerts us to be aware – to identify and treat the signs so that a state of overall health is restored. These are the lessons that we can learn from the ancient malady of tzara’at. Let us always search for the underlying spiritual root of whatever affliction we may suffer, so that we can repent sincerely and achieve complete healing! 

EmunaHealing Exercise for Transmuting Negativity to Lifechanging Positivity

1. Settle yourself in your private personal space. Breathe deeply and allow all your thoughts to pass through you. Slowly experience how your mind is becoming clearer of all the static.

2. Ponder the underlying cause of any affliction you may have experienced or even still are experiencing. Perhaps you have been arrogant, or you may still entertain a tinge of arrogance. Think about the pettiness of these negative emotions. Compared to the Almighty we are less than the smallest ant.

3. Allow yourself to feel your pain, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. Many of us suffer from feeling disconnected. Sometimes, when things don’t go the way, we had hoped, we experience suffering. Or perhaps it is not emotional but physical pain you suffer. Is your lower back aching? Envision your entire self including all your pains and suffering dissolving into the greater whole of the Creator and His universe.

4. You are alone with yourself. Temporarily quarantined from others to re-evaluate your relationships. Shattered relationships are often the remnants of thoughtless, stinging, words. Even if the words spoken are true, the impact can wind up being painful, and the aftermath can continue to adversely impact future generations. Consider any negative or thoughtless words that may have emanated from your lips. Breathe regret into your head and heart. Allow this feeling to spread throughout your entire body.

5. In last week’s Torah portion, Shemini, we were charged not to eat certain prohibited foods. Breathe into the notion that just as we must care about what goes into our mouths, we must be as concerned and careful about what comes out of our mouths. Keep breathing while recalling that just as eating contaminated food can cause physical sickness, speaking contaminated words can cause spiritual illness.

6. Every mindful moment can produce victory over negativity. Striving to dispel harmful speech starts with each of us. Using kind and positive speech will add value to your life and the lives around you. Place your hands on your heart and feel the love you have for your loved ones. Think with your heart positive thoughts about any person of your choice. These loving thoughts will strengthen your resolve to speak positively, as well.

7. Make a resolve to eradicate hurtful speech. Words can build, but they can also destroy. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Mishlei 18:21). Harmful speech, malicious gossip, and insensitivity to others are pervasive, spreading virally, infecting minds, with a boomerang effect – it eventually returns to bring negativity into one’s own life. The transformative results of speaking kindly are positively lifechanging.

How Can we Avoid Offering a Strange Fire to Hashem?

 

Parashat Shemini
How Can we Avoid Offering a Strange Fire to Hashem?

Does Heading the Divine Voice within Override Keeping the Mitzvot to the Dot?
In our generation which emphasizes the importance of kavana (intention) in divine service, it can be challenging to find the right balance between deeply connecting to the mitzvot on an individual level, while keeping the Torah and Halacha to the dot. I experienced the tension between the two during this past Seder night when I surprisingly found myself singing the Haggadah at the top of my lungs together with not only my husband and sons but also my brother-in-law and nephew. In all past years, I would subdue my singing voice whenever a man other than my husband and sons was present. I even recall – being invited many years ago to the home of one of my Torah teachers – and being surprised and judgmental about her and her family’s singing zemirot in the presence of my husband. So, why did I not stop myself from singing this seder night? How was this night different than all other nights? Was it because I had drunk more wine than usual that I let go of more inhibitions? True, I could feel the effect of the wine, but in a good, elevating, liberating way, that brought me closer to the Divine voice within my heart, and I knew deeply that my singing was called for at this family seder table. Rabbi Mordechai Yosef Leiner explains: “This is the root of the life of Yehuda to look to G-d in every matter and not to act in accordance with ‘a commandment performed by people by rote.’ Even though yesterday he performed a similar act, nevertheless today he does not want to rely on himself, but rather that G-d should illuminate His will to him anew. This sometimes obliges him to perform an action against Halacha, for “it is time to act on behalf of Hashem...” (Mei ha-Shilo'ach 1, Vayeshev). But isn’t this a dangerous road to take, one that we are warned against in the story of Nadav and Avihu who offered a strange fire? 

The Boundaries of Spiritual Enthusiasm
“Nadav and Avihu, the sons of Aharon, took each of them his censer, and put fire in it, and put incense on it, and offered strange fire before Hashem, which He commanded them not. And a fire went out from Hashem, and devoured them, and they died before Hashem. Then Moshe said to Aharon, ‘This is that which Hashem spoke, saying, I will be sanctified in them that come near Me, and before all the people I will be glorified…’” (Vayikra 10:1-3).   

 When Nadav and Avihu, in their profound experience of love and Divine unification, offered the fire before G-d, their spiritually uplifting moment was shattered into pieces, for fire went out from before G-d and burned them to death. What could possibly be the problem in drawing near to G-d, through the inner desire to serve Him? Rebbe Nachman teaches that even when an act appears holy, it could be rooted in evil and defilement. We must not look only at the action, but at its source, its motive, and its catalyst. This is what G-d taught us when he rejected the offering of Nadav and Avihu. “By dancing, when he drinks the wine of joy, one can expel the external forces from there. This is the excitement in dance, ‘an offering by fire, a pleasing fragrance to G-d’ (Bamidbar 28:8). In contrast when someone dances with the excitement of the evil inclination, it is called the transgression of Nadav and Avihu. Concerning them it is written ‘They offered… a foreign fire’ (Vayikra 10:1). This fire is called wine that intoxicates, the excitement of the evil inclination. That is where the external forces have a hold, G-d forbid” (Rebbe Nachman, Likutei Moharan Kama 41). Although Nadav and Avihu were moved by fire to make an offering before G-d, it was a strange fire. Likewise, we must check ourselves to become aware from which source we are motivated.

The Power of the Torah Commandment Overrides Everything
The Sefat Emet teaches that the entire human reason is nullified by the Divine command. Although Nadav and Avihu were exceedingly righteous, and they acted for the sake of heaven; they offered a strange fire, “which He commanded them not.” This is the power of a mitzvah, as it states: “Who has sanctified us with His mitzvot and commanded us” (Sefat Emet, Shemini 5636). The essence of a blessing recited prior to the performance of a mitzvah does not focus on the content of the mitzvah over which the blessing is being recited, but on the very fact that it is a mitzvah – a Divine command. The power of the mitzvah is more important than anything else. This denies the validity of an action that is not based on G-d’s command, even if its intention is good and involves drawing near to G-d. It also heightens the value of an action that is in fact based on a Divine imperative, even if it is lacking the desired intention and knowledge of its reason. Although Nadav and Avihu did not act out of pride, yetzer, or lust, but rather for the sake of heaven in their pure and sincere desire to draw near to G-d, the command was missing. Nadav and Avihu represent the approach that gives preference to meaning over obedience, and their punishment teaches us to restore the command and the acceptance of Hashem’s yoke to the center of our Divine service. Religious excitement is important and meaningful, but it does not substitute acceptance of the yoke of the heavenly kingdom, which involves awe, acceptance, and response to G-d’s mitzvot. Although it is possible that Nadav and Avihu heard the empiric will of G-d, since the Torah and its mitzvot are absolutely true, they were obligated to waive their individual approach to that of the Torah community.

Rav Kook’s Teaching to Integrate the Paternal Principle with the Supreme Mother
In a family although the father traditionally has the last say, often the mother is intuitively more in touch with the Divine will. It is not by chance that as we enter the last stages of redemption, developing a personal deep connection with the mitzvot by listening to the Torah of the mother is becoming more vital. Yet just as a child needs both a father and a mother, our path must be enlightened by both the established halacha and the intuitive inner connection. In fact, Rav Kook teaches that the inner connection must adapt itself to the Torah of Moshe:

“When one follows the supernal feeling of the appearance of the holy spirit, or any wisdom or appearance in the world, without detailed connection to the Torah and its deeds, and the good traits that follow therefrom – this is the sin of Nadav and Avihu, the separation of the paternal principle from the supreme mother…  The great depth of this holiness must efface itself before the source of the Torah…” (ibid.).

Yet, on the other hand experiencing a personal connection with the Divine – a feeling of being guided, cannot be limited by conventional rules: “Those who know G-d cannot be limited by the great limits set by Moshe and Aharon… When they expand, they are rejected from the world, they do not build a family, and they have no children. And they return as Pinchas, he being Eliyahu, who is filled with the spirit of G-d and zealotry for the covenant” (Shemone Kevatzim, VI, 265; Orot ha-Kodesh, III, p. 360).

Joining Together Moshe and his Torah with Eliyahu and his Zealotry
Eventually Hashem will reconnect the world of limits – the world of the fathers, to the world of the mothers, connecting and allowing the very existence of both spiritual movements to establish our worship of G-d. Rav Kook notes that the prophet Malachi concludes his prophecy, joining together Moshe and his Torah with Eliyahu and his zealotry:

“The tradition and the sanctified service based on prophecy and the Torah, and the supreme elevation that respects the holiness and limits the conditions of spiritual life, but nevertheless elevates itself above all worldly values were combined in Israel, to bear with its great strength the burden of exile and all its toil and allow the penetration of the light of salvation and redemption. ‘Remember the Torah of Moshe My servant, which I commanded him in Chorev for all Israel, both statutes and judgments. Behold, I will you send you Eliyahu the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of Hashem. And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers’ (Malakhi 3:22-24).” (ibid.).

Integrating the Approaches of the Worldly with the Otherworldly
Nadav and Avihu are the constant movement of the power of youth implanted within us, that wishes to cleave to the Divine beyond the boundary of limits. As we approach the final redemption, this power, associated with “the world-to-come” will serve as an important foundation as it combines with the power of the order of the Torah and boundaries within this world. Together they will light a great fire, a flame of G-d, that will rise in a tempest to heaven, and illuminate the entire world in a new light:

“The stormy spirit of youth, which stirs up with strength and might, together with the orderly spirit of old age, that is filled with solemnity and caution, join together to impact upon life, spiritual and material, to hasten salvation and become the basis for the offspring of God, a shining light to the son of Yishai, the anointed of G-d, the spirit of our nostrils, when the two of them will come together, Eliyahu the prophet and the messiah, son of David” (Shemone Kevatzim, VI, 265; Orot ha-Kodesh, III, p. 360).

(This article is inspired by Rav Itamar Eldar, Parashat Shemini: The Sin of Nadav and Avihu)

See the full article here:  https://www.etzion.org.il/en/tanakh/torah/sefer-vayikra/parashat-shemini/parashat-shemini-sin-nadav-and-avihu

EmunaHealing Exercise for Integrating Personal Inspiration within the Parameters of Halacha
1. Make yourself comfortable within your space on a cushion, on the floor, or on a comfortable chair. You may even lie down on a bed or couch if you prefer. Center yourself and take several slow and mindful breaths.
2. Recall an exalted moment of your life, when you felt spiritually inspired by the Shechina (Divine Feminine Presence). Envision yourself in this place and get in touch with your elated feelings. Mentally recite: “I match my resonance in my current state with my elated state at (insert x time/place/situation).
3. Reenter your special highpoint and allow yourself to get in touch with the exhilarated feelings and inspirations you experienced. As you open yourself to reexperience this moment of divine inspiration, ponder an existential question in your current life situation.
4. While bringing your past highlight into your present moment, open yourself to receive inspiration from your past into your current quandary. Repeat your personal spiritual query and tap into the answer in your heart.  
5. You are at one with your personal Divine truth. Feel it penetrating every fiber of your being: From the top of your head, your truth illuminates your eyes, and nose and sweetens your mouth. Your ears hear the heavenly voice of truth and transport it into your entire head, even to your chin and throat.
6. Your truth is cascading down your shoulders and filling your arms, hands, and fingers, your diaphragm, and your chest.
7. Breath your truth into your lungs and heart and feel it reverberate in your entire upper body, all the way down until your belly button.
8. Now it’s time to filter your truth with the filter of Torah and Halacha. Imagine sifting your truth through the laws of the holy Torah and only allowing the parts that sift through this Torah filter to enter your inner organs: Your stomach, liver, spleen, and kidneys are now being permeated with your personal truth that passes through the filter of absolute Torah law.
9. Allow your personal truth now integrated with the Torah of Moshe to glide down into your thighs, knees, feet, and all your toes.
10. You are standing firm and grounded. You are standing in your truth, connected from top to toe with the Divine will for you. You feel elated and joyous, knowing that you are connected. You have integrated both the supreme mother and the paternal principle within your truth. You are planted in the earth of the supreme Mother, receiving the Paternal principle from the heavenly Torah!