What Could be One of the Underlying Reasons for the Suffering we Experience Today?

 

Parashat Ki Tavo

Why is Life Becoming Increasingly Hard for So Many People Nowadays?

It seems like various kinds of suffering are increasing in people’s lives- at least among the people with whom I am familiar. Many are living in a nightmare without being able to wake up to a better reality. Divorce and serious illness run rampant in many families. My dear friend, who lost her husband more than ten years ago to terrorism, is now struggling for her life, with metastasized cancer. Her children have not yet married. As I’m writing this, I just received an invitation to join the entire community in prayer for her complete healing. On my prayer list are many additional women, struggling with this cursed illness, may Hashem protect us! I also know countless young women, who are twice divorced from abusive relationships. Some struggle, not only to put bread on the table but also with the difficulties of being single mothers. More and more people are suffering from mental illness. Is there anyone who hasn’t suffered from dementia in the family? Moreover, the number of people looking for help with anxiety and depression has skyrocketed in the last few years. This phenomenon began even before Corona, but it has been rapidly increasing since the onset of COVID19. 37 percent of Americans reported having thoughts of suicide in 2020. When someone in the family suffers from mental illness, it affects the entire family more than the pain of physical illness, and causes, fear, frustration, sadness and sometimes anger. Friends of mine, in their prime, who lost husbands to corona, are struggling to rebuild their broken lives. The list could go on and on, and I wonder what has happened? Why does life seem to be increasingly more challenging across the board? I remember back in the old days, being a new ba’alat teshuva (returnee to Judaism), happily pushing the stroller of my sweet baby boy. True, we didn’t have money, and once, the electric company shut down our electricity, since we hadn’t paid the bill. Yet, all in all, these were happy, carefree days. Why did we lose them? What’s going on? Why is life becoming harder and harder for so many people, nowadays?

Why are the Curses of Parashat Ki Tavo Happening Today?
Parashat Ki Tavo includes both blessings and curses. The latter we have, unfortunately, gotten a bitter taste from, in recent times. Sickness, loss of income, destruction, death – hits way too close to home right now:

ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק כב

:יַכְּכָה הָשֵׁם בַּשַּׁחֶפֶת וּבַקַּדַּחַת וּבַדַּלֶּקֶת וּבַחַרְחֻר וּבַחֶרֶב וּבַשִּׁדָּפוֹן וּבַיֵּרָקוֹן וּרְדָפוּךָ עַד אָבְדֶךָ

“Hashem will strike you with consumption, fever, illnesses with burning fevers, a disease which causes unquenchable thirst, with the sword, with blast, and with yellowing, and they will pursue you until you perish” (Devarim 28:22).

Our society, globally, is not only experiencing physical and emotional trauma of the pandemic – we are experiencing spiritual trauma. We can pray and meditate and find moments of holy connection as individuals, but many have experienced isolation and separation from the community and synagogues. This separation challenges the sense of security and emunah. The places we would go to pray for healing and for peace are closed to many and that only exacerbates the pain. I would say that our midrasha has successfully addressed these issues and created an online community, which provides ongoing support, bonding, and a feeling of belonging. Still, not everyone is privileged to experience such a supportive community.

ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק כב

:יַכְּכָה הָשֵׁם בַּשַּׁחֶפֶת וּבַקַּדַּחַת וּבַדַּלֶּקֶת וּבַחַרְחֻר וּבַחֶרֶב וּבַשִּׁדָּפוֹן וּבַיֵּרָקוֹן וּרְדָפוּךָ עַד אָבְדֶךָ

The Cause of Our Pain
It seems to me that we have been spoiled brats (excuse the expression) for the prior, post-holocaust, prosperous decades. Perhaps, we haven’t appreciated how fortunate we have been since the sixties, living in relative security with minimal antisemitism, and with ample opportunities for educational and financial success in building our families. Have we forgotten how just two generations ago, Jews were barred from many university departments, including medical school?  It is human nature, that most people don’t appreciate our blessings until G-d forbid, we lose them! Serving G-d with joy is the source of all blessings in this world!

:ספר דברים פרק כח פסוק מז תַּחַת אֲשֶׁר לֹא עָבַדְתָּ אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּשִׂמְחָה וּבְטוּב לֵבָב מֵרֹב כֹּל

“Because you did not serve G-d with joy and good heart when you had it all good!” (Devarim 28:47).
Rashi explains that we forgot to serve Hashem joyously when [we had an] abundance of everything: when we still had all good things. Cultivating an attitude of appreciation seems to be the key to developing a sense of joy, which brings about healing on all levels. Mastering the emotion of שִׂמְחָה/simcha – ‘joy’ is great work, as Rambam explains, “The simcha with which a person must rejoice in fulfilling the mitzvah and in loving G-d that He commanded is a great worerves punishments as it states, ‘Because you didn’t serve Hashem your G-d with simcha and good heart’”k. Whoever withholds himself from this simcha des (Devarim 28:47); (Rambam, Hilchot Lulav, Chapter 8).

Developing Joy Protects us from Suffering Any Effect of All Curses

The importance of developing this simcha especially during meals is also reflected in Jewish law: “A person must be goodhearted during his meal. Whether he eats little or much, he must eat his bread with simcha. He must eat what is good and beneficial for his healing and not whatever seems sweet to him at a given moment” (Mishna Berurah 170, Laws of Meals, Halacha 45). Although women are exempted from most of the positive timebound mitzvot, women are still obligated to develop simcha (Rambam, Hilchot Avodah Zarah, Chapter 12). Rambam continues to explain how being joyous protects us from all ailments: “We are promised in the Torah that if we fulfill it with simcha and with the goodness of soul, and we meditate on its wisdom perpetually, Hashem will remove from us all the matters that prevent us from performing it, such as sickness, war, famine etc. He will bestow us all the goodness which will support us with the means to perform the Torah such, as satisfaction, peace, much silver and gold… (Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva, Chapter 9). Despite hardships, we must continue to be grateful and joyous as Rambam explains: “A person is obligated to bless on the evil with goodness of soul, in the same way as one blesses on the good with simcha… even at the time when He afflicts us, we must thank and praise Hashem with Simcha (Rambam, Hilchot Berachot, Chapter 10). It is not enough to serve Hashem, we must do so joyfully, no matter what He dishes out for us in life. Many Chassidic stories testify about righteous people, who continue to be joyous throughout their great suffering. 

Complete Mitzvah Performance Includes a Joyous Heart
The great Spanish 14^th century, Torah commentator, Rabbeinu Bachaya, comments on our Torah verse (Devarim 28:47) similarly to Rambam: “A person is obligated not merely to carry out G-d’s instructions but to do so gladly, in a happy frame of mind. Joy, when performing any of G-d’s mitzvot, is considered as fulfillment of a commandment in itself, meriting additional reward. This is why one may be punished for failing to perform the mitzvot with a joyful heart. The Torah requires that its mitzvot be performed with full intent and joyfully. Our sages in Midrash Ruth Rabbah 5:6 comment concerning this that if Reuven had been aware that G-d would write in the Torah concerning his attempts to save Yosef’s life from the hands of his other brothers (Bereishit 37:21) that he would receive a reward not only for his deed but for his good intentions accompanying it, he would have carried Yosef on his shoulders and brought him back to his father. The Torah also makes a point of underlining the joy in Aharon’s heart when he saw his brother Moshe again after so many years. Had he known that his feelings would be commented upon favorably (Shemot 4:14), he would have gone out to meet his brother accompanied by an orchestra of many different musical instruments. Had Boaz known that his offering Ruth food and drink in abundance would be recorded for eternity as a good deed of his, he would have fed her the choicest parts of a fatted calf, instead of merely bread and vinegar (Ruth 2:14); (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Devarim 28:47).

Practical Tips on Working to Attain True Joy

It is easy to preach about the importance on working becoming happy, but how can we practice what we preach? One of our online teachers Yehudit Garmaise, has compiled a beautiful list of what we can do to develop simcha. I will share some of her tips here:

Live, Dance and Celebrate as if You Have Everything You Need and Want

Joy is not only the result of being in a good situation. When we feel we lack something, a sure way not to get the things we want, is to focus on the lack and to complain or blame others. We may find it difficult to feel joyful. Yet making the effort to live as if our prayers have been answered brings about their favorable answer. Think good, and it will be good!

Know Your Mission

Value yourself, your talents, strengths and skills, just as G‑d does. The Ba’al Shem Tov taught, “Realize that everything depends on you: With your every mitzvah, the universe resonates in blissful harmony that heals and nurtures.” Imagine your power!

Remember G‑d Follows us Like a Shadow

“G‑d is your shadow at your right hand” (Tehillim 121:5). The way we present ourselves to G‑d elicits similar responses from Him. When G‑d sees that we are living joyfully, He responds with goodness and blessing.

Start Your Day Positively and Gratefully 

Start your day by expressing your gratitude to G‑d by reciting the Modeh Ani morning prayer before getting out of bed. Ask G‑d to help you feel joyous throughout your day. As you wash and get dressed for the day, remind yourself that G‑d wants you to be joyful. 

Speak Cheerfully

Practice speaking respectfully and cheerfully to everyone. Greet everyone with a pleasant face (Pirkei Avot 1:15). Let us especially exercise our pleasant faces in our own homes!

Increase Your Sense of Awareness and Appreciation 

Feel grateful for what you hear, see, smell and feel. Nurture the pleasurable moments and feel grateful for life’s small treasures. Note that it’s great to be alive.

Enjoy Community
Value the spiritual benefits of gathering together. Do whatever it takes to create an environment of joy, peace and contentment.

Dress the Part
Make work or boring errands more fun by dressing up and taking your role as a daughter of Hashem seriously.

Take Care of Yourself by Properly Eating, Sleeping and Exercising

Eat slowly, sit down and don’t eat meals on the run or in the car. Take care of yourself by making healthy, nurturing food, by going to sleep early, and by engaging in enjoyable exercise. 

Do Something Every Day Just to Make you Happy

Take the time to engage in self-care daily. Do you feel happier when you listen to music, bake, go to a great Torah class every week? Make time for creativity. Every day, do one thing on your happiness list.

Engage in Acts of Kindness – The Secret to Happiness

Volunteer to do a kind act for someone in need. Try to give tzedakah every day, even just one coin a day. 

What Can we Learn About Preventive Medicine from Parashat Ki Tetze?

Parashat Ki Tetze

Why is Preventative Medicine so Important in the Torah?

Praying for the sick is vital, but even more important is praying for the healthy. I try to pray daily, for myself and my loved ones to stay healthy. I’ve learned – and even if I hadn’t learned it, it makes total sense – that prayer, as preventative medicine, is much more effective than a prayer for the sick. Once a person falls sick, many more prayers and merits are needed to bring about his healing. Although healing the sick is a Torah obligation, Judaism puts a priority on preventative medicine because the Torah is a blueprint for living holy, healthy lives on all levels: spiritually, emotionally, and physically. We have a mitzvah to protect our health, based on the Torah verse “only watch yourself – watch your soul” (Devarim 4:9). This verse entails the mitzvah of safeguarding our health (Rambam, Hilchot Rotzeach 11:4). The most famous Torah verse about preventive healing appears soon after the splitting of the sea. Hashem assures the Israelites that living Torah lives and keeping all the mitzvot scrupulously is the best preventative medicine, as it states: “…if you listen to the voice of Hashem, your G-d, and you do what is proper in His eyes, and you listen closely to His mitzvot and observe all His statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon you which I put on the Egyptians, for I am Hashem, your healer” (Shemot 15:26). This implies that Hashem, our healer, teaches us Torah and mitzvot so that we may be saved from these diseases – like a physician who says to a person: “Do not eat things that will cause you to relapse into danger from illness” (Rashi ad loco.). This verse sets the tone for the many Torah verses, and commentaries by Torah sages, that emphasize the importance of preventative health. 

Preventative Medicine is a Mitzvah

Just as G-d’s healing role is to prevent illness, so too, a physician must emulate the Divine role, by emphasizing prevention of illness. For we are obligated to “follow the ways of G-d” (Devarim 11:22; Sotah 14a). For a long time, I have been teaching and striving to live according to the world’s greatest physician, the Rambam, and his directives in Hilchot Deot, Chapter four. This chapter – written to guide healthy people in maintaining their health – opens with the rationale for why preventative medicine is a mitzvah: “Since maintaining a healthy and sound body is among the ways of G-d – for one cannot understand or have any knowledge of the Creator if he is ill – therefore he must avoid that which harms the body and accustom himself to that which is helpful for the body to become stronger” (Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Deot 4:1). The following anecdote about Rambam highlights his emphasis on preventative medicine. During the period when Rambam served as the Sultan of Egypt’s royal physician, the Sultan never became ill. One day, he asked Rambam: “How do I know that you are an expert physician, since during the period that you have been here, I have never been ill, and you have not had the opportunity to test your skills?” Rambam concluded that “we learn that the ability of a physician to prevent illness is a greater proof of his skill than his ability to cure someone who is already ill.”  In this spirit, I’m going to share three examples of prevention from Parashat Ki Tetze. 

 

?Why Does the Torah Seem so Cruel to the Rebellious Son

ספר דברים פרק כא פסוק יח כִּי יִהְיֶה לְאִישׁ בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁמֵעַ בְּקוֹל אָבִיו וּבְקוֹל אִמּוֹ וְיִסְּרוּ אֹתוֹ וְלֹא יִשְׁמַע אֲלֵיהֶם: (יט) וְתָפְשׂוּ בוֹ אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וְהוֹצִיאוּ אֹתוֹ אֶל זִקְנֵי עִירוֹ וְאֶל שַׁעַר מְקֹמוֹ: (כ) וְאָמְרוּ אֶל זִקְנֵי עִירוֹ בְּנֵנוּ זֶה סוֹרֵר וּמֹרֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁמֵעַ בְּקֹלֵנוּ זוֹלֵל וְסֹבֵא: (כא) וּרְגָמֻהוּ כָּל אַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ בָאֲבָנִים וָמֵת וּבִעַרְתָּ הָרָע מִקִּרְבֶּךָ וְכָל יִשְׂרָאֵל יִשְׁמְעוּ וְיִרָאוּ:

“If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. Then they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.’ And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die. So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear” (Devarim 21:18-21). 

The laws of the rebellious son have always been difficult for me to understand. It seems unfair that someone should be judged on account of actions that he hasn’t yet committed. Rashi explains: The wayward and rebellious son is executed on account of [what he will become in] the end. The Torah penetrates to his ultimate intentions. Eventually, he will squander his father’s money, seek what he has become accustomed to, not find it, and stand at the crossroads and rob people [killing them, thereby incurring the death penalty. Says the Torah, “Let him die innocent [of such crimes], rather than have him die guilty [of such crimes].” [San. 72b]; (Rashi, Devarim 21:18). We are not just talking about a minor judgment. How can it be fair to evoke the death penalty on someone for sins he hasn’t committed? How can anyone be so sure that he will commit these sins? What about free choice and teshuva? Why do they not pertain to this wayward son? Moreover, how can his parents, whom we assume would love their child, be so heartless to take their own son to be mercilessly killed?

“There Was Never a Wayward and Rebellious Son” 
The Talmud assuages my distress. Even in Talmudic times, it was clear that the harsh punishment for the “wayward and rebellious son” is only theoretical, as it states, “There has never been a wayward and rebellious son and there will never be one in the future.” This is because no boy will ever meet all of the halachic qualifications of the ‘wayward and rebellious son.’ Why then was this law written? That you may study it and receive a reward [for the Torah learning, despite its lack of practical application]” (based on Babylonian Talmud Sanhedrin 71a). We may, therefore, wonder why this law is written? The answer is that studying the laws of the hypothetical “rebellious son,” will help prevent the need to implement them. By educating people about the ruthless punishment for the rebellious son, the Torah helps prevent this tragic breakdown in family and society from occurring in the first place. This is what the Talmud means by “Study it and receive a reward.” The very study of the subject is its own reward. As each generation is educated about the dangers of the “rebellious son” and absorbs the message of the gravity of the offense, this horrendous situation is avoided. (Based on Gold from the Land of Israel, pp. 324-326. Adapted from Otzarot HaRe’iyah vol. II, p. 187).

Torah Law as Preventive Measures to Avoid Injury

An altogether different preventive law in Parashat Ki Tetze is the mitzvah to build a fence around our roof. We need to safeguard and avoid the possibility that someone might fall: 

ספר דברים פרק כב פסוק ח כִּי תִבְנֶה בַּיִת חָדָשׁ וְעָשִׂיתָ מַעֲקֶה לְגַגֶּךָ וְלֹא תָשִׂים דָּמִים בְּבֵיתֶךָ כִּי יִפֹּל הַנֹּפֵל מִמֶּנּוּ:

“When you build a new house, you shall make a guard rail for your roof so that you shall not cause blood [to be spilled] in your house, that the one who falls should fall from it [the roof] (Devarim 22:8).

In Bat Ayin, there are many flat rooves or porches, where family and friends might hang out. Without a proper fence, this could be an inherently dangerous place. Therefore, we must anticipate the danger and build a railing, so that no one will fall. With this mitzvah, the Torah clarifies that it’s not enough to refrain from pushing someone off a roof. We must anticipate and proactively protect against that danger. This applies not only to roofs but to any situation where we foresee danger. We are bound to anticipate any potential danger and preemptively protect people against it. For example, at the very end of Salomon’s Song Garden in B’erot, there is a steep cliff. Therefore, we had to take precautionary action and have a fence built, to mitigate the danger of young children running quickly without stopping at the end of the plot. “Just as the Torah commands us to make a fence on the roof… so, too, regarding any obstacle which could cause mortal danger, there is a positive commandment to remove it… If one does not remove it, but leaves those obstacles constituting potential danger, one transgresses a positive commandment and negates a negative commandment ‘You shall not spill blood’” (Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws of the Murderer and Protecting Life 11:4).

Preventing Spiritual Disease 
The mitzvah to remember what happened to Miriam is another preventative mitzvah in Parashat Ki Tetze. Rashi explains, that keeping this mitzvah prevents the spiritual disease of tzara’at.
 

:ספר דברים פרק כד פסוק ט זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה הָשֵּׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ לְמִרְיָם בַּדֶּרֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִּצְרָיִם

“Remember what Hashem your G-d, did to Miriam on the way, when you went out of Egypt” 

(Devarim 24:9).

If you wish to take precautions against being stricken with tzara’at, then do not speak לָשׁוֹן הָרַע/lashon hara – ‘slander, derogatory remarks. Remember what was done to Miriam, who spoke against her brother [Moshe], and was stricken with lesions [of tzara’at] (see Bamidbar 12:1-16). [Sifrei 24:141]; (Rashi, Devarim 24:9). How do we fulfill the mitzvah of remembering what Miriam did according to halacha? Our rabbis rule, that it is not enough to remember, we must also read or speak about what happened to Miriam (Sifrei on Parashat BeChukotai). Some rabbis rule that this verse should be read out loud after the daily morning prayers (Sefer Charedim, chapter. 4). Others rule that once a year is sufficient, at the Shabbat Torah Reading (Magen Avraham 60). The Ari HaKadosh wrote, that when we recite the words “to thank You” in the blessing preceding the Shema every morning, we should remember that our mouths were intended not only to praise and thank G-d, but also to refrain from speaking lashon hara. This, too, is a way of remembering the lesson we are taught through Miriam.

The Relationship Between Health and Observing Torah and Mitzvot
Even if today the disease of tzara’at no longer exists, when we work on elevating our speech, we obtain not only better relations with people, but we also enjoy greater general health. Negativity, judgmentalism, and complaining increase cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which causes damage both to memory and the immune system. Jon Gordon, in his book, The No Complaining Rule, explains how negative speech is toxic and affects the surroundings, similarly, to being around second-hand smokers. 

Three Dimensions of Preventative Measures

It is interesting to note, that the three mitzvot in Parashat Ki Tetze, associated with preventive medicine, can each be linked to one of the dimensions of human endeavor. The law of the Rebellious Son relates to the dimension of thought, as it is totally hypothetical, never occurring in reality. The mitzvah to remember Miriam relates to the dimension of speech, as it must be enunciated, and it is all about rectifying speech. The mitzvah of constructing a rail on our roof, corresponds to the dimension of action. Thus, our Creator, has provided us with the best handbook of how to live healthy, wholesome lives and gain optimal health in all dimensions, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual.

What Kind of Leadership Does Israel Need?

Parashat Shoftim

A Call for a Torah Government that Pursues Spiritual and Ethical Values

As I was enjoying swimming at the outdoor pool in Tekoa, I happened to overhear a conversation between two women treading water. “I also used to be a smolanit – leftist,” said one woman, laughingly. I know I shouldn’t be butting into other people’s conversation, but it was such a glorious sunny morning, and I felt so close to all the women in the pool, who had all returned my happy “boker tov! – good morning!” “So,” I remarked half to myself, “and who has not been a leftist?” recalling my high-school years in The Free Gymnasium, where most of my friends were zealous Marxists. We were young and idealistic. We wanted to change the world and bring freedom, equality, and peace to society. We aspired to liberate the poor Palestinians from the refugee camps, together with all indigenous victims of imperialistic capitalism. Yet, we were so naïve and didn’t realize the shadow side of human nature. Even as my friends were fighting for economic equality, I was searching for more spiritual depths. I remember telling my friends, “So what if the class struggle will be successful, and the working class will seize control of the economy? What will be the content and moral values within such an economically equal society?” No one could give me any satisfactory answer, because the focus of Marxism is only on historical materialism, rather than on spiritual and ethical values. So, I kept searching until, I, fortunately, found the truth in the Torah, the year after I graduated from high school. The Torah teaches not just ethical values for individuals, but the holistic approach of the Torah includes guidelines for creating a true Torah government, which differs substantially from Western democracy. Based on recent developments in the democratic government of the State of Israel, I believe that more and more Israelis are realizing the pitfalls of democracy, detached from Torah values. Not only religious Jews, but an increasing number of Israelis, are becoming more and more ready for a blessed change, and for strong leadership that will pursue true justice and abolishes evil from the land. 

What Does Establishing a Torah Government Have to do with Healing?

Healing is not only a lack of disease and disability among individuals. True healing encompasses the healing of body, mind, and soul, as well as the healing of our environment, community, and society. The leaders of Israel were called Parnassim (Sustainers), since biblical times. This is because by maintaining law and order in society, they create shalom, and there is no greater vessel for blessings and sustenance than shalom. Rabbi Shimon ben Halafta said: the Holy One, Blessed be He, found no vessel that could contain blessing for Israel except that of peace, as it is written: “Hashem will give strength unto His people; Hashem will bless his people with peace” (Tehillim 29:11; Mishna Oktzim 3:12). Tosfot Yom Tov adds “No blessings in the world can exist without Shalom.” There was a famine in the time of Ruth – the era in which the judges judged one another (Megillat Ruth 1:1). The commentaries explain that it was the lack of leadership and the contention between the judges that caused the famine. Just as the health of a person depends on the limbs of the body receiving their sustenance from the heart, and working together in perfect harmony, so too, does the health of society depend on all the members of the government working together in harmony, under the central leadership of a strong head. Conversely, dissension and fighting in our government affect the health of our country and society negatively. To preempt an unhealthy environment in Israel, caused by various disputes within the government, the Torah sets clear guidelines for how our holy land must be ruled, according to the values of the Torah. 

The Mitzvah to Appoint Righteous Judges

Parashat Shoftim opens with the mitzvah to appoint righteous judges in our land:

ספר דברים פרק טז פסוק יח

שֹׁפְטִים וְשֹׁטְרִים תִּתֶּן לְךָ בְּכָל שְׁעָרֶיךָ אֲשֶׁר הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ נֹתֵן לְךָ לִשְׁבָטֶיךָ וְשָׁפְטוּ אֶת הָעָם מִשְׁפַּט צֶדֶק:

“You shall set up judges and law enforcement officials for yourself in all your cities that Hashem, your G-d, is giving you, for your tribes, and they shall judge the people [with] righteous judgment” (Devarim 16:18).

The criterion for becoming a judge or a chaver Knesset (member of the Jewish government), is not only expertise in their field, but, moreover, ethical integrity, as Rashi explains: AND THEY SHALL JUDGE THE PEOPLE [WITH] RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENT – Appoint judges who are expert and righteous, so that they will judge justly [Sifrei]. How do we define righteousness? Most people agree that a tzaddik (righteous person) is in control of his emotions. Like Hillel in the Mishna, he cannot be provoked to anger. He is soft-spoken and avoids blaming, speaking lashon hara (evil speech) or defamation. Parashat Shoftim further specifies, that a righteous judge “must not pervert justice” by showing favoritism, or taking bribes, “for bribery blinds the eyes of the wise and perverts the words of the righteous” (Devarim 16:19). Who is qualified to decide which leader is righteous and who is not? Unfortunately, democratic elections have proved unable, again and again, to ensure strong leadership by a righteous leader. It is evident, that the person qualified to appoint righteous judges, must himself be righteous. Ideally, the most qualified for this job is the Mashiach – our righteous king – selected by Hashem Himself, through the prophet that anoints him, who received Hashem’s word.

 

In the Merit of Righteous Judges Israel Stays Alive and Settles the Land

Regrettably, our government, today, could hardly be further from unity and peace. I’m saddened when politics and the attempt to crush and dominate by opposing parties take precedence over moral values. Lately, our ministers act only for the sake of opportunism and to ensure their positions, rather than according to ideology and values. I’m referring to how Likud refused to vote for the bill that prevents Arabs married to Israelis from receiving automatic Israeli citizenship, and how the rightwing, Bennett government, refused to vote for the Judea and Samaria sovereignty bill because it was introduced by the Likud. The result is that these bills were rejected. These kinds of political power struggles are the exact opposite of the requirements of the Torah government to pursue righteousness and truth: 

ספר דברים פרק טז פסוק כ צֶדֶק צֶדֶק תִּרְדֹּף לְמַעַן תִּחְיֶה וְיָרַשְׁתָּ אֶת הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ נֹתֵן לָךְ:

“Justice, justice shall you pursue, that you may live and possess the land Hashem, your G-d, is giving you” (Devarim 16:20).                               

Our ability to merit living peacefully in Israel is contingent upon ministers who put the values of the Torah before personal gain, as Rashi explains: THAT YOU MAY LIVE, AND YOU POSSESS THE LAND - The appointment of fitting judges is sufficient merit to keep Israel alive and settled in their land [Sifrei]. 

 

Shalom Overrides Truth

Parashat Shoftim guides us to maintain shalom by appointing trusted arbitrators to settle any possible dispute, which may arise in various legal cases:

ספר דברים פרק יז פסוק ח כִּי יִפָּלֵא מִמְּךָ דָבָר לַמִּשְׁפָּט בֵּין דָּם לְדָם בֵּין דִּין לְדִין וּבֵין נֶגַע לָנֶגַע דִּבְרֵי רִיבֹת בִּשְׁעָרֶיךָ וְקַמְתָּ וְעָלִיתָ אֶל הַמָּקוֹם אֲשֶׁר יִבְחַר הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ בּוֹ: (ט) וּבָאתָ אֶל הַכֹּהֲנִים הַלְוִיִּם וְאֶל הַשֹּׁפֵט אֲשֶׁר יִהְיֶה בַּיָּמִים הָהֵם וְדָרַשְׁתָּ וְהִגִּידוּ לְךָ אֵת דְּבַר הַמִּשְׁפָּט:

“If a matter eludes you in judgment, between blood and blood, between judgment and judgment, or between lesion and lesion, words of dispute in your cities, then you shall rise and go up to the place Hashem, your G-d, chooses. Then you shall come to the Levitic kohanim and to the judge who will be in those days, and you shall inquire, and they will tell you the words of judgment (Devarim 17:8-9).

With one unified, Divinely appointed leadership, you can’t go wrong. Since, the importance of shalom even overrides truth (Rashi, Bereishit 18:13), the authority of Torah leadership must remain undisputed. This is so vital for maintaining Torah law, that when asking questions about Torah law to the Divinely appointed leaders and Rabbis, we are obligated to accept their answer, even if it makes no sense to us. Otherwise, we are back to the anarchy we experience today: “There is no king in Israel and every person does what is straight in his eyes” (Shoftim 21:25). Therefore, the Torah asserts, that no matter what, we must accept the Torah leadership and their rulings. 

Developing Unwavering Faith in Righteous Rabbinic Leadership 

ספר דברים פרק יז  פסוק י וְעָשִׂיתָ עַל פִּי הַדָּבָר אֲשֶׁר יַגִּידוּ לְךָ מִן הַמָּקוֹם הַהוּא אֲשֶׁר יִבְחַר הָשֵׁם וְשָׁמַרְתָּ לַעֲשׂוֹת כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר יוֹרוּךָ: (יא) עַל פִּי הַתּוֹרָה אֲשֶׁר יוֹרוּךָ וְעַל הַמִּשְׁפָּט אֲשֶׁר יֹאמְרוּ לְךָ תַּעֲשֶׂה לֹא תָסוּר מִן הַדָּבָר אֲשֶׁר יַגִּידוּ לְךָ יָמִין וּשְׂמֹאל:

“You shall do according to the word they tell you, from the place Hashem will choose, and you shall observe to do according to all they instruct you. According to the law they instruct you and according to the judgment they say to you, you shall do; you shall not divert from the word they tell you, either right or left (Devarim 17:10-11). 

Rashi notes the repetitious language when prompting us to carry out the ruling of the Torah leadership and explains: EITHER RIGHT OR LEFT – Even if this judge tells you that right is left, and that left is right. How much more so, if he tells you that right is right, and left is left! [Sifrei]. Such required Emunat Chachamim (faith in our Torah leaders) is hard to come upon nowadays. This is partly due to the corruption of leadership within our government. However, since government officials are not divinely ordained, this Torah verse does not apply to them. However, it does apply to true Wisemen and righteous Rabbis even today. When we develop this unwavering faith in the Rabbinic leadership, even if a Rabbi may make a mistake, as it is human to err, we are covered by following his ruling. Since we are acting in accordance with Torah law, we will not be held accountable for any possible rabbinic mistake, and due to our Emunat Chachamim, Hashem will ensure that it will work out right for us. Without this Rabbinic safety net, surely there would be many more mistakes, as the righteous Rabbinic leaders that we consult will be much less inclined to err than we would ourselves if we only followed our own judgment. According to Halacha, if we pose a halachic question, we are obligated to comply. We must also not go ‘Rabbi Shopping.’ When we ask for a Torah ruling, we must trust the answer we receive. Otherwise, what’s the point of asking? If we are not ready to wholeheartedly follow the instructions we receive, the Torah provides another option that offers us a way out. We can ask for advice only, rather than a ruling. Then the answer we receive won’t be binding. 

The Son of the Mistress (Gevirah) and the Son of the Maidservant

In the recent clash between Ben Gevir and the Arab MK Achmad Tibi, who was appointed Knesset speaker, Ben Gevir refused to call the Arab MK Adoni – “My master.” Although it is the custom for Knesset members to address the Knesset speaker this way, there is no clause in the Knesset rules, that requires using this title. For refusing to address him with this title, Tibi ordered the Knesset Guard to remove Ben Gevir from the podium and then the plenum. He was subsequently physically dragged from the hall. I am not saying that Ben Gevir is a saint, but I find it so amiss and distasteful, that an Arab minister is empowered in our Jewish country, to evict a Jewish MK from the government table. Parashat Shoftim clearly states, “you shall not appoint a foreigner over yourself, one who is not your brother” (Devarim 17:15). In view of this Torah statement, I can relate to the aversion of a Jewish government official, being coerced to call an Arab MK “Adoni” which means “Master” or “Lord” rather than just “Sir.” In the land of Israel, only Hashem and the Divinely appointed leadership deserve this kind of respect. Isn’t this a Jewish country, promised to the descendants of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Ya’acov, exclusively? Other nations are welcome guests if they respect the homeowners. But who gives the guests license to lord over the landlords in their own home? 

What Does the Torah Say About Loving Our Body?

Parashat Re’eh

Why are Most People Who Self-Injure Girls?

Although nail biting is very common, affecting 25-30 percent, especially among children, Baruch Hashem, I never had that problem. But I   have a similar problem: picking at my skin, because it is often very dry and peeling. It’s a feeling of just wanting to make it smooth, but this too may be a compulsion. Whoa! I just read that chronic skin-picking or dermatillomania, also called excoriation disorder, is a mental illness related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is characterized by repeated picking at one’s own skin, which results in skin lesions and causes significant disruption in one’s life. Oh well, blessedly, I am not in that category, which also is characterized by spending significant amounts of time – sometimes even several hours a day – on the picking behavior. This, fortunately, is definitely not a habit that I would ever have time for. Sadly, I do have friends, whose teenage children are entrenched in a more pathological way of cutting themselves. They, typically, cut themselves on their wrists or forearms. They might use a razor blade, knife, scissors, the end of a paper clip, a nail file, or a pen. Alternatively, some also burn their skin with the end of a cigarette. Most people who self-injure are girls. Perhaps, this is because they are struggling with more powerful emotions. Cutting might seem to them like the only way to express or control feelings that seem too intense to withstand. It usually starts during the teen years and can continue into adulthood. Many teens self-injure because it provides a sense of relief from deeper painful emotions, such as rejection, lost or broken relationships, deep overwhelming grief, and more. For some, the physical pain of cutting is a way of soothing their emotional pain. They may have experienced trauma, which can cause waves of dissociation (emotional numbness). For them, cutting can be a way of testing whether they can still feel pain. For others, cutting is a way of waking up from that emotional numbness. Whereas emotional pain can feel vague and hard to pinpoint, the cutting may give off a sense of control and relief. Those engaged in this behavior can experience where the specific pain is coming from and a sense of soothing when it stops. Cutting can symbolize inner pain that might not have been verbalized, confided, acknowledged, or healed. By self-inflicting, the person who hurts herself ‘gains’ a sense of control over her own body, emotions, or life circumstances.
 
Self-Mutilation in Idol Worshipping Rituals
Self-mutilation – cutting, harming, or otherwise disfiguring oneself – is not anything new. People have been doing it since the beginning of time. Pagan religious rites, in ancient times, often involved cutting and making themselves bleed to please their idol. It was quite common for worshippers to cut themselves in front of their idols, in order to show submission. The Tanach describes a ritual in which those who worshiped the false god – Ba’al – slashed themselves with swords and spears (I Kings 18:24-29). It might be hard to imagine, but self-punishment is an important part of several religions, even today. What we think of as self-harm today – behaviors like cutting or burning – are generally not the same types of self-mutilation as mentioned in the Torah. While much of the self-mutilation in the Torah was related to pagan idol worship, there are also biblical cases of self-harm related to demonic possession. This can be the case in some situations today. Whatever the cause of self-harming behaviors today, the Torah’s teaching on the subject is still helpful and relevant. Those who are self-injuring and those who have a friend or loved one struggling with self-harming behaviors can find truth, hope, and encouragement in the Torah.
 

Minding the Temple of Our Soul

 

      :ספר דברים פרק יד פסוק א בָּנִים אַתֶּם לַהָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם לֹא תִתְגֹּדֲדוּ וְלֹא תָשִׂימוּ קָרְחָה בֵּין עֵינֵיכֶם לָמֵת

  :כִּי עַם קָדוֹשׁ אַתָּה לַהָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ וּבְךָ בָּחַר הָשֵׁם לִהְיוֹת לוֹ לְעַם סְגֻלָּה מִכֹּל הָעַמִּים אֲשֶׁר עַל פְּנֵי הָאֲדָמָה

“You are children of Hashem, your G-d. You shall neither cut yourselves nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead. For you are a holy people to Hashem, your G-d, and Hashem has chosen you to be a treasured people for Him, out of all the nations that are upon the earth” (Devarim 14:1-2).

 
Our verse teaches us about Hashem’s compassion and love for us – His children. G-d created us in our mother’s womb. Like a loving parent, the last thing He wants is for us to harm our bodies. Hashem created our body in his own image – b’tzelem Elokim. Our body is holy because it is home to our Divine soul and to our inner temple. It is Hashem’s desire that we honor the temple of our soul by loving ourselves and our bodies. Taking good care of our bodies is an important way of serving Hashem. I once heard a story about the Chafetz Chayim (Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan), who was on his way to the bathhouse. Someone asked him where he was going, and he replied, “to perform a great mitzvah.” When requested to give more specifics, the Chafetz Chayim revealed that he was going to the bathhouse. “But I thought you were going to do an important mitzvah!?” remarked the person, bewildered. The Chafetz Chafetz Chaim responded, “If a king has a special statue that is very precious to him, wouldn’t it be a great deed and royal commandment to take good care of this sculpture and keep it clean? Likewise, is it not a great mitzvah to treat our holy body with utmost care and keep it clean, when it is so precious to the King of Kings?”
 
Recalling that we are Children of the Eternal King
I love how Rashi emphasizes that we are not to “make cuts and incisions in our flesh [to mourn] for the dead, in the manner of the Amorites, because we are the children of the Almighty.” We need to integrate that being Hashem’s children, means that we are worthy and beloved. As Rashi continues: “It is, therefore, appropriate for us to be as handsome as we can and not to make cuts or have our hair torn out.” Just as a parent naturally loves their child and would do anything to see him or her succeed, we must remind ourselves that we are the children of the Most High. We are princes and princesses who are worthy of honor and self-love. The Maharal explains, that the prohibition to cut oneself stems from the awareness of Hashem’s unity – unifying judgment with compassion. Regarding G-d as being limited to only the mode of judgment, would indicate that there is another god representing compassion, G-d forbid! Because we believe that Hashem is one and includes all, therefore, even when we go through difficulties and suffer losses, we can still access Hashem’s compassion. In contrast, the idol worshippers, who don’t believe in the oneness of Hashem, relate to their gods as if they are only gods of judgment. By cutting themselves, as part of their idol worship, they actualize their misconceived belief in an angry, punishing god, who desires their self-infliction. The Maharal also gives an additional reason for the prohibition to self-destruct. Since we, the Jewish people, are considered Hashem’s children, that implies that our existence is true and complete. In contrast, self-mutilation is an action of desecration that nullifies the body. Therefore, such actions only pertain to someone who doesn’t have true existence (Maharal, Gur Aryeh, Devarim 14:1).

Self-Harm in Our Time
Unfortunately, in our time, many young and not-so-young people are struggling with low self-esteem and feel unworthy to live a good life. Some believe that they aren’t worthy of existence. Therefore, they engage in self-destructive, painful behavior. There is nothing more painful for a parent than to witness their child – no matter what age – hurting himself. “Parents are only as happy as their unhappiest child!” While the act of self-harm may temporarily resolve the emotional angst, the relief is generally short-lived. Guilt and shame often follow. Although self-harm has been studied extensively for over a decade, findings are never entirely accurate, because of the stigma and shame that surrounds self-injury. The actual rates are likely higher than those currently reported. One analysis of self-injury across more than 40 countries found that:

• About 17% of all people will self-harm during their lifetime
• The average age of the first incident of self-harm is 13
• 45% of people use cutting as their method of self-injury
• About 50% of people seek help for their self-harm but only from friends instead of professionals

Not only is self-harm prevalent, but rates are increasing. There’s been a 50% increase in reported self-injury among young females since 2009. Clearly, self-harm is not a healthy coping mechanism and is not G-d’s desire for His people. Self-harm does not and will not resolve the underlying issues that prompt the behavior. So, what will help?

 

The Mitzvah to Love Yourself
Self-love is the key to heal self-harm. I find, that in our time, we greatly lack self-love. Through my emunahealing practice, I have come across so many women who suffer from a lack of self-worth. The underlying cause for lack of self-love and low self-esteem is often having grown up with critical parents. In order to heal, we need to remember that Hashem is there for us and tune into His unconditional love and acceptance of us. Through guided imagery, meditation, and inner child work, we can learn to give ourselves the love and acceptance we lacked, when growing up. We can also allow Hashem to fill our childhood wounds with His unconditional love and acceptance. It is a mitzvah not only to love others but “to love others as you love yourself!” (Vayikra 18:18). Let us not forget the importance to love ourselves as a value in itself and as a prerequisite for being able to love others. Strengthening our emunah by turning our minds to the truth of Hashem’s compassion and how He guides us to navigate life through all its challenges is vital for self-healing.
 
Practical Tips on How to Heal from Self-Harming
It is important for people engaged in self-harming behaviors to seek help. Though it can be scary, it can also be helpful to confide in a trusted friend or mentor, who can encourage and aid in healing. Parents, of those struggling with self-harm, also need support. Although it may be challenging, it is important not to take our children’s struggles personally. The best help parents can offer, is to extend love and compassion rather than showing disappointment and disapproval. It is important to learn what is causing the behavior and get appropriate therapy for past abuse or traumas. It is no less important to find practical ways to stop engaging in harmful behavior. Prayer, journaling, doing artwork, playing music, going for a walk, calling a friend, taking a shower, or simply allowing oneself to cry can be helpful alternative activities when the urge to harm oneself arises. A counselor or therapist can help come up with a good plan to assist in curbing the damaging behaviors, while also imparting better coping mechanisms for emotional stress. Although self-injury is a serious disorder, it can be healed by turning to Hashem and increasing self-love. A trusted friend, mentor, therapist, and or medical professional can be of great assistance along the journey to full recovery.