Letting Go of Attachments and Reclaiming Our Inner Core

Letting Go of Attachments and Reclaiming Our Inner Core

Parashat Lech Lecha

Go to Yourself by Healing Childhood Wounds

Avraham, our Father paved the way for us to follow in his footprints and learn how to grow spiritually and let go of old ‘stories’ and attachments. When Hashem selected Avraham and sent him on a mission to an unknown land, He told him לֶךְ לְךָ/lech lecha – “Go forth from your land… to the land that I will show you” (Bereishit 12:1). The phrase לֶךְ לְךָ/lech lecha literally means: “Go to yourself.” Avraham’s journey parallels the journey each of us are called upon to follow in our lives. Just as G-d told Avraham, ‘Go to yourself’ – to your source – we are all on the same journey to accessing our true essence and living from that place of connection. In order to reconnect with our essential core – with our neshama (soul) – we need to let go of the exterior attachments that block our inner light. In spiritual healing we work on shedding layer after layer of spiritual and emotional blocks that impede us from accessing our inner essence and truly living a balanced Torah life. We work on healing childhood wounds i.e., negative experiences with a negative lasting effect that keep affecting our current lives even fifty years later. For example, many of the women I treat with EmunaHealing have experienced emotional neglect during childhood. This wound or trauma often makes them feel like they don’t deserve other people’s affection. They develop such a pattern in their relationships because that is what they were led to believe when they were younger, oftentimes by family members or loved ones. As a result, a woman may stay in relationships where she is mistreated and neglected by her husband. She may be unable to assertively work on improving her marriage, because she feels like she doesn’t deserve any better. Alternatively, such a childhood wound – not having received the love she needed as a child – may prevent her from finding a husband all together, because she doesn’t feel worthy of love. 

Let Your Relationship with G-d be Your New Identity

ספר בראשית פרק יב פסוק א וַיֹּאמֶר הָשֵׁם אֶל אַבְרָם לֶךְ לְךָ מֵאַרְצְךָ וּמִמּוֹלַדְתְּךָ וּמִבֵּית אָבִיךָ אֶל הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר אַרְאֶךָּ:

“Hashem said to Avram, ‘Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you’” (Bereishit 12:1).

 

Anyone moving to another country must first leave her home, then her birthplace/neighborhood and lastly her country. Why did the Torah list all the places from which Avraham is to withdraw in the opposite order?

 

…G-d wanted to teach him to detach himself gradually; the way one educates a child, for perhaps it would be difficult for him to accept everything at once. Therefore, first, He asked him to leave his country which is a small request, since a person doesn’t benefit particularly from one land more than from other lands; except for the name and the seeming honor one gets from those who know him… Once he has separated his entire land from his heart, he might be concerned about his ties with the people with whom he grew up, that may help and support him… This attachment is a little stronger than the previous. Once he has distanced himself from this tie, he might be concerned about his closeness to the house of his father, from whom he has additional benefit, more than the others (Kli Yakar, Bereishit 12:1). 

The reversal of the natural order of withdrawal teaches us about Avraham’s spiritual withdrawal that we are called upon to follow. First, we must detach ourselves from the most external, “your country,” and finally we must let go of our innermost attachment, “the house of your father.” G-d is telling Avraham לֶךְ לְךָ/lech lecha – seek yourself, while you simultaneously abandon everything that establishes and confirms selfhood – “from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house.”  The vital ground for self-confirmation, citizenship, property rights and inheritance – essential sources of security (David Aaron). Likewise, we must seek a new and higher identity independent of land, nationality and family. Our new identity is founded upon his relationship with G-d. 

Perform the Mitzvot Without Ego Attachments by Reframing Old ‘Stories’

The goal of Spiritual Healing from the Torah is to connect ourselves and those whom we treat with G-d. This inherent connection may be obscured by attachments and ‘stories.’ We often carry such ‘stories’ or destructive believes since childhood. The ‘story’ I have encountered most often is some or another version of, “I’m not good enough.” Through EmunaHealing we take the person in treatment back to her first childhood memory that created this ‘story’ and we reframe it through tefilah, Inner Child Work, psychodrama and guided visualization. By becoming aware when we are dragging the wound of our inner five-year-old into our adult lives and acting from that place, we can learn to give ourselves the compassion and love which was missing then. This frees us from the control our past pain has on our current lives and enables us to be free to serve Hashem with our full hearts. For example, if we carry the ‘story’ “I’m not good,” we feel the urge to prove ourselves to others by seeking to help them in any way that will help us feel good about ourselves. Yet, this motive affects the quality of our kindness greatly. Others can feel that although we are trying to help them, deep down our help derives from our ego seeking self-assurance. By reframing our past and editing our ‘story’ slowly accepting that we are good enough because Hashem created us, we can loosen the grip the past has on us. Now we are able to help others purely from our desire to extend ourselves to others and perform Hashem’s mitzvah of “Love others like yourself” (Vayikra 18:18).

 

EmunaHealing Exercise to Heal the Story “I’m no good!”?

1. Close your eyes and relax, as you breathe slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.

2. Now, think about when and in which situation did you last experience being affected by your ‘I’m-no-good-story’?

b. How did this ‘story’ affect your action and feelings?

3. Go back in time to access a childhood memory when you first felt this feeling. What happened? What had you done and how were you treated?

4. Try to visualize yourself as that little hurt girl with as many details as possible. What were you wearing, how did you keep your hair? Which place were you in? what did the place look like Etc.

5. Allow your adult self to go down to that little girl, hold and comfort her. Allow her to cry on your shoulder while you show her love and compassion. Listen to her tell you how she feels, while you are holding the space for her and stroking her hair. Let her confide in you and keep comforting her.

6. Now, return to the present and visualize the situation when you last experienced feeling ‘no good.’ How would you presently relate to the situation with more self-confidence?

7. Visualize now how you will respond better next time when a similar situation presents itself in your life.