What is the Root of the Attitude of Entitlement so Common in our Time?

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Parashat Bo 

What is the Root of the Attitude of Entitlement so Common in our Time?  

 

Why Should I Feel Entitled to Appreciation for the Few Things I Do for Others?  

We live in a generation of entitlement! Especially the youngest generation of kids and teens barely say thank you for anything. Our world is replete with an overflow of stuff, so one more hair accessory, necklace, or dress doesn’t make much of a difference. Especially if it is not exactly the right style, color, or brand that we crave. It seems to me that the next generation of parents also aren’t so careful about teaching their children to show appreciation. This is vital because lack of appreciation is a natural human tendency as we see in the Garden of Eden when Adam showed ingratitude for the woman that Hashem had given him (Bereishit 3:12). Without being educated about the importance of appreciation, we may all innately succumb to the feeling of entitlement. I’m grateful to my parents for raising us with the awareness of not taking things for granted. My father grew up as the fifth child of Russian new-immigrant parents. They scraped by and worked themselves up, but my father often told us stories of how he didn’t have many toys like his friends, and how he made his own go-cart out of old boxes and more. From a young age, my mother took me to the library every week and I read many books about people who didn’t have a fraction of all the material comforts which I grew up with. Especially vivid in my memory is the story of a large family who were fortunate to obtain one orange to share between them. Each child was elated to receive one small orange section s/he ate bit by bit with relish. Hearing and reading about people less fortunate than myself guarded me from the feeling of entitlement even before I embraced the Torah path that emphasizes the importance of gratitude. So, it’s hard to understand when we don’t get even a world of acknowledgment for extending ourselves to give gifts or to do favors for others. Sometimes we even get the opposite like, “Why didn’t you buy me such and such instead?!” Although these kinds of statements are hurtful, I want to work on giving altruistically and not for the sake of getting thanks. So, I have decided not to allow myself to feel entitled to appreciation or thanks for any of the few things I do for others.   

 

Inferiority Complex is the Underlying Motive for Expression of Entitlement  

The underlying source of entitlement is our inability to acknowledge the reality of just how much has been given to us rather than made or achieved by  us. This can lead us to be incapable of worshipping anything but ourselves. Feeling entitlement is an expression of arrogance that emanates from the inability or unwillingness to acknowledge our dependence on, or our indebtedness to, anything or anyone beyond ourselves. Entitlement reflects our struggle to admit just how much we owe and how dependent and vulnerable we really are. Perhaps the entitlement prevalent in our time is due to the feeling of insecurity caused by an inferiority complex toward all the successful people portrayed by the advertising media. The more insecure we are deep down, the more we try to hide that insecurity with a façade of beauty, perfection, and entitlement. This becomes a self-feeding vicious cycle, where the people around us make us feel more insecure, as they seem to be so much more successful than us, whereas, in reality, it’s only their external façade that covers up their own insecurity that is no less than ours. The Egyptian oppressing of the Israelites was due to the insecurity feeling that “The children of Israel were becoming more numerous and stronger than them. That Pharaoh’s cruelty stems from his inferiority complex is clearly expressed in the very beginning of the book of Shemot: 

 

“Get ready, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they increase, and a war befall us, and they join our enemies and wage war against us and depart from the land. So, they appointed tax collectors over them to afflict them with their burdens, and they built store cities for Pharaoh, namely Pithom and Ra’amses. But as much as they would afflict them, so did they multiply and so did they gain strength, and they were disgusted because of the children of Israel. So, the Egyptians enslaved the children of Israel with back-breaking labor" (Shemot 1:10-13). 

Feeling insecure and threatened by the success of the Israelites is the underlying motive for the Egyptian expression of entitlement to subjugate the Hebrews.  

 

Why is Pharaoh Asking the Israelites to Bless Him? 

Pharaoh’s arrogance takes on unparalleled proportions when he insolently declares, “The Nile is mine; I made it for myself” (Yechezkiel 29:3). This statement is the most dramatic denial possible of being dependent on G-d. Pharaoh’s self-importance is due to the kind of inferiority complex, which makes us afraid to lose out by elevating others.  True humility emanates from the feeling of self-worth. When we feel good about ourselves it’s much easier to admit our indebtedness to others. Yet, Hashem is crushing Pharaoh’s arrogance with the outbreaks of one plague after the other. At the ultimate plague of the death of the firstborn, Pharaoh realizes that he has no choice other than to send the People of Israel from his land. He summons Moshe and Aharon, telling them:  

 

ספר שמות פרק יב פסוק לא וַיִּקְרָא לְמשֶׁה וּלְאַהֲרֹן לַיְלָה וַיֹּאמֶר קוּמוּ צְּאוּ מִתּוֹךְ עַמִּי גַּם אַתֶּם גַּם בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְכוּ עִבְדוּ אֶת יְהוָֹה כְּדַבֶּרְכֶם: (לב) גַּם צֹאנְכֶם גַּם בְּקַרְכֶם קְחוּ כַּאֲשֶׁר דִּבַּרְתֶּם וָלֵכוּ וּבֵרַכְתֶּם גַּם אֹתִי: 

“Get up and get out from among my people, both you as well as the People of Israel, and go worship G-d as you have spoken!” “Take also your flocks and also your cattle, as you have spoken, and go, but you shall also bless me” (Shemot 12:31-32).  

Pharaoh is not releasing the Jews out of the kindness of his heart. He is forced to do so, against his will, because of the horrible plagues his nation suffered. Isn’t it a chutzpah for Pharaoh now to ask Moshe and Aharon for a blessing? This man, directly responsible for drowning tens of thousands of Jewish children in the Nile, ruling over an evil empire that has brutally enslaved the Jews for generations, has the guts to ask for a blessing from that same people!? Does this scoundrel deserve any kind of a blessing for finally releasing the Jews from their prison and ending their suffering?  

 

Pharaoh’s Feeling of Entitlement Symbolizes our Yetzer Hara 

Rashi based on Onkelos suggests that Pharaoh was a firstborn himself, and feared he, too, would perish during the Plague of the Firstborn, so he asked for prayers to be said on his behalf. Yet it seems far-fetched since Pharaoh asked for a blessing, not prayers. According to Rabbi David Stav, when Pharaoh says, “and also bless me,” he means that the Children of Israel should thank Pharaoh himself for helping facilitate their salvation. Pharaoh wants the nation he has enslaved to feel gratitude towards him. He must be completely detached from reality to believe that the Jews would ever thank Pharaoh for having sent them out of Egypt. Rather than giving us a history lesson on the ancient Pharaoh, the Torah is teaching us something about ourselves. Pharaoh is the embodiment of our yetzer hara. He wants to live in a world in which he is divine, and where everything operates according to his plans. In this world, all of humanity is subservient to him, and he can behave as the most corrupt person alive without any negative repercussions. Pharaoh never expresses remorse for his actions and does not ask Moshe for forgiveness for his cruelty. Since he believes only in himself, he believes he is entitled to gratitude. Anyone living in denial, refusing to take responsibility for his actions, could naively believe that he is deserving of a reward. Pharaoh is living in a form of solitary confinement, which makes him feel license to dehumanize others. When a person’s insecurity – camouflaged as arrogance – gets the better of him, there is a danger of becoming so entrenched in self-serving wickedness and immorality that he loses touch with reality and becomes numb to the feelings of others. If we constantly allow ourselves to live in the illusion of entitlement, we close ourselves off from the possibility of real relationships and connection to others. Pharaoh teaches us the vital lesson that no matter how insecure we may feel, we must beware not to be stuck inside ourselves, to be shackled in a prison of our own making. Rather than covering our low self-esteem with a façade of arrogance and entitlement, we must be willing to expose our vulnerability by acknowledging our shortcomings, our dependence on others, and especially on Hashem. Developing this kind of humility leaves no room for feelings of entitlement.  

 

 

 

             

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Bo Overcoming a Sense of Entitlement 

The entitlement mentality is defined as a sense of deservingness or being owed a favor when little or nothing has been done to deserve special treatment. It’s the “you owe me” attitude. Entitlement is a narcissistic personality trait. People who have a sense of entitlement may try to cut in front of you at the checkout line or demand unreasonable respect and attention. Simply put, people with a sense of entitlement think they deserve special treatment, and the rules don’t apply to them. If you find you have a sense of entitlement, there are ways to change your mindset. Practicing gratitude and humility can help you become more responsible and considerate. If you’re trying to overcome an entitlement mentality, start with the following tips.  

• The Golden Rule – Practice treating others as you would like to be treated. Regardless of social status, we are all human. 
• Recognize That Not All Situations are Unfair – If you’re in a situation you think is unfair, pause for a minute and think about the greater good. Is it right that because you’re paying tuition you must get a good grade? Consider how the world would look if no one else had to work for their grades.  
• Respect – Use respect and kindness when interacting with others. Everyone is a human being with feelings and struggles of their own. Go easy on others. Be sympathetic to their needs.  
• Learn from Your Mistakes – Treat failure as a learning tool. Failing isn’t the end of the world. Mistakes that were made can be corrected next time. Never stop learning and look for the valuable lesson of ‘failure.’