How Can we Keep our Personal Fire for Hashem Going?

 

Parashat Tzav
How Can we Keep our Personal Fire for Hashem Going?

Cleaning out Debilitating Doubts Together with the Chametz

As we are delving deeper into Pesach cleaning, and shedding exterior layers, we may become exhausted feeling depleted and low on energy. Spiritually we may be blocked, finding it difficult to dissolve old, unconscious belief patterns. Doubts creep into our minds and souls, questioning ourselves. Is this refrigerator drawer really clean enough? What about all the crumbs stuck in the crevices of the corners? Am I really on the right path? What about this nagging feeling that I am so far from being good enough? These kinds of self-doubts weaken our resolve and deplete our energy. They make us tired and wired and disconnected. The source of doubts is עֲמָלֵק/Amalek, as the Hebrew word סָפֵק/safek – ‘doubt’ shares the same numerical value as the word Amalek (240). Doubts impede our resolve to move forward. They immobilize us. Therefore the ‘other side’ tries to inject poisonous doubts within us to stop us from keeping the mitzvot. When preparing for Pesach, together with the chametz cleaning, we need to rid ourselves of these dreadful doubts. Although they may seem innocent and born out of humility, they are the worst, because they turn off our fire and excitement for mitzvot. Amalek, the source of darkness, attacked us from behind and hurt the stragglers. They are the weakest part of the community, also reflected in the lowest part of ourselves, where we are most vulnerable. Whenever we are on the way to holiness and great achievements, the doubts of ‘the other side’ attempt to confuse us and make us lose our connections with Hashem and kedusha (holiness). To keep our fire going, we must be firm in our belief and consciously choose to believe in whatever we are doing.

Consciously Choosing to Believe in Whatever we are Doing

Chametz and doubts are two opposite sides of the same distorted approach. Whereas spiritual chametz causes us to be puffed up, arrogance, being over sure of ourselves, and being doubtful is really the same thing on the opposite side of the spectrum, because both attitudes are self-absorbed. When we are plugged in with Hashem, we move forward without arrogance on the one hand and without draining disbelief on the other. As an example of how self-doubt and lack of belief in what we are doing causes total failure, I recall my second year of juice-fasting. It didn’t go well because I stopped believing 100% that the juice fast was good for me. I was not in a supportive environment, my husband the doctor doesn’t believe in juice fasts, and people kept telling me that I was too old to juice fast, or even worse that I looked horrible… I became more and more doubtful, and this lack of emunah affected my immune system and caused me to contract an ear infection. In subsequent years, I have learned to protect myself from people’s negative comments and believe in the efficiency of my annual juice fast to cleanse my body, and even my mindset. Baruch Hashem, with this positive attitude and emunah in what I was doing I have experienced amazing healing results. Similarly, when doing spiritual healing we must believe in the power of the work we do. Even if we are beginners and our work is only 40% accurate, we still need to believe in our G-d-given abilities. Gradually, very gradually we learn to become more accurate, and our channel gradually becomes more and more pure. The purer my channel the more accurate the answers I receive. There is always progress even if we momentarily stop, or stall. We still must keep going gradually forward toward progress.

 Rising above the Doubts by Keeping our Fire for Holiness Going

ספר ויקרא פרק ו פסוק ה

וְהָאֵשׁ עַל הַמִּזְבֵּחַ תּוּקַד בּוֹ לֹא תִכְבֶּה וּבִעֵר עָלֶיהָ הַכֹּהֵן עֵצִים בַּבֹּקֶר בַּבֹּקֶר וְעָרַךְ עָלֶיהָ הָעֹלָה וְהִקְטִיר עָלֶיהָ חֶלְבֵי הַשְּׁלָמִים:

“The fire on the altar shall burn on it; it shall not go out. The kohen shall kindle wood upon it every morning, and upon it, he shall arrange the burnt offering and cause the fats of the peace offerings to [go up in] smoke upon it” (Vayikra 6:5).

The outer altar corresponds to our heart within – it is our source of inspiration and enthusiasm (fire) and our connection with what is beyond us, both other people and Hashem. Whereas the outer copper altar for sacrifices corresponds to our conscious desires, the inner golden altar for incense corresponds to the inner chamber of the heart which contains our deepest, unconscious emotions and infinite longings.

 “[The fire] should not become extinguished even on Shabbat or even if one becomes spiritually impure” (Talmud Yerushalmi, Yoma 4:6).

What message do we learn from the Yerushalmi? The fire that burns constantly on the external altar is the love for G-d that we develop by focusing on spiritual divine concepts, thereby elevating our desires for physical matters. On Shabbat, when there is a higher spiritual illumination shining in the world, we might think that we don’t need to meditate or work as hard spiritually as we do during the week. The Jerusalem Talmud comes to tell us that even on Shabbat we must exercise our power of intellectual meditation. If we do so, then the Shabbat illumination will lift us to even higher levels. The fact that even one who is impure may bring the fire to the outer altar offers a very encouraging message. None of us are perfect as we all make mistakes. Even so, we must not lose faith in ourselves, but keep our fire of devotion going. Like a tzaddik who falls seven times but always gets back up (Mishlei 16:16), we must believe enough in ourselves to rise beyond our self-doubts and never give up. Without depleting doubts, we can keep our fire and enthusiasm focused on our path toward holiness. When we mindfully keep our conscious desires for Torah and mitzvot going, it will affect the inner chamber of our heart – and ignite our deepest superconscious yearnings to desire only the holy. Just as the flames of the sacrifice must rise upward perpetually, so will the scent of our inner yearnings emerge to become an eternal sweet scent before Hashem.

EmunaHealing Exercise for Overcoming Doubts and Strengthening Emunah

1. Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Allow your thoughts to pass through you. Notice what you are thinking and feeling. Become aware of any thoughts of doubt and despair.

2. What are your doubts that deplete your energy and turn off your fire? Imagine each of your doubts as clouds in a blue sky. Visualize popping these clouds one by one with a burst of lovely, enlightening, sunshine. “A little light pushes away a lot of darkness.”

3. Even a small, weak flame can enable you to see in a place otherwise shrouded in darkness. By increasing light, we can drive the darkness of doubt out from our hearts, from our thoughts, speech, and actions through our conscious choices to choose the good.

4. Envision a small flame in your heart gradually growing stronger. Imagine this flame is your enthusiasm for kedusha (holiness).

5. Now, get in touch with your disbelieving doubts, especially your self-doubts. Do you hear a voice telling you that you are no good? What exactly is this voice saying? What are you afraid of? What are you doubting? Imagine your doubts like ice-cold water cooling off the small flame in your heart.

6. Keep breathing mindfully and steadily. Conceive a counter-voice, with a message of encouragement refuting each of your doubts one by one. As you strengthen your counter voice envision the fiery flame growing bigger and bigger, heating up all the ice-cold water, and melting away all the clouds.

7. “Hashem influences and bestows upon each living being a will” (Tehillim 145:16).
'Umashbia l'chol chai ratzon - ספר תהילים פרק קמה פסוק טז  ...וּמַשְׂבִּיעַ לְכָל חַי רָצוֹן: (תפילת אשרי)

Our will is the gasoline, without the gasoline the vehicle will not move. Ask yourself, what do I really want? What do I want to attain right now, and in the future? Make a strong resolve to pursue your desire to rise in holiness.

8. Your will is part of your Keter (crown), from where you draw your aspirations. Construct a positive affirmation that pertains to your particular desire for holiness. Begin your positive affirmation with: “I choose to believe…” Repeat your personal positive affirmation six times, while tuning into its message and anchoring it in your heart.
9. Recognize that we have no power over the results, yet “I choose,” and the rest is up to Hashem. Through the sentence “I choose.” You activate your will! With your resolve, you can now begin to follow your will and walk toward your highest spiritual goal.
10. Feel your energy rising, and let it energize your entire being from the top of your head to the soles of your feet.