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Letting Go of Taking
Care of Others
Some people believe that when they go to the doctor or to an
alternative healer, they can leave their ailment in the hands of a capable health professional to take care of it for them. Advertisements flooding us
from left to right brainwash us to believe that if we only pay enough, all our
troubles and needs can be taken care of. This is the opposite of the approach of
EmunaHealing. We believe that people must learn to take responsibility for
their own healing. The healer is only a facilitator. Therefore, we don’t even
use the terms ‘patient’ or ‘client’ which indicate the passivity of the person
seeking help with their spiritual, emotional, or physical health. The first
thing the EmunaHealer explains to the people we work with is: “I can only help
remove the thorns and thistles that block your way from moving forward in life
and receive healing on all levels. Yet, it is upon you to actually walk on your
path!” The same principle must be applied to everything in life, especially
when it comes to the education of our students as well as our children. This is
why at B’erot Bat Ayin we emphasize not only giving inspiring lectures but also
teaching our students skills, so they will be able to continue to learn on
their own.
Teaching our
Dependents to Take Responsibility for Their own Lives
I recall many years ago, struggling with trying
to stop taking responsibility for my son’s homework. My natural inclination was
to remind, remind and remind until he completed his homework – together with my
help of course! Yet most often children, whose mothers don’t remind them, or
don’t even remember that their kids have homework, quickly learn to take
responsibility for their own homework, which their teachers expect of them. For
‘helicopter moms’ like me, it can also be challenging to let go of taking care
of our adult children, especially letting go of worrying about them, when they
don’t take care of themselves properly according to our minimum standards. Yet,
mothers, who won’t stop being over-protective, could G-d forbid prevent their
children from getting married and starting their own families. The opening of Parashat
Tetzave teaches us the importance of allowing our dependents to take
responsibility for their own lives:
ספר שמות פרק כז פסוק כ וְאַתָּה תְּצַוֶּה אֶת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיִקְחוּ אֵלֶיךָ שֶׁמֶן זַיִת זָךְ כָּתִית לַמָּאוֹר לְהַעֲלֹת נֵר תָּמִיד:
The Hebrew word for “to kindle” is לְהַעֲלֹת/l’ha’alot – ‘to raise.’ This teaches us that rather than continuing the endless spoon-feeding, our job, as parents and educators, is to raise our children and students to no longer be dependent on us. As Rashi explains based on the Talmud Shabbat 21a, when the kohen kindles the candle, he shall light it until the flame rises by itself. Since “The candle of G-d is the soul of a person” (Mishlei 20:27), we can apply everything written in our Torah verse to people.
Our Divine Mother – A Role model of Balanced
Parenting
Hashem and his Shechina relate to us as role
models of parenting. S/He doesn’t overprotect us by constantly removing
obstacles from our path. Rather, S/He allows us to grow from our mistakes,
thereby teaching us to rise to the challenge. Although Hashem’s Shechina is
hidden, when we reach out for help, Hashem is always there for us. S/He,
comforts our pain, gently encouraging us to forge healthy lives by illuminating
the Torah path for us, from within the thorns of difficult darkness and despair
in each challenging situation. The last part of our Torah verse: “To kindle or
raise an eternal candle” refers to our continued tefilah (prayers) which may
never cease. This teaches us that if we pray from the depths of our hearts, we
will receive Hashem’s loving answer. The Talmud notices that it states, “and
eternal candle” in singular, referring specifically to the middle candle which
illuminates perpetually (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 26b). This teaches
us that while it is the job of people to ignite the majority of the candles, a
metaphor for taking responsibility for our lives, the Shechina will ensure to
keep the middle candle perpetually lit for us, as it states, “Your words are a
candle for my foot, and light for my path” (Tehillim 119:105). Just as a
mother – keeping healthy boundaries and giving her adult children space – would
never forsake them, when they ask her for help, likewise whenever we feel lost
in darkness, if we truly turn to Hashem, we can receive His guidance and help.
Igniting the Perpetual Light of our Soul
We are called upon to raise our souls to
illuminate and cleave to Hashem perpetually. Even when we are busy with
material matters. While our hands are folding laundry or doing dishes, our
minds and desires can cleave to Hashem (Be’er Mayim Chayim, Parashat Yitro
19). The word נֵר/ner – ‘candle’ is an acronym for נְ'שָׁמָה ר'וּחַ/neshama, ruach – ‘soul, spirit.’ “The eternal
candle” refers to our perpetual endeavor to keep igniting Hashem’s candle – the
human soul. There will be ups and downs within our lives, yet every descent is
for the sake of increasing Hashem’s honor to make it dwell within the lowest
most earthly level. The last letters of לְהַעֲלֹת נֵר תָּמִיד/leha’alot ner tamid
spell out תר"ד/tered
– ‘going down.’ Every descent is for the sake of ascending (Ohev Yisrael, Parashat
Tetzave). When we at times fall from our level of spirituality, we can
elevate even this lowliness to become attached to the blessed Creator. This is
the meaning of כָּתִית
לַמָּאוֹר/katit l’ma’or
– “crushed for lighting.” When we turn to Hashem within our constriction of
feeling down and lonely, we can transform even the crushed and lowly part of
ourselves to become the greatest light (based on Meor Einayim, Tehillim).
On a universal level, perhaps the word לַמָּאוֹר/ma’or
– “as illumination” alludes to the third Temple, as the redemption and what
follows is described as light, like for example, “Arise, shine, for your light
has dawned, etc.” (Yesha’yahu 60:1); (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Shemot
27:20).
EmunaHealing Exercise for Igniting Every Part of Your Being
1. Relax into a comfortable position and breathe slowly and mindfully.
2. Inhale Hashem’s life-giving light into your forehead and exhale any
doubts you may hold in that place. Breathe perpetual light into your eyes and
breathe out of your eyes any negativity
you may have encountered. Inhale divine light into your nose and exhale any
foul smell. Breathe light and sweetness into your mouth and
breathe out of your mouth any kind of sourness and bitterness. Inhale the
musical light into your ears and exhale any unpleasant noise and static from
your ears.
3. Envision now how the seven openings of your face – two eyes, two
ears, two nostrils and your mouth are now ignited with Divine light. Imagine a
candle flame shining through each of these openings.
4. Breathe the candlelight into your chest, arms, and fingers, and
finally into your hips, pelvis, legs, and feet. Visualize your illuminated
self.
5. Let your mind drift to a challenging situation you are facing or have
been facing. Tap into the frustration, pain, or lowliness. Where are these
uncomfortable feelings residing in your body? Can you locate your pain?
6. Place your hands on the parts of your body that house your recent
challenging situation. Breathe into the discomfort and distress of that place.
Imagine breathing perpetual candlelight into these dark knots of constriction.
Can you feel how the divine light enables your body to release the pain?
7. Now, envision a candle flame in your pelvic area and focus on the
blue part hugging the wick. This part of the flame corresponds to your נֶפֶשׁ/nefesh, Ask Hashem to
illuminate this lowest part of your soul with the flame of His eternal candle.
As you breathe deeply into your pelvic area envision how completely illuminated
it is becoming.
8. Breathe divine light into your diaphragm and envision a candle flame
there in the middle part of your body. Focus on the main white part of the
flame itself, which corresponds to the רוּחַ/ruach – spirit. Ask
Hashem to enlighten this middle part of your being with eternal light. Discover
how your lungs and heart are filled more and more with eternal light with each
breath!
9. Focus on your head and face and breathe divine light into them.
Envision breathing candle flames through each of the openings of your face.
Focus on the aura around the flames that exists in pure potentiality. This part
of the candle reflects your נְשָׁמָה/neshama. Ask Hashem to illuminate your face perpetually
and envision His light igniting every part of your face.
10. As you allow yourself the wonderful tingling feeling of the
illumination of your entire being, thank Hashem for being there for you through
His Eternal light. Breathe into the potential of an even greater revealed light
for you and for the entire universe at the final redemption. Recite softly,
“Arise, shine, for your light has dawned” three times, then open your
eyes.
A wonderful feeli ng thank you
ReplyDeletemy pleasure!
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