Parashat Beha’alotcha: How Can We Learn Positivity and Total Trust from the Israelites’ Desert Complaint?

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Parashat Beha’alotcha
How Can We Learn Positivity and Total Trust from the Israelites’ Desert Complaint? 

What are the Three Human Weaknesses that Cause Ungratefulness? 

I notice three Human Nature weaknesses through which we all are easily led astray into ungratefulness. The first is our tendency to notice the negative constantly, the second is our unsatisfiable desire for more no matter how much we already have, and the third is our worries that we may lose what we have.  How do these underlying principles of ingratitude play out in our lives? Hmm. When people visit, I can’t understand why they always rave about my garden. All I see are a few occasional flowers hidden in all the weeds I didn’t get to. I also discern all the withering leaves and all the plants that are struggling. I furthermore sadly recall all those plants that died for various reasons. When I visit my friends’ gardens – I’m truly impressed – wishing my garden would be even just a fraction as lush, vibrant, and colorful. Due to this tendency to view what belongs to myself in a negative light, I don’t wear the glasses I’m supposed to wear except for when I’m driving or going out to watch a show, both of which I rarely do these days. If I were to wear my glasses at home, I would constantly notice the dirty spots on my ceramic floor, kitchen counter, and cabinets. No matter how much I would try to clean, everything would become dirty again quicker than I could wipe the spots away. We all go through life wearing dirt-colored glasses, continually noticing the negative, but it is not always as easy to remove these glasses as it is for me to avoid wearing mine. Regarding the second human weakness, today the scent of my husband grilling the Shabbat chicken made me feel such a craving to dig into that juicy piece on a Friday morning that it took great effort to pull myself away. When my husband offered me a mini piece to taste I had to recline, knowing that this little chicken crump that had come apart from the thigh was only going egg my appetite, and it would be hard not to gobble up the full piece reserved for Shabbat. I suffer much from the third weakness of worry. What’s gonna be? what’s gonna be? In a day and age when so many couples get divorced, what if that would happen to my newlywed son, G-d forbid? How could we ever bear it? Will we have new students for the summer program? How will the midrasha continue when someday I will need to retire? These kinds of worries distract me from appreciating what is. 

Craving a Craving for More and More 

The Israelites in the desert fell prey to these human weaknesses and thus displayed the utmost ingratitude. Although, the manna would taste almost like everything you imagined (BT, Yoma 75a), the Israelites exposed their desire for more and more:

ספר במדבר פרק יא פסוק ד וְהָאסַפְסֻף אֲשֶׁר בְּקִרְבּוֹ הִתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה וַיָּשֻׁבוּ וַיִּבְכּוּ גַּם בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וַיֹּאמְרוּ מִי יַאֲכִלֵנוּ בָּשָׂר: 

“But the multitude among them began to have strong cravings. Then even the children of Israel once again began to cry, and they said, “Who will feed us meat?” (Bamidbar 11:4).

The Hebrew literally reads הִתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה/hitavu ta’avah – ‘they craved a craving.’ This implied that they objected to their spiritual lifestyle of being nursed directly by the Divine. The sacred manna, completely absorbed into their bodies without any waste whatsoever (BT, Yoma 75b), was too ethereal for them. You could never overeat or binge on manna. It was angelic food. They craved an earthy life of roast beef and potatoes that would saturate their body with that heavy feeling of having overeaten. Rashi explains that the Israelites indeed did have meat, but they were looking for a pretext to complain even if their craving was unbounded: WHO WILL FEED US MEAT? - Did they not have meat? Does it not say, “Also a great mixed multitude went up with them, and flocks and cattle” (Shemot 12:38)? You might argue that they had already eaten them. But when they were about to enter the Land, is it not written that “the children of Reuven had much cattle” (Bamidbar 32:1)? The answer is that they were seeking a pretext [Sifrei Beha’alothecha 1:42:4]; (Rashi, Bamidbar 11:4). Although our students are generally of the most spiritual caliber and would give anything for a taste of manna, occasionally we do have students who feel the need for a break to get away from spiritual Bat Ayin and submerge themselves in secular Tel Aviv. 

Belittling the Sacred Manna – the Most Valuable Divine Gift

The Manna was the Israelites’ spiritual barometer and came to the doorstep of the person deserving it. Otherwise, according to the severity of sin, one would have to go further away to collect his daily portion of manna. Rather than appreciating the bread from heaven, the people spoke degradingly of the superior manna Hashem had provided:

ספר במדבר פרק יא פסוק ה זָכַרְנוּ אֶת הַדָּגָה אֲשֶׁר נֹאכַל בְּמִצְרַיִם חִנָּם אֵת הַקִּשֻּׁאִים וְאֵת הָאֲבַטִּחִים וְאֶת הֶחָצִיר וְאֶת הַבְּצָלִים וְאֶת הַשּׁוּמִים: (ו) וְעַתָּה נַפְשֵׁנוּ יְבֵשָׁה אֵין כֹּל בִּלְתִּי אֶל הַמָּן עֵינֵינוּ:

“We remember the fish we ate in Egypt free of charge, the cucumbers, the watermelons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!” (Bamidbar 11:5-6).

Living such spiritual lives is obligating. As Rashi explains, the Egyptians didn’t give them fish free of charge, as it states, “Straw shall not be given to you” (Shemot 5:18)? Now if straw was not given free of charge, was fish given to them free of charge? So, what does “free of charge” mean? Free from [the burden of] mitzvot [based on Sifrei Beha’alothecha 1:42:5]; (Rashi, Bamidbar 11:6). The Israelites loathed to be monitored spiritually by the manna, they wanted to be ‘free’ in the lowest sense of the word – free to do whatever they felt like whether it was aligned with the divine will or not. According to Rabbeinu Bachaya, the Israelites expressed their disgust at what was a most valuable gift from G-d. They belittled the manna by comparing it unfavorably to Egypt’s most inferior produce. Moreover, the fact that they mentioned fish was an outright insult against the manna since the only kind of fish the Israelites got in Egypt were the fish that had been caught at least four or five days previously and had already begun to decompose and stink. When the Torah refers to the fish in the Nile when the river was turned into blood, the river is described as “stinking with these dead fish” and the dead fish are described as דָּגָה/daga (Shemot 7:17). Likewise, the Israelites remembered הַדָּגָה/hadaga instead of דָּגִים/dagim or הַדָּג/hadag – “the fish.” The word הַדָּגָה/hadaga means that these fish had decomposed to the extent that they were recognizable only as a species not individually. Through persistently looking for the negative, the Israelites expressed their dissatisfaction with the good they had. 

Torah, Positivity, and Total Trust – The Antidotes to Cravings, Negativity and Worry 

The Israelites were concerned and worried about what their future would hold. They feared their bodies would dry out without more substantial food than manna, so they grumbled: “We have nothing but manna to look at: Manna in the morning, manna in the evening” [Sifrei Beha’alothecha 1:42:5]; (Rashi, Bamidbar 11:6). It got to the point where the Israelites pined after the ‘good old days’ of their slavery in Egypt, where they didn’t have to worry about their physicality drying up. They got so worried that hundreds of years of hard slave labor in Egypt seemed like paradise. They may have had food and water in Egypt, but they had somehow forgotten about the physical brutality they had endured during their slavery there. G-d miraculously rescued them from over 200 years of cruel slavery, yet they still doubted that He could meet even their most basic needs. We read the Hagaddah every Pesach to remind ourselves and recall how Hashem – throughout the ages – has taken care of us, brought us out of the Egyptian slavery, and embraced us with His Holy Torah on Mt. Sinai. The key to overcoming worry is to recall the message of the Hagaddah, reminding ourselves that just as Hashem has always been there for us in the past, so will He continue to supervise our lives in the very best way for us. By developing our spiritual desire for Torah, trust in Hashem, and a positive attitude, we can overcome the Human weaknesses of craving, worrying, and constantly noticing the negative. Parashat Beha’alotcha means “When you ascend.” In the spirit of Beha‘alotecha, let us continue to ascend, and step up to ignite the candles of spirituality, positivity, and total trust in Hashem!  

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Beha’alotcha –

Some Tips for Overcoming Negativity and Complaining

We need to stay focused on Hashem, remember His faithfulness, and learn to have a thankful heart in all circumstances. I can assure you that it is easier said than done. I am definitely a work in progress when it comes to the area of complaining. I have learned, however, that the more we thank Hashem for all of our blessings in life, the more we recognize His presence in our lives. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with confiding in a trusted mentor or friend about your life struggles. It can help you grow stronger in your emunah. Complaining, however, involves a completely different mindset.

• Notice How Complaining Makes You Forget Hashem – when we choose to complain, we take our focus off of G-d and His goodness. Even throughout hardships and sickness, G-d is good, G-d is our Healer. Complaining can keep us from recognizing that fact.

 

• Complaining Causes Us to Focus on Our Problems Rather than the Answer – The Israelites were complaining in the desert because they had forgotten all that G-d had done for them. In every circumstance leading up to this point, G-d had provided for them. They were so focused on how they felt and stuck in their negative outlook that they had forgotten that G-d had always provided for their needs. Hashem is our loving parent and wants only our best. 

  

When we complain, We Cause a Desecration of Hashem’s Name – It is way too easy to ‘vent’ our frustrations to others. Instead of telling others about Hashem’s Divine Supervision in our lives, we end up complaining about our current circumstances. Why would anyone want to serve the G-d of someone unhappy and constrantly complaining? We misrepresent our good and faithful G-d when we do nothing but complain.

 

• Complaining Keeps Us from Our G-d-given Tasks – The enemy loves to keep us focused on our problems. G-d has big plans for every one of us, but when we get into a complaining mindset, it’s easy to stay there. We can’t accomplish much when we are unhappy with life. It makes us live in a constant state of misery, worry, and discontentment. It cripples us from doing the things G-d has called us to do.

  

• Complaining About Our Circumstances Won’t Change Them – Can you think of a time when complaining accomplished anything? Probably not. All complaining ever does for me is make me even more upset. I actually become angrier when I complain. I begin to feel ‘entitled’ somehow…even bitter. Circumstances are changed when we change our attitudes and take action accordingly. Complaining is pointless and won’t get you where you need to be.

• Complaining Stems from an Ungrateful Heart – The Israelites weren’t thinking about all the amazing things G-d had done for them. Instead, they were focused on themselves and their current struggles. We need to stay focused on Hashem. We need to remember His past faithfulness and learn to retain a thankful heart in every circumstance. I can assure you that it is easier said than done. I am definitely a work in progress when it comes to complaining. I have learned, however, that the more we thank G-d for all of our blessings in life, the more we recognize His presence in our lives.

What is the Connection Between Gratitude and Humility?

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Parashat Shemot 

What is the Connection Between Gratitude and Humility?

Gratitude for the Divine Gifts Received Through People  

It’s not always easy to be grateful to Hashem, as we are not always aware of all the goodness, He constantly showers upon us. Since Hashem is concealed in this world, all his personal gifts to us are likewise hidden. They often come to us through other people that Hashem chose as emissaries. This is why the Hebrew term for gratitude, Hakarat Hatov – ‘recognizing or calling out the good’ is so central to Judaism. When we receive a gift or a favor from someone, we mustn’t forget to be grateful to both the person who benefited us and Hashem who sent him or her. We must always remember to be kind to those from whom we once benefitted, as it states, “Don’t throw stones into the well from which you drank” (Babylonian Talmud, Bava Kama 92b). Every time I walk to B’erot to teach I pass the Bat Ayin community building which has now become the headquarters of the soldiers protecting our Yishuv. I mentally send them my blessing, as I’m so thankful that because of the soldiers’ constant vigil 24/7 we can all sleep well at night. We can also do nature hikes and run in the forest. Since October 7th before I go on my weekly walk/run, I call the security of Bat Ayin to let them know where I plan to go. It gives me a feeling of safety, knowing someone capable is looking after me.  I’m also thankful to the army in general for the wisdom of letting the residents of our Yishuv, who were called in as reservists, serve here in Bat Ayin. Not only does it make it much easier for these soldiers to see their families, but they will moreover be able to do a much better job protecting us, since they know the terrain, and because they are motivated to the utmost to guard over their own family and friends. So, thank you, Hashem, for Your protection and for imbuing the IDF with wisdom! 

 

The Consequence of Ingratitude to Hashem’s Agents That Benefits Us  

In Parashat Shemot, a new Pharaoh rose, who had entirely forgotten about how Yosef benefited his country and that without him, Egypt wouldn’t have survived the seven years of famine. Due to his lack of memory and gratitude, the ‘new Pharaoh began oppressing the Hebrews. Eventually, this oppression resulted in the slavery for 210 years of the Hebrews in Egypt. 

 

ספר שמות פרק א פסוק ח וַיָּקָם מֶלֶךְ חָדָשׁ עַל מִצְרָיִם אֲשֶׁר לֹא יָדַע אֶת יוֹסֵף: 

“A new king arose over Egypt, who did not know Yosef” (Shemot 1:8). 

 

A NEW KING AROSE - [There is a controversy between] Rav and Samuel. One says: He was really new, and the other one says: His decrees were new (Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 11a). Since the Torah does not say: The king of Egypt died, and a new king arose, it implies that the old king was still alive, only that his policies had changed, and he acted like a new king who did not know about him (Rashi, ibid.). “At first, he denied the good that Yosef did for him, and afterward he deteriorated in his evil to the lowest depths, for he denied Hashem and even was cruel towards a low and shattered nation.” (Yefe To’ar, Midrash Shemot Rabbah 1:8).  Rabbeinu Bachaya quotes the midrash which asks, Was he Pharaoh] unfamiliar with Yosef? Rabbi Avin said: This is analogous to one who stoned someone beloved by the king. The king said: ‘Behead him because tomorrow he will do the same to me.’ That is why the verse wrote [this] about him, as though to say: Today [he acts as one], “who did not know Yosef,” tomorrow he is destined to say: “I do not know Hashem” (Shemot 5:2); (Midrash Shemot Rabbah 1:8). This midrash illustrates the importance of showing gratitude even to the friends of the one who benefits us or even just to his servant as we learn from the following Talmudic metaphor: “The wine belongs to the owner, yet the thanks are given to the waiter.” I.e., the wine belongs to the king. Still, those who drink thank the waiter, because it is common courtesy to say thank you and express gratitude to that waiter who serves the wine, since if we don’t show gratitude to the one who serves us the goodness, we will, in the end, come to be ungrateful to the owner (Babylonian Talmud, Bava Metzia 92b). In other words, if we do not train ourselves to thank Hashem’s agents that benefit us – we will end up becoming ungrateful to G-d. “Whoever denies the good of his friend, in the end, will deny G-d’s good” (Midrash Hagadol cited in Torah Sheleimah).  

  

Gratitude Includes Actively Remembering What Others Have Done for Us 

“One who is careful not to be ungrateful will not sin easily,” because the root of all negative traits is ingratitude. When we master the trait of gratitude, we will naturally not oppose Hashem who sustains us daily with life, food, and all our needs (Rabbi Yonatan Eibshutz, Ya’arot Dvash). The first sins in the Torah were due to ingratitude. Although Hashem elevated the serpent above all the animals with the ability to walk upright and speak, it misused these powers to tempt Chava to sin against G-d (Bereishit 3:1). The first man likewise was ungrateful when he blamed Chava for his eating from the Tree of Knowledge saying: “The woman whom You gave [to be] with me she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Ibid. 3:12; Babylonian Talmud, Avoda Zara 5b). “This trait of ungratefulness is also a branch of the trait of haughtiness” (Ya’arot Devash ibid.) Thus, the punishment of the snake, “You shall crawl on your belly,” counters its haughtiness by removing the privilege it received from G-d to walk upright. Interestingly, Pharaoh – who also displayed extreme haughtiness – personifies the serpent: “Thus said G-d, Behold, I am against you, Pharaoh, king of Egypt, the great serpent that crouches inside its rivers, who has said, ‘My river is mine, and I have made myself.’” (Yechezkiel 29:3). Whereas the Nile represents the predictable watering of the fields, the unpredictability of rain encourages reliance upon G-d. By relying on the Nile, Pharaoh became synonymous with his river, his god, and his philosophy of denying G-d’s active involvement in life. No wonder he easily forgot the embarrassing fact that he had relied on and benefitted from Yosef who was greater and wiser than himself. Gratitude depends on not only appreciating what others do for us but also actively remembering what others have done for our benefit. To remain active appreciators, we must exercise both humility and memory. 

 

Giving Birth to the Redemption of Israel Through Actively Looking for the Good 

Gratitude in Hebrew is called הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב/hakarat hatov – ‘recognizing the good.’ In contrast to Pharaoh who lacked appreciation, Moshe’s Mother Yocheved recognized the goodness of her son immediately at his birth, as it states: 

 

ספר שמות פרק ב פסוק ב וַתַּהַר הָאִשָּׁה וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן וַתֵּרֶא אֹתוֹ כִּי טוֹב הוּא וַתִּצְפְּנֵהוּ שְׁלשָׁה יְרָחִים:    

“The woman became pregnant and gave birth to a son and she saw that he was good, and she hid him for three months” (Shemot 2:2). 

 

Don’t all parents consider their newborns good? Why did the Torah need to state this? The reason is that Yocheved noticed something extraordinarily good when Moshe was born – the whole house was filled with light as in, “G-d saw the light that it was good” (Bereishit 1:4); (Rashi, Shemot 2:2, based on Sotah 12a; Shemot Rabbah 1:20).  It would have been sufficient to state “And she saw that he was good” (without the הוּא/Hu in the end). The Torah added the word, הוא/Hu because it is the name of G-d. הוא/Hu –“He has created us and not us” (Tehillim 100:3).  “I am G-d הוא /Hu is my name” (Yesha’yahu 42:8).  The word טוֹב/tov alludes to the house being filled with light and the word הוא/Hu to the Shechinah that she Mohe’s mother saw with her son. I believe Yocheved’s special quality through which she merited to become the mother of Moshe was that “she saw that he was good!” She was on a high enough level to see the light and the Shechinah attached to Moshe because she was actively looking for the good through which she could see and realize Moshe’s full potential. Seeing the good in others and especially in our children is one of the main qualities needed to raise them to achieve their highest potential. Yocheved not only gave birth to Moshe, as the main Hebrew midwife during the Egyptian exile, she was instrumental in birthing the Jewish people to emerge from slavery to freedom. During the current challenging time for Israel, we must learn from Yocheved to actively look for the good and appreciate every divine miracle, small or great in order to give birth to the redemption of Israel!  

 

 

             

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Shemot 

• Make a point of noticing the good in your significant other and anyone else who is close to you – and validate the good you recognize with a sentence that begins “I am grateful for . . .” If you get irritated with him, do your utmost to look for the good points even in that which irritates you. For example, if your husband, your mother, or someone else yells at you for leaving a mess, focus on how this person has a good quality of appreciating and clean and orderly space.      

• Seek the good and notice the benefit you receive from anyone – It could be the service person who fixes your internet or the warehouse clerk who has been helpful to you. Make sure to show your appreciation and give thanks. Last week I arrived late at the music store to buy a new guitar. The guy was about to pack up, but he stayed to help me find the right guitar, which I thankfully bought. I wasn’t going to detain him trying to help me without at least giving him business. Needless to say, I thanked him profusely!                                                                              

• When following the news, look for the positive – Although war is so terrible, and the losses so painful, we mustn’t let it get us down and make us depressed. Even within the pain of war, there are sparkles of light. Notice how the Jewish people are coming together like never before. Share stories of miracles and the greatness of our people who are stepping up to show love and care to the soldiers and one another. Watch this video to learn of the good this war has brought Israel