Parashat Shelach-Lecha: Is It Possible to Merit the Land of Israel Without Trusting Hashem?

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Parashat Shelach Lecha
Is It Possible to Merit the Land of Israel Without Trusting Hashem?

What Were Our Challenges of Returning to the Land?

This week, my husband and I are celebrating 33 years since our return to Eretz Yisrael, after having been exiled from the Land for four long years. My husband had been obligated to repay his medical school loans by serving in a physician shortage area. Though he managed to defer the obligation for over seven years, it eventually reached the Israeli courts. The leading Rabbis he consulted – including Dayan Eliashiv z”l – ruled unequivocally: he had to go. And so, I followed my husband with our young son, tears falling into the darkness of the exile of New York, and later, Memphis, Tennessee. From 1988 to 1992, we lived in yearning, longing to return to the Land we had made our home since 1980, when we married and made Aliyah.

Finally, the day arrived. Our term was up, and we could board the long-awaited flight back to our beloved homeland. That week, Parashat B’Ha’alotcha was read in the synagogues abroad – a title that can be understood as “when you ascend (make Aliyah).” In Israel, however, they were already reading Parashat Shelach – about the sin of the spies who feared conquering the Holy Land. The contrast between the two readings felt divinely orchestrated, facilitating our transfer from the comfort of exile to the spiritual demands of living in Eretz Yisrael. Parashat Shelach, with its succinct and piercing welcome message, couldn’t have been more fitting to help us transition out of the pampered, cushioned, material exile mentality that had gradually crept deeper and deeper into our psyches during our years on foreign soil. Our eyes, conditioned by years in the Diaspora, were quick to notice the outer imperfections: peeling paint, bare bulbs without lampshades, and children with runny noses. The modern equivalent of the temptation of the Israelites’ desiring to return to ‘Egypt’ (Bamidbar 14:4) crept in. We found ourselves struggling with a longing for wall-to-wall carpets, orderly supermarkets, and a life of ease.

Developing Inner Vision

I still vividly recall how that very first Shabbat back in Israel, my husband and I learned the Sefat Emet together about cultivating inner vision. That learning immediately began to dissolve the exile mentality that had clung to us.

ספר במדבר פרק טו פסוק לט וְהָיָה לָכֶם לְצִיצִת וּרְאִיתֶם אֹתוֹ וּזְכַרְתֶּם אֶת כָּל מִצְוֹת הַשֵׁם וַעֲשִׂיתֶם אֹתָם וְלֹא תָתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם אֲשֶׁר אַתֶּם זֹנִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם:

“This shall be fringes for you, and when you see it, you will remember all the commandments of Hashem to perform them, and you shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes after which you are going astray” (Bamidbar 15:39).

Rashi comments: “[the eyes and the heart are] the two scouts of the body.” This profound teaching urges us to follow the pnimiyut (the inner dimension) rather than be misled by external appearances. In the Holy Land, instead of reacting to what the physical eye sees, we are called to nullify ourselves before the Divine and perceive only what Hashem wants us to see: the Divine vitality that animates all things.

The sin of the spies, the Sefat Emet explains, stemmed from a lack of emunah. To their rational minds, it seemed impossible to enter the Land – and indeed, they never did. But had they believed and surrendered their perception to the will of Hashem, that very faith would have lifted them above natural limitations. As Hashem told Avraham, “Go out of your astrology...” (Bereishit 15:5), and it is written, “He believed in Hashem...” (ibid., verse 6).

This refers to drawing down and cleaving to the inner Divine vitality. The verse doesn’t say, “so that you shall remember them” – the tzitzit alone – but rather, “you shall remember [all the mitzvot].” The Sefat Emet explains that zechirah – remembrance – means being fully connected to the inner divine life-force. Through that connection, we are able to perform the mitzvot.

When we remember that even our very life-force comes from Hashem, we realize we are never truly disconnected. No matter how unworthy or distant we may feel, that perception is only external – a ploy of the yetzer hara of exile mentality. Hashem’s Torah and mitzvot are the life of the entire world, as it is said: “for they are our life” (Sefat Emet, Shelach, 5631).

These powerful words entered our hearts that very first Shabbat back in Israel and helped lift us above the distractions of peeling paint, bare bulbs, and runny noses – reconnecting us to the inner vitality of the Holy Land: the Shechinah dwelling within it.

What is the Source of Fear and Lack of Self-confidence to Enter the Land?

Parashat Shelach confronts us with one of the most painful failures in our national history: the rejection of Eretz Yisrael. Twelve spies were sent to scout the Land, but ten returned with fear-laden words that shook the heart of the people. Rather than drawing strength from the holiness of the Land and the promise of Hashem, they focused on the challenges, exaggerating the obstacles and diminishing their own power.

ספר במדבר פרק יג פסוק לג וְשָׁם רָאִינוּ אֶת הַנְּפִילִים בְּנֵי עֲנָק מִן הַנְּפִלִים וַנְּהִי בְעֵינֵינוּ כַּחֲגָבִים וְכֵן הָיִינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶם:

“There we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, descended from the giants. In our eyes, we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes” (Bamidbar 13:33).

This verse reveals the core of the problem: the people’s perception of themselves. Their lack of self-worth made them unable to believe Hashem’s promise. When we don’t see ourselves as worthy of the Land, we cannot embrace it. Faith in Eretz Yisrael begins with faith in our Divine mission. The root of the failure to believe in that mission is alluded to just two verses prior:

ספר במדבר פרק יג  פסוק לא וְהָאֲנָשִׁים אֲשֶׁר עָלוּ עִמּוֹ אָמְרוּ לֹא נוּכַל לַעֲלוֹת אֶל הָעָם כִּי חָזָק הוּא מִמֶּנּוּ:

“But the men who went up with him said, ‘We are unable to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we’” (ibid., verse 31).

The word מִמֶּנּוּ/mimenu – “than we” with just a slight change in vocalization, can also be read as מִמֶּנּוֹ/mimano – ‘than He.’ They said this in reference to the Most High, as if to say that the people are stronger than He (Rashi, Bamidbar 13:31 based on Sotah 35a).

The proximity of the verse regarding distrusting Hashem’s power and the Israelites’ self-doubt alludes to the connection between them. Our fearfulness and lack of self-confidence stem from a lack of trust in G-d. Recognizing that the essence of our soul emanates from our Divine spark within strengthens our self-assurance to accomplish our Divine mission.  Therefore, when we truly trust Hashem, there is no room to be fearful and lacking in confidence. Thus, the spies’ rejection of the Land was not simply a strategic or political mistake; it was a spiritual failure of trusting in G-d. The essence of the sin of the spies was their lack of emunah –  their failure to trust that Hashem’s presence would accompany them into the Land. Eretz Yisrael is not a reward for the righteous, but a catalyst for becoming righteous, as the Sefat Emet teaches, “the land of Israel is only prepared for the Jewish people, to them the good light which is hidden within it is revealed. The Jewish people become rectified through the land of Israel, and the land of Israel becomes rectified through the Jewish people” (Sefat Emet, Shelach, Year 5656).  Israel is a Land that draws us upward – if we allow ourselves to be drawn.

Discovering the Land’s Hidden Goodness by Trusting Wholeheartedly in Hashem

The Land of Israel is uniquely prepared for the Jewish people. Only we are capable of revealing the hidden light embedded within it. As the verse states,וְעַמֵּךְ כֻּלָּם צַדִּיקִים לְעוֹלָם יִירְשׁוּ אָרֶץ  –

“Your people are all righteous; they shall inherit the Land forever” (Yeshayahu 60:21). The word לְעוֹלָם /l’olam – “forever” also hints at times when the holiness of the Land is נֶעְלָם/ne’elam – ‘concealed.’ Even then, Am Yisrael remains the vessel through which the hidden goodness of the Land can be revealed.

This is why the Torah begins with the description:וְהָאָרֶץ הָיְתָה תֹהוּ וָבֹהוּ... וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹקים יְהִי אוֹר  – “The earth was desolate and void... and G-d said: ‘Let there be light’” (Bereishit 1:2-3). So too, before Israel entered the Land, its inner goodness remained concealed. The spies failed to see this. They declared, “The land through which we have passed... is a land that consumes its inhabitants” (Bamidbar 13:32). From this very statement, they should have realized that the Land was not rejecting them but rather rejecting those unfit for it. The Land ‘spat out’ the nations who previously lived there because it was intended for Israel alone.

Only Yehoshua and Kalev understood that once Hashem desired to bring His people into the Land, its hidden light would be revealed. As the Sefat Emet teaches, the praise and blessing of the Land of Israel are not recognizable on the surface. But the root of all blessings is embedded in the Land. The purpose of sending the spies was not to assess the quality of the land but to confront the truth: that the people were not yet spiritually ready for its holiness. And yet, due to the oath Hashem swore to our forefathers, they would still enter. The entry into Eretz Yisrael is nothing less than a tikkun (rectification) for creation (Sefat Emet, Shelach, Year 5656).

Living in the Land of Israel is not without hardship. Life here can be rough. The beds may be hard, the people pushy, the bureaucracy slow and tangled. And now, in the midst of war, overcoming fear by trusting in Hashem becomes even more challenging. But the light of the Land, though hidden, is real. And when it bursts through, it can be so intense it nearly blinds us. Still, emunah enables us to move past the discomforts and fears and connect with the inner sanctity of this Land – a holiness unlike anywhere else in the world.

When we trust in Hashem through the hardships of living in Eretz Yisrael – despite the anxieties brought on by current events – we open ourselves to the hidden goodness and abundant blessings that only this Land can offer. The more we allow our emunah and bitachon (trust) to lead us, the more the concealed light of the Land shines through.

Parashat Shelach Lecha: How can we Learn to Deal with Personal Interactions Without Speaking or Accepting Lashon Hara (Evil Speech)

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Parashat Shelach Lecha 

How can We Learn to Deal with Personal interactions Without Speaking or Accepting Lashon Hara 

Is it Permitted to Agree to Your Friend’s Lashon Hara to Comfort Her? 

I’m so grateful for my wonderful staff and students. Even when I must deal with boring administrative tasks or challenging situations, I always remind myself how it’s such a zchut (privilege) to be able to teach and mentor such beautiful neshamot and help enable them to make their Torah home in Israel. Over the years I have learned so much from my students, and the challenging situations have taught me to grow in my own character, avoid taking things personally, and be less judgmental and more loving, compassionate, and understanding. Among the challenging situations, I recall a student (let’s call her Devorah) who had a conflict with one of my prior madrichot several years ago. The madricha (student counselor) had set her up for Shabbat meals with families in the community, but it happened once that Devorah changed plans a few times and then canceled one of the meals she had asked to be set up for at the last minute. While Devorah expressed that she didn’t think it was a big deal to cancel, the madricha was frustrated by the entire back and forth, and she told her that she no longer would continue to arrange meals for her in the community. This was so upsetting to Devorah, that she went to seek comfort by venting to her friends. When Devorah told me that her friends shared negative feelings and complaints about the madricha, calling her “condescending and mean,” I explained that this was lashon hara (evil speech). Any student who finds fault with a staff member or anyone at B’erot should come directly to me. It is permitted and considered for a beneficial purpose to report to the director since she is responsible for taking care of such matters. Yet, it is absolutely forbidden and lashon hara to the greatest degree for a student to talk negatively to another student about a B’erot staff member (or about anyone). Devorah argued that she had heard from numerous Torah teachers that “talking about your feelings with a friend in this way is ok since it helps you process your emotions and feel better sooner. If you get bullied by someone, and your friends support you and validate that that person is a bully, this would not be considered Lashon Hara” she claimed. I sadly didn’t get a chance to respond.  However, being aware of the complexities of the laws of guarding your tongue, I’d like to discuss the blind spots of this statement according to the principles of the Chafetz Chaim, how it plays out in Parashat Shelach Lecha and how developing gratitude can help us avoid speaking lashon hara. 

Is it Permitted to Vent to a Friend About Being Treated Unjustly by a Fellow Jew?                     The need to vent is common especially among women, as we tend to be easily emotionally affected, and need to process our emotions before a listening ear (what are husbands for?). So, if you are a single woman, venting your hurt feelings to your friends is natural. A highly negative experience can cause much harm and sharing it with a spouse, or a close friend can be essential to getting over it smoothly. If the negative tale is required – a shower/sleep won’t do the job – and it is related in the spirit of processing emotions, rather than as hateful and spiteful speech, it would possibly be exempted from the prohibition of lashon hara. Yet certain conditions must be met to make venting negative feelings permissible. I once heard from a tape by Rabbi Kessing that even if venting may be permitted, who told you, you can be an air conditioner?! Based on what I have learned from the Chafetz Chaim I understand from this statement that you must choose the people you vent to carefully. It is preferable to vent to a husband, a mentor, a therapist, or any trusted person who will help you see a greater perspective and grow from the incident. Venting to someone who may already feel negatively about the person you feel unjustly treated by is the worst choice. She is expected to agree with you, validating your right to be upset with the person, and adding her own negative feelings about that person. This not only doesn’t help you keep the mitzvah of “giving the benefit of the doubt,” and move on, but it actually encourages and reinforces your negative feelings toward a fellow Jew. Venting to this kind of friend also prevents you from fulfilling the mitzvah of “loving your fellow Jew like yourself.”

Some Suggestions on How to Vent Your Feelings in a Permitted Way                                            Chafetz Chaim delineates the principles of when speaking derogatorily for a beneficial purpose is permitted in Laws of Lashon Hara Chapter 10, part 14. I’ll share some of Chafetz Chaim’s limitations in my own words on how to vent in a permitted way. First of all, your need to feel better by venting must not be at the expense of putting someone else down or even worse causing a fellow Jew damage, such as monetary loss, or defaming her. If you have other options to make yourself feel better, try them before venting to others. We have all inherited a natural tendency to blame others and defend ourselves from Adam and Eve in the garden. To bring the Geulah we must work on overcoming this tendency by giving the benefit of the doubt. Before talking to someone else, calmly reexamine the scenario to determine if you are truly right and if the other person’s action was indeed unwarranted. Whenever possible try to speak directly and respectfully to the person who has made you uncomfortable before talking about her to others. When speaking with ‘the perpetrator’ use ‘I statements’ rather than accusations. Explain how her actions or words made you uncomfortable and sincerely ask her to explain why she acted or spoke this way rather than blaming her. This usually accomplishes either that the person apologizes or that she explains herself in a way that helps you understand her perspective so that you realize why she had to act as she did. Thus, speaking directly with the person who upset you can help you to forgive and move on. If you must vent to another person to make yourself feel better and bounce back quicker, choose only one person to vent to (don’t be an air conditioner). When you speak to your chosen person, don’t exaggerate. Only tell her the minimum essential information necessary to help you feel better. Leave out any unnecessary details that would only show the person in a worse light. 

How May You Respond When Someone is Venting Her Hurt Feelings to You?                        Sometimes it is a mitzvah to hear Lashon Hara talk if you reckon that you will be able to show the speaker or other people present that the story was not as reported or alleviate its severity in some other way. It is also a mitzvah to listen if you reckon that by listening you will be able to quiet the speaker’s anger so that she does not repeat the story to others (who may believe it). This will promulgate peace among Jews. Of course, you must never actually believe the lashon hara (Hilchot Lashon Hara, Chapter 6, section 4). It is forbidden according to Torah Law to accept Lashon Hara, we should not believe that the story is true, because by doing so we lower our opinion of the subject. [It is even forbidden] if the listener doesn’t explicitly agree with the speaker’s story – but if he does agree with the story, he doubles the violation, for the listener becomes a speaker [by voicing agreement] as well as accepting the Lashon Hara. One who accepts Lashon Hara violates the prohibition “Lo tisa shema shav – Do not raise a false report” (Shemot 23:1). Applying these principles to our introductory story, it becomes clear that Devorah’s friends who validated her negative feelings against the madricha by agreeing with her and even adding their own negative experiences with the said person were guilty of accepting lashon hara, as well as speaking it. (In Hebrew the word for believing לקבל/lekabel means both to believe and to accept). Accepting/believing in lashon hara is one of the 17 Torah prohibitions a person can transgress through lashon hara, besides the 14 positive mitzvot a speaker for lashon hara may violate. Even if you are permitted to listen to the negative report, you must never believe it is true, for there are always two sides to any story. 

Kalev – the Role Model for How to Respond to a Negative Report                                                Parashat Shelach Lecha recounts how Kalev responded to the spies’ negative report. He was able to silence the people when they were speaking against Moshe, by making belief he was on their side but then turning the story around to teach the spies gratitude toward their leader and their G-d. He cried out, “Is this the only thing the son of Amram has done to us?” Anyone listening might have thought that he intended to disparage him, and since there was [resentment] in their hearts against Moshe because of the spies’ report, they all became silent so they could hear his defamation. But he then continued, “Didn’t he split the sea for us, bring down the manna for us, and cause the quails to fly down to us?” [Sotah 35a]; (Rashi, Bamidbar 13:30). Kalev – one of the only men to enter the land of Israel – is a role model to us on how to respond to lashon hara in the highest way. Had Devorah’s friends learned from him, they would have listened to Devorah, validated her feelings, and shown empathy without agreeing with her perspective. Saying, “Wow this must be so painful for you, etc.” Then turning things around by mentioning all the good the madricha had done for her and her fellow students such as: “Is this all the madricha has done? Didn’t she organize your and our Shabbat meals during all these months? Didn’t she coordinate special events and school trips for us? and didn’t she teach and tutor us as well? Teaching their friend gratitude toward their mentor would also help elevating her to overcome focusing on herself and her hurt feelings while encouraging a general attitude of gratitude toward others and Hashem. 

The Connection between Negative Speech and Distrust in Hashem

ספר במדבר פרק יג פסוק לא וְהָאֲנָשִׁים אֲשֶׁר עָלוּ עִמּוֹ אָמְרוּ לֹא נוּכַל לַעֲלוֹת אֶל הָעָם כִּי חָזָק הוּא מִמֶּנּוּ: (לב) וַיֹּצִיאוּ דִּבַּת הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר תָּרוּ אֹתָהּ אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל לֵאמֹר הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר עָבַרְנוּ בָהּ לָתוּר אֹתָהּ אֶרֶץ אֹכֶלֶת יושְׁבֶיהָ הִוא וְכָל הָעָם אֲשֶׁר רָאִינוּ בְתוֹכָהּ אַנְשֵׁי מִדּוֹת: (לג) וְשָׁם רָאִינוּ אֶת הַנְּפִילִים בְּנֵי עֲנָק מִן הַנְּפִלִים וַנְּהִי בְעֵינֵינוּ כַּחֲגָבִים וְכֵן הָיִינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶם:

“But the men who went up with him said, We are unable to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we. They spread a [evil] report about the land they had scouted, telling the children of Israel, The land we passed through to explore is a land that consumes its inhabitants, and all the people we saw in it are men of stature. There we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, descended from the giants. In our eyes, we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes” (Bamidbar 13:31-33).      

Rashi explains for they are stronger than we: Heb. מִמֶּנּוּ/memenu, [which may also be read as, מִמֶּנּוֹ/memeno they are stronger than He.] They said this in reference to the most High, as it were, [as if to say that the people are stronger than Hashem. [Sotah 35a]; (Rashi, Bamidbar 13:31). Nechama Leibowitz explains that the Talmud aims to bring out not merely what was on their lips, but to probe deeper and unfold their inner thought. When Kalev encouraged the people by telling them that they would be able to overcome the obstacles, he implied that they should rely on Divine assistance.  It was this trust in G-d that the spies repudiated. They said: “For they are stronger than we,” but denial of Divine Providence was implicit in their behavior.  What they really meant was, therefore, “they are stronger than Him, than G-d.” - In Whom Moshe and Aharon, Kalev and Yehoshua ultimately placed their confidence. Perhaps we may venture to say that at the root of all evil speech is a certain degree of denial of Hashem. When we truly believe that everything in our lives is orchestrated by the Almighty, there is no room to be critical and launch out against a fellow Jew. Through developing gratitude toward Hashem, we learn to realize that the other person is never to blame as everything we go through – as challenging as it may be – is from Hashem and for our good. In light of the current situation in Israel, when we are all praying that our soldiers succeed in eradicating the evil in Aza and rescue the refugees speedily, we must strengthen our emunah in Hashem, and His ability to fight on our behalf as well as specifically try and cut down on Lashon Hara.  Rabbi Abbah son of Kahana said, The generation of David was all righteous, but because there was lashon hara among them, they went to war and were falling... However, the generation of Achav, although they were idol worshippers – did not have lashon hara – therefore they descended to war and were victorious (Yerushalmi, Peah 1:1). Just as negative speech prevented the Israelites from meriting the land of Israel and eventually caused the destruction of the two temples in Jerusalem, positive speech, gratitude, and ultimate trust will – with the help of Heaven – make us merit complete victory over evil and the rebuilding of the Temple of Light in our Holy City! 

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Shelach Lecha –

Some Tips for Overcoming Negativity and Complaining

It’s easy to fall prey to a destructive pattern of speaking badly about others and gossiping – to the point where it becomes a recreational activity! To enjoy the many people in our lives, we must stop verbalizing negativity and focus on their positive virtues. This takes a lot of effort but is essential to living happy healthy lives. If we’re always finding fault, we will naturally be dissatisfied, disappointed, and displeased, and so will everyone around us. By developing an attitude of gratitude and seeing the good points in everyone around us, even in the people by whom we initially may feel humiliated, we will get closer to Hashem and live happier lives free of destructive speech. 

 ·       Think Before You Speak – Before saying something about someone else, pause and consider whether it is necessary or if it could be potentially harmful. Reflect on how your words may impact others and the harm that lashon hara can cause to relationships and communities.

• Practice Empathy – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider how you would feel if someone were speaking negatively about you.

• Cultivate Mindfulness – Be mindful of your words and actions and strive to cultivate a sense of awareness and self-control in your speech. By being mindful of your words, practicing empathy, and focusing on positive communication, you can work towards avoiding lashon hara and fostering a more harmonious and respectful environment in your interactions with others.

• Speak Directly to the Person – If you have an issue with someone, try to address it directly with them rather than discussing it with others behind their back.

• Don’t Fall into the Trap of Casual Lashon Hara – At dinner and at other family times, bring books to the table to discuss or talk about current events. When you discuss what happened in each person’s day, focus on what they learned that day and how they felt. Show your friends and family that there are more interesting things to talk about than other people’s poor behavior.

• Learn to Start Conversations, Ask Questions, Interrupt Gracefully or ‘Disattend.’ – These are crucial skills because we often find ourselves in social settings where the conversations are little more than gossip, which takes our focus off G-d and His goodness. If you find yourself in a conversation that is turning toward lashon hara, try to change the subject or steer the conversation in a more positive direction.

• Remember that the Statement “But It’s True!” does not Exonerate Lashon hara – It specifically refers to sharing derogatory information when it is true. Spreading vicious lies is far worse and belongs to the category called Motzei Shem Ra (defamation). 

• Make Positive Speech Reminders – Tape a reminder to the telephone: “No Lashon Hara!” Put up signs on the fridge and in other prominent locations around the house.

• Study the Laws of Guarding Your Tongue – Read a small section of the laws of lashon hara each day during dinner or at your Shabbat table. Encourage discussion and examples.

• Give Positive Reinforcement – Be sure to commend your kids when they manage to tell you about school or neighborhood problems without mentioning who was involved. Let them know that you’re proud of them - and that G-d is too.

How Can we Learn from the Fear of the Spies to Release Our Fears and Worries?

Parashat Shelach Lecha
How Can we Learn from the Fear of the Spies to Release Our Fears and Worries?

The Inferiority Complex – a Residue from Generational Traumas of Enslavement

In my Spiritual Healing practice, I’ve come across so many women who suffer from fears, worries, and lack of self-confidence. I unfortunately often relate personally to these negative emotions. We Jews suffer from tribal traumas passed down from generations of exiles all the way back from our Egyptian enslavement experience. Hashem didn’t lead us directly from Egypt to Israel but took us the long about way, to give us time for purging ourselves of our slave mentality. Yet it seems that this process is never ending. Even our current fears and worries are residues from that ancient trauma, which inflicted us with a severe flashback in recent holocaust times. Due to the slave experience of having been controlled by others, we still suffer from control issues. The other day a friend panicked, because she felt overwhelmed by all her responsibilities, which she didn’t feel she could handle. She suffered from the same perfectionist syndrome as me, expecting to be able to do her job immaculately and have everything under control. Since that wasn’t possible, she felt inadequate and berated herself. Feeling low self-esteem also stems from the generational trauma of being the underdog, who has repeatedly been stepped on and taken advantage of by others. Women who feel a lack of self-confidence may enter unhealthy relationships with men to fill their deep dark lack. I asked one of my past students, “Why did you agree to go out with that guy after we just talked about how you need some time to build yourself up before being ready to date?” She explained that although she had agreed with me only one day prior not to date yet, she gave in to the temptation of the feeling of filling her deep deficiency that dating offered. Although the spies had undergone a 40-year slavery detachment period in the desert living directly under Hashem’s protective wing, and experiencing His miracles, they were still far from liberated from the slavery dregs of inferiority feelings.  

Why did the Spies Compare Themselves to Grasshoppers?
When the spies discovered the powerful people that Hashem charged the Israelites to conquer, they were overwhelmed with fears stemming from their inferiority complex:

ספר במדבר פרק יג פסוק לג וְשָׁם רָאִינוּ אֶת הַנְּפִילִים בְּנֵי עֲנָק מִן הַנְּפִלִים וַנְּהִי בְעֵינֵינוּ כַּחֲגָבִים וְכֵן הָיִינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶם:

“There we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, descended from the giants. In our eyes, we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes” (Bamidbar 13:33).

Mulling over the grasshopper image, I envision a tiny fragile creature that blends in totally with the grass itself and lends itself to easily be stepped on. It is one of the lowest creatures in the food chain and certainly not a conqueror. The purpose of grasshoppers’ well-known feature – the ability to jump – is imbued within them for the sake of escaping from a predator or launching themselves into flight. I find it interesting that after the spies compare themselves to grasshoppers, they add “And so we were in their eyes.” How would they know how others regarded them? This teaches us that there is a strong connection between the way we see ourselves and how others perceive us. We all know based on war history that the morale of the soldiers is more vital for the outcome of the war than their ammunition. Emek D’var explains, “The fact that that the heart of the spies fell into feeling low self-esteem is a sign that they wouldn’t be able to conquer the nations. The same thing happened later to King Shaul as it states, “Then Shaul saw the camp of the Philistines. And he feared, and his heart trembled greatly” (I Shemuel 28:5). The fact that dread entered Shaul’s heart was a sign that he wouldn’t be successful in war. Our self-image greatly influences how others view us. When a person is possessed by low self-esteem, he exudes the energy of failure toward others. This in return makes them feel superior and confident in their victory over him. Moreover, when a person is overcome by fear, his view of others becomes distorted, as we see from the spies who had no way to be so sure that they were considered grasshoppers in the eyes of their enemies. How could anyone but Hashem know what people feel in their hearts?

The Connection Between the Fear of the Spies and Our Own Fears and Worries
We all experience fear at a certain point in our lives. People are afraid to fail but also afraid to succeed. Often people fear what others might think. Fear can make us freeze and become unable to act and keep the mitzvot. By understanding the root of the fear of the spies and the Israelites who listened to their report, we may get an important clue regarding our own fears and worries. Every Tisha B’Av we are called upon to shed yet another layer of this foundational fear, which still prevents us from rebuilding our Temple in Jerusalem – in the heart of the Land of Israel. The spies expressed their inferiority feeling as follows:

ספר במדבר פרק יג פסוק לא וְהָאֲנָשִׁים אֲשֶׁר עָלוּ עִמּוֹ אָמְרוּ לֹא נוּכַל לַעֲלוֹת אֶל הָעָם כִּי חָזָק הוּא מִמֶּנּוּ:

“But the men who went up with him said, ‘We are unable to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we’” (Bamidbar 13:31).

The Hebrew. מִמֶּנּוּ/mimenu – “than us” can also be read מִמֶּנּוֹ/mimeno ‘than Him.’ They [the spies] said this in reference to the most High, as it were, [as if to say that the people are stronger than He [G-d] (Rashi, Bamidbar 13:31 based on Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 35a).
How is it possible for anyone to believe that human beings can ever be stronger than G-d? From here we learn that the root of fear is the lack of bitachon – trusting in Hashem. Feeling strongly connected to Hashem and experiencing His Divine Supervision will prevent anyone from falling into a fearful state. The first step in overcoming our fears and worries is to meditate and envision Hashem’s powerful love and protection, to internalize that the only thing to fear is our own sin. Absolutely no one can hurt us when Hashem is on our side!

EmunaHealing Exercise to Flip the Anxiety Switch off and Release Your Fears

(Based on 4 Steps to Break Free from Fear and Jump-Start Emotional Healing by Jacqueline Pearce, MSEd, LMHC)

1. Make yourself comfortable in a safe, secure place where you can be alone with Hashem.
Breathe in, to a count of 7, hold your breath for a count of 4, and breathe out to a count of 8. Repeat this breathing pattern three times, as you feel your heart relax more and more.

2. Do a body scan with your breath, do you hold any fear in any part of your body? Observe where exactly the fearful energy has accumulated in your body. Sometimes you may feel tightness in your heart, an uneasy feeling in your stomach, a narrowing of your throat, or you may feel tension in any of your limbs. Keep breathing softly into any of the tense places of your being, to allow the tension to melt away.
3. Now it’s time to face your fears. If you don’t address your fears, they can accumulate with time. Fear is not just a feeling; it is an energy. No energy can be contained for too long. Let us get ready to release our fears, to prevent them from being expressed as struggle and pain.
4. Tune into your fears, you may have many minor fears and one or two major ones. Allow yourself to become aware of your fears and communicate with them so you can release them. What do you fear? Do you have feelings of inferiority? Do you feel lonely, abandoned, small and vulnerable, like a grasshopper afraid to be stepped on? Once you are successful in finding the root of your fearful energy, you can communicate with it. Focus on one of your fears. What is your fear trying to tell you?
5. A dialogue with your fears can reveal vital and useful information. It can help you to understand the origin of your fear and how to make yourself feel safe. Ask your fear “What do you want me to do to support your release?”
6. A duck flutters its wings intensely after a quarrel to release the energy of fear. Similarly, you can find ways that help you release negative energy. It can be crying, screaming, shouting, tapping or any vigorous physical movement.
7. Focus on the part of the body where you feel fear has accumulated and let yourself understand what kind of movement your body wants. When you have determined what way will help you release your fear(s), allow yourself to let go of it! You may want to use a combination of several ways of release, like screaming while swinging your arms vigorously from side to side. Let your fears teach you what movement to do and or sound to make to release them! Surrender to the movement/sound[s] and repeat them until a liberating feeling envelops you!
8. Now envision Hashem’s comforting presence lifting your fears away as you breathe deeply. Hashem is always there for you, even within your deepest fear. His Almighty power carries your fears and protects you from the object of your anxiety. With Hashem on your side, you are never alone, you are never weak or small, as Hashem is your stronghold. Breathe in deeply and let your breath out with a big Ahhhh. You may repeat this breathing and Ahhing two additional times. Can you feel how you are becoming liberated, truly liberated from the fears that were holding you back?
9. Promise yourself you will muster up the courage to continue to work on releasing fears that contribute to unwanted worry or anxiety. By building up your trust in Hashem you can flip the anxiety switch off and release your fears!