Why is Yom Kippur the Happiest Day of the Year?

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Yom Kippur
Why is Yom Kippur the Happiest Day of the Year?

Yom Kippur – the Gift of Forgiveness to Every Jew
We have entered the solemn period of the Ten Days of Repentance when we prepare ourselves for Yom Kippur. Now is the time for deep inner self-reflection and work to face our fears.
At this auspicious time, we dig deeply into our psyche to bring up our shadow sides to the surface. Digging into our shadow side and uprooting our spiritual weeds is no less daunting than the arduous toil of digging deeply into the hard soil of the land, turning it, softening it, adding compost, and getting it ready for the winter crop. Yet when the new crop sprouts forth from the freshly turned soiled, we become filled with awareness and gratitude that all the hard work was worthwhile. The work of Yom Kippur likewise bears fruit. It sprouts forth our higher purified selves. Yes, it is hard to dig up parts of ourselves that we may have repressed in the recesses of the crevices of our souls. However, only by facing these exiled slivers of selves can we dissolve the spiritual husks that block us from cleaving to our Divine source. Therefore, on Yom Kippur – the happiest day of the year – our hearts must be filled with simcha (happiness). This is because Yom Kippur extends a special gift of forgiveness and atonement to every Jew. I’m grateful for this favorable day when we become renewed and purified. There is no greater happiness than being able to feel good about ourselves. Therefore, Yom Kippur is the happiest day of the year as it states, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said, there were never days as good for Israel as the 15^th of Av and Yom Kippur. …Yom Kippur because it entails pardon and forgiveness, the day that the second tablets were given (Babylonian Talmud, Ta’anit 30b). Our Neshama (soul) feels this happiness and becomes filled with joy and light on Yom Kippur. Rav Shlomo Carlebach offers us a parable: Imagine, I owe the bank ten million dollars. All of a sudden, I get a letter from the bank that they not only pardon me this debt, but they moreover offer me a loan for another ten million dollars. Would I then continue to walk around tearfully sighing because I didn’t pay off my debt from the prior year? In truth, Yom Kippur is much more than this. On Yom Kippur when the Kohen Gadol enters the holy of holies, each Jew has a spark in the depths of our heart which enters the holy of holies with him. Entering the holy of holies is beyond space (Babylonian Talmud, Yoma 21a), just as Yom Kippur is beyond time. On Yom Kippur we become aware that we can connect ourselves with the highest place in heaven. This place is so high that there we cannot make any more mistakes, as no evil abides there (Based on Rav Shlomo, Lev Hashamayim for Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Sukkot, p.164 and 170).

On Yom Kippur, we celebrate not only the forgiveness granted to us but especially the closeness to Hashem this holiest day of the year offers us. 

If we Rectify the Blemish in the Upper Worlds, Hashem will Rectify our Souls

People somehow mistakenly think that Yom Kippur is a sad day because it’s a fast day. It is indeed a very serious day but that doesn’t preclude it from being a happy day as well. Being seriously happy is part of the Torah way as it states, 

ספר תהילים פרק ב  פסוק יא עִבְדוּ אֶת הָשֵׁם בְּיִרְאָה וְגִילוּ בִּרְעָדָה:

Serve Hashem with fear and rejoice with trembling! (Tehillim 2:11).

On Yom Kippur we tremble to purify ourselves through Teshuva (repentance), while we are happy and grateful for the special heavenly help, we receive to become purified. Yom Kippur is a cosmic wedding between us and Hashem who brings us close while whispering in our ear, “Return to Me and I will return to you” (Malachi 3:7). These prophetic words teach us that our main endeavor is not only to rectify our soul, not even the root of our souls, for this too is a bit self-serving. Rather, the main Yom Kippur service is to return to Hashem from a broken heart due to the exile of the Shechinah (Divine Feminine Presence). The main reason we repent our negative deeds is that they caused the exile of the Shechinah to whom we desire to return – that is the essence of, “Return to Me…” – to make a dwelling place for the Shechinah. Hashem promises that when you return to Hashem “…He will return to you.” Perhaps we might feel that this goal is too uplifted, and it would be better to focus on rectifying the three lower levels of our soul (Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama). Therefore, Hashem assures us that if our teshuva is for the sake of returning the Shechinah, Hashem “will return to us” by taking care of rectifying our souls. Thus, there are two parts of rectification through teshuva: 1. Rectifying the blemish on the three parts of our soul. 2. Rectifying the blemish in the upper worlds that cause separation between The Holy One and His Shechinah (between Ze’er Anpin and Malchut). If we care about rectifying the blemish in the upper worlds, Hashem will rectify our souls.

How does the Vidui (Confession) Prayer Reflect the Two Stages of Atonement?
In the Yom Kippur Torah Reading we learn about the essence of this auspicious day:

ספר ויקרא פרק טז פסוק ל כִּי בַיּוֹם הַזֶּה יְכַפֵּר עֲלֵיכֶם לְטַהֵר אֶתְכֶם מִכֹּל חַטֹּאתֵיכֶם לִפְנֵי הָשֵׁם תִּטְהָרוּ:

“For on this day, He shall affect atonement for you to purify you from all your sins. Before Hashem, you shall be pure” (Vayikra 16:30).

This verse paraphrases the two stages of rectification through teshuva: In the first stage, Hashem promises to cause us atonement by purifying our souls. The second stage describes our mitzvah to purify ourselves. This parallels the two parts of the Vidui (confession) that we recite repeatedly on Yom Kippur. In the first part, we confess our sins in the order of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet, “We have sinned (ashamnu), we have acted treacherously (bagadnu), we have robbed (gazalnu), we have spoken slander (dibarnu).” This part of the Vidui refers to the blemishes we have caused on our souls, that Hashem will fix on Yom Kippur. In the second part of the Vidui the emphasis is on the sins we have committed before Hashem, thus causing the separation of the Shechinah: “For the sin which we have committed before You under duress or willingly. And for the sin which we have committed before You by hard-heartedness. For the sin which we have committed before You inadvertently…” This part of the confession applies to our responsibility to pray for the blemish above, and the return of the Shechinah below. Based on these two levels of purification alluded to in the two parts of the Vidui, we can understand the well-known dispute about whether the atonement on Yom Kippur only applies when we do teshuva, or that the essence of the day causes atonement even if we don’t repent (Mesechet Yoma Chapter 8). The view that Yom Kippur atones whether a person repents or not applies to the rectification that Hashem enacts for us: “He shall effect atonement for you to purify you from all your sins.” Yet, “Before Hashem, you shall be pure” applies to rectifying the separation between us and Hashem – the exile of the Shechinah and the upper worlds. That is our responsibility. For this part, we will only receive atonement through repentance. Since this is our main work on Yom Kippur the main tefilah (prayer) centers around “before Hashem you must become pure” and “Return to Me.” (Based on Rav Moshe Refael Luria, Ori v’Yishi pp. 274-275). Isn’t this the truest ‘at-one-ment?’

Gratitude Focus for Yom Kippur
Tips on Recognizing and Thanking Hashem While Facing Your Fears

In my experience, fear is the main block that blocks us from cleaving fully to Hashem and causes separation of the Shechinah. Therefore, as we pray and confess during Yom Kippur, we must not forget to take the time to meditate on our repressed fears that often manifest in our subconsciousness and cause various pains that block the Shechinah from residing within us. There is nothing Hashem wants more than for us to open ourselves to welcome His Presence in the deepest recesses of our soul as it states, “Make for Me a sanctuary and I will reside within you” (Shemot 25:8). As much as Hashem wants the rebuilding of the Temple as His Divine home, He yearns, even more, to dwell within each of us. “The Kotzker Rebbe was once asked: “Where does G-d dwell?” to which he replied, “Wherever you let Him in.”

•       Allow Yourself to Tune Into the Feeling of Your Fear – When you experience fear, you feel it as a physical thing. Often fear feels like a constriction in the chest throat or head. Allow the movement of that fear to play upon the physical form in any way it wishes. Do not try to remove it, turn it aside, swallow it, or run from it. Be in a totally receptive state and allow it to move around inside you. When you start allowing you will observe that fear comes in waves. It is not an ongoing power, because it is not divinely motivated. Be grateful that this is so, for now, you know there is a way to overcome your fear. First of all, allow the fear to play upon you.
•         Center Yourself – When you feel the thoughts between the waves of your fear, stay centered in the awareness that fear is present. Please do not say “I am afraid.” The statement should be “Fear is present.” There is an important difference between those two statements. The “I” of you is not afraid, and fear does not define its nature. At the same time, center yourself as deeply as you can in the areas of the heart. Center yourself with all the determined will you can muster and stay there. Simply sit there! 
•    Observe the Motion of Fear – Interesting things will happen if you are determined to observe the motion of fear. The more time you spend centered in this area, the greater your power will be when you are in real difficulty. Make the most use of the days when you are free of fear, for there will come times when you will need to be centered.
•      Focus on Your Heart Center – As you sit quietly within this awareness, and observe the movements present, you will see that the heart center is where all your fear fades. As you dwell there, you will find more and more of your days and nights filled with a dynamic quality that frees you from your own illusory creation. Humanity calls this dynamic quality Love. It is the power within the center of your heart that allows you to know your connectedness with Hashem and with everything and everyone. There is nothing outside of you; all is within, so there is nothing to fear.
•        Tap into the Unconditional Love You Seek – that lies quietly waiting within the center of your being, and when you have tapped into it, fear will vanish. Love fears nothing because all fears are illusions that block Hashem’s loving light.
•        Spend as Many Moments of Your Days as You Can, Quietly Resting –in the center of your being, not allowing your fears to pull you away, and you will experience the dissipation of your fears (Based on I Come As a Brother: A Remembrance of Illusions by Bartholomew, Mary-Margaret Moore, Joy Franklin, and Jill Kramer).

How do We Learn from Yosef to Walk the Path of Forgiveness by Focusing on Gratitude?

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Parashat Vayechi

How do We Learn from Yosef to Walk the Path of Forgiveness 

by Focusing on Gratitude? 

Gratitude for the Personal Miracle of My Life Being Saved During Car Accident  

More than 30 years ago I was in a traumatic car accident. I was taking my son to check out the yeshiva in Yishuv Ma’aleh Amos, where the streets were narrow with sharp curves. Since I was afraid to tumble down the mountain slope, I didn’t drive all the way to the edge of the road. As a result, I underwent a frontal collision with an Arab dump truck. Our car was totaled and it’s quite a miracle that my son was completely unscathed without breaking even as much as a hair. Although I can’t say it wasn’t painful, I’m forever grateful that I got away with only breaking my knee. Perhaps you may think it was another miracle that the Arabs in the dumb truck helped me get an ambulance, instead of finishing me off, G-d forbid. I was later told that this is typical, as Arabs have inherited part of Avraham’s chesed and they are especially kind to those who are injured and vulnerable. Yet a small miracle it certainly was that my life was spared during that car accident that could have been fatal. I recall being visited in the hospital by two elderly holy women who looked to me like shiny angels, due to my post-surgery narcotic state. When I asked them, “Teach me to feel love of G-d, they replied, “Think about how much Hashem loves you!” How could I not feel Hashem’s love for me, when He protected me to come out almost all in one piece after such a scary car accident? I’m so grateful that Hashem spared my life, and it strengthened me to feel His love, and that He wants me to remain in this world to accomplish a mission. It is not surprising that only three years later I started Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin.  

 

The Halacha of Reciting the Blessing “…Who Performed a Miracle for me in this Place” 

I am not sure why I never returned to the place of the accident to recite the blessing, “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Ha’olam she’asa li nes bamakom hazeh.” (Blessed are you Hashem our G-d, King of the Universe who performed a miracle for me in this place). We must make this bracha when seeing a place where the miracle happened to us (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 218:4, Mishna Berurah 218:7, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 60:8). This halacha is learned from the Talmud stating that anytime we pass a location where a miracle happened to us, we must recite the abovementioned blessing. The Gemara recounts an incident where a person was walking on the southern edge of the Euphrates River when he was attacked by a lion. Miraculously, he was saved. When this individual later told Rava what had occurred, Rava told him that every time he passed the southern edge of the Euphrates River, he must recite the “...she’asa li nes” blessing. (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 54a). We see from the above that we must thank Hashem for the miracles He performs for us every day. This is especially true regarding occurrences that are out of the ordinary. However, lesser miracles such as falling onto train tracks and escaping several seconds before an oncoming train passes or being present in a place where there is gunfire without being hit by the bullets, we may not recite the “…She’asa li nes” blessing since these deliverances could be explained as natural occurrences (Maran Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, Halacha Yomit, 29 Tishrei 5780). It seems that my car accident, as scary as it felt, could be compared to the above examples of lesser miracles. Indeed, “If a person was in a car accident – even if the car flipped over several times – and he was saved, he shouldn’t recite this bracha with Hashem's name” (Yalkut Yosef 218:4). Rav Ovadia holds that someone who survived a terrorist attack of being stabbed recites this bracha without Hashem’s name. This is because we’re concerned about the opinion of Shulchan Aruch that one only recites the bracha for a supernatural miracle (Halacha Berurah 218:19). I also noticed that both the Talmud and the halachic sources state that we must recite the blessing upon passing or seeing the place of the miracle, without obligating us to purposely return to the place of the miracle. I didn’t recite a blessing in that place even without Hashem’s name since I didn’t pass by the same place later on. Being so filled with gratitude, I still would like to take a trip to that place (this time with my husband in the driver’s seat) to recite the blessing without Hashem’s name. Perhaps it’s not too late!?  

 

Expressing Gratitude to Replace Revenge Seeking 

The midrash tells us that after Ya’acov was buried, Yosef did not hurry back to Egypt from Chevron.  As they were returning from the burial of their father in the Machpelah (Cave of the Patriarchs), the brothers saw Yosef journey to the north of Canaan, to Dotan, to the site where they had thrown him into a pit before selling him. He wanted to see that pit before returning to Egypt to thank Hashem for saving his life by reciting the blessing “Blessed be the place where He performed a miracle for me,” just as any person is required to pronounce a blessing at the place where a miracle had been performed on his behalf. The brothers inferred from this that Yosef was going back in time to that period when the tension between them was high, leading to the terrible act of throwing him into a pit and selling him (Midrash Tanchuma 17:5). This made them fear what was to come: 

 

ספר בראשית פרק נ פסוק טו וַיִּרְאוּ אֲחֵי יוֹסֵף כִּי מֵת אֲבִיהֶם וַיֹּאמְרוּ לוּ יִשְׂטְמֵנוּ יוֹסֵף וְהָשֵׁב יָשִׁיב לָנוּ אֵת כָּל הָרָעָה אֲשֶׁר גָּמַלְנוּ אֹתוֹ: (טז) וַיְצַוּוּ אֶל יוֹסֵף לֵאמֹר אָבִיךָ צִוָּה לִפְנֵי מוֹתוֹ לֵאמֹר: (יז) כֹּה תֹאמְרוּ לְיוֹסֵף אָנָּא שָׂא נָא פֶּשַׁע אַחֶיךָ וְחַטָּאתָם כִּי רָעָה גְמָלוּךָ וְעַתָּה שָׂא נָא לְפֶשַׁע עַבְדֵי אֱלֹהֵי אָבִיךָ וַיֵּבְךְּ יוֹסֵף בְּדַבְּרָם אֵלָיו:(יח) וַיֵּלְכוּ גַּם אֶחָיו וַיִּפְּלוּ לְפָנָיו וַיֹּאמְרוּ הִנֶּנּוּ לְךָ לַעֲבָדִים: (יט) וַיֹּאמֶר אֲלֵהֶם יוֹסֵף אַל תִּירָאוּ כִּי הֲתַחַת אֱלֹהִים אָנִי: (כ) וְאַתֶּם חֲשַׁבְתֶּם עָלַי רָעָה אֱלֹהִים חֲשָׁבָהּ לְטֹבָה לְמַעַן עֲשׂה כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה לְהַחֲיֹת עַם רָב: (כא) וְעַתָּה אַל תִּירָאוּ אָנֹכִי אֲכַלְכֵּל אֶתְכֶם וְאֶת טַפְּכֶם וַיְנַחֵם אוֹתָם וַיְדַבֵּר עַל לִבָּם: 

“Now Yosef’s brothers saw that their father had died, and they said, ‘Perhaps Yosef will hate us and return to us all the evil that we did to him.’ So, they commanded [messengers to go] to Yosef, to say, ‘Your father commanded [us] before his death, saying, So shall you say to Yosef, Please, forgive now your brothers’ transgression and their sin, for they did evil to you. Now please forgive the transgression of the servants of the G-d of your father.’ Yosef wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also went and fell before him, and they said, ‘Behold, we are your slaves.’ But Yosef said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid, for am I instead of G-d? Indeed, you intended evil against me, [but] G-d designed it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, to save the lives of many people. So now do not fear. I will sustain you and your small children.’ So, he comforted them and spoke to their hearts” (Bereishit 50:15-21). 

 

The brothers interpreted Yosef’s recalling of the attempted murder by his own brothers as a reason for planning revenge. However, Yosef went to the pit to remember the miracle that happened to him when his brothers left him in the pit to die. Rather than plotting revenge, Yosef was focused on gratitude to G-d for saving him and he wanted to express gratitude for this miracle. 

 

Reversing Negative Effects of Passed Traumas through Gratitude 

The brothers mistakenly assumed – or feared – that Yosef’s visiting the place of the pit would reignite his past trauma. They were concerned that even if the passage of time had healed the wounds they inflicted, these wounds were now opened anew by the memories that flooded Yosef’s mind as he stood next to that pit. Therefore, they feared that he would now seek revenge. Yet, Yosef’s recollection of being thrown into the pit did not rekindle his trauma and anger, it rather reinforced his profound sense of gratitude. He returned to the pit to express gratitude to G-d for saving him and lifting him up from the pit to the position of Egyptian vizier.  Memories of negative experiences can have two opposite emotional effects. On the one hand, they can reignite the trauma and rage that the person felt at the time of the event. Alternatively, revisiting such experiences can enhance our appreciation for how far we have come. Rather than holding on to past suffering, we have an opportunity to focus on the good fortune we enjoy now. The Midrash calls upon us to turn painful memories of the past into sources of joy and gratitude, instead of sources of frustration and rage.  Rather than focusing on the angst and anger caused by negative events, we must recall how, with G-d’s help, we recovered and progressed.  By reflecting on past events from this perspective, even upsetting memories can bring us happiness and satisfaction, as they will remind us of how much we now have to be grateful for (Rav David Silverberg, Torat Har Etzion VBM, SALT - Parashat Vayechi 5781 / 2020). Yosef’s story ends with a message from Yosef that echoed throughout his life: Instead of focusing on accusing others, we must focus on gratitude to G-d. A life of gratitude rather than of accusations leads to forgiveness and making peace with others and will ultimately repair any relationship (Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, Rabbi of the Western Wall and Holy Sites, Parashat Vayechi – 5783, Accusation or Gratitude: A Message from Joseph).  

 

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Vayechi 

I have a very beloved person in my life who is very kind and always gives me beautiful thought-out gifts. However, she falls short in working out interpersonal problems between us, learning, and growing from conflict-solving. When you are close with someone things are apt to come up between you, which offers beautiful opportunities to learn from one another – to rectify and become rectified. Since I’m a person who despises small talk but yearns to go deeply into the underpinnings of interpersonal challenges, it is very painful for me when a beloved person refuses to join me in this endeavor. Yet even if true reconciliation barely can take place without airing out the pain to clear it, we must learn from Yosef to let go of the pain by focusing on the good. Therefore, I choose to accept this beloved person with her strengths and weaknesses and focus on being grateful for her gifts.  

• Work on Forgiving Loved Ones by Focusing on their Gifts – Sometimes, we get hurt by people who have benefitted us so much and we tend to focus more on not forgiving the harm than showing gratitude for the benefits received. This meditation can help:  

Meditation to Shift the Pain of Unforgiveness Through Gratitude 

•  Close your eyes and pay attention to your breath. Take slow and deep inhalations through your nose, and exhale fully through your mouth with your tongue gently touching your pallet, making a shhhhhhhh sound. Repeat this breathing sequence four times. 

•   Allow yourself to bring up the pain inflicted by your loved one to your consciousness. 

What did she do or say that was so painful? What exactly makes it cause you to feel all this pain? Examine the pain as if it belonged to someone else. Is it constant or off and one? Is it sharp, or dull? Is it hard or slimy? Can you give the pain a color? Where in the body does it reside? 

•   Place your hands on the part of the body where you feelthat the pain between you and your loved one resides. On a scale from 1-10, what number of intensity would you give this pain? Breathe into the pain and allow it to be. Accept your pain, it is part of life, no pain, no gain! 

•   You may have carried this pain for a long time. Ask yourself if you still need this pain. Ask your body if it’s safe for you to let go of this pain. If you get a “no”answer, ask your body why, and see if you can assuage your body to allow you to let go of the pain. 

•   Now allow yourself to give your pain over to Hashem. Use your hands to scoop your pain out of your body and upward, while imagining that you are giving your pain over to Hashem, letting go, letting G-d, Keep breathing into your pain and gradually become aware of how it’s slowly releasing. 

•   Check if the intensity of your pain has lessened on the scale from 1-10. If it has, mentally thank Hashem for this relief!

•   Now focus on the benefits you have gained from your loved one. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure of the giftsshe has given you. You may focus on one specific gift that has given you special pleasure. While it is much more natural to focus on the bad, let’s try to ask similar questions about the pleasure your loved one has given you. 

•  What did she give you that made you so happy? What exactly causes you to feel all this pleasure? Is this good feeling constant or off and on? Can you strengthen and amplify this loving feeling? Is it sweet or fragrant? Is it a soft or fuzzy feeling? Does your feeling of joy have a color? Where in the body does it reside? 

•   Place your hands on the place in your body where your joy especially resides and see if you can breathe this joy into other parts of your body. Breathe your joy into your heart! Breathe it into your head! Breathe this pleasure into your stomach and all the way down to your toes. Become aware of how your entire body is tingling with pleasure. 

• “Remove evil through doing good!” (Tehillim 34:15) – Remove grudges through gratitude. Perhaps now it would be difficult to even feel the pain caused by what your loved one had done or said against you. When you try to examine its number on a scale from 1-10 you may find that the pain has almost totally subsided. 

• Yeah! You are succeeding in shifting your pain of unforgiveness by focusing on your gratitude. You are accepting your loved one’s weakness, as we all know that no one is perfect. Now you can begin to experience how your loved one’s gifts outweigh the pain she has caused you. You are finally on the path to total forgiveness! 

•   Forgiveness begins with recognizing we’re all human and it is human to err. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Forgiveness clears your mind of doubts, worries, and distractions, and restores your sanity and peace of mind.Thank Hashem for the gift of forgiveness!