Torah wisdom from Rebbetzin Chana Bracha Siegelbaum
Author, EmunaHealer, Founder and Director of Midreshet B'erot Bat Ayin
Thursday, September 18, 2025
Parashat Nitzavim: How is our Personal Teshuva (Return) Intertwined with Returning to the Land of Israel?
Wednesday, September 25, 2024
Parashat Nitzavim-Vayelech: How Do We Reveal Hashem’s Presence Within the Darkest Darkness?

What blocks the Divine Light from illuminating
my Life and making it fruitful?
This
morning, as I examined my vegetable patch in my back garden, I noticed that the
pepper plants I had planted a while back were all alive and growing, but none sprouted
a single pepper fruit. In the past, I was able to grow an abundance of cherry
tomatoes and pepper fruits in that same spot. What had changed? I lifted my
face upward and noticed how both the mulberry and the pecan trees had grown to
become humongous, overhanging and shading my little vegetable patch. These
trees were hiding all the light from my poor vegetables, preventing them from
truly flourishing. At times we can all identify with my unproductive pepper
plants. We may be working hard to grow and let grow, trying many different
avenues, but something is blocked. We may bump into one iron barricade after the
other, each one seemingly more impenetrable. “Why? Why is this happening to
me?” We ask ourselves. “What does Hashem want from me?” It all comes down to
bringing more light into our lives. Light is the most essential element for all
growth. Just as my pepper plants need light to produce fruits, we also need to
unblock all the iron barricades that block the light from shining through. “Yes,”
I’m thinking to myself, “I will need to have the trees pruned to let in the
light.” But what are ‘the trees’ in my life that block the light from entering
my personal path? Now before Rosh Hashana is the time to reflect on our lives
and return to Hashem, to allow His Divine Light to penetrate our mind, body,
and soul. Especially at this time, we all need to ask ourselves, How can I open
the physical, emotional, and spiritual blocks that prevent me from letting Hashem’s
light enter? Which thoughts, speech, or actions block the Divine Light from
illuminating my life and making it fruitful?
Can We
Temper Our Desire for the Revelation of the Final Redemption?
With the
war in Israel lingering on, it is easy to lose hope. Never in the history of
the State of Israel have we undergone such an extended war. Although we
experience glimpses of Hashem’s light shining through the miracles He performs
and the victories He generates for us, it is still hard to stay connected to
the Light of Hashem through all the pain of accumulated burials of young life before
yielding fruit. How can we bear the increasing number of widows, orphans, and soldiers
wounded for life? It is like the pressure is building up, and we are almost
exploding in our yearning for Hashem to reveal ALL His light and bring us
Geulah (the final redemption) already. Little glimpses of light are not enough.
“We want Mashiach now, we don’t want to wait!” In the past, I didn’t connect to
this song, as Rambam clearly states that we patiently must await the Mashiach,
so how could we demand him to come now?
“Anyone
who does not believe in him, or does not await his coming, denies not only the
statements of the other prophets but those of the Torah and Moshe,
our teacher. The Torah testified to his coming, as it states:
“G-d
will bring back your captivity and have mercy upon you. He will again gather
you from among the nations... Even if your Diaspora is at the ends of the
heavens, G-d will gather you up from there... and bring you to the land...” (Devarim
30-3-5). These explicit words of the Torah include all the statements made
by all the prophets Rambam, Mishnah Torah, Hilchot Melachim 11:1).
I understood these laws of the Rambam to refer to the B’nei Efraim who met their early death because they left Egypt before its time, as Rashi explains based on the Mechilta: “…They slew the children of Efraim, who hastened the end and went out [of Egypt] forcibly, as delineated in (I Divrei Hayamim 7:21-22); (Rashi, Shemot 15:14). Based on the Rambam and the story of the B’nei Efraim, I believe that we must be patient and not push for Mashiach before it’s time, just like we cannot push out the baby before the womb is sufficiently dilated. Yet, on the other hand, something is happening in Israel that is beyond the rational. The tension is building up so strongly that it’s impossible to be patient, for we cannot temper our desire to finally release this built-up tension through the revelation of the final redemption.
Overcoming
the Tendency to Believe That G-D is no Longer in Our Midst
How will
we reveal Hashem’s light to dwell among us? To answer this question, we must
ask ourselves, “What caused the darkness in the first place?” Parashat
Vayelech gives us a clue:
According to Netivot Shalom, when the Jewish people experienced trouble, they complained that the source of their troubles was that G-d no longer was in their midst. Rather than feeling pain for their essential separation from G-d, their pain was due to the troubles they experienced. They were focusing on the pain of their troubles and blaming them on G-d’s withdrawing His Presence, rather than focusing on the pain of losing their closeness to G-d. By accepting that G-d was no longer in their midst as an unchangeable fact, they showed a lack of emunah that Hashem always dwells among us even within our impurity (Vayikra 16:17). Since every Jew is a part of the Divine, no power can disconnect us from our Heavenly Father, unless we want to disconnect, G-d forbid. Hashem’s hiding His face is like a father who sometimes hides himself from his son, without abandoning him even for a moment. He just wants to test His son, for the wise son knows that it can’t be that his Father would forsake him. Rather he believes that Hashem always watches over him with Divine supervision. Even if he, (G-d forbid) committed the worst kind of sin, he must believe that Hashem always accepts his heartfelt penitent prayer. The main goal of the yetzer hara (negative impulse) is not to make someone sin, rather it is to cause a feeling of despair following the sin, to make him feel that G-d has completely forsaken him due to his depravity. We must be strong against this temptation of despair and believe that Hashem never forsakes us. He only hides His face from us. Therefore, the biggest flaw is not the sin in itself – however severe – but the faulty belief that “G-d is no longer in my midst” which brings about the ripple effect that “G-d will hide His face on that day…” The double languageהַסְתֵּר אַסְתִּיר /haster astir – “hide, I will hide” corresponds to the double hiding, due to the sin itself, but even more so due to the sin of falling into despair.
The Shechinah Resides Within the Darkest
Partitions
The dividing
walls we experience between us and Hashem are caused by lust, bad character
traits, annoyances due to worldly matters, and grief
caused by painful experiences. Each of these comprises a dividing wall blocking
us from reaching our Blessed Creator. Yet, none of these dividing partitions
are as troublesome as the partition implanted in a Jew’s heart making him
believe he is far from Hashem. Falling prey to despair that there is no healing
for feeling separated from Hashem, G-d forbid, results in truly moving away and
disconnecting from Hashem’s presence. This faulty belief is the hardest
dividing wall, worse than the separations caused by lust or confusion. We must
strengthen our belief that all the dividing walls are only illusions. We do
have the ability to skip over them all and reveal the King. “From the depths of
the husks we can call out to Hashem, as it states, “From the depths I have
called You, O Hashem.” (Tehillim 130:1). Even an iron barricade cannot
separate between Israel and our Heavenly Father. “But Hashem took you and
brought you out of the iron pot, out of Egypt, to be His people” (Devarim
4:20). Even if a Jew sins, he always remains a Jew (Babylonian Talmud,
Sanhedrin 44a). During the
revelation at Sinai, there were three partitions of
darkness hiding Hashem: חֹשֶׁךְ/Chosheh – “darkness,” עָנָן/anan – “cloud,” and עֲרָפֶל/arafel – “thick fog” or “thick
darkness” (Devarim 4:11). The latter was the
densest of all the separations. Nevertheless, “Moshe drew near to the thick
darkness where G-d was” (Shemot 20:18). In order to come close to Hashem
we need to go through each of the three dark partitions while believing with
steadfast emunah that it is precisely within the darkest darkness that we can
find Hashem. The numerical value of the Hebrew word הָעֲרָפֶל/ha’arafel
– ‘thick fog’ equals הַשְּׁכִינָה/HaShechinah
– ‘the Shechinah.’ As King Shlomo proclaimed, “Hashem said that He would dwell
in the עֲרָפֶל/arafel
– ‘thick darkness” (I Melachim 8:12). Likewise, Moshe revealed that it
is specifically within the very darkest darkness that G-d resides! So instead
of moaning over feeling separated from Hashem through iron barricades, we can
be grateful for the dividing walls which can serve as portals to get even
closer to the light of the Divine indwelling Presence hiding precisely within
the darkest dividing wall. The more we
strengthen our emunah that the Divine light is found within our darkness, the
more we will be able to reveal the light!
Gratitude
Focus for the Week of Parashat Vayelech –
Tips on Unblocking the Dark Dividing Walls that
Separate Between Us and G-d
· When You Open Your Eyes in the Morning, Recite Modeh Ani With Thankful Intentions – that Hashem woke you up from the darkness of night, to offer you a new delightful day. Awake with belief in G-d, for He believes in you and grants you another day to search for and discover His light. Hashem is playing the hide-and-seek game we used to play as kids. Let’s tackle the challenge with childish playfulness and gratitude.
· Amplify and Spread Hashem’s Light by Reaching out to Others – There is no sweeter medicine for a bitter soul than to do a mitzvah and kindness for others. Visiting a sick person, helping take care of her needs, welcoming a new neighbor with a fruit basket, baking a cake for a simcha (happy occasion), and supporting a needy person. These are just a few examples of how you can elevate yourself through raising others.
· Count Your Blessings and be Thankful for Being in a Better Place – Recalling even the little drops of goodness in your life will help you feel closer to Hashem, the Source of your blessings. I love this story of Rachel and Rabbi Akiva: When the daughter of Kalba Shavu’a betrothed herself to Rabbi Akiva, her father vowed to dispossess her. The young couple were so poor they had to sleep on straw, and Rabbi Akiva had to pick out the straw from his hair… Later Eliyahu came to them in the guise of a beggar who cried out at the door: “Give me some straw, for my wife in her confinement. I have nothing for her to lie on.” “See!” Rabbi Akiva observed to his wife, “There is even someone poorer than us, this man who lacks even straw” (Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 50a).
· Speak to Hashem and Call Him to Come out of His Hiding – If you feel far from Hashem, and are stumbling over walls of division, cry out from the depth of your desperation. Your yearning for Divine revelation will draw the Divine presence to you and uncover His hiding. Use your darkest moments as a springboard to bring about the greatest revelations in your life!
Wednesday, September 1, 2021
Why Does Torah Bring Healing to the World?
Returning to My Spiritual Roots and my Inner Self
As a teenager, I was searching for meaning. I felt that the society in which I grew up, and its values were meaningless. As I entered seventh grade, I began to question all the values of the environment in which I had been raised. The Judaism, to which I had been exposed, seemed like an empty, hypocritical religion. People, who called themselves religious, would drive to the synagogue on Shabbat and park the car a few minutes walk away, to pretend they had walked the entire distance. Of course, no one believed they had actually walked the 25 kilometers from their green suburb to the synagogue located in the heart of Copenhagen. Only the elderly came to the synagogue to pray, while the vast majority came to socialize and to show off their newest outfit. I was searching for deeper values. Simultaneously, I was also searching for myself. I had no idea who I really was, or what my mission was, for which I was sent into the world. Moreover, I was ignorant of what it truly meant to be a Jew. I felt empty inside, and I was yearning for a truth that would fill this vacuum within me. Many of my friends had searched in the Far East, and I too was attracted to the mystic, meditative innerness of the Eastern traditions. Yet, something was missing. It just didn’t resonate right. Only in the holy land, did I find Hashem and my soul. At the Western Wall, I just stood mesmerized – in awe of the sense of sanctity that pervaded the place – without a word of prayer crystallizing on my lips. The intense light reflected by the ancient stones penetrated into the empty space in my very heart and soul. I enjoyed the feeling of being among Jews. Everyone around me seemed like family. In the Torah world, I learned a new perspective on freedom. Real freedom is being true to our inner selves. Here in the heart of the land of my soul, I was finally uncovering my spiritual roots. My first Shabbat overlooking the temple mount was life-changing. I was led to a room where two silver candlesticks awaited me. An older student taught me to say the blessing, and I lit the candles. As I gazed at the lights of the Shabbat candles, the world was transformed. The room was aglow with holiness and serenity as if we had entered a higher realm of existence. It struck me that here was the expanded consciousness, that I had been searching for all along. I had never expected to find it within my own tradition. Here, I was no longer a stranger exploring other people and places. I saw truth very clearly for the first time, and it was a truth to which I belonged. I would keep learning and exploring together with others like myself. I had finally come home (Exert from My Ba’al Teshuva Story, for a free full copy please email director@berotbatayin.org).
Just as in my case, countless other Jews – of my generation and of those succeeding it – have embarked on the path of return to Judaism. Teshuva begins by seeking the truth, searching for who I am, and why I am here. There are many people on the road, seeking answers to their questions. Together with teshuva, many people search for natural healing alternatives. Both of these phenomena go hand-in-hand. The sages teach that there is a strong connection between teshuvah and healing:
Our Teshuva is Entwined with Hashem’s Return
Parashat Nitzavim – always read just prior to Rosh Hashana – includes a detailed description of the teshuva process, which is connected to redemption. Rather than ‘penitence’ or ‘repentance,’ a more accurate translation of the word ‘teshuva’ is ‘return.’ Teshuva is a threefold return from being disconnected from our souls, our G-d and our land. Complete teshuva is a true homecoming in both its inner and outer dimensions. The first step is returning to our land, as
The Process of Return – from External to Internal Teshuva
Teshuva is a never-ending process rather than a one-time mitzvah we perform once a year and finish with. It starts with our returning עַד/ad – ‘until.’ This indicates that the teshuva is until a certain extent towards Hashem (verse 2). The culmination of the teshuva process is our returning אֶל/el – ‘unto.’ We get so close that we actually embrace, as it were. This climax of the teshuva process is described in verse 10:
The first part of teshuva is to refrain from transgression and trying to keep the mitzvot. The final and highest form of teshuva is the return to Hashem himself. To return unto G-d implies that our will becomes unified with His will. Then all the mitzvot will become our second nature, and we’ll never desire to transgress His will. This kind of teshuva can only be done with G-d’s help. Hashem has promised to give us that help, if only we begin to return to Him, then He will circumcise our heart (verse 6). This implies that Hashem will remove the blocks that block us from truly connecting with Him in the highest way. When our heart is circumcised, we become pure, and no longer struggle with the yetzer hara. Then, even the least preferred mitzvah will become a joyful occasion to connect with Hashem.
Ingathering the Scattered Chards of Our Soul and All Reality
The deepest secret of teshuva and its connection to healing is that the root of all diseases is being disconnected – disconnected from ourselves and from the divine root of our soul. The inner dimension of teshuva – returning to who we truly are – to our whole self – is intertwined with returning to Hashem – the root of our soul. As Rav Kook explains, teshuva emerges from the depths of being, from such great depths in which the individual stands not as a separate entity, but rather as a continuation of the vastness of universal existence. The desire for repentance is related to the Divine universal will, to its highest source. From the moment the mighty stream of teshuva affects the universal will, many forces within the whole of existence are stirred to disclose the good and to bestow good to all. This explains “Great is teshuva for it brings healing to the world…” (The Lights of Penitence, Lights of Holiness, The Moral Principles, Essays, Letters, and Poems, p. 56 (translation of Orot Ha-Teshuva by Ben Zion Bokser). Thus the highest teshuva reclaims and returns all the scattered chards of our soul – a process that moves all reality to health and wholeness.





