Parashat Ekev: How Can We Transform our Pitfall of Pride Into Prayer?

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Parashat Ekev
How Can We Transform our Pitfall of Pride Into Prayer?

In the Good Old Days Having Less Made People Appreciate More
In the olden days when specialties were scarce, people appreciated the little things so much more. I recall reading a novel about life in the Shtetel in East Europe. There was a poor family with many children and one day they got a specialty item for all the kids to share. It was one orange! It really touched me how much excitement just one orange segment elicited in each family member. When I worked on translating my father’s memoirs into English, I was also amazed at how few commodities and toys children grew up with when he was a boy. This was not in a Shtetel, it was rather in the Western World less than a hundred years ago. Here is one of my father’s testimonies – taking place in the late nineteen thirties and early forties. You can learn from it how having less made the kids appreciate more and become more inventive:

“There were a lot of innovative games that could interest both boys and girls. For example, puzzles and rebuses, building kits and paper dolls with various outfits, and much more. I still remember a brainteaser. Out of eight matches you had to form two squares and four triangles… “Some boys were technically inventive and built ‘crystal devices.’ These were primitive listening devices, which we boys had great pleasure in. Occasionally, we also wanted to play football. This took place on ‘The Meadow,’ about a 15-minute walk from our home. where some of us also had a school garden. It was a magnificent open space with large green areas, and playgrounds, though mainly designated for the younger children… The girls played with marbles, swapped glossy pictures, skipped and played hopscotch and of course, they also played with dolls. When we played with the girls it was mostly hide and seek. There were plenty of hiding places, and this game often lasted many hours. Where I live now in Holte, (a suburb of Copenhagen) there are roughly 500 apartments with playgrounds for the little ones in several places, but children are rarely seen there. One hardly ever sees older children playing together the way we did when I was a child. A change must have occurred in the children’s recreational patterns”  (Dr. Salomon Vainer, My Memoir: The Story of a Danish Jew who Fled the Nazis p 52-54).

My father also described the life of his mother who came from a poor Russian family. She was

only 11 years old when she arrived in Denmark. She did not attend school and was given no education. Yet she had worked in a matzo bakery as a bakery assistant in Russia. Her first meager wage was ‘invested’ in purchasing a silver cup. Her grandmother wanted her to buy something that would last. The cup is still in the family’s possession. It is a very beautiful cup, quite valuable today (ibid. p 31). My father’s testimonies show how the children worked hard from a young age and valued their meager possessions which they used in innovative ways, this is such a far call from the overflow of stuff average kids have today, which they hardly play with as they spend most of their time glued to their phones, with little time left for creativity and play.   

Is it ‘My power, the Strength of my Own Hand That Brought Me This Great Wealth’?
The Torah foretold the times of material overflow we are living through today, with one of our main problems being how to get rid of all the extra clutter. Since the industrial revolution, we have learned so many clever ways of productivity, which tempt us to forget that Hashem is the only One who gives us the strength to succeed in anything we accomplish.

ספר דברים פרק ח פסוק י 

וְאָכַלְתָּ וְשָׂבָעְתָּ וּבֵרַכְתָּ אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ עַל הָאָרֶץ הַטֹּבָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לָךְ:(יא) הִשָּׁמֶר לְךָ פֶּן תִּשְׁכַּח אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ… (יב) פֶּן תֹּאכַל וְשָׂבָעְתָּ וּבָתִּים טֹבִים תִּבְנֶה וְיָשָׁבְתָּ: (יג) וּבְקָרְךָ וְצֹאנְךָ יִרְבְּיֻן וְכֶסֶף וְזָהָב יִרְבֶּה לָּךְ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר לְךָ יִרְבֶּה: (יד) וְרָם לְבָבֶךָ וְשָׁכַחְתָּ אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ הַמּוֹצִיאֲךָ מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים… (יז) וְאָמַרְתָּ בִּלְבָבֶךָ כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת הַחַיִל הַזֶּה: (יח) וְזָכַרְתָּ אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי הוּא הַנֹּתֵן לְךָ כֹּחַ לַעֲשׂוֹת חָיִל לְמַעַן הָקִים אֶת בְּרִיתוֹ אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה:

“When you eat and are satisfied, you shall bless Hashem, your G-d, for the good land He has given you. Beware that you do not forget Hashem, your G-d…lest you eat and be sated, and build fine houses and live in them, when your herds and your flocks grow abundant, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have increases, your heart might become haughty, forgetting Hashem, your G-d, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, of the house of slavery… You might be tempted to tell yourself, ‘My power, the strength of my own hand, has brought me this great wealth.’ But you must remember Hashem your G-d, for He is the One who empowers you to do great things, upholding the covenant that He swore to your ancestors...” (Devarim 8:10-11, 13-18). 

The Only Way to Victory in War for Israel is Enlisting the Help of the Almighty                              Since Israel ranks among the ten most powerful countries in the annual list; and the fourth strongest military in the world (Roundup for 2022 published by US News & World Report), it is tempting to think that our victories are due to our sophisticated war techniques. Ralbag explains that the Almighty was concerned that it would seem to Israel that their own power enabled them to win their wars. To remove this false notion from their hearts, Israel must perpetually recall in our hearts how Hashem took us out of Egypt when Israel was weak without any war experience, yet nevertheless, we won. This could only be because Hashem helps us. The Exodus thus teaches us that it is not through our own military power but only due to the help of heaven that Israel wins the wars. During the current prolonged war, although Israel has gained victories in Gaza, things are intensified to the degree that even the fiercest, most confident general must realize that we need to turn to Hashem for help in order to overcome all of the enemies that surround us, all of whom have one unified agenda to “wipe Israel off the map.” These enemies include Iran, and its Shi’ite theocracy in the East, Syria, and Lebanon with its Hezbollah in the North, Gaza and its Hamas in the South, and the European Union in the West. It is no secret that the main objective of all Arab terror organizations – Fatah, Hamas, and Hezbollah – is the annihilation of Israel. The growing instability in Egypt, Syria, and Jordan, the looming threat from Iran’s nuclear weapons program, the Hamas/Fatah reconciliation, and the increased pressure from the U.N. and the E.U have created the greatest threat to Israel’s continued existence we have faced since the Yom Kippur War of 1973. Jonathan Bernis, Identifying Israel's Enemies. As all nations turn against our tiny nation it is now more than ever becoming clear to even the staunchest unbeliever that the only way to victory is to turn to Hashem with all our hearts and souls.  

Bound to Turn to Hashem When Being Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Hashem is squishing us hard these days so that we will understand how our ability to be successful is totally dependent on G-d, as it states in Song of Songs:

ספר שיר השירים פרק ב פסוק יד יוֹנָתִי בְּחַגְוֵי הַסֶּלַע בְּסֵתֶר הַמַּדְרֵגָה הַרְאִינִי אֶת מַרְאַיִךְ הַשְׁמִיעִינִי אֶת קוֹלֵךְ...

“My dove in the crevice of the cliff, in the secret step, show me your countenance and let Me hear your voice…” (Song of Songs 2:14).

According to Rashi, this verse alludes to when Israel was squished between a rock and a hard place during the Exodus. While the Egyptians approached them from behind ready to attack, the Reed Sea loomed before them threatening to drown them all. According to nature, there would have been no way for them to get out of this situation alive. Only by turning to Hashem in prayer could they be saved, that’s the meaning of “let me hear your voice…”. Hashem brings us to these places of no way out, to squeeze our souls into the deepest prayer. I hope it won’t take too much more squeezing before our hearts become sufficiently resuscitated to truly pray! Katav Sofer explains that in the desert Israel didn’t need any weapons as it states, “Hashem will battle for you, and you hold your peace!  (Shemot 14:14). Yet after making the Golden Calf, the Israelites’ emunah took a gradual downward dip, spiraling into deterioration. First they became arrogant, forgot about Hashem, and then they imagined that it was their own strength that caused their success. Had they kept their steadfast emunah of “…we will do and we will hear” (Shemot 24:7), they would not have needed either spear or sword for Hashem would have conquered the Land of Israel for them. Now, after they had lost their prior level of trust in Hashem, they needed weapons of war. Although they no longer deserved it, Hashem empowered them to conquer the land, “for the sake of upholding the covenant that He swore to their ancestors…” (Devarim 8:18). This is why the Almighty had to remind Israel, “But you must remember Hashem your G-d, for He is the One who empowers you to do great things…” (Ibid.) Although at the conquest of the Land of Canaan, Hashem was no longer battling their wars by Himself like in Egypt, the Israelites still had to understand and remember that as they employed their best war strategies, it was still Hashem who empowered them to be victorious (Ketav Sofer, Devarim 8:17). This message from Parashat Ekev applies more than ever to Israel’s current war. When we truly understand and remember that just as Hashem helped us overcome our enemies during Yehoshua’s time, so will He continue to empower us with complete victory from our current war. All we need to do is to turn to G-d in prayer!                

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Ekev –
Some Tips for Preventing Arrogance and Forgetting About Hashem

Arrogance is one of the worst character traits that turns away the Divine Presence. Therefore, our sages directed: “Hold yourself very, very lowly” (Pirkei Avot, Chapter 4, Mishna 4). They also declared that whoever allows his heart to be arrogant, has denied the basic principle of the Torah, as it states, “Your heart be haughty, and you will forget Hashem your G-d” (Devarim 8:14). Furthermore, they said, “Whoever is arrogant should be placed under a ban of ostracism. This applies even if he is only somewhat arrogant;” (Rambam, Hilchot Deot, Chapter 2, Halacha 3). Whoever passes (מֵּפִיק/mefik) a shield over himself at a time of arrogance, (whoever suppresses his yetzer hara as though it were covered with a shield when he is arrogant, troubles will be closed and sealed from him, as it is stated: “The channels (אֲפִיקֵי/afikei) of his strong shields of pride are closed with a narrow seal. (Iyuv 41:7); (Babylonian Talmud, Iruvin 65a). This implies that by subduing our yetzer hara at a time of arrogance our troubles will be closed and sealed before us. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Being confident isn’t the problem, the problem arises when confidence turns into self-sufficient arrogance, which makes us forget the Almighty without Whom we would be completely helpless. When we are confident that Hashem is on our side, we can be secure enough that we won’t need to go out of our way to show how amazing we are.

·            Remember Where You Came from and Where You are Going – We are all mortal beings totally dependent on Hashem’s blessing to accomplish anything in life. When you feel pride creeping into your heart, recall how we all came from a putrid drop of semen, and how our end is that our flesh will be consumed by worms. Meditating on our short-lived time in this world, and how the body eventually decomposes will remind us that Hashem imbued us with life so that we serve Him. Only by recalling our Divine purpose in the world will our souls gain eternal life.

 ·       Attribute All Your Successes to Hashem – When you worked really hard on something and applied all your abilities to finally succeed, there is a great temptation to feel that “it was my own hand, that brought me this great accomplishment.” When that happens, it is important to turn inward and recall that every one of your own doings would be naught if it wasn’t for Hashem, Who imbues you with your talents and abilities to work hard.   

 ·       When Someone Compliments You for Your Great Abilities and Successes – remind yourself that Hashem is using you as his messenger. My spiritual healing teacher taught me to recite                          (תהילים פרק צג פסוק א)  הָשֵׁם מָלָךְ גֵּאוּת לָבֵשׁ לָבֵשׁ/Hashem Malach Ge’ut Lavesh – “Hashem is King He is robed in grandeur” (Tehillim 93:1). Always testifying that all our achievements emanate from Hashem’s greatness.

 ·       Pray to Hashem for Continued Success and War Victory – Remembering how Hashem took us out of Egypt is one of The Six Remembrances that we must remind ourselves of daily. This is to imbue us with the strong emunah that just as we were weak and helpless then, but Hashem saved us from all our enemies, so will Hashem continue to save us even now whether we are physically strong or weak!

 ·       We are Used to Thanking Hashem for Everything He Does for Us – I suggest, to also thank Him for everything we do. Whenever you feel pride in yourself – you may want to thank Hashem in the following way: “Thank You Hashem for everything I do!” Affirming in this way that all our successes are Hashem’s working through us. 

Is There a Limit to Lengthening in Prayer?

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Parashat Vaetchanan

Is There a Limit to Lengthening in Prayer?

What is Wrong with Praying for a Specific Outcome?

Prayer is central in Judaism. One of the three pillars that the world stands on is service, which today refers to prayer (Pirkei Avot 1:2). The holy matriarchs and patriarchs pleaded with Hashem in heartfelt prayer, and Chana, the Mother of our Prayer, is known for lengthening in prayer for a son until she bore Shemuel. When I first came to Torah it was very difficult for me to pray, as it was something I had never learned to do or been used to. Even when I understood the Hebrew words of the Siddur, my mind would wander, and I lost focus. I asked my Rabbi for advice on this, and he told me to pray that I would be able to pray. That helped a little, but what really helps is having something of vital importance to pray for. Realizing that only Hashem has the power to grant my deepest aspirations, I would pour out my heart in prayer for a child, and I never stopped. Continuous prayer is needed for each stage of conception, pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing, and then for our son to find his other half, and it still doesn’t end here. Now, that thank G-d, Hashem has answered all these prayers, we continue to pray for a suitable home for the young couple. But is there a limit to how much we should pray? Can a person ever pray too much? It depends on what we are praying for. When I realized that praying for a specific outcome might not always be in our best interest, I stopped insisting in my prayer that Hashem grant my son and his bride a home in beautiful Bat Ayin. Although my husband and I are convinced that there is no better place for the young couple to start their married life than this loving, supportive community, our daughter-in-law- to-be feels otherwise. So, they have been looking in Jerusalem. It is quite challenging but realizing that only Hashem knows what’s really good for everyone, I changed my prayer from insisting that the couple find a place in Bat Ayin to praying that they find a home in a place that will be good for them.

Is There a Limit to How Much We Should Pray? Can a Person Ever Pray Too Much?

If a woman prays to marry a specific man, but he is not her predestined soulmate, her prayer can actually be harmful to her. Hashem may fulfill this prayer even if it goes against the master plan. Yet, just as it isn’t good for a child when his parents give in to his persistent cry for ice cream, it is not always in our favor to twist Hashem’s arm to grant us what we think we need. We cannot demand of Hashem what reality needs to be like, because we can never know anything for sure, we can only believe. There comes a place and time when we must accept Hashem’s will even if it may not be what we want. We are not in charge, and we mustn’t manipulate Hashem to fulfill our wishes. This is what Bilam tried to do through his witchcraft. Rather than praying for a specific outcome, Tefilah is to rise to the place where it is possible to receive the highest abundance that Hashem has dedicated specifically to us. The difference between manipulating Hashem and opening ourselves to receive Hashem’s blessing is very subtle. It can be compared to the prohibition to urge a person to give us an item that he doesn’t want to give. Asking is one thing, but to keep nudging is at best impolite and at worst bullying. So, too, in our relationship with Hashem, there comes a time when we must back off prayer. We learn a lesson on the limits of prayer in Parashat Va’etchanan. Moshe wanted so badly to enter the Land of Israel that he prayed for it 515 times, corresponding to the numerical value of the word וָאֶתְחַנַּן/Va’etchanan – “I beseeched,” and to the hours between Erev Rosh Hashana and the crack of dawn on Shemini Atzeret. Yet, Hashem did not even allow him to continue to pray for entering Israel. According to the midrash Hashem asked Moshe Rabbeinu to stop praying because otherwise, Hashem would have had to grant him permission to enter the Land. This teaches us the principle that it is possible to pray too much because it is considered as if the person ‘forces’ Hashem to do his will.

The Subtle Balance Between Asserting our Will and Aligning it with Hashem’s Will

In EmunaHealing we teach the importance of activating our will, as we recite in the Ashrei prayer: “umaspia l’chol chai ratzon” (Tehillim 145:16). This verse can be understood as

“Hashem influences and bestows upon each living being a will.” We all received a will. When someone doesn’t have a will, it is because she doesn’t reveal the will within her. Our will can be compared to gasoline, without which the vehicle will not move. We need a will to accomplish anything in life. Depressed people lose their will, and therefore have difficulty getting up in the morning. We need to actualize and live our will. לחיות את הרצון. The more we can peel off the various exterior layers, the more natural it is to be ourselves. Although we choose, we only choose a vessel, we need patience. We have no power over the results, we can only pray and accept that the rest is up to Hashem. There is a fine balance between activating our will and balancing it to align our will with Hashem’s and make His will our will (Pirkey Avot 2:4).

Will Moshe’s Prayers go Unanswered?

ספר דברים פרק ג פסוק כג וָאֶתְחַנַּן אֶל הָשֵׁם בָּעֵת הַהִוא לֵאמֹר: (כד) אֲדֹנָי הָשֵׁם אַתָּה הַחִלּוֹתָ לְהַרְאוֹת אֶת עַבְדְּךָ אֶת גָּדְלְךָ וְאֶת יָדְךָ הַחֲזָקָה אֲשֶׁר מִי אֵל בַּשָּׁמַיִם וּבָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר יַעֲשֶׂה כְמַעֲשֶׂיך וְכִגְבוּרֹתֶךָ: (כה) אֶעְבְּרָה נָּא וְאֶרְאֶה אֶת הָאָרֶץ הַטּוֹבָה אֲשֶׁר בְּעֵבֶר הַיַּרְדֵּן הָהָר הַטּוֹב הַזֶּה וְהַלְּבָנֹן:

“I implored Hashem at that time, saying, “O Hashem, You who let Your servant see the first works of Your greatness and Your mighty hand, You whose powerful deeds no god in heaven or on earth can equal! Let me, I pray, cross over and see the good land on the other side of the Jordan, that good hill country, and the Levanon” (Devarim 3:23-25).

I always cry over Moshe’s deep desire to enter the Land of Israel. Although his prayer wasn’t fulfilled in his lifetime, I believe that the power of his prayer instilled within the Jewish people the desire to make Aliyah for all generations to come. Moshe yearned to unify Hashem in the land, as “Whoever lives outside of the land is like someone who doesn’t have a G-d” (Babylonian Talmud, Ketuvot 110b). Therefore, Moshe used the term “your G-d” throughout the book of Devarim, to say that since the Israelites are entering into the Land Hashem’s name is called upon them (Siftei Kohen, Devarim 3:25). Rashi explains that the word וָאֶתְחַנַּן/va’etchanan is from the root חִנּוּן/chinun – ‘a free gift.’ Although the righteous may base a request on the merit of their good deeds, they request only a free gift of the Omnipresent. Alternatively, חִנּוּן/chinun is one of ten terms that denote prayer (Sifrei); (Rashi, Devarim 3:23). Moshe’s prayer furthermore teaches us that we must always praise G-d and afterward pray for our needs. The beginning of Moshe’s praise corresponds to the praises we recite in the opening of the silent Amidah prayer, “Your greatness” corresponds to –“The great G-d;” “Your mighty hand” to – You are mighty;” “Who is a god like You in heaven to – “You are Holy” (Chizkuni). Despite the sweetness of Moshe’s prayer, Hashem refused to grant the wishes of his soul.

ספר דברים פרק ג פסוק כו

וַיִּתְעַבֵּר הָשֵׁם בִּי לְמַעַנְכֶם וְלֹא שָׁמַע אֵלָי וַיֹּאמֶר הָשֵׁם אֵלַי רַב לָךְ אַל תּוֹסֶף דַּבֵּר אֵלַי עוֹד בַּדָּבָר הַזֶּה:

“Hashem was angry with me for your sake, and would not hear me, and Hashem said to me, ‘Let it be enough, speak no more to me of this matter’” (Devarim 3:26).

Despite our strong resolve and urgency to continue praying, we need to lower our expectations that Heaven must follow our wishes and dictates and have faith in and acceptance of the unknowable. Moshe accepts the fact that his prayers will go unanswered for now. Or rather, he understands that although Hashem always answers our prayers, sometimes the answer is no or not yet!”

EmunaHealing Exercise for Activating and Balancing our Will with Hashem’s

1. Let yourself relax on your chair or cushion and become aware of your breath. Take several deep breaths and feel your body settle down and relax.

2. Get in touch with your will. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Perhaps you can dismiss some of your cravings emanating from your lower will and focus on your deeper inner will – the will of your soul, to evolve toward your higher self and cleave to Hashem. Visualize yourself acting the way you really would want to act, possessing the positive traits you strive for, and thinking positive thoughts.

3. See if you can verbalize this vision in prayerful words such as “Hashem please empower and help me keep x mitzvah in a higher more complete way. You may repeat this prayer several times with greater intensity.

4. One of the reasons Moshe wanted so much to enter the Land was to be able to keep all the mitzvot that only apply in the Land of Israel. Get in touch with your own desire to live in the Holy Land. If you already live here, then tune into how you can better connect and appreciate this special merit for which Moshe cried and prayed numerous heartfelt prayers.

5. Take several deep breaths while you marvel at the wonder of the Promised Land and all its goodness despite whatever problems. Tune into the rose and disregard the thorns.

6. Return to focusing on your will. From where in your body does it emanate? Breathe your will into your head, throat, shoulders, arms, and fingers. Allow your will to enter your heart and penetrate it. Breathe your will into your stomach, liver spleen, and kidneys, and let your will flow down your legs all the way to your feet. Allow yourself to feel grounded in your will.

7. Take a few moments to get in touch with your higher will. Think of the five deepest yearnings in your life, perhaps you can connect each of your desires with one of your body parts. Before praying for them, take a moment to evaluate if your desires are aligned with Hashem’s will for you. You may adjust them to become more aligned. Keep in mind to pray more generally rather than for a specific outcome. Now, cry out to Hashem in heartfelt prayer for each of your desires while focusing on the body part where this desire resides. Then be still and breathe softly.

8. Let yourself hope that your prayers will be fulfilled, yet simultaneously let go of being demanding of Hashem. Accept that Hashem’s will is what ultimately determines the outcome of our prayers. See if you can rise to a place where you will be able to receive Hashem’s abundance for you. Whether or not it is Hashem’s will to grant you your wishes, accept whatever goodness Hashem has in store for you!