The Challenge to Implement Torah Law
on the Matter of Keeping Our Word
“Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot
be recalled” wrote the Roman poet, Horace, almost a millennium ago. These
words, that assumed universal ethical status, reflect the teachings of our
Torah sages. Thus, it has always been important for me to keep my word,
although, admittedly, it is not always as simple as that. This week, I caught myself a couple of times in words that escaped my
mouth which I afterwards realized weren’t so easy to implement. Once, was when I took my students on a
special hike, to one of the natural wellsprings in Bat Ayin. After a 40-minute
strenuous hike, which gradually reduced our group from 10 to 8 and in the end
to 6. We finally arrived at our destination: A beautiful natural pool, large
enough to swim 3 strokes across! As we were splashing, swimming, singing and
enjoying the cool water under the blue sky, with a contrasting backdrop of
various shades of green herbage and trees, a man arrived at the site. He and
his girlfriend were also looking forward to dunk in the wellspring, so I told
them, “We will be out in 10 minutes with Hashem’s help!” Yet, when I tried to
get us all out of the pool 10 minutes later, my students convinced me to let
them stay in the pool a bit longer, saying: “The couple said that they are
enjoying themselves at the picnic table. They are not in a rush.” Although I’m
sure the couple was fine, I still felt a bit uneasy about not keeping my word.
Another time this week, I had agreed to pay for a certain service. I was about
to take out my VISA card from my purse, when the provider said that she didn’t
need the payment until later. “In that case,” I asked her, “May I therefore wait
to commit to the payment until after I have discussed the matter with my
husband? Since I already agreed to pay you, I have obligated myself. Only if
you are willing to absolve me from my word, am I permitted, according to Torah
law, to reconsider my commitment.” The
lady conceded and all was fine, but if I hadn’t learned the law about keeping
my word, I might have inadvertently transgressed it numerous times.
The Torah Laws Regarding Keeping Your
Word
One of the basic principles of civil law is the distinction
between ‘promises’ and ‘contracts.’ Whereas a contract must be
honored and failure to do so can be penalized by law, an oral promise is not
binding, and there is no legal sanction for breaking a promise. In contrast,
honest dealing in thought, words and action is part of the Torah business law. Therefore, the Torah obligates us to keep our
oral promises in business transactions. In this matter, the Shulchan Aruch
repeats Rambam, Hilchot Mechira 7:8, word for word and rules as follows:
שו"ע חושן משפט - סימן רד הלכה ז
הנושא ונותן בדברים בלבד, הרי זה ראוי לו
לעמוד בדבורו אף על פי שלא לקח מהדמים כלום, ולא רשם ולא הניח משכון. וכל החוזר
בו, בין לוקח בין מוכר, אע"פ שאינו חייב לקבל מי שפרע ה"ז ממחוסרי אמנה
ואין רוח חכמים נוחה הימנו:
“A person who conducts a business transaction in
word alone – it is proper for him to keep his word, even though he did not take
any money, and although nothing was written, and no collateral exchanged. A
buyer or seller who retracts, although he does not receive a curse [which is
applied to somebody who backs out after money was exchanged] is considered
lacking in faith, and the spirit of the wise is not at ease with him” (Shulchan
Aruch, Choshen Mishpat 204:7).
The Meiri (Bava Metzia 49a)
extends this principle to being faithful to obligations undertaken even in our
thoughts. This, however, is only for the pious, who – after having decided in
thought to complete a transaction or give a gift – stick to their decision even
when the other side is unaware of it. They are strict to fulfill whatever they
have decided in their hearts as it states, “…and speaks truth in his heart” (Tehillim
15:2). This is a very high level to attain, yet it is a lofty ideal of
honesty and integrity for which we can strive.
Speech: The Underlying Foundation of
Life
The main theme in Parashat Matot is vows,
elucidating how we are obligated by the words that we express.
ספר במדבר פרק ל פסוק ג
אִישׁ כִּי יִדֹּר נֶדֶר לַהָשֵׁם אוֹ
הִשָּׁבַע שְׁבֻעָה לֶאְסֹר אִסָּר עַל נַפְשׁוֹ לֹא יַחֵל דְּבָרוֹ כְּכָל
הַיֹּצֵא מִפִּיו יַעֲשֶׂה:
“If a man takes a vow to Hashem or makes an oath to
prohibit himself, he shall not desecrate his word; according to whatever comes
out of his mouth shall he do” (Bamidbar 30:3).
Since I verbalized
that I am going on a juice-fast next week, and my husband didn’t object, I must
fulfill my words and carry out that which I have taken upon myself. This is in
accordance with the continuation of the section: “…and her husband hears it but
remains silent on the day he hears it, her vow shall stand, and her prohibition
which she has imposed upon herself shall stand” (Ibid. 8). Why does the
Torah attribute such power, to words? We cannot underestimate the power of
speech – a defining human quality. The ability to articulate our thoughts into
specific words distinguishes human beings from the animals. Onkelos, the
authoritative Aramaic translator from the Talmudic era, defines humanity as a
“speaking spirit” in his translation of the creation of man (Onkelos, Bereishit
2:7). Speech is not only a defining human quality. It is the manifestation of
the Divine breath which resonates within us, ever since G-d breathed a living
soul into the first human being. G-d Himself chose to use the power of speech
to create everything in the universe, teaching us the vital role of speech as
the underlying foundation of life.
The Need to Undo
Past Promises
The obligation to keep our word applies to both men
and women. Yet, the Torah uses the language אִישׁ/Ish
– ‘man’ in order to teach us that according to halacha, one who takes a vow or
swears an oath can consult an “ish” – a prominent person with Torah
authority and annul it:
[The following rules apply
when] a person took an oath (sh’vuat bitui) and [then] regretted having
taken the oath: 1. If he sees that he will suffer if he upholds this oath 2.
His intent changes 3. A factor occurred that was not in his intent originally
when he took the oath and he changed his mind because of this. [In either of
these cases he may appeal to be released from his oath] from one sage – or from
three ordinary people in a place where there is no sage. They cancel his oath
and he is permitted to perform the matter that he vowed not to do or refrain
from carrying out the matter that he vowed to do. This is called ‘release from
an oath’ (Rambam, Hilchot Shevuot 6:1).
Despite the sacred status of our words, there are
instances warranting that we re-evaluate our prior promises. In certain
situations, things we have taken upon ourselves in the past may no longer be
beneficial, but rather morally incorrect by causing needless suffering. The
classic example of misguided adherence to our words is the story of Yiftach’s
daughter (Shoftim Chapter 11). Yiftach was a great military leader who,
vowed that if G-d would grant him victory in his battle against the Ammonites,
he would offer, “Whatever comes out of the door of my house…as a burnt
offering” (Shoftim 11:30-31). Tragically, it was his daughter, his only
child, who came out to meet him. He felt bound by his words, “For I have uttered
a vow to Hashem that I cannot retract” (Ibid verse 31), and “He did to her as
he vowed” (Ibid 35). Hashem punished both Yiftach for not going to a sage to
release his vow, thereby condemning his daughter to live in celibacy all her
life, and Pinchas, the sage of the generation, for not taking the initiative to
release Yiftach’s vow. Pinchas lost his Ruach
Hakodesh as it states, “Pinchas the son of Elazer was the ruler over them
in the past, and Hashem was with him (I Divrei HaYamim 9:20), (Yalkut
Shimoni, Shoftim 11:68). Yiftach was stricken with boils, and his
limbs fell out and had to be buried in various places as it states, “He was
buried in the cities of Gilead” (Shoftim 12:7); (Rashi, Shoftim
11:39). From this we learn, that as important as it is to keep our word, it is
equally important to break it when it can cause suffering and moral depravity. In my practice as a spiritual healer, I have come
across cases where women have taken upon themselves to never again speak with
their sisters or mothers. After having undergone an emotional and spiritual
maturing process, it becomes clear that such commitments have become
horrendous. As we keep growing the need to reevaluate our past promises and
commitments becomes vital.
Synchronizing Thought, Speech and
Action
Rambam clarifies how the leeway to cancel an oath
is intrinsically connected with our intention: “A factor occurred that was not in our intent when
we took the oath,” or “our intent changed.” This teaches us the importance of mindful intention:
unifying thought, speech and action. We are called
upon to connect our inner thought, as expressed by words, with actions in daily
life. The underlying message of the Torah law – to keep our word – teaches us
that our outside must reflect our inside. Therefore, we must refrain from
uttering empty words that are not completely anchored in our minds and
behaviors. Feeling overwhelmed with so much on my plate, I find it particularly
challenging to bring my focused, mindful intention into my prayers and
blessings. My mind keeps wandering toward all the chores of my day and I know
I’m not the only one with this problem. Disconnection between our thoughts,
speech and actions affects our inner world and is, in a sense, being dishonest
to ourselves. Thus, the highest way of truly keeping our word is to create
consonance between mind, emotion and behavior. But how do we learn to unify our
thoughts, words and actions which is so vital for true integrity? The answer
may lay in reducing the extra things on our plate. I’ve been working on cutting
down some of the excess, repeatedly reminding myself that “less is more.” Let us work on truly focusing on the most
important things in life, applying our mind, heart and effort into giving them
our all!
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