Picking Up Hashem’s Calls even in the Taxi

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Vayikra

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Heading Hashem’s Calling in Our Lives

We are called to enter the Book of Vayikra, which opens with Hashem’s calling out to Moshe. At this time, we need to become aware that we, too, are being called by Hashem, Who desires to communicate with all of His children. G-d’s call to us is not on the same level as the direct call that Moshe received. However, we need to open ourselves to listen to the more subtle calls in our lives, such as hearing certain lyrics from a song on the radio, reminding us to be more forgiving, or perhaps we just ‘happen’ to bump into the person to whom we had thought to apologize. Certain problems or ailments that people experience could be a wake-up call from Hashem. Rashi contrasts the word in Hebrew that describes how Hashem called Moshe וַיִּקְרָא/Vayikra, with the word describing how Hashem addressed Bilam, the non-Jewish prophet, with the word, וַיִּקְר/vayikar. Hashem called Moshe intentionally, with the letter א/alef that represents the oneness of Hashem. However, when G-d spoke to Bilam, the א/alef was missing which indicates a less intentional communication, similar to the Hebrew word מִקְרָה/mikrah, which means ‘chance.’ We are fortunate that Hashem always relates to us – the descendants of Ya’acov, through Divine Supervision. It is our call to heighten the awareness of Hashem’s supervision in our lives, by allowing ourselves to see and hear His messages. Rebbetzin Jungreis calls to our attention that we recite the bracha, “…Hamechin mitzadei gever… –Who prepares the footsteps of man,” every morning. Most people have difficulty discerning Hashem’s call to us, since His communications are hidden behind many veils. Yet, if we allow ourselves to see and hear the Divine messages to us, we will be able to detect the Divine design guiding the happenings of our daily lives.

Happenstance or Divine Supervision in the Purim Story?
The story of Purim teaches us that all the instances that could seem like coincidences are in reality intentional events, called into being by no other than the Almighty. For example, the fact that Esther was chosen by Achasverush to become his new queen was not by accident, but Hashem’s way of preparing the healing before the wound of Haman’s decree. Mordechai heard Hashem’s calling and said, “It can’t be that this righteous woman would be taken to sleep with an uncircumcised person, except that in the future, she will arise to save Israel” (Rashi, Megillat Esther 2:11). Other seeming coincidences in the Purim story include when Mordechai just ‘happened’ to be around to hear the king’s bodyguards plan to assassinate Achasverus, and that Esther just ‘happened’ to report this in Mordechai’s name, even though Mordechai had not commanded her to do so. When later, the king had a hard time falling asleep and asked for his Chronicles, he just ‘happened’ to read about how Mordechai saved his life, which was at that very same moment that Haman knocked on the door to request to hang Mordechai.

Divine Providence of Finding the Perfect Divine Providence Story
It is not coincidental that we read Parashat Vayikra that teaches us about Divine Providence right before Purim.

ספר ויקרא פרק א (א) וַיִּקְרָא אֶל משֶׁה וַיְדַבֵּר הָשֵׁם אֵלָיו מֵאֹהֶל מוֹעֵד לֵאמֹר:

“Hashem called out to Moshe and spoke to him at from the Tent of Meeting saying” (Vayikra 1:1).

All oral communications of Hashem to Moshe were preceded by a call. It is the way of expressing affection, and the mode used by the ministering angels when addressing each other, as it states, “One called to the other and said, ‘Holy, holy holy is Hashem of hosts.’” In contrast, to the prophets of the nations of the world, Hashem revealed Himself in a manner which Scripture describes by an expression ordinarily used for denoting events of casual character and uncleanliness, as it states, “ G-d happened to meet Bilam” (Bamidbar 23:4). The term וַיִּקְר/vayikar from the root קרה is connected with מִקְרָה/mikra, which denotes chance occurrence and has also the meaning of uncleanliness (Devarim 22:11)… (Rashi, Vayikra 1:1).

Inspired by Rashi’s commentary on the first verse of the Book of Vayikra, I was planning to write about hashgacha pratit (Divine Supervision) in my personal life. Although my entire life is bursting with Divine Providence, at the moment, I wasn’t able to recall even one good example, being under pressure planning my annual North America tour. What do writers do when they have nothing to write? We google! So I googled ‘hasgacha pratit stories,’ and by amazing Divine Supervision, I came across an article by Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, about an extraordinary Divinely ordained story that just ‘happened’ to also relate to one of the lectures I am giving on my current tour about the importance of your Hebrew name. Not only did Hashem, via google, provide me with a phenomenal story to share with you here, it is, moreover, a story that brings home the point of my lecture: ‘Your Name Calls Out the Essence of Your Soul’ in a most poignant way.

Three Taxi Divinely Ordained Stories
A mother was taking her eight-year-old son, Yedidya, to his first visit at the orthodontist and had to fill out a form. Yedidya usually carries his name proudly – Yedid-Ya, which literally translated, means ‘friend of G-d.’ However, this time, to avoid all the fuss his Jewish name evoked, Yedidya whispered, “Mommy, just write down my English name, ‘Jed’” On the way home in the taxi, his mother just ‘happened’ to look at the taxi driver’s name-card, and couldn’t believe her eyes when she read the name: ‘Yedidya’ in big and bold letters! At first, she thought she must have read wrong, but after she looked again, and again, it was clear that there was no mistake. “How did you get the name, Yedidya?” she asked the driver. “My parents gave it to me,” he explained, “but in Russia, we were not permitted to use our Jewish names, so when I immigrated to America, I promised myself that in this country of religious freedom, I would proudly proclaim that my name is Yedidya and that I am Jewish.” What amazing Divine Providence. What are the chances of finding a Jewish taxi driver in Manhattan called Yedidya? Could any parent, rabbi or teacher give a better lesson to her son, who just an hour ago was uncomfortable with his Jewish name, Yedidya? From that moment on, he never again used his English name, Jed. Isn’t this awesome hashgacha pratit? On top of that, the very next time Yedidya’s twin-brother Ya’acov was in a taxi with his mom, the driver ‘happened’ to be called Ya’acov, not Jacob, but the Hebrew version Ya’acov! Surely, Hashem was orchestrating this from Above. What gave this family the merit to have two consecutive taxi-driver Divine Providence stories happen?

Rebbetzin Jungreis related that several years earlier, when the father of the twins had just begun to keep the Torah, during a special Jewish heritage trip to Eastern Europe; he was wearing his very first kipah. On the way back to the hotel, the father forgot his kipah in the taxi. Although, he also forgot his very expensive international phone there, it was his kipah that he ran after. He chased after the taxi like a marathon runner, while calling out to the driver to stop. When the father opened the door of the cab, he recovered his dear yarmulke. This story is a remarkable example of how Hashem rewarded the father’s Jewish pride, which was expressed through a taxi, by strengthening his sons in their Jewish pride through extraordinary Divine Supervision in two taxis! Moreover, isn’t it amazing hasgacha pratit, how Hashem sent this story to my hands in perfect time to be able to share it in Seattle, Baltimore and on our Emunahealing Retreat in the Berkshires? Hope to see you there!

Tribal Gemstones

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Pekudei

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My ‘New’ Engagement Ring

A couple of years ago the precious diamond in my engagement ring fell out of its setting. I don’t know how it happened. One day I felt my ring scratching my finger in a strange way. Then I looked shocked at the gaping empty setting and began to panic. Although I turned the house upside down in my search, I never recovered the diamond. I don’t even want to think about how much of a financial loss this was. Rather, I have worked on accepting it as a kapara – an atonement for my many misdoings. We all prefer to lose ‘dead things’ and keep our loved ones and our health. Yet, as the years passed, I never got used to the empty space on my finger where the engagement ring used to shine. For our 35th anniversary, Rosh Chodesh Adar Alef, my husband dragged me to celebrate in town. We had brought the empty setting of the engagement ring with us, as my wish was to replace the sparkling diamond with a blue sapphire. It is not that I desire expensive jewelry. It is more the sentimental value of wanting to wear the ring that ties me to my husband, strengthening all the dimensions of our relationship. Jewelry holds energy and captures the essence of those who wear it. This is why a divorced woman must get rid of all jewelry gifts given by her X, in order to free herself from his energy and become open to a new and lasting relationship. Feeling the tug of my ‘new’ engagement ring on my finger, while separated from my husband by my annual North American tour, I experience love and longing toward him. There is something even more special about engagement than marriage. Engagement is about longing, yearning and looking forward to marital fulfillment. It is important to keep the energy of engagement in our marriages, especially when circumstances sometimes separate us temporarily.

The Precious Stones on Aharon’s Heart
The reason I wanted to replace my diamond with a sapphire was not just because it would be less than a 10th of the cost. First of all, I love the deep, blue, mysterious color of sapphires – like the color of the sky at the beginning of night when the stars wake up. Moreover, the sapphire represents Torah, as the Tablets of the Ten Commandments were carved from sapphire (Rashi, Shemot 34:1). This stone corresponds to the tribe of Yissaschar, who represents Torah and wisdom (Malbim, Yesha’yahu 54:12). Aharon, the Kohen Gadol would wear a special square-shaped breastplate on his heart filled with twelve stones, each representing one of the twelve tribes of Israel. This garment is called the choshen mishpat in Hebrew, which means the “breastplate of judgment” because of the unique role that it played in helping to render fateful decisions. The breastplate consisted of four rows, each containing three, small, square stones in a setting of gold. The name of the corresponding tribe was engraved on each stone. Special segulot (spiritual properties) are ascribed to each of these stones. The healing properties of stones or crystals is widely known in the new age world. For example, it is known, to wear a rose quartz to attract love and use an onyx for protection. It may be less known that the source of the spiritual properties of various stones or crystals is found in the Torah commentaries on the stones of Aharon’s breastplate.

The Stones Corresponding to each of the Tribes in Order of their Birth
This week’s parasha, which summarizes all the materials used for the Tabernacle, and the garments of the Kohanim, repeats almost word for word the description of the breastplate first given in Parashat Tetzaveh, Shemot 28:17-21.

ספר שמות פרק לט

(י) וַיְמַלְאוּ בוֹ אַרְבָּעָה טוּרֵי אָבֶן טוּר אֹדֶם פִּטְדָה וּבָרֶקֶת הַטּוּר הָאֶחָד: (יא) וְהַטּוּר הַשֵּׁנִי נֹפֶךְ סַפִּיר וְיַהֲלֹם: (יב) וְהַטּוּר הַשְּׁלִישִׁי לֶשֶׁם שְׁבוֹ וְאַחְלָמָה: (יג) וְהַטּוּר הָרְבִיעִי תַּרְשִׁישׁ שֹׁהַם וְיָשְׁפֶה מוּסַבֹּת מִשְׁבְּצֹת זָהָב בְּמִלֻּאֹתָם: (יד) וְהָאֲבָנִים עַל שְׁמֹת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵנָּה שְׁתֵּים עֶשְׂרֵה עַל שְׁמֹתָם פִּתּוּחֵי חֹתָם אִישׁ עַל שְׁמוֹ לִשְׁנֵים עָשָׂר שָׁבֶט:

“They set in it four rows of stones: a row of ruby, topaz, and emerald was the first row. The second row, a garnet, a sapphire, and a diamond. The third row, an opal, an agate, and an amethyst. The fourth row, a beryl (aquamarine), an onyx, and a jasper; they were enclosed in fittings of gold in their settings. The stones were according to the names of the children of Israel, twelve, according to their names, like the engravings of a signet, every one according to his name, for the twelve tribes” (Shemot 39:10-14).

The Midrash teaches us about the stones and the flags of each tribe. Can you believe that the established practice of having individualized flags representing each country derives from the flags of the tribes? “Every tribe had a flag in the color of their stone, which was on Aharon’s heart. From them the nations learned to make flags with the individual colors for each tribe similar to the color of his stone” (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 2:7). Based on this Midrash, Rashi explains that the order of the stones are according to the order of their birth, ruby for Reuven, topaz for Shimon and likewise with all of them (Rashi, Shemot 28:21). A support for Rashi’s explanation is, “They called Leshem Dan after the name of Dan their father… (Yehoshua 19:47) because the name of Dan is written on the opal.” (Rashi, Shoftim 18:27). If the stones are assigned to tribes according to the order of the birth of the mothers, Leah, Bilha, Zilpa, Rachel, then we arrive at the name Dan for the opal (Chizkuni, Shemot 28:21).

The Twelve Foundational Root Stones
Whereas  each crystal comes in many different colors, the midrash informs us that the particular colors of each tribes’ stone was reflected in their flag: “Reuven’s stone was ruby and his flag was red… Shimon’s stone was topaz, and his flag was green… Levi’s stone was emerald and his flag was colored one third white, one third black and one third red and a picture of the Urim and Tumim was on it. Yehuda‘s stone was garnet and the color of his flag was like the sky with a picture of a lion. Yissaschar’s stone was sapphire, and the color of his flag was dark blue with a picture of the sun and the moon, as it states, “From the sons of Yissaschar who know the times” (I Divrei Hayamim 12). Zevulun’s stone was a diamond, and the color of his flag was white with a picture of a boat, as it states, “Zevulun to the seashore” (Bereishit 49:13). Dan’s stone was opal and the color of his flag was similar to the sapphire… Gad’s stone was an agate and the color of his flag was a mixture of black and white… Naftali’s stone was the amethyst and the color of his flag was similar to clear wine… Asher’s stone was aquamarine, and the color of his flag was similar to a precious stone that women decorate themselves with… Yosef’s stone was onyx, and the color of his flag was very black… Binyamin’s stone was a jasper and the color of his flag was similar to all the colors of the 12 tribes…” (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 2:7). Rabbeinu Bachaya explains that according to natural science, there are exactly twelve main root stones, which are the sources and fathers of all other stones. “All other stones derive from these” (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Shemot 28:15). He continues to go into the healing properties of each of the twelve stones, which I have translated and summarized for you below. I have added general knowledge of the healing properties of each stone only when it coincides with Rabbeinu Bachaya’s commentary.

1. Reuven’s Fertility Stone
Reuven’s stone was a Ruby – אוֹדֶם/Odem, a very red, blood-colored stone, as its name testifies. When worn by a pregnant woman, the ruby prevents miscarriage. It is also known as the fertility stone. It is highly recommended for women who wish to become pregnant, especially when ground into powder and mixed with food and drink. It eases pregnancy and keeps the mother and fetus healthy. Many women with fertility problems finally became pregnant when wearing a ruby (best worn as a ring or bracelet). Even women who have been through unsuccessful medical fertility treatments, finally conceived by holding the Ruby during the treatment. The ruby is also beneficial for women in difficult labor.

2. Shimon’s Cooling Stone
Shimon’s stone was a Topaz – פִּטְדָה/pit’da, a shiny green stone, the color of the pools of the ocean. The Topaz cools down the body from excessive heat. Therefore, this stone is found in Africa where it is very hot and the people are hot-blooded and need to be cooled down.

3. Levi’s Wisdom Stone
Levi’s stone was an Emerald – בָרֶקֶת/bareket, a multicolored illuminating stone. It is the stone that Noach hung in the Ark for light. It was given to Levi because this tribe illuminates through the Torah. Among its properties, the topaz causes wisdom and illuminates the eyes, if used the same way the light of the candle is used. When ground up and mixed with food and drink it is very beneficial for engendering wisdom and opening the heart. It increases the ability of self-expression and strengthens the heart.

4. Yehuda’s War-Victory Stone
Yehuda’s stone was a Garnet – נוֹפֶךְ/nofech, a glittering green stone, the color of leeks. It chases away enemies, makes them turn their backs, and thus causes victory in war. It strengthens self-confidence. The garnet is known as the stone of commitment because it strengthens determination and devotion to a cause or goal, to other people and to self-obligation. It relieves shoulder and back pains. In case of backache, it is recommended to paste a number of small stones on the painful area. For shoulder pain, wear it in a necklace.

5. Yissaschar’s Illuminating, Pain-relieving Stone
Yissaschar’s stone was a Sapphire – סַפִּיר/sapir, the color of techelet (sky-blue). The masters of Torah are known to be bound with the bundle of life under the throne of glory made from sapphire, as it states, “The appearance of the sapphire resembles the throne (Yechezkiel 1:26). This sky-blue color is not the color of arrogance like red or green. Rather, it is the color of humility- good for young as well as old people. The sapphire strengthens the light of the eyes. Therefore, it is good to pass it over the eyes. It also helps counteract pain and swelling any place in the body. Likewise, the Torah heals the entire body, as our sages said, “If his body hurts he should occupy himself with Torah” (Iruvin 54a). Kings wore the sapphire stone in order to protect them from jealousy and injury. The sapphire improves ones mood and relieves pressure. It increases intuition and creates balance, wisdom and stability. One who wears it will talk from within, with higher, inner wisdom.

6. Zevulun’s Business Stone
Zevulun’s stone was a Diamond – יַהֲלֹם/yahalom, white as silver, a sign of wealth. It was given to Zevulun, who was a merchant, as it causes success in business transactions. It also counteracts insomnia and brings about sleep.

7. Dan’s Sensitivity Stone
Dan’s stone was an Opal – לֶשֶׁם/leshem. Rabbeinu Bachaya doesn’t have much to say about this stone so I will bring general knowledge about it. It strengthens the awareness of feelings and intuition. However, if you are not sure of yourself or your judgment, the opal might increase this feeling and cause stress. For this reason, the opal is not recommended for young people who are generally more sensitive. Since the opal causes expression of inner feelings, it may cause physical or mental unease for those who repress their feelings. For those who are open and assertive, this stone will provide happiness, joy, perseverance and confidence. When a person is ill, the color of the opal may change.

8. Naftali’s Driving Stone
Naftali’s stone was a Turquoise (Agate) – שְׁבוֹ/shavo. This stonehelps a person remain seated when riding (driving) and helps him succeed in driving all of his life. Since it connects him to his chariot, it was given to Naftali whose name means connection (Bereishit 30:8). A balancing stone, it is particularly suited for those who use logic more than intuition. It strengthens motoric abilities and aligns the body with the brain. It provides the sensation of courage and strength.

9. Gad’s Courage Stone
Gad’s stone was an Amethyst –אַחְלָמָה/achlama. It strengthens the heart and provides courage. Therefore, it is called achlama from the language of recovery and strength. It eases fears, provides a sense of courage, intuition and creativity. It may help those who do not sleep well and decrease nightmares.

10. Asher’s Digestion Stone
Asher’s stone was an Aquamarine, (Beryl) – תַּרְשִׁישׁ/tarshis, a turquoise sea colored stone. The aquamarine is beneficial for digestion, especially when ground up and mixed with food until it becomes a thick mixture. As it states, “From Asher, his bread is fat” (Bereishit 49:20). The aquamarine flows as water and therefore may help with the flow of life.

11. Yosef’s Success Stone
Yosef’s stone was a very black Onyx – שׁוֹהַם/Shoham. In Hebrew, this stone includes the letters that spell out the name of G-d, הָשֵׁם/Hashem, because “Hashem was with Yosef, and he was a man of success, and He gave him grace in the eyes of the jail keeper” (Bereishit 39:2). The property of the onyx is to bring grace. It is beneficial for finding favor in the eyes of all the people we meet. It is good to wear an onyx in the royal house. It will bring success and cause your word to be heeded. The onyx balances male/female polarity, increases hormonal balance and self-control. It strengthens the ability to distinguish correctly and objectively and make intelligent decisions.

12. Binyamin’s Self-Awareness Stone
Binyamin’s stone was a Jasper – יָשְׁפֶה/yaspeh, which may be red, black or green. The Jasper is good to stop bleeding and it was given to Binyamin because his heart changed to many nuances and he thought many thoughts regarding the sale of Yosef- whether to tell his father about it or not. In the end, he overcame his urge and didn’t reveal the matter to his father. The name of this stone is contracted from two Hebrew words יש פה/yesh peh – there is a mouth. This alludes to Binyamin’s virtue that although he had a mouth, he remained silent and didn’t reveal the sale of Yosef. Jasper helps unite the subconscious with self-awareness. It affects the abdominal area and may relieve pain. 


Channeling Hashem’s Upper Power
“The stones need purity. If an impure person wears them, their power will be nullified or weakened. When the person purifies himself, the stone he wears will regain its original power. The reason for this is that the upper power that the stone draws from depends on the spiritual level. This power cleaves to purity but distances itself from impurity. It is proper to believe thus, for there is no single stone of these precious stones which do not draw from the Upper power. The same way it says about the herbs ‘There is no herb below that doesn’t have a spiritual constellation above’ (Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 10:6); (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Shemot 28:15). I found it very interesting that Torah commentaries agree that gemstones have healing properties. Thus, it is possible to be a Torah person and to use such stones for healing. However, when working with gemstones it is important to keep reminding ourselves that the stones have no powers or energy on their own. They only channel Hashem’s healing power. Each stone attracts particular lights of healing from Above, similar to herbs that Hashem imbued with the power to channel Divine healing energy. Mazal tov! May we all merit to wear our jewelry in good health!

Shabbat Guides for the Meticulous Woman

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Vayakhel

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Entering a State of Being Rather than Doing on Shabbat

I’m sitting here again glued to my computer looking forward to Shabbat. Every night, it takes so much self-discipline to go to sleep, as there is always another email to write, a contact to update, a file to save, a photo to file and a sentence to complete before turning off the computer. If it wasn’t for Shabbat, I don’t know when I would ever read a real book, where you turn actual white pages with black letters and inhale the slightly distinct scent of each particular book. It seems like our lives are becoming gradually more and more electronic. When did we last have a weekday conversation with anyone without an interruption by a message ping on the smart phone? Social media messaging, somehow, succeed to trap us in its network. The more my time goes into I-phone, You-tube, Facebook, and Google Groups, the more I treasure my social-media free Shabbat. During nine months of the year on Shabbat, you will find me on my lounge chair, soaking up the light of the Torah in the sun. When the cold winter winds keep me indoors, I make do with the living room couch. The Torah obviously anticipated our virtual age when prohibiting מְלָאכָה/melacha – creative work, rather than just mere עֲבוֹדָה/avodah – work, on Shabbat. It is not physical toil that we must refrain from on Shabbat, but rather actions that cause a change in reality, and even in the virtual reality. Therefore, we dedicate one day a week on Shabbat where we abstain from creative work in order to remind ourselves that only Hashem is the ultimate Creator. Although sending an SMS or email takes no physical labor, one such message can completely change a person’s life and thus effect all of reality. Therefore, we welcome a virtual and electronic device free Shabbat – the day when we rest from creative work and enter the state of being rather than doing.

Must We Abstain from Maintaining Order in Our Home on Shabbat?
Parashat Vayakhel opens with the command to keep Shabbat and the prohibition to engage in creative work and the subsequent punishment for desecrating the Shabbat:

ספר שמות פרק לה (ב) שֵׁשֶׁת יָמִים תֵּעָשֶׂה מְלָאכָה וּבַיּוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי יִהְיֶה לָכֶם קֹדֶשׁ שַׁבַּת שַׁבָּתוֹן לַהָשֵׁם כָּל הָעֹשֶׂה בוֹ מְלָאכָה יוּמָת: (ג) לֹא תְבַעֲרוּ אֵשׁ בְּכֹל משְׁבֹתֵיכֶם בְּיוֹם הַשַּׁבָּת:

“Six days work may be done, but on the seventh day you shall have a holy Shabbat of complete rest – a Shabbat to Hashem. Whoever does any creative work on it shall be put to death. You shall kindle no fire throughout your settlements on the Shabbat day” (Shemot 35:2).

The juxtaposition between the obligation to keep Shabbat and the building of the Tabernacle teaches us that the works we must abstain from on Shabbat are those needed for building the Tabernacle (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 49b). The ultimate creative work is the work of building the home for Hashem that changes all reality, returning world peace and prophecy to Israel. It should be noted that the creative works prohibited on Shabbat relate to only the building of the Tabernacle/Temple and not to maintaining the order of the sacrifices that continued daily after it was built. Perhaps we can draw the following parallel: while we may not engage in building a house on Shabbat, certain acts for the sake of maintaining order in the home on Shabbat are permitted.

Don’t Use the Holy Shabbat to Prepare for the Week
The Jewish home is compared to a miniature Temple. To what degree are we permitted to maintain the order and cleanliness of our home during the Shabbat? Much is written about what we can’t do on Shabbat. I’d like to share with you what you can do on Shabbat to keep your home nice and neat in honor of Shabbat even when you host many Shabbat guests, including children. The general rule is that we may not use the holy Shabbat day to prepare for the week. This would take us out of the state of ‘being’ required on the Shabbat. Therefore, in general, we are not supposed to do anything on Shabbat that is not necessary for Shabbat itself, such as cleaning dishes that are not necessary for the subsequent Shabbat meals. So what can we do to keep our home together on Shabbat itself, when dishes pile up, crumbs are all over the floor and the ants are feasting? Moreover, for some of us who are meticulous about keeping our homes clean and neat, a pile of dirty dishes and a messy table disturbs our Shabbat peace.

Do Our Dishes have to Pile up on Shabbat?
Rabbi Nouwirth understood us, organized, orderly women well. He ruled that we may remove dishes from the table following the third Shabbat meal in order for the room to look neat and orderly, since this is not considered a necessity of Motzei Shabbat; if we desire that the room looks organized on Shabbat itself (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Chapter 19). In regards to doing dishes, Hagaon Harav Waldenberg zt”l explains that since the reason for the prohibition of washing dishes on Shabbat is to prevent preparing for the days following Shabbat, therefore, washing dishes for the sake of Shabbat itself is permitted. If we want dishes to be clean on Shabbat for hygienic purposes, it is permissible to wash dishes in a hospital even on Shabbat (Responsa Tzitz Eliezer14:37). Similarly, Hagaon Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l writes that we may wash soiled dishes on Shabbat if we are unable to handle a mess, have ants in the home that are attracted to the leftover food, or are worried that guests will arrive and find the house looking unorganized. None of these reasons are considered preparing for after Shabbat, but rather, for the sake of Shabbat itself (Sefer Shulchan Shlomo, Chapter 323). (Maran Shlit”a quotes all of this in his Sefer Chazon Ovadia). In addition, you never know how many dishes you might need on Shabbat for unexpected guests. That’s probably why there is a halachic opinion that we may wash even twenty bowls on Shabbat, even if we only need one of them (Sefer Minhagei Ha’Maharash, end of Chapter 394). So now, after each Shabbat meal, I feel guilt-free when I wash all my dishes as long as I use only cold water and a non-absorbent dish-brush rather than a sponge. Since using a sponge or a washcloth invariably involves squeezing them to the point, where water is expelled it transgresses the prohibition against pressing (out liquid) on Shabbat (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Part 1, Chapter 12:15).

Do our Tablecloths Need to Remain Filthy on Shabbat?
How may I then clean our tablecloth on Shabbat? Since there is no permitted may to clean wine and oil stains etc. from any absorbent cloth material on Shabbat and it would disturb my Shabbat peace to discover such stains, I use a transparent a plastic non-absorbent tablecloth covering on Shabbat. To clean a plastic tablecloth or oilcloth on Shabbat follow these three steps:

1. Take a hand squeegee and collect all the crumbs, wiping them into the chicken food or compost bin.
2. Use a dish-brush with adequate liquid soap to clean away all spots.
3. Dry the tablecloth from soap residue and moisture with a dry rag or napkin.

Part of these steps may be used to clean anything that spilled anywhere on Shabbat, like on the countertop or floor. If a lot of liquid like grape-juice or wine spilled on the table, simply use the hand squeegee to collect all the liquid into a bowl. Use last year’s dish-brush as a floor-brush to scrub ugly stains clean from the marble floor and then wipe the liquid with a dry cloth.

Folding Laundry on Shabbat
Can you imagine the following scenario? You are rushing to finish all your chores in time for Shabbat, when your yeshiva-bachur son comes home Friday afternoon with three weeks’ worth of laundry. You have just emptied the second batch from your dryer into the laundry basket before rushing to light the Shabbat candles. May you fold the laundry and put it away? This is allowed if the basket of unfolded laundry bothers your Shabbat peace and the clothes were mostly dry when Shabbat began (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Part 1, Chapter 15:17). While you may not fold the kind of laundry that have clearly defined creases such as men’s pants, it is allowed to fold laundry without creases such as underwear and T-shirts (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Part 1, Chapter15:46). Sorting clothes into piles is forbidden. Therefore, you need to put away each item of clothing piece by piece, as it comes to your hand. The same applies to putting dishes and silverware away from dishracks (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Part 1, Chapter 3:79, 82).

Upside-Down Tablecloths
Sometimes, Friday night we host a nice group of students and enlarge our table, using a different tablecloth. After the meal, we minimize the table again for the next day intimate meal for just my husband and I, and we put back the regular tablecloth. Now what to do with the large tablecloth, which does have clearly defined creases? Do I need to scrunch up the tablecloth in some corner, waiting for Motzei Shabbat to fold it properly and put it away in the closet? While this may be the ruling of some Rabbis (Chaye Adam 44:24), others are lenient and allow folding these creases, since they are not present when the tablecloth is in use, (Kaf HaChayim 32, Aruch HaShulchan 302:12). I have a great patent for folding tablecloths on Shabbat that considers both opinions. I simply fold the tablecloth inversely so that its creases go inside out.

Making a Bed on Shabbat
If a bed stands in a room where there are people are and it is improper for the bed to be disorganized, you may re place the linens and blankets on the bed even though you have no intention of sleeping in the bed on Shabbat (Magen Avraham, Chapter 302). The Mishnah Berura agrees. Based on this, it is certainly permissible to make a bed that already has linens on it on Shabbat in order to make it look presentable as long as you do it for cleanliness and order in honor of Shabbat (Sefer Shemirat Shabbat Ke’Hilchata, Part 1, Chapter 24:25).

The Unlimited Blessings of Taking Delight in Shabbat
These are a few tips for the neat-freaks among us, about how to keep our home together on Shabbat. However, if unfolded laundry and dirty dishes don’t usually bother you during the week, then some of these leniencies may not apply to you. A good rule of thumb is, “when in doubt- leave it out,” until you ask your Rabbi. Shabbat is a special gift for to the Jewish people (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 10b). No matter which housework you may do on Shabbat, don’t overdo it! Allow yourself to appreciate this holy gift and enjoy the special Shabbat time to thoroughly rest and renew yourself spiritually, as the prophet proclaims:

“If you restrain your foot because of the Shabbat, from pursuing your business on my holy day; and call the Shabbat a delight, the holy day of Hashem honorable; and honor it, not doing your own ways, nor pursuing your own business, nor speaking of vain matters. Then you shall delight yourself in Hashem; and I will cause you to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed you with the heritage of Ya’acov your father. For the mouth of Hashem has spoken it” (Yesha’ahu 58:14 -15).

“Whoever takes delight in Shabbat is given a heritage without limits and will be granted all his heart’s desires” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 118b).

What is the Difference between Spirituality and Holiness?

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Kitisa

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Attributing Power to Nothing but G-d – A Fine Line Distinction
There are numerous spiritual directions in the world that attract so many of us who seek expanded consciousness and a connection with the higher realms. There are also numerous definitions of spirituality. Here are a few examples: “The search for meaning in life events and a yearning for connectedness to the universe” (Coles 1990). “…The search for transcendent meaning – can be expressed in religious practice or …expressed exclusively in the relationship to nature, music, the arts, a set of philosophical beliefs, or relationships with friends and family” (Astrow et al. 2001). “A person’s experience of, or a belief in, a power apart from his or her own existence” (Mohr 2006). Since spirituality is an uplifted goal for those who seek purpose and meaning in life, some people may be surprised to learn that spirituality in certain cases can be not only undesirable, but actually liable for the death penalty in the Torah. That is because a Jew should rather give his or her life than participate in any kind of idol-worship. And guess what? Idolatry has always been one of the most spiritual of practices. I sometimes get glimpses of understanding the attraction to idolatry, when, for example, I wear a citrine gemstone necklace on my annual tours, in order to attract donations to Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin. This crystal is well known as a prosperity stone that promotes and manifests success and abundance. I need to make sure to keep the fine line of distinction between attributing power to the citrine stone and realizing deeply how all power belongs to the One and only Hashem Who endows His creation with certain abilities emanating from His undivided Divine Supremacy. Just as herbs have various healing qualities; gemstones also channel certain spiritual properties from Hashem, while having absolutely no power on their own. Some people say that we do not have idol-worship today, since we no longer bow down to idols and images. However, any time we separate ourselves from the undivided Oneness of G-d and attribute power to anything less than this Oneness, we fall prey to at least a tinge of idolatry. This can take the form of feeding our egos, idolizing modern science, worshipping material wealth and indulging in any physical desire.

Remaining Pure with Hashem Our G-d
I recently discussed the difference between spirituality and kedusha (holiness) with my students. We were learning about the mitzvah to be תָּמִים/tamim – pure or wholehearted with Hashem:

ספר דברים פרק יח פסוק יג תָּמִים תִּהְיֶה עִם הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ:

“You shall be pure with Hashem your G-d” (Devarim 18:13).

This prohibits sharing our belief in the One and Only G-d by attributing power to anything but Him. That includes, contacting angels, using astrology, tea leaves and Tarot cards to find answers for our future. “We must unify our hearts to G-d alone, and believe that only He is in charge. We will ask only Hashem about the future, or His prophets and sages who use the Urim and Tumim. We will not seek answers from any other spiritual beings; for He is the G-d of the gods and uplifted above all, ruling over all the astrological constellations that He may nullify according to His will. After warning us not to ask magicians, cloud gazers, witches and those who ask the dead about the future, Hashem commanded us to be pure with Hashem in all this and only believe in Him and his prophets. We need to be wholehearted with Hashem and not share our reverence of Hashem with any other power” (Ramban, Devarim 18:13). In line with keeping this mitzvah to be tamim with Hashem, we should question ourselves whether we ever cross the line when we revere a certain Rabbi exclusively and have only his picture on our wall. I, personally, make a point of having pictures of many different tzaddikim (righteous people) on my walls, to make clear that the reverence of Hashem is shared with no other being.

Taking the Fruit While Forgetting the Tree
A recent Shabbat guest, who had become recently involved with a Messianic Cult in Haifa, helped clarify for my husband and I, why Christianity is idol- worship. Although she was born Jewish, she enthusiastically described her new belief that for her, ‘Yeshua’ is not merely a messenger of G-d, but actually ‘the lord.’ She described her ‘Yeshua’ as “the suffering servant” who embodies divinity (G-d forbid). This is the very same mistake of the Generation of Enosh when they “began to call on the name of G-d” (Bereishit 4:26). “During the times of Enosh, people made a great mistake, and the wise men of that generation gave thoughtless counsel. Enosh himself was one of those who erred. Their mistake was as follows: They said G-d created stars and spheres with which to control the world. He placed them on high and treated them with honor, as they are servants who minister before Him. Accordingly, it is fitting to praise and glorify them and to treat them with honor… They began to construct temples to the stars and offer sacrifices to them. They would praise and glorify them with words, and prostrate themselves before them, because by doing so, they would – according to their false conception - be fulfilling the will of G-d. This was the essence of the worship of false gods, and this was the rationale of those who worshiped them. They would not say that there is no other god except for this star.” (Rambam, Laws of Idolatry 1).

The Rabbis refer to this mistaken belief as, “cutting the plants,” because it severs the connection between the created things of the world and their roots in Hashem, the Source of all creation. Hence, the focus is on “the son” who is a convenient and accessible object of worship, rather than Hashem – the King and Creator. In Judaism, the focus is always on the highest source, where all creation is unified. We believe that Hashem manifests through all of creation and reveals His will through the prophets and holy tzaddikim. Not a single one of them ever tried to gain attention for himself, but rather gave himself over entirely to arouse devotion to Hashem. We are commanded to serve the Infinite Unknowable Ein Sof (Infinite being). Even worshipping one of Hashem’s manifestations, such as the Sefirot (Divine Emanations) is considered idolatry. Certainly, subjugation to such a lofty abstraction can be daunting. Not only did the easy concreteness of idolatrous belief appeal to this woman, but also a feeling of love and closeness which she experienced coming to her from ‘Yeshua,’ to the point where she imagined he would call out to her. The yetzer hara is very powerful and tries to convince a person to take the fruit and forget about the tree. Enjoy the things of this world with abandon and don’t worry – you are loved and all is forgiven. This is exactly what our sages identified as the character of Esav who scorned the aspect of the bechor (first born) because he denied the need to be subjugated to the superiority of the First Cause (Hashem).

The Spiritual Experience of Drumming and Dancing Around the Golden Calf
In this week’s parasha, the Israelites seeking a peek spiritual experience succumbed to the temptation of attributing divinity to a created being – the Golden Calf.

ספר שמות פרק לב (יט) וַיְהִי כַּאֲשֶׁר קָרַב אֶל הַמַּחֲנֶה וַיַּרְא אֶת הָעֵגֶל וּמְחֹלֹת וַיִּחַר אַף משֶׁה וַיַּשְׁלֵךְ מִיָּדָו אֶת הַלֻּחֹת וַיְשַׁבֵּר אֹתָם תַּחַת הָהָר:

“It came to pass, as soon as he came close to the camp that he saw the calf and the dancing; and Moshe’s anger was kindled, and he threw the Tablets from his hands, and broke them beneath the mount (Shemot 32:19).

I can just imagine the spiritual experience of the drumming and dancing around the Golden Calf, and the feeling of ecstatic excitement and connection. Nevertheless, the end-result of such spiritual exultation was the breaking of the Holy Torah Tablets and countless deaths (ibid. 27). Our Shabbat guest was a nice spiritual young woman who was obviously misled. Her high level of spirituality, made it hard for me to feel proper contempt for her beliefs and actions. How could I accept that when the real Mashiach reveals himself and the Sanhedrin (Jewish Court) will be reinstituted, such a sweet, young woman would be executed, unless she repented from her idolatrous ways. Naturally, I will do what I can to bring her close to the true Torah, remembering that, “A Jew, even when sinning will always be a Jew” (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 44a). Let us pray that this young woman and all the many others like her will discover the real Torah, speedily.

Hanging on to Holiness
The Torah has clear guidelines on how to serve Hashem. We develop our relationship with Hashem by doing His Will as He requested from us in His Torah. Rabbi Yehuda Halevi explains that the difference between the Golden Calf and the Golden Cherubs in the Tabernacle, was only that the latter were directly commanded by G-d, whereas the former was not (The Kuzari 1:97). By serving Hashem and doing His will, for the simple purpose of keeping the laws of the Torah whether or not it brings us a feeling of transcendent exultation, we choose holiness over spirituality. Hanging on to Holiness will eventually bear fruit even if it does not always imbue us with instant gratification. The Torah sandwiched the parasha describing the sin of the Golden Calf between four parshiot describing Hahem’s tabernacle: Two preceding: Teruma, Tetzaveh and two following: Vayakhel, Pekudei. The reason given for this sequence is to atone for the sin of worshipping the Golden Calf, by highlighting its rectification: the building of the House of Holiness for Hashem. When we overcome the temptation to attribute Divinity to anything else but Hashem, we come closer to the building of the Final Temple. Through this, we will draw down chesed – lovingkindness from Hashem and feel his unconditional love for us. When Hashem’s light will be fully revealed in the world through his holy Temple, we will finally be able to unify the undivided holiness of the mitzvot with the ultimate euphoric spiritual experience.

Do We Need to Wear Black Polyester Skirts for Modesty?

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Tetzaveh

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Struggling with Modesty and ‘Keeping Up with the Kohenses’

Since this this week’s parasha discusses the garments of the Kohanim for glory and for beauty, I thought to share with you some Torah regarding dress-code for women in the Torah. A while back, I received the following question via email:

Shalom Rebbetzin,
I have a question that I haven’t found the answer to and I hope you can help me out. I’m not sure what to answer people here in Tzfat, who say or imply, that to wear clothing that isn’t exactly like the style of frum from birth people in B’nei Berak, is dishonoring the Torah. They claim I must wear straight polyester suit thingies in drab colors and button up or wear a turtleneck, etc. My husband is sefardi and says as long as I’m keeping by the Shulchan Aruch, they’re just talking nonsense. However, I’m the one facing the constant comments. For example, I might wear a cotton skirt down to the ankle, and they say according to Beis Yaakov schools, etc., that it is too casual and modern and dishonors Torah. If I wear a scarf (exactly) like the one in your picture here, it is too dangly, too casual, too alternative. If I don’t wear collared shirts and pleated skirts four inches above the ankle, I am just too rebellious. I feel that, truthfully, I was once frolicking on the beach in a red bikini, so Hashem knows that for me, this black cotton skirt with its peasant-looking ruffles is really QUITE an improvement! Those ‘Beis Ya’acov’ rules are made for people who never lived that sort of life. Regardless of honoring Torah, they’d just simply never wear a ruffled skirt and a Bat Ayin brand peasant blouse because that isn’t part of their background. For people like me, these are quite honorable. Did Sarah Imeinu wear polyester suits? A big, hot, polyester Chassidic scarf? Do you have any words of wisdom? A comeback I can try? I went thru a phase where I tried to follow those guidelines, but I ended up doing it only out of fear of what people would say and found myself constantly imagining another woman thinking and criticizing, “Oooh, she’s wearing 3/4 length sleeves! Or, her scarf is purple, not grey, black or brown, not good.” I feel I can do without honor, which I shouldn’t chase, but on the other hand, they should judge favorably. Thanks so much for your wisdom!
Kindly,
Esther

The Importance of both Physical and Spiritual Aspects of Tzniut (Modesty)

Dear Esther,
Thank you for your very important question. Your question shows true sincerity and desire to follow Hashem’s will. I believe you expressed a frustration with certain customs of tzniut (modesty) that many Jewish women share, especially in the Ba’al Teshuva (returnees to Judaism) world. Therefore, I’m happy to address it in length.

Developing proper tzniut is definitely one of the most important qualities for a Jewish woman to achieve spiritual perfection. Literarily tzniut means hidden. We do not want to flaunt our assets whether physical or spiritual, to the world. In this way, we emulate G-d Whose power is hidden in the world. Tzniut entails so much more than the ‘frum dress-code.’ In our zeal to keep every extra stringency in modest attire, it is important not to neglect the spiritual aspects of modesty, such as humility in thought and speech. While developing proper tzniut, we need to distinguish between what is required by Halacha and extra chumroth (stringencies), which certain Jewish communities have adopted.

Dress Code in Halacha
According to Halacha, based on the Chafetz Chaim’s Mishnah Berurah, which is widely accepted by all Ashkenazi Torah observant Jews, the Laws of Modesty include the following: The neckline must be high enough to cover the bone at the base of the neck (collarbone); sleeves must cover the elbow; the skirt must cover the knees. The obligation to wear socks depends on the minhag (custom) of the place (Mishnah Berurah, Orach Chayim 75). The only color that is prohibited for a woman to wear is the color red like the rooster’s comb (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 20a, Ha’Aruch, Karbal). Clothes should not be tight and cling to the body. I, have, therefore, adopted the custom of not wearing T-shirts even with the correct sleeve-length and neckline without wearing something else on top. We should avoid loud patterns on clothing and especially patterns or pleats that emphasize the hidden body parts. If you are Sephardic, you need to keep the halachot according to the Sephardic poskim who I believe are similar except regarding the Sheitel (wig), which is not permissible according to many Sephardi halachic authorities (Maran Ovadia Yosef, Shut, Yabia Omer, Even HaEzer 5).

Difference in Determining Skirt and Sleeve-length
Based on different interpretations of the Hebrew words Shok (thigh) and Zero’a (arm), there are different opinions regarding the required length of the sleeves and the dress/skirt. While the Chazon Ish holds that sleeves must be to the wrists and skirts to the ankles (Chazon Ish, Orach Chaim 16:8), the Chafetz Chayim permits sleeves that cover only the elbow and skirts that cover the knees (also when sitting down). If you keep these rules, you are surely covered according to the halachot of modesty in dress code. In addition, now that you are married, you do not need to be stricter than your husband, especially since he makes a very good point to keep basic halachot according to the Shulchan Aruch.

Not Letting Fashion Dictate Our Choice of Clothes
Certain communities have added extra stringencies that have no source in Halacha. This includes style and colors in women’s clothing, length of earrings and even the ‘prohibition’ of wearing a back-pack! The argument used is that whatever is in style in the world is forbidden, as we don’t want to take on the ways of the world. For this reason, many communities forbid any garment made of jeans material. It seems to me that since we don’t want the style of the world to dictate our choices in clothing, we need to choose that which is modest and practical without being concerned about whether it is in style or not. Specifically avoiding that which is in style is actually giving power to fashion in reverse, by letting fashion dictate our choice of what not to wear. Therefore, I see no reason not to wear, for example, a modest skirt made from jeans material, as long as it’s not totally washed out and looks too casual for a daughter of the King.

Is any Skirt Length Too Long?
Regarding length of skirts, I don’t believe there is a halachic authority prohibiting skirts that are too long. However, since modesty entails not drawing attention to oneself, I agree that skirts that are so long that they sweep the streets could be considered immodest, yet this is still preferable to wearing skirts above the knees. I have often seen young, stylish, frum ladies from certain communities who keep their skirts exactly to the knees, not realizing that when they sit down, their knees are actually showing. This is clearly against Halacha even if the knees are covered by pantyhose that is not sheer nylon.

Choice of Colors in Clothing
As I mentioned above, only the color red is specifically mentioned in Halacha as forbidden to wear if that is the main color of the garment (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim, 178). There is no prohibition against wearing purple, turquoise, green or even orange. Black used to be the color of mourning and not a color to wear on a day-to-day basis, although it is considered to be a humble and modest color (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 3, Laws of getting dressed). This explains why certain Jewish communities adhere to this color in spite of it being the most fashionable color in the world. Although there is no specific prohibition, I would personally stay away from wearing hot pink from top to toe, as it would attract too much attention. Nevertheless, I enjoy expressing my Neshamah through the spectrum of colors rather than only gray, navy and drab brown. I was once in B’nei Berak and heard directly from the secretary of Rabbi Karelitz the nephew of the Chazon Ish, that the Rabbi does not require women to wear only those drab colors, and therefore, the women in Rabbi Karelitz’s Chareidi community wear colorful garments.

Do Not Judge
While it is a virtue to be strict on oneself and take on extra stringencies – (Hamachmir tavo alav bracha), one is not permitted to require of others to take on extra Chumrot- not even one’s immediate family! You are making a very good point about not allowing ourselves to get caught in the small mindedness of judging others, and measuring their sleeve-length. It’s a terribly negative mindset that is totally against several Torah commandments including “Judge your fellow with the benefit of the doubt” (Vayikra 19:15), and “Love your fellow Jew like yourself” (Ibid. 18). Sadly, in their zeal to keep extra stringencies, many G-d fearing Jews transgress actual Torah law. Only Hashem is the true judge and our job is to serve Him to the best of our ability with simchah (joy) and not out of fear of what other people may say. I bless you to feel comfortable keeping the laws of modesty according to Halacha, without taking on extra stringencies that you are not comfortable with. Even though it’s hard not to fall into the pressure of “what will the neighbors say,” doing the will of your husband and Hashem is the highest way of honoring the Torah.

Dearest Rebbetzin,
I’m so glad that you took time and thought in answering my question. Your reply was well worth the wait). Your words touched me. Please feel free to use whatever parts you can, anonymously or not. I hope that others read it and gain chizuk from it - including those who make me feel bad for wearing a green scarf or a deep purple skirt, or mascara.
You make such a good point about transgressing a Torah commandment. I must remember, as well, that I can’t read their minds; maybe they don’t mean things the way they sound, etc. and I should give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive.
Consider yourself hugged!
All my warmest best,
Esther

To Give or not to Give?

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Trumah

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Struggling with Opening the Door to Give

Knock, knock, knock – Its 9:30 pm, I’m alone in my nightgown and robe, my husband is working on night duty. Who could it be? I know it, at this hour it’s gotta be some ‘blackhatted’ beggars from Beitar or Jerusalem. Although there is a general obligation to give everyone who asks for money- based upon the verse in the Torah that states, “Do not harden your heart nor close your hand” (Devarim 15:7)- I don’t feel like opening my door, especially, lately, when terrible tragedies have happened to women in their doorway. I yell out from the glass window of the door, that my husband is not home and they can’t come in. I catch myself feeling a bit of resentment and judgmental thoughts. “How did these beggars get all the way to Bat Ayin? If they have their own car, they can’t be so poor and needy. If they came by bus; couldn’t the time they spent on transportation be better spent in productive work?” Many of those chareidi men who knock on the doors of Gush Etzion have fine letters from rabbis and touching stories about all kinds of good causes including: the yeshiva, brides and grooms and the mortally ill who need operations overseas. Yet, we all know that they are really collecting for themselves. I respect when, once in a while, a collector says so outright. Appreciating this sincerity makes it so much easier to donate. Rambam teaches us “to be careful with regard to the mitzvah of tzedakka (charity) to a greater extent than all [other] positive mitzvot, because tzedakka is an identifying mark for a righteous person, a descendant of Avraham, our patriarch. As it states, ‘I have known him, because he commands his children... to perform charity’” (Bereishit 18:19); (Rambam, Misnah Torah, Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:1). I certainly don’t want to close my heart and be cruel causing my Jewish lineage to be suspected, as Rambam also writes, “Whenever a person is cruel and does not show mercy, his lineage is suspect, for cruelty is found only among the gentiles” (Ibid. 2). So what do I do about opening the door to the ‘knocking men’ after dark, when I’m home alone? I’m glad I once posed this question to my students. One of them suggested that I always keep outside my door a little closed jar with a five shekel coin. Whenever beggars come at night, I just tell them about the coin without having to let anyone in my home. Brilliant idea!

You Get What You Give
When we give, we receive and draw Divine Influence upon ourselves. We can learn this from the opening verse of our Weekly Torah Portion:

ספר שמות פרק כה (ב) דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיִקְחוּ לִי תְּרוּמָה מֵאֵת כָּל אִישׁ אֲשֶׁר  יִדְּבֶנּוּ לִבּוֹ תִּקְחוּ אֶת תְּרוּמָתִי:

“Speak to the Children of Israel and take Me a donation from every person whose heart moves him, take donations for Me” (Shemot 25:2).

Rather than writing, “take a donation for me,” the Torah verse literally says, “…take Me as a donation.” When we give with our full heart, then we receive Divine gifts, as Rambam writes, “A person will never become impoverished from giving charity. No harm nor damage will ever be caused because of charity, as it states, ‘The deed of charity is peace’ (Yesha’yahu 32:17). Everyone who is merciful evokes mercy from others, as it states, ‘He shall grant you mercy and shower mercy upon you and multiply you’” (Devarim 13:18); (Rambam, ibid.). Our Torah verse also does not use the word וַיִּתְּנוּ /v’yitnu – they shall give, but rather וְיִקְחוּ/v’ikchu – they shall take. From this, we may learn, “What you give always comes back to you!” “The more you give, the more you get!” Even the words, וַיִּתְּנוּ /v’yitnu – they shall give, and נָתַן /natan – he gave testify to this principle as they are Palindromes – words that read the same backward and forward. I have a favorite story that illustrates this point. There is a little old lady on her way to the World-to-Come with a bag of cookies, that she is saving for herself to enjoy over there. Many people ask her for a cookie but she insists that she needs to save them, until one little hungry girl with big begging eyes tugs at her heartstrings. The heart of the little old lady is filled with compassion and she offers the hungry girl two of her precious cookies. Later, in the World-to-Come, the little old lady is looking for her cookie bag that she had so carefully saved, but cannot find it. Finally, she finds the two cookies that she gave to the little hungry girl. These were the only ones that made it to the World-to-Come. Although we can’t take any of our earthly possessions with us to the grave, what we give remains with us for eternity.

Dealing with Phone Solicitation Interruptions
The word tzedakka demonstrates how fundamental giving is in the Torah. Charity is actually not the correct translation, as tzedakka literally means justice. Hashem makes us the custodians of a little extra, which was never ours to begin with. Therefore, giving tzedakka is an act of justice whereby we return the money to its rightful owner. As I’m writing this, the abrupt buzzing of the telephone interrupts me. As soon as I hear the voice on the other line, “Hello is this Mrs. Segal Baum?” I know it’s a fundraising phone call. I am usually interrupted by several of those calls each week and sometimes even daily. We are solicited for all kinds of good causes, from requests to help cancer patients, learning-disabled children, youth at risk, yeshivot and more. I don’t know why but they always manage to find the most inconvenient times to call- when I’m in the middle of a writing spurt or preparing a class. I can easily answer, “Sorry you have got the wrong number. There is no one here called Segal.” Or, if they ask for my parents (I guess I have a youthful voice), I often say that my parents are not here- which is true! The Torah requires us to give between 10-20% of our income to tzedakka (Shulchan Aruch,Yoreh Deah 249) based on (Bereishit 14:20, 28:22); (Devarim 14:22). Since we give most of our tzedakka to Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin, poor people in Bat Ayin, our son’s yeshiva, poor brides and grooms, and a few other institutions that we are familiar with, we don’t have a tzedakka budget for random phone-calls. Thus, I find myself having to turn away so many callers for excellent causes. It makes me feel guilty to close my pocketbook and heart to all these solicitations. Especially, when I remember how it feels to be on the other side, when I go on my annual fundraising tour, asking for donations for Holistic Torah for Women on the Land. On my very first tour, in the year 2000, when I knocked on a door with a mezuzah in an affluent neighborhood of New York, the man literally slammed the door in my face before I could complete my first sentence. That was the end of cold-calls and knocking on unfamiliar doors. So, no matter how inconvenient a disruption, I try to be as nice as possible to every caller, even if I’m unable to donate.

Entering the Giving and Receiving Cycle
I prefer giving rather than being on the receiving end. However, according to the Torah outlook the giver is also a receiver and the receiver, a giver in an infinite giving cycle. The more we give the more we receive. This is similar to a mother nursing her baby – the more the baby nurses the more milk is produced in her breasts. Just as when lighting one candle from another, the original candle is not diminished by being shared- on the contrary, the two candles together enhance each other’s brightness and increase light. This explains why, “A person will never become impoverished from giving charity” (Rambam ibid.). The Torah states, “Aser te’aser, tithe you shall tithe” (Devarim 14:22). The word עַשֵּׂר /aser –tithe shares the same root as the word עָשִׁיר/ashir – rich. Thus, the Talmud explains this verse to mean, “Tithe and you will become rich, aser beshvil shetitaser” (Babylonian Talmud Shabbat 119a). The more we give, the more our soul will be nourished, our life will be enriched and the more we will feel like our life has a purpose. As I depart on my annual North America tour and become the recipient of the kindness and tzedakka of so many friends and supporters, I remember that I’m just a channel and courier for Hashem to help distribute the generous gifts from across the Atlantic and bring them home to His Holy Land.

Bringing Redemption by Elevating Everything through Giving
My dear friend Chava Berg shared with me that as an additional tzedakka, she gives a shekel a day in the following way: Each morning before her daily prayer, she puts ten 10-agurot pieces in her pushke (charity box). She exchanges her new shekel donation with the ten original 10-agurot pieces in her puskhe. For each coin, she makes a prayer-request, often for her children and other important matters. This way of tzedakka really helped me connect with the mitzvah of giving and now I always have coins handy to give when beggars knock or when I go to Jerusalem. The Ba’al HaTanya emphasizes that giving tzedakka more than any other mitzvah brings about the geulah (redemption). By giving a donation, an act of pure chesed (kindness), we elevate both body and soul completely toward the Divine. Whereas other mitzvoth we perform with either our hands, mouth or heart, our entire being goes into the mitzvah of tzedakka. The work required to earn the money for our contribution employs all of ourselves (Tanya, Chapter 37). This explains why money is called דָּמִים/damim – blood in the Torah. We may be unable to make Aliyah to Israel, yet, we can raise all of ourselves to the Holy Land through the donations of our ‘blood.’ Another word for charity is the title of this week’s parasha תְּרוּמָה /Teruma, which literally means raising up or elevating. Tzedakka brings about the geulah, by gradually elevating everything until we reach the highest place (Igeret HaKodesh, Chapter 21). The throne of Israel will not be established, nor will the true faith stand except through tzedakka as it states, “You shall be established through righteousness” (Yesha’yahu 54:14). Israel will be redeemed solely through charity, as it states, “Tzion will be redeemed through judgment and those who return to her through charity” (Ibid. 1:27); (Rambam, Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:1).

Does the Torah Look at Women as Sex Objects?

Life Lessons from the Rebbetzin’s Heart - Parashat Mishpatim

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Why Can’t Women hold Prominent Positions in our Synagogue Service?

For a young girl from an egalitarian Jewish family in New York, our synagogue services here in Bat Ayin may seem rather male chauvinistic. The men take up most of the ‘stage,’ while the women only get to peak from a crack within the curtain above the shoulder length wooden partition. This is the experience of one of my family members from the USA, when she attended my son’s bar mitzvah several years ago. “Why are women relegated to the back? It seems like women can never get prominent positions in the Jewish society such as becoming rabbis, cantors, sextons etc. They can’t even get an Aliyah to the Torah!” she complained. One of my readers asked a similar question about the original Temple service in Jerusalem: “I feel very hurt when I read that Hashem wanted only the ‘males’ to come to the Temple during the Shalosh Regalim (the three pilgrim festivals: Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot). The word used is zachar – male. It doesn’t even state, B’nei Yisrael, which may include females.”

Marina is correct. The expression,יֵרָאֶה כָּל זְכוּרְךָ /yeraeh kol zechurcha – “all your males shall be seen” (at the Temple) appears three times in the Torah (Shemot 23:17, 34:23, Devarim 16:16). The first mention is in this week’s parasha. 

ספר שמות פרק כג פסוק יז שָׁלשׁ פְּעָמִים בַּשָּׁנָה יֵרָאֶה כָּל זְכוּרְךָ אֶל פְּנֵי הָאָדֹן הָשֵׁם:

“Three times a year all your males shall appear, before the Sovereign L-rd, Hashem” (Shemot 23:17).

These Torah verses obligate every Jewish man to appear at the Temple at the prescribed holiday times with their Korban Re’eyah (sacrifice of appearance). It seems like women are completely excluded, as if Hashem is not interested in seeing women at His Holy Temple. So how can I, an intellectual, liberated woman find meaning in these kinds of ‘archaic’ Torah verses that seem to denigrate women?  How can I find meaning in the Torah lifestyle where women are relegated to the backstage of the synagogue?

Where is the Center of Jewish Life?

Outside of Israel, the Synagogue is often the center of Jewish life. The majority of Diaspora Jewry, both men and women, are busy, hard at work in their various careers. Their main time to cultivate their Jewishness is in the Synagogue, especially on Shabbat. If you look at the Synagogue service as representing Judaism, it certainly seems like women get the short end of the stick. Here, in Israel and in certain communities in the diaspora, it is the Synagogue that is relegated to the backstage of Judaism and Jewish observance. The Torah teaches us that our purpose in this world is to keep Hashem’s mitzvot:

קהלת פרק יב פסוק יג סוֹף דָּבָר הַכֹּל נִשְׁמָע אֶת הָאֱלֹהִים יְרָא וְאֶת מִצְוֹתָיו שְׁמוֹר כִּי זֶה כָּל הָאָדָם:

“The end of the matter, when all is said and done, revere G-d and keep His commandments, for this applies to all mankind (Kohelet 12:13).  

 Rashi explains, “All of humanity was created for this purpose.” It is, therefore, not the synagogue but rather the Jewish home that is the central place where we have the most opportunity to perform mitzvot and thus fulfill the purpose for which we are created. It is in the home that we put a mezuzah, welcome guests, keep and honor Shabbat, conceive children, bake challah, celebrate the festivals, educate our children, give tithes of our produce, recite grace after meals etc. The synagogue is mainly for prayer, which is only one of the 613 mitzvot. Furthermore, this mitzvah can also be fulfilled in the home, especially for women, as our prayer is more personal and less communal. We learn this from Chana – the Mother of Prayer. Although, she invented our central prayer, the Shemone esra – the most important prayer in the synagogue today – she prayed alone, after all the people had left the Tabernacle. If we change our perspective to regard the Jewish home as the center of Jewish service, then women clearly occupy the most prominent role, allowing the men to serve under her authoritative direction.

Hashem’s Presence is Revealed Wherever We Serve Him

“Our entire purpose, and the purpose for which we, and all the worlds, both upper and lower, were created: is that G‑d should have a dwelling-place here below” (Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, Tanya, Likutei Amarim, chapter 33). This Divine dwelling place is not limited to the synagogue or even the Temple as we learn from next week’s parasha, “Make me a sanctuary and I will dwell within you” (Shemot 25:8). It didn’t state, “I will dwell within it (the Tabernacle or Temple) but “I will dwell within you.” Hashem’s Shechina is revealed wherever we serve Him, especially in our home. As director of an institution, I have learned to delegate different domains to the most suitable people. One Elana is in charge of the “home” – staff and student affairs. Another Elana, as director of public relations, is in charge of the outside domain. The Torah made a fair delegation of responsibilities when it charged women with the internal sphere of the home and men with the external sphere outside the home, including the synagogue. For women, the mitzvot of the home, therefore, override more external mitzvot, including the obligation to participate in a minyan of the synagogue. I am happy to have been created in Hashem’s will as a woman- exempted from synagogue services. I’m liberated to pray with my own words, in my own way, at the time and place that suits me best. When I do enter the men’s domain of the synagogue, I happily accept the ‘back stage seat,’ as after all, this is not my main place of service where I get most spiritual fulfillment.

Women are not Excluded from Appearing at the Temple

In truth, the synagogue service is not supposed to be a stage where some people get a central role and others are the spectators. It is only when you look at the service as a performance, that it becomes important to secure ‘a good seat.’ We may actually fulfill our purpose of serving G-d even more by giving up our seat to someone else. Regarding the obligation to appear at the Temple three times a year, women are exempted for practical reasons, for example, she could be just after birth, or she may be unable to leave a sick child. This explains why only males are obligated to bring the ‘Appearance Sacrifice’ at the Temple mount during the prescribed festival times. However, exemption from the obligation to visit the Temple at prescribed times, does not exclude women from appearing when they are able. Women are not denied the opportunity to bring free will offerings, which can be brought during holiday times. She also participates in the peace offerings, as Sefer HaChinuch teaches, “Shelamim offerings are accepted from both, men and women…” The meat from these offerings , is enjoyed by the whole family at the Temple mount. Moreover, women are obligated to bring a sacrifice to the Temple after giving birth – a special opportunity that men are denied. Women are also required to appear, “At the end of every seven years, at an appointed time, in the Festival of Sukkot [following] the year of Shemitah, when all Israel comes to appear before Hashem…to read the Torah before all Israel… [as it states], assemble the people: the men, the women, the children” (Devarim 31:10-12). The fact that the Temple included a special Women’s Courtyard which contained a balcony reserved for women, testifies that women were not excluded from appearing at the Temple.

Serving His Wife in Bed

In the Jewish home, the woman occupies a most central role. She is not only in charge of the physical welfare of the home. She determines, moreover, its emotional and spiritual energy. It is in her merit that the Divine Feminine Presence – the Shechina rests in the home. Marital intimacy is one of the main mitzvot of the home, which brings the Shechina to rest between husband and wife.  In Judaism, contrary to the perception of the world, it is not the woman who is a sex object. Rather, sexual intimacy is one of the three things a husband is obligated to provide for his wife. In this week’s parasha, we learn that even if a man marries his Hebrew maidservant, who holds the lowest rank in Jewish society, he is prohibited from withholding food, clothing or sex from her, even if he also marries a more prominent woman:

ספר שמות פרק כא פסוק י אִם אַחֶרֶת יִקַּח לוֹ שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע:

“If he takes another wife for himself; her sustenance, her clothing, and her conjugal rights he shall not diminish” (Shemot 21:10).

The obligation to provide these three things for his wife are the main tenants of the Ketubah – the Jewish marriage contract, which the groom gives to his bride during the wedding ceremony. In Judaism, sex is not something a woman gives to her man, but rather it is the husband’s obligation to give his wife pleasure and not the-other-way-around. I believe this is because women’s sexuality is more refined than that of men. For a woman, the enjoyment of sex is nearly always linked to feelings of love and emotional closeness. Therefore, we never hear about women going to prostitutes. The Jewish husband is required to elevate his more physical sexual inclination by serving his wife in bed. The Hebrew word for sex- tashmish (to serve) testifies to this concept. Even if in the outer, public spheres of Jewish life such as the synagogue, the man plays a more prominent role, the woman is the queen in the inner, private spheres. The sacred nature of her supremacy in the privacy of her home does not tolerate publicizing. For the woman who cares about serving Hashem, the receiving of external recognition of her hidden power is moreover, totally irrelevant.