Recognizing Hashem’s Providence Even Within the Mundane

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Parashat Toldot
Recognizing Hashem’s Providence Even Within the Mundane 

Gratitude for the Miracles Happening in the Current War

Although Israel is going through incredibly challenging times, Hashem’s protective hand can clearly be found. It may not be easy to see the miracles in the current War amidst the mourning for the fallen soldiers. Yet keep in mind that despite the massive international effort to wipe us off the map, it is a miracle that Israel continues to exist. Yair Ansbacher, an IDF reservist and a research fellow at the Misgav Institute, explains, “We are not only fighting Hamas in Gaza but a regional war against Iran and its proxies, which have been systematically built up for 40 years on our borders. This includes Lebanon, Syria, Yemen, and Gaza, which surround us with militias and with rocket arsenals.” Ansbacher gives details regarding the three miracles that happened at the onset of the war by which Israel was saved from total destruction: https://www.israelnationalnews.com/news/379443. Although Chamas launched the deadliest attack in Israel’s history and hurled 9,500 rockets from October 7-November 9, about 10% were failed launches, which fell in the Gaza Strip. Many more were intercepted by the Israeli Air Force. I just heard an amazing miracle story of how Hashem sent His messenger to warn our soldiers, who were going to search for hostages in Gaza. The story is told by Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein, who heard it from a very reliable source: Rabbi Orbach of Baer Miriam. As the soldiers were going to enter a certain house to search its tunnels, a holy Rabbi blocked their way and prevented them from entering. When – in order to obey their commander – the soldiers tried to pass by the Rabbi, they experienced walking right through him. Realizing this was not a regular person, the soldiers heeded his warning and left the building seconds before it blew up: https://youtu.be/9vRcgHXZepI?si=T5xoHkpF7vWKReOC. Yet, the greatest miracle of all is the awakening of the Israelite spirit. As hard as it is to live through this war and mourn its causalities, I feel it is a tremendous elevating merit to live in Israel during this messianic epoch. All of Israel religious and secular have come together to fight as one united people against our common enemy. I’m filled with gratitude for the way EVERYONE is there for one another, working on so many levels to become better people. This includes the solidarity and care we feel from the Jews of the Diaspora, who are more connected with their brothers and sisters in Israel in a way I’ve never experienced before. So within the pain of our bereavement during the current war, let us not forget the attitude of gratitude and thank Hashem for the miracles happening whether hidden or revealed before our very eyes.                               

The Challenge of Giving Credit to Hashem for Our Personal Accomplishments

When we experience Hashem’s direct providence in our lives, it is much easier to give Him credit and feel gratitude. For example, there are several stories of how a person missed his flight which subsequently crashed. There is no doubt in the mind of that person that Hashem’s mighty hand protected him. Yet, it is harder to realize that the regular happenings of our lives too are divinely ordained, especially when we ourselves put much effort into accomplishing a certain task. I’m personally struggling with truly and deeply recognizing that – even when I myself put great effort and skill into attaining a certain goal – the credit for the attainment is only Hashem’s. When my son met his bashert (Divinely destined soulmate) on a religious dating site, people asked me who was the shadchan (matchmaker). I had to overcome the temptation to answer, “I was the matchmaker” because I published my son’s profile on the dating site, and I saw the post from the girl he ended up marrying, I found her phone number and gave it to my son. Yet, when I delved deeper, I realized that it was Hashem who gave me the idea to post my son’s profile on that dating site, and it was Hashem who led his soulmate to make a comment. It was G-d who guided me in how to find her phone number, and it was also Hashem who caused them to give each other a second chance after the first meeting. It takes constant work to look for Hashem’s underlying supervision in all the little miracles that happen to us daily, and even more so it takes conscious work to remember to thank Him continually for each hidden miracle. I just received a $14,000 donation for our bomb shelter from a childhood friend from Denmark who became very wealthy. I had expended a lot of work and effort into receiving this donation, and additional donations through our bomb shelter campaign. It is a great temptation to take credit and think, “Although I never received any official training in fundraising – I’m pretty good at it.” Again, I must remember, that it is Hashem who inspired me to write fundraising appeals, and He is the one who aroused the Chabad Rabbi of Denmark to reach out to me to help and speak with my childhood friend on my behalf. Even my intense prayers are only due to Hashem infusing me with a soul and stirring me to call out to Him. Finally, it is only Hashem who opened the heart of the friend and guided him to give such a generous donation to Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin.  

Recognizing Divine Providence in Our Daily Day Occurrences

Ya’acov is a great role model for realizing how not only the revealed miracles but even the regular happenings of our lives are divinely ordained. In Parashat Toldot, we learn the famous story of how Yitzchak ended up imparting his blessing upon Ya’acov, rather than his firstborn Esav. When Rivkah heard that Yitzchak instructed Esav to hunt and prepare food for him, promising to then grant him his blessing when the food was served, she immediately sprang into action to ensure that the blessing would be granted to Ya’acov. Rivkah prepared a meal from the goats of the family flock and had Ya’acov bring it to Yitzchak, disguised as Esav. When Ya’acov first came before his father with the food his mother had prepared, Yitzchak asked him how he managed to complete his mission so quickly. After all, Yitzchak had asked Esav to go out and hunt and then prepare food – a process that he naturally expected would take far longer than it took Rivkah to prepare meat from a goat in the family’s stable. 

ספר בראשית פרק כז פסוק כ וַיֹּאמֶר יִצְחָק אֶל בְּנוֹ מַה זֶּה מִהַרְתָּ לִמְצֹא בְּנִי וַיֹּאמֶר כִּי הִקְרָה הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ לְפָנָי:

“Then Yitzchak said to his son, ‘How is it that you have found [it] so quickly, my son?’ And he said, ‘Because Hashem your G-d made it available before me” (Bereishit 27:20).

 Ya’acov explained that whereas normally hunting an animal would take a good deal of time, G-d helped him and made an animal easily accessible, such that he completed his mission with unusual speed. Rav Shimshon Chaim ben Rav Nachman Michael Nachmani explains that Ya’acov here was not speaking untruthfully. Ya’acov recognized G-d’s hand in providing the goats in the family herd no less than he would have recognized G-d’s providence in making an animal instantly and easily trappable in the field. There was no difference, in Ya’acov’s mind, between the animals in the pen adjacent to his home and an animal that would miraculously fall into a trap without any effort on the hunter’s part. Both were manifestations of “hikra Hashem Elokekha” – divine providence. (Zera Shimshon, Parashat Toldot, 12). We all have a tendency to take for granted what we are accustomed to having and only feel grateful for the unusual, unexpected blessings that come our way. We don’t think twice about ‘the goats in the family pen,’ the beautiful blessings that have long been part of our lives, about which we haven’t had to think twice, such as health, family, and our basic necessities. It is only when we receive some exceptional, unforeseen good fortune that we feel a deep sense of gratitude. Ya’acov teaches us to feel appreciative and enthusiastic about even the ‘ordinary’ blessings in our lives that are part of everyday existence, recognizing them as precious gifts lovingly granted to us by the Almighty (Rav David Silverberg, S.A.L.T. – Parashat Toldot). It is this recognition that made Ya’acov worthy to inherit the ancestral blessing of the Holy Land, where Hashem’s providence is experienced to the greatest extent.

 

 

 

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Toldot

Ramban teaches us to believe that everything that happens is a miracle. Therefore, it is important to commemorate the revealed miracles that testify to the everyday hidden miracles (Ramban, Shemot 13:16). The more we recognize divine miraculous providence the more we attract Hashem’s miracles to happen in our lives. When we make efforts to cling to Hashem perpetually, never taking our mind off Him, even when we are engaged in worldly pursuits and in the mundane conduct of life such as eating and the like), we will be constantly protected even from natural events. The divine protection we receive is in direct proportion to the extent that we recognize Divine providence. Whereas someone who is more distant in his thoughts and actions will be more subject to the natural course of events.

• Recognize G-d as the Source of Your Success – How often do we fall into the trap of thinking our success comes from our own efforts? Let us remember that without G-d’s gifts of health, intelligence, opportunities, and resources, we would never be able to accomplish anything.
• Request Forgiveness and Recite a Prayer of Thanks – Avinu (Our Father), forgive me for the times I fall into the trap of thinking I have accomplished something on my own. I realize that without You, I am nothing. Help me to praise You for the many ways You help me each and every day. 
• Praise Hashem for Your Accomplishments – As you step into emunah praise Hashem for His strength and guidance in leading you in the right path. As you succeed in helping others, give G-d the credit for giving you the right words to say, and for guiding your actions. 
• Thank G-d for Helping You Overcome Your Fears – As you overcome your anxieties and fears by strengthening your emunah, thank the Almighty for granting you valor and for infusing your heart with courage. 
• Believe the Torah that Hashem will Grant us Victory – Recite positive affirmations to strengthen your emunah in the forthcoming victory and repeat this encouraging Torah verse three times:

ספר דברים פרק כ פסוק ד כִּי הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵיכֶם הַהֹלֵךְ עִמָּכֶם לְהִלָּחֵם לָכֶם עִם אֹיְבֵיכֶם לְהושִׁיעַ אֶתְכֶם:

“For Hashem your G-d is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory” (Devarim 20:4)

How do we Learn to Appreciate Our Loved Ones While They are still in Our Lives?

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Parashat Chayei Sarah
How do we Learn to Appreciate Our Loved Ones While They are still in Our Lives?

Why do People Tend to Only Appreciate What They Lose?  

We learn about the passing of the righteous Sarah in Parashat Chayei Sarah. While Avraham mourned the loss of his dear wife Sarah, he also knew how to appreciate her during her lifetime.  This is despite the natural inclination to notice the bad rather than the good; as the saying goes, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” This is due to the negative bias that we all suffer from because the human brain has a natural tendency to focus on negative experiences or interactions more than on positive ones. For example, I never understood why anyone would praise my garden. In my eyes, most of the plants look sagging and dried out, with brown withering leaves. When I think of my garden the memory of all the plants that died pops up. So, when my husband bought me new garden plants, instead of appreciating their beauty and the gesture, I was ungrateful because his gift triggered a negative memory of the same kinds of plants that had died for me in the past. Our lives are filled with evidence of how easy it is to fixate on the negative and ignore the blessings. For example, we all take water for granted and never give it another thought. But if we lose access to it, we notice it fast and will do anything to get it back ASAP. There is a practice described by the Code of Jewish Law that when a person passes away, one should spill out the water stored in the home in which the person died and the water of the adjacent homes (Rav Yosef Karo, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 339:4.4). What could be a reason for this strange custom? During the Israelites’ desert wandering Miriam, the prophetess had an enormous impact on the nation. Through her merit, the Israelites were provided with water. Perhaps, during her lifetime, Miriam was even taken for granted. However, with her passing, her huge impact became evident. Suddenly, there was no water. If the people had not previously appreciated Miriam’s righteousness, at her death they could no longer ignore her tremendous impact. The reason for the custom of spilling water when a person passes away could be to remember that every person – even if they are far from Miriam’s greatness – their impact on the family and community is still as vital as water and will be sorely missed. It is too bad that we often don’t appreciate the significant people in our lives adequately. Only when we lose them do we realize their true greatness. This happens to me on a small scale each year when my husband visits his parents in the USA, and it also happened to me with staff and students who left the Midrasha. It takes a great effort to overcome the natural negative bias and focus on the positive qualities and the contribution of people while they are still in our lives.  

Avraham’s Love and Appreciation for Sarah His Faithful Partner
Although it never states explicitly in the Torah that Avraham loves Sarah, their mutual respect and appreciation are clear from their interaction and their teamwork as partners and lightworkers. Both equally participated in teaching the world about serving the one and only G-d (Bereishit 12:5 with Rashi). Avraham greatly trusted Sarah knowing that nothing evil would befall her, due to her spiritual protective energy field created by her exceptional modesty.  This is what is written, “A woman of valor is the crown of her husband” (Mishlei 12:4). This is Avraham who would lament over Sarah as it states above, “Sarah died…” Avraham began crying about her, reciting: “A woman of valor who can find, the heart of her husband trusted in her…” (Mishlei 31:10-11). When? At the time when he told her, “Say please that you are my sister…” (Bereishit 12:13). (Midrash Tanchuma, Chayei Sarah, Chapter 4). The Midrash continues to expound each verse of the Eishet Chayil as Avraham’s tribute to Sarah and as his testimony to their closeness and how Sarah was his faithful partner throughout all of Avraham’s great feats. It is therefore not surprising that Avraham listened to and obeyed Sarah on more than one occasion, for example when she told him to take Hagar as a wife (Bereishit 16:2-4). Although in his love for Sarah, it was very distasteful to Avraham to take an additional wife, he complied, reluctantly to honor Sarah’s request. Scripture does not state, “And he did so.” Rather it says that he listened to Sarah’s voice, indicating that even though Avraham greatly desired to have children, he did not do so without her permission. Even now it was not his intention to build up a family from Hagar, and that his children be from her. His intent was merely to do Sarah’s will… Scripture further informs us that Avraham did not hurry the matter until Sarah took Hagar and gave her to him. Again, Scripture mentions Sarah Avraham’s wife… (Ramban, Bereishit 16:2). When the Torah mentions that both Avraham and Sarah wereזְקֵנִים /zekeinim (Bereishit 18:12), it alludes to Avraham’s Chachmah (wisdom) and Sarah’s Binah (Repentance and analytic intuition). These two attributes are lovers that never separate. Likewise, the love and appreciation that Avraham had for Sarah made them inseparable (Based on the Choze of Lublin, Divrei Emet on Beha’alotcha). We too can train ourselves to appreciate our loved ones while they are still in our lives. The more we exert conscious effort to look for the good and express it the easier it becomes.

Being Blessed by the Source of All

ספר בראשית פרק כד פסוק א וְאַבְרָהָם זָקֵן בָּא בַּיָּמִים וַהָשֵׁם בֵּרַךְ אֶת אַבְרָהָם בַּכֹּל:

“Avraham was old, advanced in days, and Hashem had blessed Avraham with everything”

Although Avraham had gone through many challenges and he was still grieving over losing Sarah, the Torah calls him “blessed with everything.” Various rabbis dispute what blessing this refers to.  According to one opinion, Avraham was blessed with riches, possessions, honor, longevity, and children, which are all the treasures of humanity. Rabbi Meir said that Avraham was blessed in that he did not have a daughter. Rabbi Yehuda says:” On the contrary, the blessing was that he had a daughter.”  Others say that he did have a daughter and her name was Bakol (Babylonian Talmud, Baba Batra 16b). This confirms the saying of Rebbetzin Mazal Goldstein, “It is a blessing to have but it is also a blessing not to have.” If Avraham had a daughter, it would surely be a blessing but if he didn’t have a daughter, it would also be a blessing that he wouldn’t have to worry about finding her a proper husband, which was challenging for Avraham as he wouldn’t have wanted his daughter to marry ‘out’ and be influenced by immoral people. Thus, the Talmud reflects how everything can be a blessing when we have an attitude of gratitude. On a mystical level, the verse refers to Avraham’s great perception which reached the level of Bakol – In all. Whoever is blessed in ‘all’ is blessed with heaven and earth. The level of Bakol emanates from the source of all which is Hashem as it states Hashem blessed Avraham Bakol (Based on Rabbeinu Bachaya, Bereishit 24:1). The word Bakol hints that the Holy One, blessed be He, has an attribute called Kol (All) because He is the foundation of everything. It is with reference to this attribute that it says, “I am the Eternal that makes ‘Kol’ (all)” (Yesha’yahu 44:24; Ramban, Bereishit 24:1). Aside from the mystical implications, we can learn from Avraham that when we maintain our connection with the source of blessings and work on viewing everything, we face in life, in a positive perspective we can learn to feel blessed through thick and thin.

 

  

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Chayei Sarah

When you show your loved ones your appreciation, you’ll deepen your connections with your favorite people and feel happier in your life. There are lots of ways to express appreciation, but sometimes it is best to keep it simple with a simple, “Thank you,” or “I really appreciate you.” If you want to make it more meaningful or personal, go into detail about how they helped and supported you.

• Give a Gift – Giving a gift shows your loved ones that you are grateful for them and value the role they play in your life.  It doesn’t need to be an expensive or fancy gift, remember it’s the thought that counts.
• Write An Appreciation Note – Expressing gratitude to your loved ones in writing lets them know that their efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. Your appreciation letter doesn’t have to be long or wordy to make a big impression. Keep it simple and sincere by providing an example of how they went above and beyond for you. Then, wrap it up and let them know your great appreciation.
•  Compliment Them – A simple compliment can go a long way in making your loved ones feel appreciated. In fact, studies have found that receiving a compliment makes your brain react just like it would if you were paid a monetary award. To make the greatest impact be specific and sincere.
•  Create Something Homemade – Not all gifts have to be store-bought. Instead, a homemade gift can make your loved ones feel especially appreciated, as they’ll know that you took time out of your busy schedule to create something just for him or her.
•  Lend a Listening Ear – Listening is perhaps the world’s best way to show appreciation. When you lend a supportive ear and listen with curiosity, care, and compassion, your loved one feels appreciated and valued. Plus, your connection and bond will truly deepen.
• Do Something They Enjoy – Spend quality time with your loved ones to show your gratitude. Even better, put them first and consider doing something that they really enjoy that isn’t particularly your cup of tea. At the very least, you’ll learn something new.
• Make a Photo Album – A photo album or a little movie can help show your loved ones how much you appreciate them by reminiscing about all the fun things you’ve done together. You can do it the old-fashioned way with a scrapbook and pictures or make a digital album or movie with one of many online programs.
• Help Out – Feel free to return the favor. For example, if you are a Shabbat guest offer to help clean, to watch the kids, or help with grocery shopping. No matter what you choose, lending a hand will make others feel appreciated and valued.
• Say “Thank You” – It may be easily overlooked, but a simple word of thanks can go a long way. Tell others how much you appreciate them and be clear and specific about the things you appreciate.
• Remember Their Birthday – People really feel valued when we remember their birthday, and today it is so easy with all the automatic reminders. Whether you bake them a birthday cake, send flowers, or a birthday card, or even just give them a call, it can uplift others more than you can imagine.