Thursday, September 16, 2010

Yonah – A Lesson of Self-awareness

Dear Friends,
Hope you had a spirited prayerful Rosh Hashana, as we did here at Midreshet B'erot Bat Ayin, where more than twenty women prayed, learned, shared words of Torah, sang and crowned Hashem together. For some of the participants this was their first religious Rosh Hashana experience. Many of the women told me personally how moved and inspired they were from our Rosh Hashana celebration. Now we look forward to face Hashem and ourselves on Yom Kippur. For me, the highlight has always been the story of Yonah, followed by the neilah service. I have put together some deeper explanations on the book of Yonah for you, based on my teachings for many years. I hope my writing will help you connect to your Neshama (soul), as Yonah is a parable for our soul.

Shana Tovah U'Metukah!
May your year be good and sweet!
G'Mar Chatimah Tovah!
May you be sealed in the book of life, of fruitfulness and excitement, connectedness, love, youthfulness, health, fulfillment and shalom!

Click here for a printable version
Yonah – A Lesson of Self-awareness
On Yom Kippur afternoon, after having been praying, fasting and elevating our souls, we gather to hear the mysterious story of Yonah, the fleeing prophet. Through this story, we are propelled to face Hashem in the deepest, innermost way, during the final neilah prayer – the peak of the Yom Kippur service. Much more than an intriguing children’s story, Yonah refers to the soul, dispatched by G-d into the body, in order to learn to find Hashem, even in the furthermost places (Zohar 2, 199a). Like Yonah, each one of us is sent down to earth in order to fulfill a specific mission, however, we spend most of our lives running away and hiding from our inner selves. Whether we are lead astray by fallen pleasures (represented by Tarshis –Alshich, Yonah 1:3), exterior voices of self-righteousness (“I knew it!” – Yonah 4:2), depression, or despair, (“take, please, my life from me” – Ibid. 3), we are all, eventually, called to face our innermost being, where the Divine resides. After having peeled off layer by layer of kelipot – exterior shells during the ten days of repentance, and the repeated Vidui (confession) sessions, we got to the core when the story of Yonah prompts us to face ourselves.

Who am I really and where am I Headed?
The four questions posed by the captain to Yonah, (1:8) are really four questions that envelop every Jew throughout the stages of our lives. מַה מְּלַאכְתְּךָ –“What is your work?” Is your task on earth to just work for the sake of receiving a salary, or to serve G-d in your particular way? מֵאַיִן תָּבוֹא –“Where do you come from?”Did you emanate only from a drop of semen, that you should cling to worldly pleasures, or are you a creation of G-d sent directly from the Garden of Eden? מָה אַרְצֶךָ – “What is your country?” Are you a mortal creature of earth, or an immortal being from the Land of Life? אֵי מִזֶּה עַם אָתָּה – “Of what people are you?” What is your responsibility as a Jew in the world? These verses are reflected in the voice of our conscience stirring from within, asking ourselves why we are here, why we were sent, and what we have done with our life? Through Yonah’s answers, “I am a Hebrew; and I fear Hashem the G-d of heaven, who has made the sea and the dry land” (ibid. 9), we recover a glimmer of purpose: I am here to fulfill the mission of Hashem.

From the Very Place of Escape We Ultimately Return to Hashem and Ourselves
On the journey towards ourselves, we often have to go down to the depths like Yonah. In chapter 1, the root ירד (going down) appears four times, twice in verse 2 and twice in verse 5. It is interesting to note that also the word for going to sleep – וַיֵּרָדַם derives from the root “to go down.” Sleep is the ultimate going down, the ultimate escape. However, within the ultimate depths of sleep is a kernel of closeness to G-d, since dreams are one sixtieths of prophesy (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 57b). Though Yonah may be escaping the reality of life, he is ultimately bringing himself closer to his inner world, where nothing exists but Hashem. “One pursues something by running away from it” (Adam Phillips). It often happens in life, that our fears become self-fulfilling prophesies. Wherever we escape to, we are challenged with the very same issue from which we escaped. Yonah, as an escape artist, teaches us that just as you cannot run away from G-d, neither can you run away from others or from yourself. Yonah was running away from helping the gentiles to repent, yet through his very escape, he actually caused the sailors to convert (Rashi, Yonah 1:16). Until we have completed the tikun with a particular person, that archetype will re-appear in our lives, the more we try to avoid dealing this type of person.

Innate Fear of the Intimacy of Being Present
Ibn Ezra noticed that the word ברח – to escape, is usually connected with the word מפני. Only in the book of Yonah does it appear together with the word מִלִּפְנֵי. Yonah wasn’t just running away from Hashem, he was running away from beingמִלִּפְנֵי ה' – before/in the presence of Hashem (Yonah 1:3). The word Yonah also means dove. Our soul is like a bird trapped in the cage of our routine. Just as our habits trap and block us from self awareness, so does the desire to fly away/ flee, on the other end of the spectrum take us away from standing before G-d. The עמידה – the silent prayer, literarily “the standing,” is our central prayer, especially on Yom Kippur, when we are standing and acknowledging that we cannot fly. In our effort to stand in the presence of G-d, we recognize our fear to be present and our tendency to run away from becoming keenly aware of our dependency on Hashem’s constant grace. Like Yonah, we cannot bear to recognize that our existence hangs between life and death. We quickly move forward into the thought that everything will be alright without realizing that true emunah is accepting that even if it’s not going to be “alright,” it is still really alright. In a class with Aviva Zornberg many years ago, I learned that Yonah’s prayer from within the fish is actually an after-prayer, escaping from the presence of Hashem. Although Yonah is in mortal danger, and the fish could become his grave, unless Hashem saves him. Nevertheless, he prays in the past tense as if he was already saved. “I was in trouble and you saved me.” The merciful [Hashem] wants our heart” (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 106b). He wants our attentiveness, readiness, intimacy, desire and even fear. Any kind of pain is really a wake up call, towards awareness of feeling and being in the present. Just as G-d prepared – וימן storm/fish /wind/castor-oil-plant/worm, for Yonah, He continues to insert experiences into human time, in order to make us feel this and that, so that we become really present in the moment.

Playing Mind Games with Hashem
The book of Yonah has exactly 48 verses which is the numerical value of the word מח – brain. There is an inner struggle in the book of Yonah between mind and heart. Rabbi Rivlin explains that the nature of prophets is to express emet, truth. The blessings of the Haftorah from the prophets read: ובנביאי האמת והצדק שרצה בדבריהם הנאמרים ...באמת… – Who has chosen their faithful [true] words… in the truth of the prophets of truth and justice…” With our minds we are trying to grasp truth and justice. Although not always possible, we try to make sense out of what we see in this world. Most of the times, we forget that our mind is so limited. Even the prophet is far from understanding the way Hashem runs His world. He can only see what Hashem allows him to see. Yonah is בן אמתי –the son of truth (Yonah 1:1). Yonah “disagreed” with G-d, maintaining the importance of truth rather than chesed. Chesed can be disturbing from the vantage point of justice, and teshuva isn’t really fair. Why should the wicked people be saved? Don’t they deserve to be punished? “They asked Prophecy, ‘What is the punishment of sinners?’ She told them, ‘The soul of the sinner will die.’ They asked the Holy One ‘What is the punishment of the sinner?’ He answered ‘Let him do teshuva and be atoned for’” (Jerusalem Talmud, Makot 7a). When Yonah recounts from the thirteen principles of Hashem’s mercy, he leaves out the word אֱמֶתֹ – emet – truth. Yonah was insinuating that G-d was too kind to the people of Nineve. His mercy and forgiveness are not truly deserved by the people of Nineve, since their teshuva is not a true teshuva. The order of the words חנון ורחום – gracious and merciful – are inverted, perhaps in order to emphasize the word חנון which means מתנת חינם- a free gift. Just as Yonah seems to know better than Hashem what is just and fair, we also play mind games with Hashem. In truth, the gift of teshuva and atonement is never really fair, for who can claim to repent in the deepest and truest way?
Hashem’s Love Beyond Grasp and Discernment
Hashem touches Yonah’s heart through the growth of the castor oil plant, but it immediately wilts. He experiences on his own body how the world cannot continue through truth and judgment without chesed. Just as Yonah is unable to exist unprotected against the sun, so is the world unable to exist under G-d's justice alone. A veil between G-d's justice and His creation is necessary, in order that the creation will not be consumed by fire. This veil also conceals G-d's presence in the world, and makes it impossible for us to fully understand G-d's ways. Trying to grasp with our mind, rather than feeling and experiencing is a way of escaping Hashem. In our attempt to grasp Hashem’s ways, we are taking control rather than allowing ourselves to experience how we are being controlled by Hashem. On the Day of Atonement, it is encouraging to know how G-d will accept our teshuva even if it is far from being perfect. On Yom Kippur, G-d's unconditional love for us is manifested beyond reason. It is our job to receive and surrender, rather than trying to grasp Hashem’s ways. Perhaps, this is why the book of Yonah ends in a most absurd question: “…and should not I have pity on Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than six-score thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand, and also much cattle?” (Yonah 4:11).

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