Parashat Nitzavim-Vayelech: How Do We Reveal Hashem’s Presence Within the Darkest Darkness?

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Parashat Nitzavim-Vayelech
How Do We Reveal Hashem’s Presence Within the Darkest Darkness? 

What blocks the Divine Light from illuminating my Life and making it fruitful?
This morning, as I examined my vegetable patch in my back garden, I noticed that the pepper plants I had planted a while back were all alive and growing, but none sprouted a single pepper fruit. In the past, I was able to grow an abundance of cherry tomatoes and pepper fruits in that same spot. What had changed? I lifted my face upward and noticed how both the mulberry and the pecan trees had grown to become humongous, overhanging and shading my little vegetable patch. These trees were hiding all the light from my poor vegetables, preventing them from truly flourishing. At times we can all identify with my unproductive pepper plants. We may be working hard to grow and let grow, trying many different avenues, but something is blocked. We may bump into one iron barricade after the other, each one seemingly more impenetrable. “Why? Why is this happening to me?” We ask ourselves. “What does Hashem want from me?” It all comes down to bringing more light into our lives. Light is the most essential element for all growth. Just as my pepper plants need light to produce fruits, we also need to unblock all the iron barricades that block the light from shining through. “Yes,” I’m thinking to myself, “I will need to have the trees pruned to let in the light.” But what are ‘the trees’ in my life that block the light from entering my personal path? Now before Rosh Hashana is the time to reflect on our lives and return to Hashem, to allow His Divine Light to penetrate our mind, body, and soul. Especially at this time, we all need to ask ourselves, How can I open the physical, emotional, and spiritual blocks that prevent me from letting Hashem’s light enter? Which thoughts, speech, or actions block the Divine Light from illuminating my life and making it fruitful?

Can We Temper Our Desire for the Revelation of the Final Redemption?
With the war in Israel lingering on, it is easy to lose hope. Never in the history of the State of Israel have we undergone such an extended war. Although we experience glimpses of Hashem’s light shining through the miracles He performs and the victories He generates for us, it is still hard to stay connected to the Light of Hashem through all the pain of accumulated burials of young life before yielding fruit. How can we bear the increasing number of widows, orphans, and soldiers wounded for life? It is like the pressure is building up, and we are almost exploding in our yearning for Hashem to reveal ALL His light and bring us Geulah (the final redemption) already. Little glimpses of light are not enough. “We want Mashiach now, we don’t want to wait!” In the past, I didn’t connect to this song, as Rambam clearly states that we patiently must await the Mashiach, so how could we demand him to come now?  

“Anyone who does not believe in him, or does not await his coming, denies not only the statements of the other prophets but those of the Torah and Moshe, our teacher. The Torah testified to his coming, as it states:

“G-d will bring back your captivity and have mercy upon you. He will again gather you from among the nations... Even if your Diaspora is at the ends of the heavens, G-d will gather you up from there... and bring you to the land...” (Devarim 30-3-5). These explicit words of the Torah include all the statements made by all the prophets Rambam, Mishnah Torah, Hilchot Melachim 11:1).

I understood these laws of the Rambam to refer to the  B’nei Efraim who met their early death because they left Egypt before its time, as Rashi explains based on the Mechilta: “…They slew the children of Efraim, who hastened the end and went out [of Egypt] forcibly, as delineated in (I Divrei Hayamim 7:21-22); (Rashi, Shemot 15:14). Based on the Rambam and the story of the B’nei Efraim, I believe that we must be patient and not push for Mashiach before it’s time, just like we cannot push out the baby before the womb is sufficiently dilated. Yet, on the other hand, something is happening in Israel that is beyond the rational. The tension is building up so strongly that it’s impossible to be patient, for we cannot temper our desire to finally release this built-up tension through the revelation of the final redemption.

Overcoming the Tendency to Believe That G-D is no Longer in Our Midst
How will we reveal Hashem’s light to dwell among us? To answer this question, we must ask ourselves, “What caused the darkness in the first place?” Parashat Vayelech gives us a clue:

ספר דברים פרק לא  פסוק יז וְחָרָה אַפִּי בוֹ בַיּוֹם הַהוּא וַעֲזַבְתִּים וְהִסְתַּרְתִּי פָנַי מֵהֶם וְהָיָה לֶאֱכֹל וּמְצָאֻהוּ רָעוֹת רַבּוֹת וְצָרוֹת וְאָמַר בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא הֲלֹא עַל כִּי אֵין אֱלֹהַי בְּקִרְבִּי מְצָאוּנִי הָרָעוֹת הָאֵלֶּה: (יח) וְאָנֹכִי הַסְתֵּר אַסְתִּיר פָּנַי בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא עַל כָּל הָרָעָה אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה כִּי פָנָה אֶל אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים:

“Then My fury will rage against them on that day, and I will abandon them and hide My face from them, and they will be consumed, and many evils and troubles will befall them, and they will say on that day, ‘Is it not because our G-d is no longer in my midst, that these evils have befallen me?’ I will hide My face on that day, because of all the evil they have committed, when they turned to other deities” (Devarim 31:17-18).

According to Netivot Shalom, when the Jewish people experienced trouble, they complained that the source of their troubles was that G-d no longer was in their midst. Rather than feeling pain for their essential separation from G-d, their pain was due to the troubles they experienced. They were focusing on the pain of their troubles and blaming them on G-d’s withdrawing His Presence, rather than focusing on the pain of losing their closeness to G-d. By accepting that G-d was no longer in their midst as an unchangeable fact, they showed a lack of emunah that Hashem always dwells among us even within our impurity (Vayikra 16:17). Since every Jew is a part of the Divine, no power can disconnect us from our Heavenly Father, unless we want to disconnect, G-d forbid. Hashem’s hiding His face is like a father who sometimes hides himself from his son, without abandoning him even for a moment. He just wants to test His son, for the wise son knows that it can’t be that his Father would forsake him. Rather he believes that Hashem always watches over him with Divine supervision. Even if he, (G-d forbid) committed the worst kind of sin, he must believe that Hashem always accepts his heartfelt penitent prayer. The main goal of the yetzer hara (negative impulse) is not to make someone sin, rather it is to cause a feeling of despair following the sin, to make him feel that G-d has completely forsaken him due to his depravity. We must be strong against this temptation of despair and believe that Hashem never forsakes us. He only hides His face from us. Therefore, the biggest flaw is not the sin in itself – however severe – but the faulty belief that “G-d is no longer in my midst” which brings about the ripple effect that “G-d will hide His face on that day…” The double languageהַסְתֵּר אַסְתִּיר /haster astir – “hide, I will hide” corresponds to the double hiding, due to the sin itself, but even more so due to the sin of falling into despair.

The Shechinah Resides Within the Darkest Partitions
The dividing walls we experience between us and Hashem are caused by lust, bad character traits, annoyances due to worldly matters, and grief caused by painful experiences. Each of these comprises a dividing wall blocking us from reaching our Blessed Creator. Yet, none of these dividing partitions are as troublesome as the partition implanted in a Jew’s heart making him believe he is far from Hashem. Falling prey to despair that there is no healing for feeling separated from Hashem, G-d forbid, results in truly moving away and disconnecting from Hashem’s presence. This faulty belief is the hardest dividing wall, worse than the separations caused by lust or confusion. We must strengthen our belief that all the dividing walls are only illusions. We do have the ability to skip over them all and reveal the King. “From the depths of the husks we can call out to Hashem, as it states, “From the depths I have called You, O Hashem.” (Tehillim 130:1). Even an iron barricade cannot separate between Israel and our Heavenly Father. “But Hashem took you and brought you out of the iron pot, out of Egypt, to be His people” (Devarim 4:20). Even if a Jew sins, he always remains a Jew (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 44a).  During the revelation at Sinai, there were three partitions of darkness hiding Hashem: חֹשֶׁךְ/Chosheh – “darkness,” עָנָן/anan – “cloud,” and עֲרָפֶל/arafel – “thick fog” or “thick darkness” (Devarim 4:11). The latter was the densest of all the separations. Nevertheless, “Moshe drew near to the thick darkness where G-d was” (Shemot 20:18). In order to come close to Hashem we need to go through each of the three dark partitions while believing with steadfast emunah that it is precisely within the darkest darkness that we can find Hashem. The numerical value of the Hebrew word הָעֲרָפֶל/ha’arafel – ‘thick fog’ equals הַשְּׁכִינָה/HaShechinah – ‘the Shechinah.’ As King Shlomo proclaimed, “Hashem said that He would dwell in the עֲרָפֶל/arafel – ‘thick darkness” (I Melachim 8:12). Likewise, Moshe revealed that it is specifically within the very darkest darkness that G-d resides! So instead of moaning over feeling separated from Hashem through iron barricades, we can be grateful for the dividing walls which can serve as portals to get even closer to the light of the Divine indwelling Presence hiding precisely within the darkest dividing wall. The more we strengthen our emunah that the Divine light is found within our darkness, the more we will be able to reveal the light!

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Vayelech –
Tips on Unblocking the Dark Dividing Walls that Separate Between Us and G-d

Hashem incorporated in creation, day and night – light and darkness. It is natural to experience ups and downs – ebbs and flows of closeness and separation from Hashem. The lows help us appreciate the highs so much more. While it is challenging to experience the hiding of Hashem’s Face in our lives, it helps when we remember that this spiritual darkness is part of a movement toward the light, without night we wouldn’t even notice the break of day. Like the waves in the ocean, at times we rise to our peak, and at other times we fall down in a thunderous crash. Life is about riding the waves, not allowing ourselves to go under – by being swallowed by the darkest sea-bed in a bone-breaking crash. Rather we must keep riding the waves as the cycle continues until the tide changes in gloaming light. Below are some practical tips for riding the waves, to reveal His light even within the darkest dark.

·       When You Open Your Eyes in the Morning, Recite Modeh Ani With Thankful Intentions – that Hashem woke you up from the darkness of night, to offer you a new delightful day. Awake with belief in G-d, for He believes in you and grants you another day to search for and discover His light. Hashem is playing the hide-and-seek game we used to play as kids. Let’s tackle the challenge with childish playfulness and gratitude.

·       Amplify and Spread Hashem’s Light by Reaching out to Others – There is no sweeter medicine for a bitter soul than to do a mitzvah and kindness for others. Visiting a sick person, helping take care of her needs, welcoming a new neighbor with a fruit basket, baking a cake for a simcha (happy occasion), and supporting a needy person. These are just a few examples of how you can elevate yourself through raising others.

·       Count Your Blessings and be Thankful for Being in a Better Place – Recalling even the little drops of goodness in your life will help you feel closer to Hashem, the Source of your blessings. I love this story of Rachel and Rabbi Akiva: When the daughter of Kalba Shavu’a betrothed herself to Rabbi Akiva, her father vowed to dispossess her. The young couple were so poor they had to sleep on straw, and Rabbi Akiva had to pick out the straw from his hair… Later Eliyahu came to them in the guise of a beggar who cried out at the door: “Give me some straw, for my wife in her confinement. I have nothing for her to lie on.” “See!” Rabbi Akiva observed to his wife, “There is even someone poorer than us, this man who lacks even straw” (Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 50a).

·       Speak to Hashem and Call Him to Come out of His Hiding – If you feel far from Hashem, and are stumbling over walls of division, cry out from the depth of your desperation. Your yearning for Divine revelation will draw the Divine presence to you and uncover His hiding. Use your darkest moments as a springboard to bring about the greatest revelations in your life!

How Can we Learn from Yosef to Transform our Darkest Reality by Adding Light?

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Parashat Miketz

How Can We Learn from Yosef to Transform our Darkest Reality by Adding Light? 

 

Gleaning the Valuable Lessons of Light During the Moment of the Darkest Pain 

By choosing the topic of Gratitude in the Torah, I attempt to condition myself and my readers to notice and give thanks for the good points even within all the pain. Through this work, I’ve come to recognize more and more how the challenges of the hardships are in themselves shining lights of disguised blessings. For example, in dealing with an exasperating roommate situation in the midrasha, which aroused many delicate feelings between the students involved, and brought about challenges for me as well, everyone is learning and growing tremendously from the ordeal. Although one of the students involved suffered greatly, through this painful roommate saga she was able to clarify exactly what she needs from a living situation conducive to her spiritual growth. Personally, I gleaned valuable lessons both in interpersonal relationships and management skills. I gained greater clarity about the importance of limiting the number of staff members involved to efficiently resolve such ordeals. I also developed more compassion and empathy when dealing with interpersonal problem-solving. It is often a life crisis that spurs people to make positive life-changing decisions affecting great breakthroughs. Likewise, many great healers develop their healing skills specifically by going through painful diseases. With hindsight, it becomes clear how the various difficulties I experienced throughout my life have helped me greatly to identify with others’ pain and help guide them through similar kinds of challenges that I have myself have experienced. The next step is to learn to appreciate the hardships not only after but while we are in the midst of experiencing them. I pray to strengthen my emunah during the moments of the darkest pain to be able to glean their valuable life lessons of light.

 

Celebrating the Large Sheaves in Life as Much as We Bemoan the Lean Ones

In Parashat Miketz we read about Pharaoh’s dreams which foretold the onset of a seven-year period of prosperity which would be followed by seven years of shortage. Pharaoh first saw seven emaciated cows devouring seven large cows, and then seven lean sheaves of grain devouring seven large sheaves. 

 

ספר בראשית פרק מא פסוק ה וַיִּישָׁן וַיַּחֲלֹם שֵׁנִית וְהִנֵּה שֶׁבַע שִׁבֳּלִים עֹלוֹת בְּקָנֶה אֶחָד בְּרִיאוֹת וְטֹבוֹת: (ו) וְהִנֵּה שֶׁבַע שִׁבֳּלִים דַּקּוֹת וּשְׁדוּפֹת קָדִים צֹמְחוֹת אַחֲרֵיהֶן:

“He fell asleep and dreamed again, and behold, seven ears of grain עֹלוֹת/olot were rising on one stalk, healthy and good. Then behold, seven ears of grain, thin and beaten by the east wind, were צֹמְחוֹת/tzomchot – ‘growing’ up after them”(Bereishit 41:5-6).

 

The Torah describes Pharaoh’s second vision as featuring seven large sheaves “rising in a single stalk” (41:5), followed by seven lean sheaves “growing after them” (41:6). Curiously, whereas the first set of sheaves is said to have “arisen,” the seven lean sheaves are described as “growing.” Rav Shalom of Belz noticed that the term “tzomechot” (growing) used to depict the second set of sheaves connotes a more evident and readily discernible process than the word “olot” (rising) referring to the initial set of sheaves. Since the onset of the famine years was far more widespread, and thus far more evident, than the onset of the surplus years, the Torah refers to the seven lean sheaves with the word “tzomechot,” which connotes a very obvious and widely recognized phenomenon. The Torah speaks of the seven large sheaves’ emergence with the term “olot” – which is more subtle, because the period of surplus set in less conspicuously than the “growth” of the lean years, represented by the lean sheaves. This language difference teaches the following message for our lives: People tend to discern misfortune more quickly than they recognize good fortune. The ‘lean years’ of our lives generally catch our attention and trigger anxiety and angst more quickly than the ‘surplus years’ evoke feelings of joy and gratitude.  The ‘lean years’ – hardship and misfortune – tend to feel like they ‘tzomechot’ sprout forth everywhere, whereas our good fortune tends to feel ‘limited,’ less significant, and insufficient, affecting us less profoundly than hardship. The subtle distinction between the Torah’s depiction of the large sheaves and the lean sheaves perhaps reminds us to feel at least as enthusiastic over our ‘large sheaves’ as we feel despondent over our ‘lean sheaves,’ to celebrate our good fortune with at least as much fervor as that with which we cry over our troubles – and even much more so (Rav David Silverberg).

 

Growing Hope from Within the Darkness

Rabbi Natan of Breslev regards the word צֹמְחוֹת/tzomchot –‘growing’ in a different and positive light. Parashat Miketz which means, “at the end” alludes to the end of days, as it states, “He put an end to darkness” (Iyuv 28:3). However, the ‘end’ is late in coming, due to our lack of emunah and all our confusion and unclarity that distance us from the truth of Torah. Pharaoh is the incarnation of ‘the other side’ that confuses the mind. He dreams about the opposing forces that prevent the Torah from being manifest. The seven good cows and good ears of grain correspond to the truth of the Torah, which becomes swallowed up by the bad cows and sheaves. Yet, even from within the darkness, hope can grow as hinted in the word צֹמְחוֹת/tzomchot – ‘growing’ describing the seven bad ears of grain. We learn not to give up clarifying the truth of the Torah even from within all the confusion, by keeping the points of light and truth growing within the darkness. This is the work of Yosef the Tzaddik. His name means to add and increase. Yosef teaches us that despite what happens to us in life, our job is to add the light of Torah in the world. He gathered the good from the years of plenty and saved it for the years of famine. By publishing innumerable Torah books, he preserved the truth of the Torah for the years of spiritual famine. This is alluded to in the following Torah verse:

 

ספר בראשית פרק מא פסוק מט וַיִּצְבֹּר יוֹסֵף בָּר כְּחוֹל הַיָּם הַרְבֵּה מְאֹד עַד כִּי חָדַל לִסְפֹּר כִּי אֵין מִסְפָּר:

“Yosef gathered grain like the sand of the sea, in great abundance, until [one] stopped counting, because there was no number” (Bereishit 41:49).

 

The Hebrew words for counting לִסְפֹּר/lispor and number מִסְפָּר/mispar both share the root of the word סֶפֶר/sefer – ‘book.’ By publishing innumerable Torah books, the Torah will be saved and kept forever from being forgotten, as according to the Zohar publishing holy Torah books brings about redemption.

 

The Stalks Allude to the Seven Branches of the Menorah Perpetuating the Torah

There is a further allusion to book publishing in the Pharaoh’s dream about the seven healthy ears of grain that rise on one stalk. The Hebrew word קָנֶה/kane – ‘stalk’ can also mean ‘reed’ utilized as a writing quill when dipped in ink. Still today many artists prefer a reed pen. This same word קָנֶה/kane is also used in the Mishna, referring to the importance of finding a friend: “Appoint for yourself a Rabbi and ּקְנֵה /kene –‘acquire’ for yourself a friend” (Pirkei Avot 1:6). Through writing down the Torah, the reed becomes the friend and study partner that ensures that the words of Torah will be established. Through the holy books written with a קָנֶה/kane – ‘reed’ that you connect with and learn from you can discern a true Rabbi and thereby anchor yourself to the truth. Thus, the rectification for all the confusions of our current exile is the קָנֶה/kane – ‘writing reed’ through which we increase publicizing innumerable holy books. The stalks of the seven ears of grain moreover allude to the seven branches of the menorah (Temple candelabra). It is known that the pure menorah alludes to the light of the Torah. Its main existence is through the קָּנִים/kanim – ‘branches or stalks’ that allude to the quills with which we write new Torah concepts that bring about the main rectification – the light of Chanukah (Rabbi Natan of Breslev, Likutei Halachot, Orach Chayim, Chapter 6:54-55). Thus, the lights of Chanukah perpetuate the Torah throughout the darkness of exile, until the final redemption when the eternal Menorah will illuminate the Holy Temple. 

Expanding the Light Through the Challenges of Darkness 

Throughout Jewish history, the darkest periods bring about the greatest light. After emerging from the Egyptian exile, we merited the Tablets of the Torah. At the near holocaust of the Purim story, we accepted the Oral Torah willingly (Babylonian Talmud, Shavuot 39a), and the destruction of the second Temple by the wicked Romans brought about the organized written form of the Oral Torah. In the same way, it was specifically through the darkness of the Greeks and their defilement that we merited the increased light of the additional holiday of Chanukah. From within the night of the deepest darkness, the light of that little cruise of pure olive oil saved the day for all eternity. Had the Maccabees disregarded and depreciated that little bottle which wasn’t sufficient, we would have lost the light of the millions of Chanukiahs infusing our reality with ohr haganuz (original hidden light hidden away for the tzaddikim for the world-to-come). We too can ignite and expand our personal light by appreciating the small insufficient good points in life, such as a gift from a loved one which is not exactly what we would have chosen ourselves, a half-hearted apology, or a Torah teaching that we may have heard before. By developing gratitude and appreciation for even the imperfect minor sparks of goodness, like the Maccabees, our light too can increase to illuminate the darkest areas of our lives.

 

 

           Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Miketz

We are in this world to rectify ourselves and develop our potential to its fullest. It is specifically the challenges that we go through that facilitate our greatest rectifications. While it may be fun and easy – especially for children – to zoom down a steep hill, climbing that hill makes us huff and puff. Likewise, life may seem like a bowl of cherries when we go downhill, but when things are tough let us not forget that we are actually climbing uphill.

• Where There’s Pain, There’s Purpose – Find the purpose of your pain! For example, it can be upsetting and painful if one of your good friends suddenly stops talking to you. You experience that pain due to your loss of something meaningful. The love, kindness, and social connection that you value have been taken away. Yet your pain sheds light on what you value. Your pain shows you are a caring human being. If you didn’t feel anything, it would show you didn’t care about such relationships. So, the blessing is your self-awareness and reminder of your desire to connect. This experience will help you develop your deeper compassion for others going through a similar experience in their lives.

• Recall Your Past Adversities and the Lessons They’ve Taught You – I remember in the past I had an unpleasant experience with a tenant which taught me a lesson. So, although the experience was frustrating, I’ve learned a lot about how to avoid getting into that kind of situation again. Do a scan of the history of your life and recall difficult situations you have gone through. Remember the lessons your hardships taught you and all the good that came out of them one by one. Recognize how all your past difficult times indeed are blessings in disguise!

 • Practice Paying Attention to the Good Points Within Your Pain – When things seem dark and difficult ask yourself, “How can I grow within this meager situation? Which personal lesson can I glean from this hardship?”

 

• Gratitude and Intention Setting – Incorporate gratitude and intention setting into your spiritual meditation practice. Before you begin, take a few moments to express gratitude for the blessings in your life and set a clear intention for your meditation session. It could be to deepen your connection with your higher self, gain clarity on a specific aspect of your life, or invite spiritual guidance. The combination of gratitude and intention creates a receptive and focused mindset for your practice.

• Acceptance is a Skill That Brings Peace – When things go wrong and we don’t accept them, we feel a lot of pain, and acceptance is hard. But it’s a skill we can learn to grow over time. We can begin with small things. You spill some milk. Your loved one forgets to do something. Learning to accept is one of life’s greatest skills, and when things go wrong, it’s a chance to practice that skill. You may never be perfect at it, but you can get a little bit better each time. One cool trick to develop acceptance is to notice the emotions in your body when something goes wrong, and just become curious of them rather than trying to immediately react to them. This curiosity is a powerful friend of yours that can help to bring acceptance into your life, especially of the things you can’t change.

 • Be Flexible – Life has a habit of not going according to plan. The preparations of the heart are man’s, but the answer of the tongue is from Hashem (Mishlei 16:1). “Man plans but G-d laughs!” When we experience this, it’s not all bad. There are many different perspectives we can take. This ability to be flexible and see things from different perspectives can help you to see challenges as blessings in disguise.