Showing posts with label miracles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miracles. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Parashat Ha’azinu: How Do We Keep Up Our Gratitude and Emunah Throughout This Challenging War?

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Parashat Ha’azinu
How Do We Keep Up Our Gratitude and Emunah Throughout This Challenging War? 


Giving in to the Pressure of Cease Fire or Waging War Until Eradicating All Evil?
I have two personal news reporters from opposite vantage points, my husband with his Honest Reporting, and my sharp 89-year-old mother reporting from the CNN et al. perspective. On one of our bi-weekly phone calls during September 2024, my mom, who has two daughters, 6, grandchildren, and 11 great-grandchildren living in Israel, nervously related, “Now the war in Israel has surely begun, with Israel’s attack on Lebanon.” “What do you mean, Mom?” I asked, “Didn’t[MS1]  it begin almost a year ago with the barbaric slaughter of 1,139 Israelis most of whom were civilians, and the taking of more than 250 Israeli hostages?” “But now it’s escalating and getting more dangerous as we are all concerned that Iran will get involved,” retorted my mother. “It’s all Netanyahu’s fault. He should not have allowed attacks against Lebanon! I hope he will agree to a ceasefire, already,” my mom continued. It’s not the first time I’ve been subjected to Netanyahu being blamed for everything by my secular family and people I know in Denmark. The discussion never goes anywhere, because how can I explain to those who don’t make Hashem and His Torah the center of their life, that the time has finally come to eradicate evil from the world? How many miracles will it take for those who deny Hashem to recognize G-d’s providence and protection in our current war? In my opinion, it’s even a miracle that Israel – who has been so passive about defending herself against terror attacks and has been engaging in one ineffective peace treaty after the other – finally strikes back. After all these years, in which Chamas – with the help of the UN and European ‘humanitarian help’– built up their terrorist underground infrastructure in Gaza, with arsenals of weapons, the majority of Israelis have at last opened their eyes to see that we need once and for all to eradicate the evil that surrounds us. Now, there is a general consensus to continue the war without stopping until we attain the goal of living securely in our land, forever. I am filled with gratitude that Israel is finally fulfilling her moral imperative of eradicating evil, that threatens not only Israel but the entire world. I’m proud and thankful that most Israelis are dedicated to the eliminating the terrorists and their masters, wherever they are – above and below ground. As King David taught us: “I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till I destroyed them. I struck them down, and they could rise no more; they lay fallen at my feet” (Tehillim 18:38-39). Isn’t this how a nation that desires life must behave? (Inspired by Dror Eydar, Why Gratitude is in Order in Tough Times).

The Reincarnation of Evil at the End of Days
The rise of antisemitism in response to the atrocities committed against Israel is not logical. Yet, everything happening in the world is predicted in our Scriptures, as King David asks, “Why have nations gathered and [why do] kingdoms think vain things? Kings of a land stand up, and nobles take counsel together against Hashem and against His Mashiach? (Tehillim 2:1-2). As the war between good and evil intensifies, the world becomes increasingly more and more polarized. I believe that all the evildoers throughout the centuries, who have opposed Israel and cruelly massacred us are being reincarnated now, so that they will receive Divine retribution at the end of days. Rabbi Joseph Dov Soloveitchik,  defines Amalek as any hate-filled group that directs its enmity toward the Jewish people or one that conspires to commit genocide against the Jewish people  When a people emblazons on its banner, “Come, and let us cut them off from being a nation: that the name of Israel may be no more in remembrance” (Tehillim 83:5) it becomes Amalek. Thus, Chamas and Hezbollah are Amalek of the 21st century, whom we have a mitzvah to eradicate.  Iran, whom everyone fears, is no other than Persia, whom with the help of Heaven, we will defeat again as we have done through Esther and Mordechai. The following midrashic prediction is comforting for those who live by the Torah: “In the year that King Mashiach will be revealed, all the kings of the nations of the world will provoke one another. The king of Persia will provoke the Arabian King, the Arabian king will go to Aram for advice, and the king of Persia will return and destroy the entire world. All the nations of the world will make loud noises and panic, while falling on their faces and be seized by contractions, like the contractions of a birthing woman. Israel will cry out in panic and say, “Where shall we come and go? Where shall we come and go? Where shall we come and go?” Tell them, my son, do not fear, everything that I did, I only did it for you. Why are you afraid? Do not fear, the time of your redemption has come. The last redemption is not like the first redemption. For the first redemption was followed by pain and subjugation to the kingdoms. However, the last redemption will not be followed by pain and subjugation to the kingdoms” (Yalkut Shimoni 60:499). Although scary things are about to take place in Israel – the vortex of the world – it is comforting to believe that this is part of the final redemption, orchestrated by the good and righteous Creator, Whose every move is for the sake of benefiting His people.

Cultivating Gratitude for the Miracles We Experience in the Current War
Ingratitude is universal. When life is good, it is not always easy to remember the source of our blessings. Maintaining gratitude for the good points is even more challenging when things go wrong. I’m mining for miracles in our current war and life in general, because each miracle reinforces my awareness of G-d’s supervision in the world as well as my personal life. The miracles strengthen my emunah, to believe that even when things get tough Hashem is with us, directing the show! Despite our anguish and the mourning of the fallen, let us not forget to see the bigger picture and be grateful for the miracle of political revival and the ability to defend ourselves. Let us give thanks for what cannot be taken for granted, what we have not had for many generations: the opportunity to live in an independent Jewish state which can defend herself. Until now, we have fled or hid, but this time, Israel has arisen and fought back. When my mother reported that 700 people had recently been killed in the Lebanon war, I asked, “On which side?” in my desire to confirm Hashem’s protection of His people. The fact that she didn’t know if any Israeli soldiers had fallen in the latest war against Hezbollah, was a good sign.  Baruch Hashem! Who protects Israel and directs our iron domes to intercept their repeated attacks? It was reported by the Israeli military,that: “The Islamic Resistance launched a ‘Qader 1’ ballistic missile at 6:30 am on Wednesday, ptember 25, 2024, targeting the Mossad headquarters in the outskirts of Tel Aviv. Warning sirens sounded in Tel Aviv on Wednesday as a surface-to-surface missile was intercepted by Israeli air defense systems after it was detected crossing from Lebanon,  (https://www.aljazeera.com/news/liveblog/2024/9/27/israel-attacks-lebanon-israeli-bombings-kill-more-than-700-in-lebanon). The Israeli Iron Dome has proved highly successful throughout our current war, intercepting nearly 95 percent of fatal rockets. As I’m writing this, the news about how IDF eliminated this arch terrorist of Hezbollah, who has terrorized the world for decades, killing thousands of people and aiding Iran in its plan to dominate the world and eradicate Israel.  Now, is that not a miracle to be thankful for?

Why is Ingratitude so Common?
As Moshe proclaims G-d’s greatness and justice, His children, the Israelites, fall short, for the generation sustained and nurtured by G-d has repaid His kindness with ingratitude.  

ספר דברים פרק לב פסוק ד הַצּוּר תָּמִים פָּעֳלוֹ כִּי כָל דְּרָכָיו מִשְׁפָּט אֵל אֱמוּנָה וְאֵין עָוֶל צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר הוּא(ה) שִׁחֵת לוֹ לֹא בָּנָיו מוּמָם דּוֹר עִקֵּשׁ וּפְתַלְתֹּל: (ו) הַלְהָשֵׁם תִּגְמְלוּ זֹאת עַם נָבָל וְלֹא חָכָם הֲלוֹא הוּא אָבִיךָ קָּנֶךָ הוּא עָשְׂךָ וַיְכֹנְנֶךָ:
The deeds of the [Mighty] Rock are perfect, for all His ways are just; a faithful G-d, without injustice He is righteous and upright. Destruction is not His; it is His children’s defect you crooked and twisted generation. Is this how you repay Hashem, you disgraceful, unwise people?! Is He not your Father, your Master? He has made you and established you (Devarim 32:4-6).

Although G-d has wrought great miracles for Israel, we have been disgraceful, lacking gratitude while falling prey to forgetting all Hashem has done for us (Rashi, Devarim 32:6).  Why is ingratitude so common? When we speak of “lack of gratitude,” we often refer to individuals who attribute their successes solely to themselves and fail to acknowledge the help of others. This is a common human trait, as admitting that we need the help of others may hurt our pride, making us feel more dependent and less self-sufficient and successful. Nevertheless, we must genuinely acknowledge and appreciate the goodness we receive, even if this acknowledgment may lead to discomfort or affect our self-image as successful and independent individuals. This attitude is rooted in perfectionism, causing us to dwell on what is lacking, even if objectively, what is lacking is minimal compared to all the advantages and goodness we have merited. When Moshe rebukes the Children of Israel for their ingratitude, he first and foremost calls upon them to acknowledge the goodness they have received from G-d. “The children of Tzion shall rejoice in Hashem their G–d… You shall praise the name of Hashem your G–d who has dealt wondrously with you” (Yoel 2,23; 26). An essential part of our personal journey of rectification is recognizing the goodness we receive, ceasing to focus on negative aspects, and highlighting the positive aspects of our lives. The next step is to understand the source of this goodness – G-d – and to act from this awareness with humility and joy (Based on Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, Recognizing the Good – Parashat Ha’azinu).

The Prophecies of Parashat Ha’azinu Relating to Our Time and the Final Redemption
In Parashat Ha’azinu, Moshe proclaims the story of the Jewish people. His prophetic song includes our past, present, and future. In the future Israel will sin and be punished, however, we will ultimately survive the hardships and recover. The Ha’azinu Song describes not what ought to be, nor what must be, but rather what will be. This Song constitutes a true and faithful witness, for it explicitly spells out all that will befall us.  It begins by describing G-d’s compassion by taking us to Him as His portion and recalling how He took care of us in the wilderness.  He caused us to possess the land of great and powerful nations, and we enjoyed goodness, wealth, and honor in the Holy Land.  Despite all this goodness the Israelites became complacent, demonstrated ingratitude, rebelled against G-d, and served idolatry.  G-d responded in anger, and the Israelites were stricken with pestilence, famine, wild beasts, and the sword until they were exiled and scattered to every corner of the globe.  These historical facts are well known. G-d has given us a mission in the world, a unique responsibility that sets us apart from other people. Throughout our history, we often oppose our mission to adopt other nations’ worldviews and ways of life. Yet, our attempts to surrender our legacy will never entirely succeed, for though we may stray far from our spiritual heritage, our identity and destiny will always remain bound up with the name of the G-d of Israel.  Conversely, though mighty nations may rise up to destroy us, they will never succeed. In the end, G-d will return to His people and return them to His land, if not due to our merits then for the sake of ‘His great Name.’ The Song proclaims that in the end, Hashem will exact vengeance on our enemies, for all their oppressive cruelty, which had as its underlying motivation a hatred for G-d, rather than simply an antipathy toward the Jews. This final vindication refers to the Future Redemption, that the Jewish people are promised. Through our redemption, the return of G-d’s presence to the world will also inevitably transpire, and the purpose of Creation will finally be realized (based on Ramban, Devarim 32:40).

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Ha’azinu –
Tips on Recognizing Goodness that Opens the Door of Redemption

When we don’t recognize any goodness in our lives and focus solely on the negative it can cause us to accumulate negative feelings about the past and the present and develop a pessimistic attitude toward the possibilities of repairing things in the future. However, when we acknowledge the good, this recognition develops positive feelings and we become more optimistic, believing in the possibility to improve and advance.

  •      We clearly see Hashem’s protective miracles in the current war. It has been reported that soldiers were repeatedly surprised by attacking Arabs whose guns suddenly didn’t work, giving the IDF just enough time to pull their act together and shoot the terrorists first.
  • Iran’s attack before Pesach was also miraculous. Iran sent 331 missiles in one go. The Iron Dome can shoot down a single enemy missile with 95% accuracy, yet the Iron Dome CANNOT handle 331 missiles sent simultaneously, some of them massive. It wasn’t a joke when the Iranians said they were going to wipe out all of Israel. Yet 99% of their missiles did not even enter Israeli airspace. A month later the president of Iran who’d ordered that failed missile barrage on Israel died in a helicopter crash.
  • There was a terror attack right before Pesach in Jerusalem, crowds of hundreds of adults and children burning their chametz, and the terrorists’ guns didn’t work. Afterward, the police checked the guns, and they worked perfectly.
  • In a BBC interview with one of the heads of the Chamas, the interviewer asked him: You’re working so many years on these missiles yet you’re missing your targets 98% of the time. The Chamas leader answered him: I want you to know that we have it down to perfection. We should be hitting our targets 98% of the time instead of missing 98% of the time. But “the Allah of the Jews loves them, and he moves our missile to the right or to the left to miss them.”

Thank You Hashem for loving us, please continue watching over us in these scary times! (Based on Revealed Miracles Since October 7th by Rebbetzin Rena Tarshish).
Recognizing goodness not only represents the right approach but also opens the door to a better future.  

  •   Showing Gratitude When all is Well can be a Challenge for Some – But there are times in our lives when it is very hard to thank and praise G-d! There are times when even hard to hold on to hope!  But there is hope even for a tree. If it is cut down, it will sprout up again and new shoots will not fail, as it states, “For a tree has hope; If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail” (Iyuv 14:7). Sometimes it feels like we are cut down in life. We think this might be the end. This is not true. G-d can change things. He can bring new life.  
  • When someone says, “I lost my faith in this crisis” – my response is: “Get rid of that faith. That faith is not worth a single penny.” Anybody can have emunah and praise Hashem when the sky is blue, and the sun is shining. But if you maintain emunah when things go wrong that is true emunah. Giving thanks for everything shows that you know in your heart that G-d is greater than any struggle and that He can help you solve all difficulties if you approach Him with a broken and humble heart.
  • Keep Praying Even When You Don’t Feel Like It – We keep our emunah even when we are hurting. Our Emunah keeps us serving Hashem no matter what.  Sometimes I am not in the mood. I do it anyway for the sake of the mitzvah. 
  • Express Your Gratitude – In addition to feeling gratitude, it is important that you express it through your attitudes and words. You have to give thanks to G-d, but also tell people how grateful you are for their presence in your life, show to them how important someone’s help was to you. Share and express gratitude and you will have a great life. Learn to appreciate the small things and give thanks to G-d in all circumstances.
    If you’re going to wait to feel grateful and happy when good things happen such as a job promotion or buying a new house, you’ll not experience the power of gratitude in your life.
    To enjoy the benefits of gratitude, you need to appreciate what you have, especially the little things. Gratitude opens the doors to miracles! 
    If you’re going to wait to feel grateful and happy when good things happen such as a job promotion or buying a new house, you’ll not experience the power of gratitude in your life. 
  • Replace Complaints with Gratitude – Recognize that G-d is taking care of you and that you trust Him in every situation. Try to see the good side of every situation. For example, if you find yourself feeling down because it’s cold or raining and you need to get up for work, you’ll soon remember that at least you have a job and many people don’t. Replace complaints with gratitude and you will see G-d working many miracles in your life.
  • Thank G-d Today for Simply Being Alive and Breathing – Many people struggle to even breathe! Have you thanked Him for your health? There are so many people sick fighting for their lives. Do you always thank G-d before eating your meals? Because many people don’t have anything to eat. 
  • Stop Complaining and Express Your Gratitude – for Gratitude opens doors to miracles! May Hashem bless you and help you to live in gratitude! 

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

How do We Learn from Yosef to Walk the Path of Forgiveness by Focusing on Gratitude?

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Parashat Vayechi

How do We Learn from Yosef to Walk the Path of Forgiveness 

by Focusing on Gratitude? 

Gratitude for the Personal Miracle of My Life Being Saved During Car Accident  

More than 30 years ago I was in a traumatic car accident. I was taking my son to check out the yeshiva in Yishuv Ma’aleh Amos, where the streets were narrow with sharp curves. Since I was afraid to tumble down the mountain slope, I didn’t drive all the way to the edge of the road. As a result, I underwent a frontal collision with an Arab dump truck. Our car was totaled and it’s quite a miracle that my son was completely unscathed without breaking even as much as a hair. Although I can’t say it wasn’t painful, I’m forever grateful that I got away with only breaking my knee. Perhaps you may think it was another miracle that the Arabs in the dumb truck helped me get an ambulance, instead of finishing me off, G-d forbid. I was later told that this is typical, as Arabs have inherited part of Avraham’s chesed and they are especially kind to those who are injured and vulnerable. Yet a small miracle it certainly was that my life was spared during that car accident that could have been fatal. I recall being visited in the hospital by two elderly holy women who looked to me like shiny angels, due to my post-surgery narcotic state. When I asked them, “Teach me to feel love of G-d, they replied,Think about how much Hashem loves you!” How could I not feel Hashem’s love for me, when He protected me to come out almost all in one piece after such a scary car accident? I’m so grateful that Hashem spared my life, and it strengthened me to feel His love, and that He wants me to remain in this world to accomplish a mission. It is not surprising that only three years later I started Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin.  

 

The Halacha of Reciting the Blessing “…Who Performed a Miracle for me in this Place 

I am not sure why I never returned to the place of the accident to recite the blessing, “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Ha’olam she’asa li nes bamakom hazeh.” (Blessed are you Hashem our G-d, King of the Universe who performed a miracle for me in this place). We must make this bracha when seeing a place where the miracle happened to us (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 218:4, Mishna Berurah 218:7, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 60:8). This halacha is learned from the Talmud stating that anytime we pass a location where a miracle happened to us, we must recite the abovementioned blessing. The Gemara recounts an incident where a person was walking on the southern edge of the Euphrates River when he was attacked by a lion. Miraculously, he was saved. When this individual later told Rava what had occurred, Rava told him that every time he passed the southern edge of the Euphrates River, he must recite the “...she’asa li nes” blessing. (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 54a). We see from the above that we must thank Hashem for the miracles He performs for us every day. This is especially true regarding occurrences that are out of the ordinary. However, lesser miracles such as falling onto train tracks and escaping several seconds before an oncoming train passes or being present in a place where there is gunfire without being hit by the bullets, we may not recite the “She’asa li nesblessing since these deliverances could be explained as natural occurrences (Maran Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, Halacha Yomit, 29 Tishrei 5780). It seems that my car accident, as scary as it felt, could be compared to the above examples of lesser miracles. Indeed, If a person was in a car accidenteven if the car flipped over several times and he was saved, he shouldnt recite this bracha with Hashem's name (Yalkut Yosef 218:4). Rav Ovadia holds that someone who survived a terrorist attack of being stabbed recites this bracha without Hashem’s name. This is because were concerned about the opinion of Shulchan Aruch that one only recites the bracha for a supernatural miracle (Halacha Berurah 218:19). I also noticed that both the Talmud and the halachic sources state that we must recite the blessing upon passing or seeing the place of the miracle, without obligating us to purposely return to the place of the miracle. I didn’t recite a blessing in that place even without Hashem’s name since I didn’t pass by the same place later on. Being so filled with gratitude, I still would like to take a trip to that place (this time with my husband in the driver’s seat) to recite the blessing without Hashem’s name. Perhaps its not too late! 

 

Expressing Gratitude to Replace Revenge Seeking 

The midrash tells us that after Ya’acov was buried, Yosef did not hurry back to Egypt from Chevron As they were returning from the burial of their father in the Machpelah (Cave of the Patriarchs), the brothers saw Yosef journey to the north of Canaan, to Dotan, to the site where they had thrown him into a pit before selling him. He wanted to see that pit before returning to Egypt to thank Hashem for saving his life by reciting the blessing “Blessed be the place where He performed a miracle for me,” just as any person is required to pronounce a blessing at the place where a miracle had been performed on his behalf. The brothers inferred from this that Yosef was going back in time to that period when the tension between them was high, leading to the terrible act of throwing him into a pit and selling him (Midrash Tanchuma 17:5). This made them fear what was to come: 

 

ספר בראשית פרק נ פסוק טו וַיִּרְאוּ אֲחֵי יוֹסֵף כִּי מֵת אֲבִיהֶם וַיֹּאמְרוּ לוּ יִשְׂטְמֵנוּ יוֹסֵף וְהָשֵׁב יָשִׁיב לָנוּ אֵת כָּל הָרָעָה אֲשֶׁר גָּמַלְנוּ אֹתוֹ: (טז) וַיְצַוּוּ אֶל יוֹסֵף לֵאמֹר אָבִיךָ צִוָּה לִפְנֵי מוֹתוֹ לֵאמֹר: (יז) כֹּה תֹאמְרוּ לְיוֹסֵף אָנָּא שָׂא נָא פֶּשַׁע אַחֶיךָ וְחַטָּאתָם כִּי רָעָה גְמָלוּךָ וְעַתָּה שָׂא נָא לְפֶשַׁע עַבְדֵי אֱלֹהֵי אָבִיךָ וַיֵּבְךְּ יוֹסֵף בְּדַבְּרָם אֵלָיו:(יח) וַיֵּלְכוּ גַּם אֶחָיו וַיִּפְּלוּ לְפָנָיו וַיֹּאמְרוּ הִנֶּנּוּ לְךָ לַעֲבָדִים: (יט) וַיֹּאמֶר אֲלֵהֶם יוֹסֵף אַל תִּירָאוּ כִּי הֲתַחַת אֱלֹהִים אָנִי: (כ) וְאַתֶּם חֲשַׁבְתֶּם עָלַי רָעָה אֱלֹהִים חֲשָׁבָהּ לְטֹבָה לְמַעַן עֲשׂה כַּיּוֹם הַזֶּה לְהַחֲיֹת עַם רָב: (כא) וְעַתָּה אַל תִּירָאוּ אָנֹכִי אֲכַלְכֵּל אֶתְכֶם וְאֶת טַפְּכֶם וַיְנַחֵם אוֹתָם וַיְדַבֵּר עַל לִבָּם: 

Now Yosef’s brothers saw that their father had died, and they said, Perhaps Yosef will hate us and return to us all the evil that we did to him.So, they commanded [messengers to go] to Yosef, to say, Your father commanded [us] before his death, saying, So shall you say to Yosef, Please, forgive now your brothers transgression and their sin, for they did evil to you. Now please forgive the transgression of the servants of the G-d of your father. Yosef wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also went and fell before him, and they said, Behold, we are your slaves.But Yosef said to them, Dont be afraid, for am I instead of G-d? Indeed, you intended evil against me, [but] G-d designed it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, to save the lives of many people. So now do not fear. I will sustain you and your small children. So, he comforted them and spoke to their hearts (Bereishit 50:15-21). 

 

The brothers interpreted Yosef’s recalling of the attempted murder by his own brothers as a reason for planning revenge. However, Yosef went to the pit to remember the miracle that happened to him when his brothers left him in the pit to die. Rather than plotting revenge, Yosef was focused on gratitude to G-d for saving him and he wanted to express gratitude for this miracle. 

 

Reversing Negative Effects of Passed Traumas through Gratitude 

The brothers mistakenly assumed – or feared – that Yosefs visiting the place of the pit would reignite his past trauma. They were concerned that even if the passage of time had healed the wounds they inflicted, these wounds were now opened anew by the memories that flooded Yosefs mind as he stood next to that pit. Therefore, they feared that he would now seek revenge. Yet, Yosef’s recollection of being thrown into the pit did not rekindle his trauma and anger, it rather reinforced his profound sense of gratitude. He returned to the pit to express gratitude to G-d for saving him and lifting him up from the pit to the position of Egyptian vizier.  Memories of negative experiences can have two opposite emotional effects. On the one hand, they can reignite the trauma and rage that the person felt at the time of the event. Alternatively, revisiting such experiences can enhance our appreciation for how far we have come. Rather than holding on to past suffering, we have an opportunity to focus on the good fortune we enjoy now. The Midrash calls upon us to turn painful memories of the past into sources of joy and gratitude, instead of sources of frustration and rage.  Rather than focusing on the angst and anger caused by negative events, we must recall how, with G-ds help, we recovered and progressed.  By reflecting on past events from this perspective, even upsetting memories can bring us happiness and satisfaction, as they will remind us of how much we now have to be grateful for (Rav David Silverberg, Torat Har Etzion VBM, SALT - Parashat Vayechi 5781 / 2020). Yosef’s story ends with a message from Yosef that echoed throughout his life: Instead of focusing on accusing others, we must focus on gratitude to G-d. A life of gratitude rather than of accusations leads to forgiveness and making peace with others and will ultimately repair any relationship (Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, Rabbi of the Western Wall and Holy Sites, Parashat Vayechi – 5783, Accusation or Gratitude: A Message from Joseph).  


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Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Vayechi 

I have a very beloved person in my life who is very kind and always gives me beautiful thought-out gifts. However, she falls short in working out interpersonal problems between us, learning, and growing from conflict-solving. When you are close with someone things are apt to come up between you, which offers beautiful opportunities to learn from one another – to rectify and become rectified. Since I’m a person who despises small talk but yearns to go deeply into the underpinnings of interpersonal challenges, it is very painful for me when a beloved person refuses to join me in this endeavor. Yet even if true reconciliation barely can take place without airing out the pain to clear it, we must learn from Yosef to let go of the pain by focusing on the good. Therefore, I choose to accept this beloved person with her strengths and weaknesses and focus on being grateful for her gifts.  

  • Work on Forgiving Loved Ones by Focusing on their GiftsSometimes, we get hurt by people who have benefitted us so much and we tend to focus more on not forgiving the harm than showing gratitude for the benefits received. This meditation can help:  

Meditation to Shift the Pain of Unforgiveness Through Gratitude 

•  Close your eyes and pay attention to your breath. Take slow and deep inhalations through your nose, and exhale fully through your mouth with your tongue gently touching your pallet, making a shhhhhhhh sound. Repeat this breathing sequence four times. 
•   Allow yourself to bring up the pain inflicted by your loved one to your consciousness. 

What did she do or say that was so painful? What exactly makes it cause you to feel all this pain? Examine the pain as if it belonged to someone else. Is it constant or off and one? Is it sharp, or dull? Is it hard or slimy? Can you give the pain a color? Where in the body does it reside? 

•   Place your hands on the part of the body where you feelthat the pain between you and your loved one resides. On a scale from 1-10, what number of intensity would you give this pain? Breathe into the pain and allow it to be. Accept your pain, it is part of life, no pain, no gain! 
•   You may have carried this pain for a long time. Ask yourself if you still need this pain. Ask your body if its safe for you to let go of this pain. If you get a noanswer, ask your body why, and see if you can assuage your body to allow you to let go of the pain. 
•   Now allow yourself to give your pain over to Hashem. Use your hands to scoop your pain out of your body and upward, while imagining that you are giving your pain over to Hashem, letting go, letting G-dKeep breathing into your pain and gradually become aware of how it’s slowly releasing
•   Check if the intensity of your pain has lessened on the scale from 1-10. If it has, mentally thank Hashem for this relief!
•   Now focus on the benefits you have gained from your loved one. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure of the giftsshe has given you. You may focus on one specific gift that has given you special pleasureWhile it is much more natural to focus on the bad, let’s try to ask similar questions about the pleasure your loved one has given you. 
•  What did she give you that made you so happy? What exactly causes you to feel all this pleasure? Is this good feeling constant or off and on? Can you strengthen and amplify this loving feeling? Is it sweet or fragrant? Is it a soft or fuzzy feeling? Does your feeling of joy have a color? Where in the body does it reside? 
•   Place your hands on the place in your body where your joy especially resides and see if you can breathe this joy into other parts of your body. Breathe your joy into your heart! Breathe it into your head! Breathe this pleasure into your stomach and all the way down to your toes. Become aware of how your entire body is tingling with pleasure. 
• “Remove evil through doing good!” (Tehillim 34:15) – Remove grudges through gratitude. Perhaps now it would be difficult to even feel the pain caused by what your loved one had done or said against you. When you try to examine its number on a scale from 1-10 you may find that the pain has almost totally subsided. 
• Yeah! You are succeeding in shifting your pain of unforgiveness by focusing on your gratitude. You are accepting your loved one’s weakness, as we all know that no one is perfect. Now you can begin to experience how your loved one’s gifts outweigh the pain she has caused you. You are finally on the path to total forgiveness! 
•   Forgiveness begins with recognizing we’re all human and it is human to err. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Forgiveness clears your mind of doubts, worries, and distractions, and restores your sanity and peace of mind.Thank Hashem for the gift of forgiveness!