Parashat Bo: How Does Taking Gold from the Egyptian Exile Bring About Redemption?

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Parashat Bo
How Does Taking Gold from the Egyptian Exile Bring About Redemption?

How Does Filtering the Values from Our Exile Speed Up the Redemption Process?

While I wish to have been born a Sabra, I acknowledge that I brought with me to Israel many important virtues from the land of my birth. Although Avraham was told to leave his country, birthplace, and father’s house behind, I believe he was to extract the good points he had received from there and bring them to the Land of Israel. Apparently, filtering is a great part of my life’s mission. That is to take what you have learned from the general world and sift it through a Torah sifter. For example, cleanliness is a value I take with me from the country of my birth and my parents’ home. Cleanliness is one of the ten virtues mentioned in the Talmud (Avodah Zarah 20b) quoted in the Path of the Upright by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. It is a mitzvah to clean our home in honor of Shabbat, and when we live in an organized and clean environment, we can work more efficiently in serving Hashem. Where I grew up the Privet hedge was always trimmed to the T, the garbage was never overflowing, and you wouldn’t find even one cigarette stub on the ground. The grass seemed perpetually green and freshly mowed, the flowerbeds were weeded, and the fringes of the carpets were combed. Perhaps you can imagine the rest. The great mindfulness of the details of taking care of things, cleaning up as we go, and keeping our home and environment together is a birthright that I bring with me from Europe to the Middle Eastern melting pot of muddled cultures. However, when orderliness and cleanliness (or anything else) become a value for its own sake, it misses the mark. If a mother is so obsessed with tidying the mess that she will yell mercilessly at her kids; and is too preoccupied with spotlessness to spend quality time with them, then cleanliness becomes a detriment to the Torah way of life. Therefore, I have filtered the aspiration to maintain the kind of impeccable home I grew up in. I have perhaps preserved about 70-80% to allow other more internal values to override the endeavor for cleanliness when needed. Based on my experience and the Torah I have learned, the main reasons why the Jewish people had to be scattered in exile throughout the four corners of the earth is to redeem the good sparks of truth from all these places and return them to the Holy Land. We are now at the culmination point of this long-winded process. The more sparks of exile we receive, the sooner complete redemption will occur.

How do We Redeem the Sparks Entrapped Within All Reality?

There are seventy aspects (literally faces) of the Torah (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 13:15), each correspond to the good points of one of the seventy nations. When it states that “The people of Israel were exiled amongst the nations only so that converts might be added to them” (Babylonian Talmud, Pesachim 87b), it refers to more than actual converts. On the simple level, this dictum does refer to the many non-Jews – who, through coming in contact with the Jewish people dispersed in various exiles – have been inspired to convert to Judaism. However, according to the inner dimensions of the Torah, the Talmud also refers to the sparks of holiness contained within the physical creation. They too can be considered different types of soul-sparks that are transformed and elevated through our exiles: As the Arizal teaches, every object, force, and phenomenon in existence has a spark of Divine holiness within it that constitutes its spiritual essence and soul (See for example Sefer Etz Chayim 26, Chapter 1 42, Sefer Halikutim Chapter 36). Just as we can only stay alive as long as our soul is infused within our body, without the Divine spark keeping anything in the physical world alive nothing would be able to exist. Yet not everything in existence is in line with the Torah or beneficial to the world. This is because the Divine spark is encased in a coarse husk concealing its light. To reveal the light, we must extract the sparks from their captivity. So how do you redeem the sparks entrapped within all reality? When we employ an item or even a certain mode of operation in the service of Hashem, we crack open its material shell, revealing and actualizing its Divine essence. Hashem dispersed us across the face of earth, so that we may come in contact with the sparks of holiness that await redemption. We all have our personal scattered sparks that are slivers of our greater selves. Only when we have redeemed all the sparks specifically related to our souls can we reach our completion.  This explains why people may be guided to move from place to place, job to job, coming across various people and possessions. While it may seem random, it is by Divine Supervision to allow us to light upon things intimately connected with our soul mission (Based on the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Meaningfullife.com). Now in the new month of Shevat, we are especially called upon to elevate the sparks in food by infusing our before and after-bracha with mindful intention.

What Does Elevating Sparks Have to Do with Parashat Bo?  

ספר שמות פרק יא פסוק א וַיֹּאמֶר הַשֵׁם אֶל משֶׁה עוֹד נֶגַע אֶחָד אָבִיא עַל פַּרְעֹה וְעַל מִצְרַיִם אַחֲרֵי כֵן יְשַׁלַּח אֶתְכֶם מִזֶּה כְּשַׁלְּחוֹ כָּלָה גָּרֵשׁ יְגָרֵשׁ אֶתְכֶם מִזֶּה: (ב) דַּבֶּר נָא בְּאָזְנֵי הָעָם וְיִשְׁאֲלוּ אִישׁ מֵאֵת רֵעֵהוּ וְאִשָּׁה מֵאֵת רְעוּתָהּ כְּלֵי כֶסֶף וּכְלֵי זָהָב:

“Then G-d said to Moshe, One more plague shall I bring upon Pharaoh and Egypt - thereafter he shall banish you from here; when he lets you go he will banish you completely from here. Speak then, please, in the ears of the people, and let each person ask of his neighbor, and each woman of her neighbor, vessels of silver and vessels of gold” (Shemot 11:1-2)

Rashi explains that the word נָא/na – ‘please’ always implies a request. G-d requests “Please give them this message, so that the righteous Avraham will not have grounds to claim that I did not keep My promise of “thereafter they will leave with great possessions.’” Yet, for the Israelites leaving Egypt was a great traumatic struggle both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Amassing gold and silver would deter and delay the Exodus and even endanger them to fall into the fiftieth gate of impurity from which there is no escape. Wouldn’t Avraham Avinu prefer that his descendants escape the iron furnace of Egypt in the quickest, safest way rather than having to be deterred by gathering gold and silver?  The Talmud gives us a clue about the importance of the Children of Israel leaving Egypt with valuables. Rabbi Yossi ben Hanina said, “Why is it written: ‘I will remove his blood from his mouth, and his detestable things from between his teeth. This, too, shall remain to our G-d…’ (Zechariah 9:7). ‘And I shall remove his blood from his mouth’ - this refers to their house of worship of Karia (an Edomite idol); ‘and his abominations from between his teeth’ - this refers to their house of worship of Bamia (another Edomite idol). ‘This too shall remain to our G-d’ - these are the synagogues and study halls of Edom, in which the princes of Yehuda are destined to study Torah publicly” (Babylonian Talmud, Megillah 6a). The understanding of the Talmud is that not only are the princess of Yehuda to study Torah in what used to be temples for idol-worship, but they are also destined to extract the holy sparks even from the idol-worshipping gentiles which “shall remain to G-d.”  In the same vein, Moshe tells Pharaoh “You too shall give sacrifices and burnt offerings into our hands, and we will make them for Hashem our G-d” (Shemot 10:25). We shall take the Pesach sacrifice from that which is good in Egypt (Arizal, Etz Hada’at Tov, Parashat Bo); (Based on Removing the Sparks from Egypt, Harav Yehuda Amital zt"l, Summarized by Rav Yosef Zvi Rimon).

To Take or Not to Take the Gold of the Nations?

ספר שמות פרק יב פסוק לה וּבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל עָשׂוּ כִּדְבַר משֶׁה וַיִּשְׁאֲלוּ מִמִּצְרַיִם כְּלֵי כֶסֶף וּכְלֵי זָהָב וּשְׂמָלֹת:

 “The children of Israel did according to Moshes’ order, and they borrowed from the Egyptians silver objects, golden objects, and garments” (Shemot 12:35).

In the above verse, the children of Israel carried out the word of Moshe (Shemot 11:2), by requesting silver, gold, and garments from the Egyptians. The transfer of a significant portion of Egypt’s wealth to Israel had both material and spiritual importance. Besides being material payment for centuries of slave labor, Israel also had to extract the spiritual sparks of Egyptian culture and civilization. These sparks would be needed later for the Jewish establishment in the Land of Israel. Some of the gold Israel took from Egypt would later be used to construct the Mishkan while some of it would be used for the Golden Calf. It is not simple to sift through outside cultures or values in a way that we only pick the fruit while discarding the peel, which isn’t beneficial for us. The existential question of what gold from exile we bring with us and incorporate into the Land of Israel and what gold we discard remains for each of us to contemplate and determine. We must make deep Emunah the measuring stock of this filtration process for Israel’s national mission (Based on Rav Yehuda Hakohen, The Jewish Press, Bo: Israel’s Internal Transformation). Today, too, especially those of us deriving from the Western culture, some take everything – the good along with the bad – while others carefully refrain from taking anything. The correct balance is to select carefully and take only the good. If we take too much there is the danger of succumbing and becoming absorbed into the non-Jewish culture. Yet if we recoil into utter isolation within ourselves, we lose the Divine opportunity to redeem the sparks and return them to their Divine source in the Land of Israel and thereby bring about the final Geulah (redemption). 

Parashat Vayishlach: How do We Know that our Current Site of Kever Rachel is the Real Tomb of Rachel?

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Parashat Vayishlach
How do We Know that our Current Site of Kever Rachel is the Real Tomb of Rachel?

What Enabled the Tomb of Rachel to Remain in Jewish Hands?

Kever Rachel (the Tomb of Rachel) is one of my favorite holy places to pray. We are blessed to live so close to Kever Rachel, a barely 25-minute ride from Bat Ayin (without traffic). When I went for fertility treatments 29 years ago, I prayed there almost every day. This was during those old brave days of my youth before we had a bypass road. I would drive to Kever Rachel, pass ‘the refugee camp’ of Dehesa, and then drive a bit more toward Jerusalem, park my car on the roadside, and enter the holy atmosphere of Rachel’s tomb. There I would pour out my soul in the merit of Mama Rachel and cry from the deepest part of my heart to be blessed with the fruits of my womb. I learned to supplement my prayer with actions from Ya’aov, when he prepared to face Esav who didn’t behave like his brother. When going through challenges, we need to use three different methods, like Ya’acov who prayed to Hashem, sent a gift, and prepared for war (Rashi, Bereishit 32:9). While I kept praying strongly, I saw many Rabbis for blessings, gave tzedakah (gift), and went through the most sophisticated fertility treatments (war). Thank G-d, Hashem responded favorably to my histadlut (efforts) and answered my prayer with a beautiful baby boy. Since then, I keep praying at Kever Rachel whenever I can. It was there I prayed for a wife for my son and thank G-d! Hashem once again answered my prayer. Following the violence of the first Intifada involving numerous attacks by the so-called ‘Palestinians’ against Israeli civilians and security forces, Beit-Lechem was given to the Palestinian Authority, though Israel retained control of Rachel’s gravesite. Thus, Kever Rachel became the main connecting point between Gush Etzion and Jerusalem, linking Judea with Yerushalayim. I recall that at a certain point, Israel was on the verge of handing over the Tomb of Rachel to the PA as it was thought to be too dangerous a place to keep secure.  Thankfully we, the women of Gush Etzion didn’t let that happen. We mobilized ourselves and divided the week with each community of Gush women filling private buses to pray at Kever Rachel on a different weekday. This put pressure on the government to keep the Tomb of Rachel in Jewish hands. Thus in 1996 (incidentally, the year my son was born), Israel’s Ministry of Religion built a fortress around the tiny Kever Rachel structure, to secure it with two guard towers, three-foot thick concrete walls, and barbed wire. The construction effort endured Arab rioters and gunmen. While the new building differs greatly from the old romantic look of Kever Rachel that you can find in old paintings and photos, I am so grateful to have witnessed how Hashem responded favorably to women’s dedication to one of the important holy sites in the Land of Israel.

How can the Tomb of Rachel be Both in Beit-Lechem and in Binyamin’s Portion?

ספר בראשית פרק לה פסוק טז וַיִּסְעוּ מִבֵּית אֵל וַיְהִי עוֹד כִּבְרַת הָאָרֶץ לָבוֹא אֶפְרָתָה וַתֵּלֶד רָחֵל וַתְּקַשׁ בְּלִדְתָּהּ:

(יז) וַיְהִי בְהַקְשֹׁתָהּ בְּלִדְתָּהּ וַתֹּאמֶר לָהּ הַמְיַלֶּדֶת אַל תִּירְאִי כִּי גַם זֶה לָךְ בֵּן: (יח) וַיְהִי בְּצֵאת נַפְשָׁהּ כִּי מֵתָה וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ בֶּן אוֹנִי וְאָבִיו קָרָא לוֹ בִנְיָמִין: (יט) וַתָּמָת רָחֵל וַתִּקָּבֵר בְּדֶרֶךְ אֶפְרָתָה הִוא בֵּית לָחֶם:

“They journeyed from Beit El, and there was still some distance to come to Efrat, then Rachel gave birth, and her labor was difficult. It came to pass when she had such difficulty giving birth, that the midwife said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, for this one, too, is a son for you.’ It came to pass when her soul departed for she died that she named him Ben-oni, but his father called him Binyamin. So Rachel died, and she was buried on the road to Efrat, which is Beit-Lechem” (Bereishit 35:16-19).

The Torah indicates that Rachel was buried in Beit-Lechem on the road to Efrat, and that this is the place of Rachel’s tomb to this day. While I definitely sense the holiness of Kever Rachel, I always had a hard time reconciling its present-day location with the Midrash quoted by Rashi, that Ya’acov buried Rachel on the road rather than entering her to the city of Beit-Lechem due to the divine command so that she would be of assistance to her children when they were exiled to Babylonian. They would then pass by Rachel’s Tomb, and she would emerge from her grave and weep and beg mercy for them, as it is said: “A voice is heard on high [in Ramah], lamentation, bitter weeping, Rachel is weeping for her children” (Based on Rashi, Bereishit 48:7). When looking at a map it just doesn’t make sense that the Jewish exiles would go down to Beit-Lechem in the South, on their way to Babylon Northeast of Israel. Furthermore, Rabbi Meir states, [Rachel] died in her son’s territory (i.e. Eretz Binyamin) (Sifri Beracha 11, also quoted by Ramban, Bereishit 48:7). Yet, the Tanach teaches us that the Land of Binyamin is north of Jerusalem, whereas Beit-Lechem is south of Jerusalem in Yehuda’s portion (See Yehoshua 18:16; Megillat Ruth 1:1). Moreover, when Shaul came to the prophet Shemuel in Rama, he seems to be indicating to Shaul that Kever Rachel is a skip and a hop from Shemuel’s abode located at the edge of Binyamin’s land:

“When you leave me today, you will find two men by Rachel’s tomb, on the border of Binyamin and Zelzah. They will tell you, the donkeys which you went to seek were found. And your father has ceased to care about the donkeys, and has become anxious about you, saying, what shall I do about my son? Then shall you go on forward from there, and you shall come to Elon Tavor, and there you shall be found by three men going up to G-d to Beit-El…  (I Shemuel 10:2-3).

The words of the prophet when describing Rachel’s crying for her children is another support that Rachel’s tomb is near Shemuel’s dwelling in Rama:

“So says Hashem: A voice is heard in Rama, lamentation, bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children, she refuses to be comforted for her children for they are not” (Yirmeyahu 31:14).

The Tomb of Rachel is Described as a Stage in Shaul’s Spiritual Progression

1. How can Rachel’s Tomb be in Beit-Lechem (South of Jerusalem) while also in Binyamin’s territory      (North of Jerusalem)?

2. If Shemuel indicates that Kever Rachel is near his abode in Ramah, and in Binyamin’s portion how can it be in Beit-Lechem (Yehuda’s portion)?

3. If Yirmeyahu states that Rachel’s weeping is heard in Ramah (north Jerusalem) how can she be buried in Beit-Lechem?

4. Why would the Jewish exiles on their way to Babylon (Northeast) pass by Rachel’s tomb in Beit-Lechem (South)?

So how do we resolve all these difficulties in determining the true location of Rachel’s Tomb?

    1. The statement that Rachel was buried in her son’s territory (Sifri Beracha 11), can be understood in the light of the fluidity of the borders in the Torah, different from the fixed barriers we have today.  For example, Kiriat-Ye’arim is included in Yehuda’s portion in Yehoshua 15:9,60, while three chapters later it is listed as one of the cities of Binyamin (Yehoshua 18:28). When examined closely, Rabbi Meir’s statement is not an attempt to relocate Kever Rachel north of Yerushalayim; rather, it is an expansion of Binaymin’s borders to include the area of Beit-Lechem in the future. The context of the Sifri is not about the location of Kever Rachel; but about the defining in whose tribe the Beit HaMikdash is located. At the time of Shaul, the border may have shifted to the south and west of Jerusalem.

    2. The mention of Kever Rachel in the book of Shemuel doesn’t necessarily negate its southern location. When Shmuel mentions Kever Rachel, rather than referring to a geographic marker, he describes Shaul’s spiritual ascent to Kingdom. Shaul grows from a “donkey-seeker” to a man imbued with the spirit of G-d. Meeting two men from Kever Rachel is the first of Shaul’s three-step progression of spiritual development which culminates in prophesy as it states: 

“You shall meet a company of prophets coming down from the high place with a lute, and a tambourine, and a pipe, and a lyre, before them; and they shall prophesy; And the spirit of Hashem will come upon you, and you shall prophesy with them, and shall be turned into another man (I Shemuel 10:6).

The current presence of these men at the Tomb of Rachel is not a way for him to find them – for they won’t be there (south of Yerushalayim) when Sha’ul meets them; rather, they will be coming north, from Rachel’s Tomb, and Sha’ul will meet them at Zelzah (wherever that is).  The final phrase – and [you] shall be turned into another man – is the goal and summation of the entire process (Dr. Yoel Elitzur (Sinai #92, Fall 1982, pp. 35-45).  I thought of another spiritual perspective on why Shemuel mentioned Kevurat Rachel to Shaul as the first step in his spiritual transformation to “be turned into another man.” Shaul is a direct descendant of Binyamin, and Rachel is his mother. Therefore, as his first step of transformation from a regular person to becoming the first King of Israel imbued with prophetic spirit he needs to receive Mama Rachel’s blessings. Therefore, he must return to his original mother, Rachel, in anticipation of his spiritual rebirth.

How Would the Jewish Exiles Pass by Rachel’s Tomb on Their Way to Babylon?

    3. When Yirmeyahu mentions Rachel’s voice of lamentation in Ramah it doesn’t prove that she was buried in that location. First of all, the word Ramah can also mean ‘high place,’ and thus Chabad and others translate Yirmeyahu 31:14 as “A voice is heard on high…”  Ramban notices that it doesn’t state that the voice emanated from Ramah, he explains: “I have also seen that Rachel’s grave is not in Ramah nor near it, [as the plain meaning of the verse in Yirmeyahu 31:14 seems to indicate: A voice is heard in Ramah… Rachel weeping for her children.]  Instead, I say that the verse is a metaphor, in the manner of rhetorical expression, that Rachel wept so loudly and bitterly that her voice was heard from afar in Ramah, which was on top of the mountain of [the territory of] her son Binyamin. She cried for her children who went into exile because they were not there, and she was desolate of them. Thus, Scripture does not say, “In Ramah, Rachel weeps for her children.” but it says that the voice was heard there (Ramban 35:16).

    4. Ya’akov’s decision to bury Rachel on the road to be a sentinel for the exiles who would pass by does not necessarily invalidate the location of Rachel’s tomb near Beit-Lechem. The following beautiful Midrash clarifies Ya’acov’s reasons for burying his beloved wife on the roadside:

I buried her there. Why? It was known to Ya’akov, that ultimately the Beit haMikdash (Temple) would be destroyed and his children would go into exile, and they would go to the patriarchs [in Chevron] begging the patriarchs to pray for them, but they wouldn’t help them. Once on the road, they would come and embrace Kever Rachel, and she would stand and beg G-d’s compassion… (P’sikta 2:3). This midrash solves my quandary about how Beit-Lechem could be on the way from Israel to the Babylonian exile. When coming northward from Chevron you certainly must pass Kever Rachel in Beit-Lechem.

The Tomb of Rachel – The Primary Place for Prayer in Pain

Rachel represents the Jewish nation in trouble, just as Rachel herself was when Binyamin was born. This is why we all seek the shoulder of her tomb to cry on when we are in distress. I was very moved when reading the following midrash in its entirety (See Sefer HaYashar, Book of Bereishit, Vayeshev 8), about how Yosef prayed at his mother’s tomb on his way to Egypt. Here is a short summary: The first person to pray at Rachel’s tomb was her eldest son, Yosef, who was only 7 when his mother died. When he was 17, his brothers sold him into slavery. As he was being carried away to Egypt, he broke away from his captors, ran to his mother’s grave, and cried to her: “Mother, my mother who gave birth to me, wake up, arise and see my suffering.” “Do not fear,” he heard his mother answer. “Go with them, and G‑d will be with you.” Since Yosef’s brothers sold him in Shechem, Beit-Lechem, in the south of Israel, is certainly on the way to Egypt. Kever Rachel is one of the first resting places mentioned in the Torah where Jews would come to and pour out their soul in prayer.

Kever Rachel in Beit-Lechem – The Epitome of Praying at the Tombs of the Righteous

ספר בראשית פרק לה פסוק כ וַיַּצֵּב יַעֲקֹב מַצֵּבָה עַל קְבֻרָתָהּ הִוא מַצֶּבֶת קְבֻרַת רָחֵל עַד הַיּוֹם:

“Then Ya’acov erected a monument on her grave; that is the tombstone of Rachel until this day” (Bereishit 35:20).

When Ya’acov buried Rachel, each of his sons took a stone and placed it on her grave. Ya’acov then took a large stone and placed it on top of all the other stones. Thus, was formed the first monument on her grave. The stone of Ya’acov was on all of them since they placed 12 stones one on top of the other. Therefore, it says the pillar of the burial of Rachel  (Midrash Lekach Tov, Bereishit 35:20:2). This is one of the reasons for the custom of placing a stone upon a grave after visiting it. Thus, Rachel’s tomb – where we shed our tears – became the resting place that exemplifies our customs regarding all Jewish gravesites. Kever Rachel in Beit-Lechem encompasses the epitome of the minhag to pray at the tombs of the righteous. Let us keep praying at Kever Rachel for victory and lasting peace in the merit of Mama Rachel. “There is hope for your future, says Hashem, and the children shall return to their own [secure] border!” (Yirmeyahu 31:16). 

How do we Enact a Spiritual Exodus to Heal the Traumas of Exile?

Parashat Beshalach
How do we Enact a Spiritual Exodus to Heal the Traumas of Exile? 

Is there a Connection between the Three Primal Fears and Jewish Mothers’ Syndrome?
In my spiritual healing course, I recently led a workshop about The Three Archetypal (Primal) Fears, based on a teaching from Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh (Body Mind and Soul, pp. 91-118). This teaching traces the origins of disease back to the three core traumas of the Jewish people. The main fear of the collective consciousness of the psyche of Israel is the fear of exile, the communal state of disease. The Talmud likens the three major exiles of the Jewish people – Egyptian, Babylonian, and present (the exile of Edom) – to a man being attacked by a wolf, a lion, and a serpent, respectively (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 13a). The Jewish people have lived for thousands of years with these three archetypical fears. We have been traumatized by each of the exiles, which has left a different spiritual scar on our souls. These scars derive from our collective unconscious, yet they also express themselves on an individual level – each person experiences different ‘collective childhood wounds’ according to her particular predicament and tikkun (rectification). My workshop elicited the following heartfelt question from one of the participants: “I have a question that may relate back to the Three Primal Fears. I was speaking with a friend who observed something I have also noticed, which is the difficulty of some Jewish mothers to letting go of their almost adult and adult children. This tendency expresses itself on many different levels, including the inability to accept the adult children’s decisions and lifestyles, causing many Jewish mothers to become over-critical and questioning without focusing on the good positive points of our children. I’m curious about how the three fears we were learning about might be affecting this pattern. Also, I am looking for my resources to respond in a way that is healing to the person and the system. Any thoughts?

Summary of the Three Primal Fears and Their Emotional Derivatives
The Trauma of the Egyptian Exile Corresponds to the Wolf
Before we attempt to answer this very thoughtful question, let us briefly clarify the concept of the Three Primal Fears. The trauma of the Egyptian exile corresponds to the archetypical Wolf – which represents the fear of rape. Rape can also be extended to emotional and psychological violation – experiencing someone else invading our personal space physically and/or psychologically. The syndrome of the fear of the Wolf thus includes various power struggles, control issues, and co-dependence. This is a residue of slavery in Egypt. The slavery experience elicited the fear of not being in control. There is a link between the Egyptian exile and the wolf – זְאֵב /ze’ev, its gematria (numerical value) being 10, corresponding to the Ten Plagues of Egypt. 

The Trauma of the Babylonian Exile Corresponds to the Lion

The fear of the Lion is the fear of murder elicited by the Babylonian exile through which our Temple – Lifeline – was destroyed. In its wake, innumerable Jews were cruelly massacred. This fear can be extended to the general fear of death and of the unknown. It is also the fear of being consumed, expressed through the feeling of being overwhelmed that there is not enough of us to handle everything in life. This fear is a residue of the trauma of all the countless nations that persecuted and murdered us.

The Trauma of the Current Edomite Exile Corresponds to the Serpent
The fear of the Serpent represents the fear of sin and insanity – the fear of losing our mind due to sin. “No one commits a sin unless he has been overtaken by temporary insanity…” (Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 3a). The primordial serpent tempted Chava to eat from the Tree, by confusing her mind regarding Hashem’s command. Amalek, the direct descendent of Esav, and the ancestor of the Roman Empire – is the incarnation of the primordial serpent. The gematria of עֲמָלֵק/Amalek is 240, which equals סָפֵק/safek – ‘doubt,’ indecision, insecurity, confusion, paranoia. The venom of Amalek seeks to cause our soul to lose its mind. This syndrome is the root of all mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar, eating disorders, personality disorders, and much more. In our time we witness an incredible increase in the list of mental disorders, just beginning with the letter “A” we find antisocial behavior, anorexia, autism, Alzheimer’s, and more.  

The Three Primal Fears as Expressed Through Jewish Mother’s Syndrome
So how does Jewish Mother’s Syndrome which many of us struggle with connect with the Three Primal Fears? It seems to me that somehow all three primal fears are at play to various degrees in Jewish mothers’ fear of letting go of their adult children.

Fear of the Wolf expresses itself through the primary fear of losing control, which makes it difficult to let go of our adult children. We are gripped by this fear when we have no idea of where our adult child may be and when s/he will return. When they return after midnight our heart may be pounding that perhaps something happened to them… G-d forbid… Our fear of losing control over our adult children is an irrational fear as we have already lost that control, years ago. Therefore, this fear of losing control is only causing ourselves unnecessary sleepless nights, and therefore it is time to learn to trust and overcome this fear.

Fear of the Lion – the fear of death – is expressed through the fear of what could happen to our children if we let go of taking care of them. We are afraid that without our care, they may not take proper care of themselves. The helicopter mom’s fear is not only the fear and concern for their adult children’s health but also the fear for their lives. They fear something terrible could happen to them when they do x y or z. Although this is a rational fear and often our adult children won’t make themselves the kind of nutritious food that we offer, they also may leave the house for hours during the cold winter night without a hat or a jacket. Even if their neglect of themselves may cause them to become sick, G-d forbid, nevertheless, we must work on allowing them to learn the hard way from their own experiences and mistakes.

Fear of the Serpent is the fear of not being able to understand and remain close to our children. We are afraid that our adult children will grow apart from us as they form their own outlooks and way of life. Their possible rejection of our path may be painful, and we may feel lost and left out when they no longer admire us or accept our advice. Especially in our time, everything moves and changes so fast that it is hard for older adults to keep pace with all the modern technology that our children are involved in. At times we are afraid that their new path may be corrupt and impede their integrity and eternity. Looking back to the time when we ourselves were young adults may afford us a bit of relief. We may have considered our parents backward and old-fashioned, but later we relearned to respect and endear them. When we accept the temporary distance as being only a phase in our young adult child’s life, we can develop patience and acceptance of both our children, ourselves, and the situation. 

Letting go of Fears and Allowing Our Children to Grow into Independence
All our fears concerning our adult children are damaging not only to ourselves but also to them. Our children need the freedom to not always share their inner thoughts with their mom. Young adults need the spontaneity of not being compelled to tell their moms where they are at any given moment and when they plan to return. They also need independence to learn how to take care of themselves. Since we cannot take care of our children for the rest of their lives, there must be an appropriate gradual cutting point that is right for them, rather than determined by our fear. Yet, due to our worries, they feel torn and may even feel guilty when they cannot always act in ways that will assuage our fears and worries. Therefore, when we work on healing our primary fears and traumas, we are not only engendering personal healing, rather we have the opportunity to heal our collective traumas by breaking the pattern of our collective fears affecting not only our children but all generations to come.

ספר ישעיה פרק יא פסוק ו

וְגָר זְאֵב עִם כֶּבֶשׂ וְנָמֵר עִם גְּדִי יִרְבָּץ וְעֵגֶל וּכְפִיר וּמְרִיא יַחְדָּו וְנַעַר קָטֹן נֹהֵג בָּם: (ז) וּפָרָה וָדֹב תִּרְעֶינָה יַחְדָּו יִרְבְּצוּ יַלְדֵיהֶן וְאַרְיֵה כַּבָּקָר יֹאכַל תֶּבֶן: (ח) וְשִׁעֲשַׁע יוֹנֵק עַל חֻר פָּתֶן וְעַל מְאוּרַת צִפְעוֹנִי גָּמוּל יָדוֹ הָדָה:

“The wolf shall dwell with the lamb… The lion shall eat straw like the cow. A suckling shall play at the hole of the serpent. And a weaned child shall put his hands on the serpent’s nest” (Yesha’yahu 11:6-8).

EmunaHealing Exercise for Letting go of Our Adult Child and Restore Sanity
1. Find a private comfortable space and pay attention to your breath. Inhale to a count of 7, hold your breath for a count of 4, and exhale to a count of 8. Repeat this sequence three times.
2. Now, allow your breath to find its own pace. Keep breathing naturally and notice that you are entering a calmer space.
3. Tune into a situation where you felt lonely and left out by your adult child. Tap into your worries and self-doubts induced by the fear of the insanity of the Primordial Serpent.
4. Place your hands on your forehead and visualize Hashem being with you in this situation, assuring you that He is with you in your loneliness. He is always with you at every moment and every situation.
5. Breathe into the awesome light of Hashem’s presence. Recognize that there is a power beyond our own limited way of viewing reality. To overcome mental distortion, we need to transcend our own limited self-image, and preoccupation with self and develop awe for Hashem bringing us beyond our personal problems.
6. Examine your feelings and thoughts. What does it feel like when you feel detached from your children? Do you feel hurt? What thoughts were you thinking at the time? Can you begin to think differently? Can you be with your adult children and love them, without looking to them as your source of happiness?
7. Can you learn to be alone without being lonely? Can you overcome your fear of the Serpent by learning to love yourself enough that you can become your own best companion?
8. Place your hands on your heart and breathe into the belief in a loving G-d – the source of all goodness.  Tune into your inherent emunah (faith) in Hashem: Breathe into the truth that there is nothing besides Him. He gives life to the entire world at every moment. Without Him there is no life.
9. Your adult children don’t exist solely to fill the void of your unmet needs. Do you need the love and admiration of children and grandchildren to be happy? Allow yourself to meet your own needs by loving yourself sufficiently, to bring more peace and satisfaction.
10. Can you let go of your need to be needed? Your desire to feel that your nurturing love produces an effect – a child who loves us back. Can you let go of the picture in your mind of your child and how s/he will fulfill your needs and desires?
11. Allow yourself to strengthen the emunah in your heart to overcome your fear of the Lion – the fear of death – the fear of the unknown and the unknowable.
12. Keep breathing while placing your hands on your belly. Can you let go and let Hashem take over control? Strengthen your bitachon (trust in G-d) by realizing that ultimately no one else is totally in control of anything.
13. Recite internally inside of your guts: “Only Hashem leads, guides, supervises. Whatever I have is from Him. I’m ready to overcome the fear of the Wolf by realizing that I cannot control my children. Whatever happens to them is from Hashem for their and our ultimate good.
14. We sometimes forget that when we can view our adult children with some detachment when our reactions to them are no longer based on expectations or being dependent on them, we are then able to love them fully and freely.
15. Breathe into the acceptance that your adult child is not here to complete you, give you a fulfilled life, or meet your needs. Allow your fears of losing control, death, and insanity to melt away so you begin to heal the collective traumas of our people and thereby learn to genuinely love.