Parashat Yitro: What is the connection between Honoring Our Parents and Eretz Yisrael?

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Parashat Yitro
What is the connection between Honoring Our Parents and Eretz Yisrael? 

Does Honoring Parents Override Keeping the Mitzvah of Living in Israel?

When I became a Ba’alat Teshuva (returnee to the Torah) in 1980, the question of whether moving to Israel would infringe upon the mitzvah to honor my parents did not cross my mind. First of all, the concept of honoring parents was quite novel to me, and secondly, my new Torah observance was so intertwined with living in the Torah community I was part of in Jerusalem, that even entertaining the thought of leaving Israel would be tantamount to leaving the Torah and thus cutting myself off from true life as it states: “For that is your life and the length of your days, to dwell on the land which Hashem swore to your forefathers to Avraham, to Yitzchak, and to Ya’acov to give to them” (Devarim 30:20). My husband-to-be had joined the Yeshiva community in between completing medical school and carrying out his internship. His parents, who had pinned great hopes upon their only son’s medical career, insisted that he return to the States to fulfill his internship and his conditional scholarship to work in a physician shortage area. His dilemma elicited a heated discussion in the Yeshiva, regarding whether the mitzvot to live in Israel and learn Torah override the mitzvah of honoring parents. Our Rabbi ruled that the former overrides the latter. As support for his ruling, the Rabbi quoted Rashi’s commentary on: “Every man shall fear his mother and his father, but you shall observe My Shabbats. I am Hashem, your G-d” (Vayikra 19:3). This verse implies that although we must fear our parents, we must nevertheless keep Shabbat; thus, should a parent ask the child to violate Shabbat, the laws of Shabbat override the parents’ wishes as the Talmud states, “Although I have admonished you regarding the fear of your father, nevertheless, if he tells you to desecrate the Shabbat, do not listen to him. This is also the case with all the [other] mitzvot.  (Babylonian Talmud, Baba Metzia 32a). Our Rabbi taught us that based on the above, even if our parents request that we leave Israel, the mitzvot of living in Israel and learning Torah supersede their request. Due to following this ruling, to this day, we still – 45 years later – live on our homestead in Gush Etzion. We, our two sons and four granddaughters, who grew up here in Israel, have no intentions to leave our homeland. Had we heeded my in-laws’ demand to return to the US who knows whether we would be keeping the Torah today? 

By Honoring our Parents, we Acknowledge and Honor Hashem – Our Ultimate Parent

A classical question is why the fifth commandment to honor our parents is placed on the first tablet describing the five mitzvot between man and G-d when it seems to belong to the category of the mitzvot on the second tablet dealing with the five commandments between man and man. The well-known answer is that although honoring our parents is essentially an obligation between people, it is also related to G-d since there are three partners in the team bringing about the birth of a child. “There are three partners in the creation of a person: The Holy One, Blessed be He, his father, and his mother. His father emits the white seed…  His mother emits red seed…  And the Holy One, Blessed be He, inserts into him a spirit, a soul, astral energy field (countenance), eyesight, hearing of the ear, the capability of speech of the mouth, the capability of walking with the legs, understanding, and wisdom… (Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 31a). If I respect my father and mother who are the ones who created my physical body – which will eventually wither and die – how much more must I honor my Father in Heaven, who granted me with the superior component, my eternal soul! (Kli Yakar, Shemot 20:12). Our parents are merely junior partners with G-d in the creation of life. They did not actually bring us into the world, they only planted a seed in the ground. Yet the Divine power alone is capable of transforming the seed into a living and breathing being. Thus, when we honor our parents, we all the more so honor G-d, the true Creator, Who provides our life and soul (Based on Ramban, Shemot 20:12). By commanding us to honor our parents, G-d informs us that each and every individual exists due to His specific will. If we, as individuals, were created by chance, there would be no reason to honor parents. Therefore, when we honor our parents, it is considered as honoring G-d Himself, for by honoring them we demonstrate our awareness of G-d’s involvement in our own creation (Maharal, Tiferet Yisrael, Chapter 41).  Thus, respecting our parents enables us to acknowledge and appreciate that it is ultimately G-d who brought us into existence, and sustains and guides the world.

Why is the Reward for Honoring Parents Specifically a Long Life in the Land of Israel?

ספר שמות פרק כ פסוק יב כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ לְמַעַן יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ עַל הָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ נֹתֵן לָךְ:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days be lengthened on the land that Hashem, your G-d, is giving you” (Shemot 20:12).

The reward of a long life is promised specifically “on the land that Hashem, your G-d, is giving you.” Not only is the reward for honoring parents to live a long life, the reward also includes the privilege of living in the promised land. This second lesser-known reward for honoring parents is surely no less valuable than the first. But what is the connection between honoring parents and being fortunate to live in the land of Israel?  By honoring our parents, we demonstrate the humility to understand that the world did not originate with us, rather, we acknowledge that Hashem runs every detail of this world. Being a Divine mitzvah it is appropriate that its reward be realized in Hashem’s Land together with His chosen people in Eretz Yisrael. G-d created the world, and when it suited Him, He allowed temporary control of the Land to the Canaanites until the Jewish people fulfilled the divine mitzvah of conquering the Promised Land, which He had granted us eternally (Rashi, Bereishit 1:1). Since then – a period of approximately 3300 years – the Land has never been devoid of Jews. “If it were possible that the Children of Israel would be completely absent from the Land of Israel, G-d forbid, that Hashem would do this, for He has already promised that He will never completely wipe out or uproot the Jewish nation, then there would be no possibility of calculating the months or declaring leap years” (Rambam, Sefer HaMitzvot, Positive Mitzvah 153). Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch explains the connection between honoring parents and the reward of long life specifically in the land of Israel by adding the national element. Honoring our parents is a necessary condition for Am Yisrael to be able to remain within Eretz Yisrael. This is so because recognizing our personal roots will lead to recognizing our national roots, which are cast deep within the Land of Israel. This connects the reward for honoring our parents with a long life specifically in Eretz Yisrael; for it is not simply a matter of our individual length of days, but that of our entire nation. Honoring parents stems from recognizing that we are part of the Jewish people who have been planted deeply within the Land since time immemorial. Our nation’s yearning for the Land has not changed and will never change throughout the generations. Thus, the Torah teaches that the reward for honoring parents is longevity specifically in the Land of Israel (Based on Nir Shaul, presented by Yedidya Solomon, Honoring Parents and Eretz Yisrael).

Honoring Parents Confirms the Transmission of the Torah Fully Applicable in Israel

Honoring parents highlights the importance of each previous generation’s role in transmitting the Jewish tradition. It makes us aware of our place in the world, understanding that we are merely like dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants, with the previous generations having built towers of Torah and of faith and imbued Am Yisrael with sanctity. This outlook brings us to recognize the true historical connection between the Nation and the Land of Israel. Since our faith is based on the transmission of our ancestors; disrespect for parents would be disrespect for the tradition they bequeath to us, G-d forbid. In my weekly Kuzari class, we just discussed the importance of proving the truth of the Torah. The Jewish people knew about the Exodus, Hashem’s miracles during the desert wandering, the giving of the Torah, and leading the Israelites to the promised land, originally from personal experience, and afterward through uninterrupted tradition, (from parents to children) which is equal to the former (Rabbi Yehuda Halevi, The Kuzari 1:31). The prerequisite to accepting traditions from our ancestors is honoring our parents, the bearers of those traditions. The mitzvah of honoring parents is the fact that the very basis of our faith is what has been transmitted to us by our parents and ancestors, as it is written “Recall the days of old, ponder the years of each generation. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders and they will speak to you” (Devarim 32:7). We can only accept the traditions that we receive from our ancestors if we have an attitude of respect toward them (Based on Abarbanel, Shemot 20:12). Likewise, the more contemporary Torah scholar Rabbi David Elimelech Yoles conveys  a similar outlook. We received our faith from our parents and ancestors who transmitted to us the miracles and wonders that G-d performed for us during the Exodus from Egypt, in the desert, and at the revelation at Sinai. Therefore, showing disregard toward our parents and ancestors undermines the strength of the tradition we receive, for how can we know that our faith is true if we disrespect those who have transmitted it? (Sefer Keren le’David, Yitro). The ultimate purpose and destination of our uninterrupted tradition is its complete fulfillment in the Divinely imbued Holy Land: The mitzvot are primarily for those who dwell in the Land of Hashem.  “We were commanded to take possession of the Land that G-d, may He be blessed, gave to our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchak, and Ya’acov; and we must not leave it in the hands of any other nation or let it remain desolate” (Addendum to Rambam’s Sefer HaMitzvot, Positive Commandment 4).

Honoring our Ancestors Entitles us to Our Ancestral Promise of Inheriting the Land

Although the mitzvah of honoring our parents is a rational, humanistic mitzvah, it is still connected – like all other mitzvot – specifically to Eretz Yisrael. Therefore, through promising the reward “that your days will be lengthened upon the land that Hashem, your G-d is giving you,” the Torah emphasizes that even mitzvot such as honoring our parents apply especially to Eretz Yisrael. When we observe the early tradition (of honoring our parents), we will be worthy of the rightful privilege of the early ones, which Hashem communicated to Avraham initially, “Go forth from your land ... to the land that I will show you ... To your offspring I will give this land” (Bereishit 12:1-7); “For all the land that you see, to you I will give it, and to your descendants forever” (Ibid. 13:15). This commitment was repeated to all the patriarchs. If Israel will honor the heritage of the patriarchs, the Divine promise regarding their connection to Eretz Yisrael will be fulfilled, and they will live long lives, “upon the land that Hashem, your G-d is giving you” (Rav Mordechai Greenberg, The Reward for Honoring Parents and Eretz Yisrael). As a reward for honoring our parents, we become honored to live an upright life in our homeland also called our Motherland and Fatherland. In a certain sense, the land of Israel is our parent, as all human souls are created at the Temple Mount. The Temple below is connected to the Temple above. From this place, the souls descend and ascend on the ladder (Kli Yakar, Bereishit 12:1). Perhaps we can explain that had the reward for honoring parents been merely longevity without the promise to live in the Land of Israel, it would have been a merely quantitative rather than qualitative promise, for a life lived in exile cannot be compared to the goodness of living in the Promised Land, as no life is as worthy as that lived in Eretz Yisrael. Rather than bowing our heads with a hunched over back through the effect of millennia of exile antisemitism, here in Israel we live to see the fulfillment of the prayer, “May the Merciful One break the yoke of exile from our neck, and may He lead us upright to our land” (Grace after Meals). 

What is the Inherent Connection between Giving Wholeheartedly and Encountering G-d?

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Parashat Teruma

What is the Inherent Connection between Giving Wholeheartedly and Encountering G-d?

What is the Importance of Offering Others the Opportunity to Give?

The question came up, “When are the happiest times of your life?” The answer of most people may be similar to mine. I always feel happiest when imparting meaningful creations to others. Whether I’m using my skills and creativity to write insightful teachings to share with the world, or whether I’m feeding my youngest granddaughter homemade applesauce from the apple tree growing in our backyard, or when teaching my students new ideas in the Torah. We feel the greatest feeling of fulfillment in life when we are contributing to others. I always resonated with the teaching that “more than the householder does for the poor, the poor person does for the householder…” (Midrash Vayikra Rabbah 34:8). From here we learn the importance of receiving because that way we are allowing others to give. The Hebrew word וְנָתְנוּ/venatnu – “they shall give” is a palindrome that reads the same forward and backward. This teaches us that the greatest gift we can give others is the opportunity to give. Thus, I encourage my students to feel comfortable receiving Shabbat invitations. As a teenager, I chose to go to The Free Gymnasium, a high school where the students help run the school. Now I allow my students to express their talents and abilities to actively contribute to the running of our midrasha. Students with Jewish day school backgrounds help tutor beginners, and others help garden and upkeep the campus, others again clean,paint, and decorate. I even have a student helping in the administration. Instead of hiring a cook as in most seminaries, all our students take turns cooking wholesome meals for the group. They really enjoy implying their creativity in preparingbeautiful well-received meals.  I also periodically encourage students to research and present their own deep creations. Their insightful and creative presentations always take away my breath, while they learn the most by giving over to others. Many women have a hard time receiving since it is more natural for us to give, give, and give… cooking, cleaning, breastfeeding, taking care of children, volunteering in the community…” Therefore, I try to encourage myself and the women I treat in EmunaHealing to learn to be receivers as well as givers. This is so much easier when we realize how receiving actually is giving. I recall about 43 years ago when we were new in the Yeshiva, how my husband and I as a newlywed couple, learning Torah full-time were encouraged to ask our parents for financial assistance. It broke our pride inbeing independent to turn to our parents for money. However, realizing that allowing them to support our Torah learning in Israel was a tremendous zechut (merit) for them, we mustered up the courage to ask for help, knowing that this would bring our parents eternal blessings. 

 

What is Hashem’s Greatest Gift to Us? 

In the description of the mitzvah to build the Mishkan (Tabernacle) it says, “They shall take…” rather than ‘They shall give’ as would have been expected. 

 

ספר שמות פרק כה פסוק ב
 דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיִקְחוּ לִי תְּרוּמָה מֵאֵת כָּל אִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יִדְּבֶנּוּ לִבּוֹ תִּקְחוּ אֶת תְּרוּמָתִי:

“Speak to the children of Israel and have them take for Me an offering; from every person whose heart inspires him to generosity, you shall take My offering” (Shemot 25:2).

 

This confirms the concept that through giving we receive (take). All this is alluded to in the midrash that pointed out that the Torah did not merely write וְיִקְחוּ תְּרוּמָה/vayikchu Teruma – ‘take an offering’ but וְיִקְחוּ לִי תְּרוּמָה/vayikchu li Teruma – ‘take for Me an offering.’ The word לִי/li – ‘for Me’may be understood as אוֹתִי/oti – ‘Me’ as if the Torah meant: “You will take Me [G-d] so-to-speak as an offering.” That is “Take Me to dwell among you” (Rabbeinu Bachaya, Shemot 25:2 based on Midrash Tanchuma 24, Emor). By donating to the building of the Mishkan, the Israelites got – so-to-speak – to take Hashem and receive a closeness to Him as never before. This offering must be given by everyone “whose heart moves them to give.” Until then, the Israelites had been recipients of Hashem’s miracles and deliverances. He had taken them from slavery to freedom and continuously performed wonders for them. The only thing G-d had not yet done was to give the Israelites the chance of giving something back to Him. Hashem’s greatest gift to us is the ability to give to Him. G-d allowed the Israelites to give something back to Him, by building Him a home for His spirit to rest among us. A people that only received but could not give was trapped in dependency and lack of self-respect. Hashem allowed the Israelites to come close to Him, and He to them, by giving them the chance to give (Based on Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, The Labour of Gratitude, Adar I 2 5782).

 

The Mishkan – Rectification for the Spiritual Lack Behind the Sin of the Golden Calf 

G-d creates the remedy before the wound (Babylonian Talmud, Megillah 13b). Hashem gave the Israelites the opportunity to give of themselves and express their creativity to build for Him a home, to rectify their making of the Golden Calf. “The Torah is not written in chronological order.” The episode of the Golden Calf took place long before the mitzvah to construct the Mishkan. For on the seventeenth of Tamuz,the tablets were broken, and on Yom Kippur, Hashem becamereconciled with Israel. On the morrow [i.e., on the eleventh of Tishri], they began donating for the Mishkan, and it [the Mishkan] was erected on the first of Nissan [Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Tisa 31]; (Rashi, Shemot 31:18). The Torah hid Parashat Ki Tisa describing the sin of the Golden calf, by sandwiching it between two Parshiot about the Mishkan before it (Teruma, Tetzaveh) and two following it (Vayakhel, Pekudei), to atone of the children of Israel. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks points out that the mitzvah to build the Mishkan in Parashat Teruma is written before the sin of the Golden Calf to tell us that the cure existed before the disease, the mending before the fracture, the rectification before the sin. We made a Calf not to worship it as an idol, but because we need asymbol of Hashem’s Presence to feel close to. We need to sense the imminence of Hashem in our midst, not just the transcendent G-d far away ‘in the sky’ or at the summit of the mountain. Even if no one can see Hashem’s face, we need at least to see some visible sign of His glory. Therefore, the building of the Mishkan is not only an atonement for sin but a rectification of the spiritual lack that caused the construction of the Golden Calf (Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, The Labour of Gratitude, Adar I 2 5782).

 

Encountering G-d Through the Gratitude of Giving 

ספר שמות פרק כה פסוק ח וְעָשׂוּ לִי מִקְדָּשׁ וְשָׁכַנְתִּי בְּתוֹכָם:

“Let them build Me a sanctuary that I may dwell in them” (Shemot 25:8).

 

This is the first time that the root shin-chaf-nun – referring to Hashem’s Indwelling Presence – appears in the Torah. Never before had it been used in connection with G-d, yet eventually the verb sh-ch-n – ‘to dwell’ became a keyword of Judaism itself. From it came the word Mishkan meaning a sanctuary, and Shechinah, the Divine Feminine Indwelling Presence, which is the talk of the town here in Bat Ayin. G-d doesn’t tell us, ‘I will dwell within it’ (the Mishkan), but rather, “I will dwell within them.” When we give of ourselves wholeheartedly, we open ourselves to receive Hashem’s presence within us.  Hashem doesn’t live in buildings. He lives in Builders. He doesn’t live in structures of stone but in the human heart. The etymology of the word Teruma hints at this. It doesn’t refer to simply a contribution, but literally to being ‘raised up.’ When we give, it is not just our contribution but we who are raised up and elevated by the Divine Presence dwelling within us. I often ask myself how do you feel the presence of G-d amid everyday life? That is the life-transforming secret of the word ‘Teruma.’ It means ‘a contribution.’ Hashem told Moshe, “Take Me as a contribution for everyone whose heart prompts them to give” (Shemot 25:2). The best way of encountering G-d is to give. The very act of giving flows from, or leads to, the understanding that what we give is part of what we were given. I, personally, experience this concept the strongest through my desire to give to my children. I want to impart to my children just like my parents gave to me, and their parents gave to them back to the very first parent in the world – Hashem. When we give, it is a way of giving thanks, an act of gratitude, to those who gave to us, which is ultimately Hashem. He created the universe. He made us. He gave us life. The Torah therefore tells us something simple and practical. Give, and you will come to see life as a gift. You don’t need to be able to prove the existence of G-d. All you need is to be thankful that you exist – and the rest will follow. That is how Hashem came to be close to the Israelites through the building of the sanctuary because it was built by the gifts of “everyone whose heart prompts them to give” (Shemot 25:2). Where people give voluntarily to one another and to holy causes, that is where the Divine Presence rests. G-d doesn’t live in the glorious Temple. He lives in the hearts of those who give. G-d’s Presence implies that what we have is His (Rabbi Yonathan Sacks,  Covenant & Conversation, The Gift Of Giving,  Terumah, 5776, 5783)

 

           

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Teruma–

Some Tips for How to Allow Others to Give by Receiving

Most of us love giving to others, but many people have a hard time appreciating themselves enough to receive and accept gifts. Receiving is just as important as giving because, without receivers, there are no givers. People may want to give but they do not know to whom. So, don’t be embarrassed to ask for help.

 

• Receiving Through Giving – Most of us don’t typically give for the sake of receiving, but certain elements of giving gifts do automatically give back: the personal satisfaction of doing something for someone else and the sense of connection you feel with the person who receives your gift…all the more so if that person offers thanks to you in a meaningful way. Just as it makes you happy to give, let others have the pleasure of giving to YOU, and allowing them to feel the happiness it is to give. Receive gifts and kind words with a grateful heart, knowing the joy the other person is feeling by being able to give to you, just as you feel joyful when you can give to them or others. It’s a blessing and joy to give – So let others have that too by allowing yourself to be a joyful receiver! 
 
• Is Receiving Etiquette a Thing of the Past? – My parents put a lot of effort into teaching us how to receive with gratitude. Gifts from grandparents and aunts/uncles prompted the writing of thank-you cards. In our younger years, Mother wrote the card, and we signed it or added a drawing. As we got older, we learned to write and illustrate our own thank-you letters. We added the stamp, and the sticker saying “by airmail only” if it was a letter to our grandparents living in Israel. Times have greatly changed from when I was a child. Life has gotten more hectic. However, it seems that for many, not only have handwritten notes become a thing of the past but so has the basic gesture of saying “thank you” at all. We often wonder if the people to whom we send gifts ever got them.
 
• Thoughtful Thank You’s – It seems logical that the full circle of giving can only be completed by the gracious and thoughtful act of receiving. How do youacknowledge gifts? Do you send a handwritten thank-you note? An email? A text? Or do you make a phone call? Perhaps now is a good time to slow down and give more thought to saying “thank you” to the gift-givers in your life.
 
• Take a Picture of the Gift Recipient Opening the Gift –Then send it with a thank-you card or as an email attachment.
 
• Share Your Creation with the Giver – If the gift you received lends itself to creative creations, take a photo of what you made, or gift them with one of your creations. You can also take a picture of how you are putting the gift to use. If you got a new necklace, send them a photo wearing it with a matching dress. It will really brighten their day.
 
• Call the Sender on the Phone – to give a sincere and heartfelt “thank you” in a personal manner. Or Initiate a Facetime or Zoom call with gift-givers so they get to see your gratitude or excitement – live!

• Considering the Temperament and Specific Emotional Needs of the Giver – Each person in your life is different. Ponder how you can show your appreciation in ways that are most meaningful to them, based on their personality. One kind of personality will appreciate your attention, affection, approval, and acceptance. Another gift giver who may have put noticeable time and energy into your gift will appreciate your expressing appreciation for their work and the time they spent on you. The personality who is sensitive to rejection needs to know you value them much more than the gift. Even if you don’t like the gift, thank them sincerely for their affection and let them know you truly value their friendship and their steadfast presence in your life. When you devote some time to understanding each giver’s temperament you can become the best gift recipient ever!