Parashat Ki Tetze: How Do We Learn to Appreciate Our Happy Occasions by Erecting a Fence on our Roof?

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Parashat Ki Tetze
How Do We Learn to Appreciate Our Happy Occasions by Erecting a Fence on our Roof? 

Respecting and Caring for Our Home – The Extension of Our Selves                                            One day after teaching at B’erot while looking for a certain book, another unexpected book rolled into my hand. “What is a book about space clearing and Feng Shui doing at a Midrasha library?” I asked myself. “Hmm, looks interesting, let me take it home and look into it.” It so happened that I had planned to do a thorough Rosh Hashanna cleaning of my home during the summer vacation, since my mom hadn’t graced us with a visit in more than a year, I didn’t have the occasion for some deep cleaning, and it showed! So perhaps the space-clearing book would come in handy. I was planning to return it to B’erot after reading it, but although it was donated to B’erot in the memory of a loved one, I found it so filled with idol worship. Therefore, as part of my Torah space-clearing I had to get rid of it after filtering out the nuggets. Many of the good ideas in the book are familiar to me. Hailing from generations of mothers who take pride in their homes, I always knew that our home is an extension of ourselves, and we need to treat it with respect and care. For me, this entails keeping my windows clean as the windows are the eyes of our home. They affect the way we view life. If our windows are grimy, our vision of life may be restricted. Yet, being a collector of stuff (as a child I collected napkins, stamps, beads, and more) clutter is my biggest problem. So, the book helped me understand how clutter is stuck energy. Clutter accumulates when energy stagnates. Healthy energy is moving energy, when we get rid of everything in our lives that has no real meaning for us, we literally feel lighter in body, mind, and spirit. When everything we keep around us is sacred to us, our whole life becomes sacred. With my limited time, I go through the process of clearing the space of my home gradually, room by room. Getting rid of the extra stuff (like my old computer which I hadn’t used in 2 years) and the spiderwebs behind the bed, is such a great feeling of renewal, it is almost as if I’m moving into a new home! This is suitable as I’m celebrating one more year around the sun and the moon when we read my Bat Mitzvah Parasha  Ki Tetze.

Blessing Hashem for the Opportunity to Make a Guard Rail

I like to be busy, perhaps because I was born during the busiest Parasha of the year: Parshat Ki Tetze which is filled with mitzvot, 74, to be exact. This is the most mitzvot in any parsha of the Torah. One of my favorite Mitzvot that I had the merit to do twice is the mitzvah to put a rail on your roof. I recall 25 years ago exactly, at the beginning of the month of Elul, we moved into our current home with an elevated flat porch. Since it was my birthday, my husband left me one nail to hammer in to complete the guard rail. It was very emotional for me, and I almost cried when I recited the Bracha: 

 בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לַעֲשֹוֹת מַעֲקֶה:

“Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Ha’olam Asher Kidishanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu la’azot Me’akeh.” …Who has commanded me to make a rail.” Although the general rule not to recite a blessing for removing any danger, when a roof is obligated to have a fence, many Poskim (from Rambam, Brachot 11:8, to Likkutei Sichos Ki Seitzei 2 p. 89) rule that a blessing is recited. The reason that a blessing is said upon building a fence is because the mitzvah of making a fence is in addition to the mitzvah of preventing danger from our home, so it deserves its own blessing (1 Imrei Ya’akov 10:16; Shulchan Aruch HaRav, Should a blessing be recited when building a fence around a roof?). The second time I merited to fulfill the mitzvah of making a fence was in 2018 when we planted the memorial garden for my father near the then-new retreat center. Since the backyard of B’erot land hadn’t been developed until then I only then discovered that there was a very steep incline at the end of our land and if a child would run fast in that direction, he could G-d forbid fall down the cliff, and I don’t even want to think about how grave that danger would be. So, I was again moved by the feeling of being engaged in such an important mitzvah when I quickly had a fence installed all around the edge of B’erot backyard land. 

Gratitude for the Opportunity of Doing a Mitzvah that Leads to More Mitzvot

ספר דברים פרק כב פסוק ח כִּי תִבְנֶה בַּיִת חָדָשׁ וְעָשִׂיתָ מַעֲקֶה לְגַגֶּךָ וְלֹא תָשִׂים דָּמִים בְּבֵיתֶךָ כִּי יִפֹּל הַנֹּפֵל מִמֶּנּוּ:

“When you build a new house, you shall make a guard rail for your roof, so that you shall not cause blood [to be spilled] in your house, that the one who falls should fall from it [the roof]” (Devarim 22:8).

It is a positive mitzvah to make a fence on his roof as it says, “You shall make a fence for your roof.” Anyone who leaves his roof without a fence has nullified a positive command and has transgressed a negative command as the verse continues, “Do not spill blood in your home.” This refers to building a gate or fence around the roof of our home to prevent anyone from falling from it. So, by building a fence on our roof we fulfill both a positive and negative Torah commandment. Rashi makes me appreciate this mitzvah and the rest of the 74 mitzvot in Parashat Ki Tetze even more when he explains the domino effect of the sequence of one mitzvah leading to another. If you have fulfilled the commandment of “sending away the mother bird from her nest,” you will eventually build a new house and fulfill the mitzvah of “guard-rail,” because the fulfillment of one mitzvah leads to another. You will then come to possess a vineyard, a field, and fine clothes. Therefore, these passages are juxtaposed (Rashi, Devarim 22:8). How awesome is it to contemplate the concept of מִצְוָה גּוֹרֶרֶת מִצְוָה/mitzvah gorreret mitzvah – “One mitzvah pulls along another” (Pirkei Avot 4:2).  Hashem, in His, kindness has imbued in His mitzvot an accumulative mechanism to grant us more merit.  When I think about the layers of opportunities of doing just one little mitzvah of the 74 mitzvot in Parashat Ki Tetze, I’m filled with immense gratitude.

Elevating All Our Happy Occasions to Hashem Alluded to in Your Roof 

When we arrive at any happy occasion bestowed upon us by the Blessed Creator, we must express our happiness within the letters of the Torah. This way we express our gratitude for the happy occasion through prayer, songs, and praises to allow our happiness to cleave to the Above – to the Blessed Creator.  All this is alluded to in “When you build a new house…” This can be understood to refer to the general happiness for anything new. “…Then you must make a rail guard” – this is to elevate your happy occasion through the letters of the Torah. This is the meaning of the “rail” that is built in the highest places. This is also alluded to in the word גַגֶּךָ/gagecha – “your roof,” for its numerical value is 26 the gematria of Hashem’s four-lettered Name. Through the wording of the mitzvah of making a rail on your roof, we bring our happiness into the letters of Hashem’s name. These letters of Hashem’s name refer to the inner will that moves all the letters and everything in the universe forward (Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev, Kedushat Levi, Parashat Ki Tetze). The Kedushat Halevi teaches us a deeper revelation about the ideal form of enjoying joy. Just as we may experience joy when building a new house, so can we build up and elevate any new joy we experience. It starts with the realization that it all comes from G-d and we need to demonstrate gratitude to Him. Just as we may build a rail on our roof – the highest point of our house – so can we direct our highest emotions of joy toward gratitude. By articulating gratitude through words of Torah, prayer, songs, and praises to G-d, we can connect our joy to its divine source. The power and force behind the words of praise we use is the name of Hashem. Its numerical value (26) is identical to the numerical value of “your roof” (26) showing the deep connection between these concepts. When we experience joy and raise it up by being grateful to Hashem – its ultimate source – by articulating and exhibiting gratitude, using holy words directed to G-d – we extend, enhance, and raise our joy to a continued higher dimension.

Erecting the Rail of Setting Limits in Life 

Besides alluding to any joyous occasion, building a new home also reflects our selves. The mitzvah to build a fence around our home teaches us that it’s not enough to serve Hashem through love, because this could cause us, G-d forbid, to fall into the lusts and lower worldly pleasures. Therefore, we need to also serve Hashem out of יִרְאָה/yirah –‘awe.’ “When you build a new house” – when you want to build holiness through your good deeds, then you must make a fence on your root, referring to the ‘awe’ needed to guard the אַהֲבָה/ahavah – ‘love.’ The word ahavah 2x equals 26, the numerical value of גַגֶּךָ/gagecha – “your roof,” while yirah equals 215, the numerical value of מַעֲקֶה/ma’akeh – “rail” with the kollel (counting 1 for the word itself). This teaches us that only through both awe and love together can we serve Hashem wholeheartedly (Imrei Yosef, Parashat Tetze). Along the same lines Rav Chaim Mordechai Rosenbaum of Nadvorna, in Devar Chaim suggests that erecting a fence on our roof can symbolize setting responsible limits in life. Our home may also represent the totality of our material existence. The mitzvah to erect a fence urges us to set limits on our expenditures of obtaining material comforts.  Just as a home, which is meant to provide us with safety and security, could cause danger without a physical barrier around the rooftop, likewise, the process of securing material comforts could pose the risk of financial ruin without a “fence” – i.e. without appropriate limits. In our quest for luxury and enjoyment, we might end up hurting ourselves through reckless spending.  The Torah warns us to erect a “fence” around our “home,” to exercise discipline so that our “home,” will be a source of blessing, and will not cause us to “fall” into the trap of the yetzer hara (negative impulse). The Torah’s mention of a new house provides a paradigm for all general growth. Because bigger houses come with bigger challenges. The more we engage the outside world, the more we must protect ourselves from falling. How do we protect ourselves? With a fence on our roof. This implies our protection is through something that is beyond ourselves. Simply put, the higher we rise, the tighter we need to connect to the One who will always be far above us. In this way, we will not fall. Neither will those who enter our house.

Gratitude Focus for the Week of Parashat Ki Tetze –

Some Tips on How to Appreciate Your Home

To feel genuine gratitude for all the comforts of your home, look on the bright side or that soothingly dark corner. This is your sanctuary that you want to make an abode for the Shechinah (Divine Indwelling Presence). It’s natural to get a little down on your home from time to time, this gives you the impetus for renewal, which will affect your life positively. Feeling content at home is available to everyone, no matter the size or condition of your space. By appreciating your home and developing a relationship with it you can gain a deeper appreciation of your house, and all the blessings Hashem imbues within it. 

• Consider What First Drew You to Your Home – No matter where you live, there was likely something that attracted you to your house when you first saw it. Was it the sunny yard, charming porch, or original wood floors? Once you are living in a place, it’s natural to focus more on home improvements. Yet, taking a moment to thank Hashem for the roof over your head and recalling the favorite things about your home help you feel gratitude. 

• Appreciate Your Home with Your Senses – you can zero in on the pleasures of home. Take a quick sensory tour of your home and note anything positive: the cozy comfort of your couch, the smell of coffee brewing, the feel of a fluffy rug between your toes. The aroma of Challot in the oven heralding the Shabbat Queen. 

• Imagine You’ve Just Been on a Long Trip – and you are arriving home for the first time in weeks. You close the door behind you and take a deep breath. What are you most looking forward to about being home at that moment? Think about the ways your home comforts and supports you and give thanks to Hashem for His perpetual protection. 

• Make Your Front Entrance Welcoming – Just as people enter and leave through the front door, so is it also a portal through which energy flows in and out of our lives. As you enter your home, what you see, and experience represents your approach to your own life. Leaving your home represents your approach to the outer world. Make a habit of kissing the mezuzah when you enter and leave your home, to recall the holiness that resides there. Keep your front path as clear and welcoming as possible, so that everyone will feel glad to enter. If you have a number or a name on your front door position the second and subsequent digit or letter slightly higher than the first. This will give you an energy lift every time you walk through your front door. 

• Consider the Mitzvah of Welcoming Guests – Is your home a source of mitzvot where various guests are welcome and taken care of? Make a point of keeping the energy of your home uplifting and relaxing to soothe anyone who walks through your door. 

• Plants and Flowers – Plants filter the air, increase the oxygen content, and generally lift the energy of a space. To offset the electromagnetic rays, have one plant per computer or television placed as near as possible to the equipment, and other plants as necessary to compensate for other electrical apparatus. Use plants that by their shape symbolically represent what you want to create. Round-leafed, upward-shooting plants work best. Avoid spiky plants in confined areas because they can cause arguments and irritation. Research funded by NASA discovered ways of cleaning the air in space capsules. They found that several ordinary types of houseplants have the ability to cleanse many of the most common pollutants from the air, including formaldehyde. They are Peace Lilies (Spathiphyllum Wallsisii); Peperomias; Arrowhead / Goose Foot Plant (Syngonium podophyllum); Dwarf Banana Plants, and Golden Pothos (Scindapsus Aureus).

• Your Bedroom – It is generally recommended to site bedrooms as far away from the front entrance as possible, especially the master bedroom. This will give you the sense that you can see things coming into your life and have time to consider your options and decide what is the best thing to do. If you sleep too close to the front door, things happen suddenly and take you by surprise, so you may miss opportunities and make choices you regret. When you feel more secure during sleep, you naturally feel more secure as you go about your life. It therefore becomes much easier to manifest Hashem’s will in your life. 

• Regard Your Home in a New Way – Consider collecting your thoughts in a gratitude journal. I also encourage you to pay attention to precisely what makes you feel grateful at home – thank Hashem for these blessings and work on increasing them! Then the blessings of your home will expand. As you are working in the garden, kneading challah dough, or reading a story to a child you will feel more content with things as they are. 

Why is Fear the Opening to Enter the Gate of Love?

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Parashat Ekev

Why is Fear the Opening to Enter the Gate of Love?

An Instant Gratification Generation

We are an impatient instant gratification generation. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that our entire century is characterized by impatience and craving for instant gratification. Everyone wants a shortcut to reach their goals fast. Children skip grades, mothers buy instant soup and instant cake mix, while fathers drink instant coffee. We skip to the conclusion of a research article or read just the abstract. Even when we get our hands on a new novel, we cheat and read the end first. If we like it, we may go back to the beginning. Also, in Torah, we desire shortcuts that give us the deepest instant message in the fewest words. That’s why some students yearn for Chassidic pearls but may have less patience for learning the minutia of the detailed halachot to keep them to perfection. In our spiritual work, it seems that the last few generations connect much more to the concept of Ahavat Hashem – Loving Hashem – which Chassidism emphasizes – than to the concept of Yirat Hashem – Fearing Hashem – which is quite foreign even for many – I was going to say – ‘G-d fearing people’! The concept of fear seems too solemn and formal for our disrespectful generation. We want the skip to the real deep stuff, we want to connect; we want the umph in our spiritual service, and we want to feel Hashem’s closeness, but are we ready to do the hard work and go through all the steps to get us there?

Why does the Torah Ask us to Fear G-d before Loving Hashem?

In Parashat Ekev, we read that the first step in our divine worship is “only to fear Hashem:”

ספר דברים פרק י פסוק יב וְעַתָּה יִשְׂרָאֵל מָה הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ שֹׁאֵל מֵעִמָּךְ כִּי אִם לְיִרְאָה אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בְּכָל דְּרָכָיו וּלְאַהֲבָה אֹתוֹ וְלַעֲבֹד אֶת הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:

“And now, O Israel, what does Hashem, your G-d, ask of you? Only to fear Hashem, your G-d, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, and to worship Hashem, your G-d, with all your heart and with all your soul” (Devarim 10:12).

Netivot Shalom asks: since we know that Ahavat Hashem is at a higher level than Yirat Hashem why does our verse precede fear of G-d to love of G-d? The same question can be asked on Tehillim 111:10: “The beginning of wisdom is the fear of Hashem; good understanding to all who perform them; his praise endures forever,” and on the verses following the Shema Yisrael that emphasize loving G-d. The Talmud teaches that it is greater to fulfill the mitzvot from love rather than from fear (Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 31a). The positive mitzvot which are linked with ‘love of G-d’ are greater than the negative mitzvot connected with ‘fear of G-d.’ Yet, only by cultivating fear of G-d can we reach the level of loving Hashem and serving Him with heart and soul. Although loving G-d and cleaving to Him is the highest level and the end goal towards which we strive, due to our yetzer hara (negative impulse), we can only reach this level by first eradicating this negative impulse through obtaining fear of G-d. As long as we haven’t purified ourselves from this inherent negative inclination as it states, “for the inclination of man's heart is evil from his youth” (Bereishit 8:21), it is impossible to reach true love of G-d.

Fear of G-d – The First Step to Self-Refinement

According to Ohr HaChayim, the reason that G-d asks only that we serve Him out of fear, and that He is seemingly satisfied with this level of service is that fear is an all-embracing emotion. When a person is afraid of the consequences of doing wrong, he will make certain that he does not do anything wrong. Moreover, Moshe hints that fear, i.e., reverence for G-d is a prerequisite of love for G-d. This is understood from his prefaces of our verse with the word וְעַתָּה/ve’ata – “and now.” This teaches us that for now, initially, all that G-d asks for is to fear Him, although this is not the final goal in serving Hashem. The expression וְעַתָּה/ve’ata – “and now” also refers to teshuva (Rav Tzaddok of Lublin, Pri Tzaddik, Bereishit 8 based on Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 21). The midrash learns this concept specifically from our Torah verse. By means of fear of G-d we can repent as Rashi says, “Even though you did all this, His compassion and affection are still upon you, and with all that you have sinned against Him, He demands nothing of you, except only to fear [Hashem, your G-d]. How does fear of G-d help us to repent? Since the negative impulse that caused us to sin is not logical, it is not possible to uproot it through even the sharpest intellectual approach. Yet fear of G-d purifies the flesh and blood, therefore it is the foundation of teshuva. This is appropriate for preparing for the month of Elul – the month of teshuva! Through fear of G-d, we can remove the impure lusts and return to purity and acquire true love of G-d, for fear is the opening to enter the gate of love. The reason for this is that a Jew is a part of G-d from above, and the Shechinah dwells within us, therefore it is natural for a Jew to love Hashem. It is only the negative impulse that blocks our natural love of G-d. That is why it’s impossible to achieve love of G-d except through fear that refines and purifies us from negative cravings.

Tapping into the Light of Shabbat by Beginning with Awe of G-d

The main fear of G-d is awe of Hashem’s greatness. By feeling the greatness of the Creator in our hearts we come to have awe of Him. The way to come to awe and love of G-d is through contemplating the deeds of creation and its great wonders. This makes us in awe of Hashem’s infinitely great wisdom, though being mindful in this way of the greatness of Hashem’s creation, we can achieve both awe and love of G-d. The Zohar points out that the word בראשית/bereishit consists of the same letters as the two words יראה /yirah – ‘awe’ and ‘שבת/Shabbat.’ What is the connection between Shabbat and fear or awe of G-d? Shabbat is arousal from above connected with love of G-d, as we know that Shabbat is designated to be Israel’s soulmate (Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 11:9). Yet, only by purifying ourselves through fear/awe of G-d will we be able to tap into the light of Shabbat and the love of G-d inherent in the holy Shabbat. We learn this concept from the word Bereishit which means “in the beginning.” Only by beginning with awe of G-d can we attain the elevated levels of Shabbat. In the same way, we begin the new year with the days of awe where the emphasis also is on fear/awe of G-d.

Emulating Hashem is a Prerequisite to Achieving Love of G-d

Why are the concepts of awe and love of G-d separated by the clause “to walk in His ways”?

There are three levels: Through acquiring fear of G-d we purify ourselves from the inclination to go astray from the straight path which enables us to walk in Hashem’s ways, which in return brings us to the highest level of love of G-d. Thus walking “in all His ways” is a preliminary preparation for learning to love Hashem. To walk in Hashem’s ways means to emulate His character traits, just as He is compassionate so must we be (Sifri Parashat Ekev Piska 13). Therefore, loving our fellow Jews is a spiritual remedy for achieving love of G-d. By walking in all of Hashem’s ways and purifying our character traits we may be able to achieve true love of Hashem!

EmunaHealing Exercise for Activating and Balancing our Will with Hashem’

1. Make yourself comfortable wherever you are and allow yourself to relax into your seat. Let your thoughts pass through you as you notice them without judging them. Breathe deeply and relax even more.

2. As you breathe slowly, contemplate the deeds of creation and its great wonders. Contemplate the greatness of everything Hashem has created and keep recreating every single second. Can anyone emulate the formation of the fruits on the trees… the intricate ecosystem, the orbits of the sun and the planets. “The heavens recite the glory of G-d, and the sky tells of the work of His hands” (Tehillim 19:2). Think about how Hashem created humanity with such wisdom… contemplate in details of the human body and how each limp and organ work together to maintain us. Think of the amazing digestive system that no other than G-d could conceive of.

3. The wonders of Hashem’s creation arouse awe of G-d. “What is it that G-d asks…only that you fear Him.” Fearing Hashem is surely not such an easy thing. In absolute terms, serving Hashem out of fear is something very great indeed. Can you get a feeling of Hashem’s awesome greatness that makes you recoil? Get in touch with your own minuscule smallness compared to the Almighty’s unparalleled magnitude. You have the opportunity to serve the greatest, most elevated being in the world. Do not let this opportunity pass by but make yourself ready to serve with all your heart, soul, and might.

4. Envision your worldly desires and negative cravings as a thick, black cloud. Your unrefined lust to stuff your face with more food than is good for you; your jealousy of the possessions and talents of others; your base need for compliments and attention etc. Now visualize how your awe of G-d becomes a bright light that makes the black cloud of your negative emotions evaporate, purifying you from your unholy cravings.

5. Allow yourself to feel how the blocks that have been blocking you from cleaving to G-d, are releasing. See if you feel lighter and more ready to serve G-d now.

6. G-d is compassionate and forgiving, His kindness has no bounds, and He is the ultimate truth.

Every possible good character trait is the way of Hashem. We are commanded to walk in G-d’s ways, by emulating Hashem’s character traits. Which character trait are you ready to work on right now? Imagine yourself acting, speaking, and thinking through having acquired the desired good trait.

7. Keep breathing and meditate on the concept of “fear is the opening to enter the gate of love.” Open your heart to feel Hashem’s infinite love for you. Contemplate all the blessings in your life that He has granted you. Even if you are going through a rough time, there are always some moments of goodness within each challenging test. Let your feeling of gratefulness fill your heart and spill over to become the deepest love of G-d that you are able to experience right now.

8. Imagine going about your life with this inner feeling of love of G-d permeating your every thought, speech, and action. When you are ready, open your eyes and return to the room with a resolve to walk in the way of G-d and come closer to Hashem in every mundane task in your everyday life.