When I became a Ba’alat Teshuva (returnee to the
Torah) in 1980, the question of whether moving to Israel would infringe upon
the mitzvah to honor my parents did not cross my mind. First of all, the
concept of honoring parents was quite novel to me, and secondly, my new Torah observance
was so intertwined with living in the Torah community I was part of in
Jerusalem, that even entertaining the thought of leaving Israel would be
tantamount to leaving the Torah and thus cutting myself off from true life as
it states: “For that is your life and the length of your days, to dwell on the
land which Hashem swore to your forefathers to Avraham, to Yitzchak, and to Ya’acov
to give to them” (Devarim 30:20). My husband-to-be had joined the
Yeshiva community in between completing medical school and carrying out his internship.
His parents, who had pinned great hopes upon their only son’s medical career,
insisted that he return to the States to fulfill his internship and his
conditional scholarship to work in a physician shortage area. His dilemma elicited
a heated discussion in the Yeshiva, regarding whether the mitzvot to live in
Israel and learn Torah override the mitzvah of honoring parents. Our Rabbi ruled
that the former overrides the latter. As support for his ruling, the Rabbi
quoted Rashi’s commentary on: “Every man shall fear his mother and his father, but
you shall observe My Shabbats. I am Hashem, your G-d” (Vayikra 19:3). This
verse implies that although we must fear our parents, we must nevertheless keep
Shabbat; thus, should a parent ask the child to violate Shabbat, the laws of
Shabbat override the parents’ wishes as the Talmud states, “Although I have
admonished you regarding the fear of your father, nevertheless, if he tells you
to desecrate the Shabbat, do not listen to him. This is also the case with all
the [other] mitzvot. (Babylonian
Talmud, Baba Metzia 32a). Our Rabbi taught us that based on the above, even
if our parents request that we leave Israel, the mitzvot of living in Israel
and learning Torah supersede their request. Due to following this ruling, to
this day, we still – 45 years later – live on our homestead in Gush Etzion. We,
our two sons and four granddaughters, who grew up here in Israel, have no
intentions to leave our homeland. Had we heeded my in-laws’ demand to return to
the US who knows whether we would be keeping the Torah today?
By Honoring our Parents, we Acknowledge and Honor
Hashem – Our Ultimate Parent
A classical
question is why the fifth commandment to honor our parents is placed on the first
tablet describing the five mitzvot between man and G-d when it seems to belong
to the category of the mitzvot on the second tablet dealing with the five
commandments between man and man. The well-known answer is that although
honoring our parents is essentially an obligation between people, it is also
related to G-d since there are three partners in the team bringing about the
birth of a child. “There are three partners in the creation of a person: The
Holy One, Blessed be He, his father, and his mother. His father emits the white
seed… His mother emits red seed… And the Holy One, Blessed be He, inserts into
him a spirit, a soul, astral energy field (countenance), eyesight, hearing of
the ear, the capability of speech of the mouth, the capability of walking with
the legs, understanding, and wisdom… (Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 31a). If
I respect my father and mother who are the ones who created my physical body –
which will eventually wither and die – how much more must I honor my Father in
Heaven, who granted me with the superior component, my eternal soul! (Kli
Yakar, Shemot 20:12). Our parents are
merely junior partners with G-d in the creation of life. They did not actually
bring us into the world, they only planted a seed in the ground. Yet the Divine
power alone is capable of transforming the seed into a living and breathing
being. Thus, when we honor our parents, we all the more so honor G-d, the true
Creator, Who provides our life and soul (Based on Ramban, Shemot 20:12). By commanding
us to honor our parents, G-d informs us that each and every individual exists due
to His specific will. If we, as individuals, were created by chance, there
would be no reason to honor parents. Therefore, when we honor our parents, it
is considered as honoring G-d Himself, for by honoring them we demonstrate our
awareness of G-d’s involvement in our own creation (Maharal, Tiferet Yisrael,
Chapter 41). Thus, respecting our
parents enables us to acknowledge and appreciate that it is ultimately G-d who
brought us into existence, and sustains and guides the world.
Why
is the Reward for Honoring Parents Specifically a Long Life in the Land of
Israel?
ספר שמות פרק כ פסוק יב כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ לְמַעַן יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ עַל הָאֲדָמָה
אֲשֶׁר הָשֵׁם אֱלֹהֶיךָ נֹתֵן לָךְ:
“Honor your father and your mother, so that
your days be lengthened on the land that Hashem, your G-d, is giving you” (Shemot
20:12).
The reward of a long life is promised
specifically “on the land that Hashem, your G-d, is giving you.” Not only is
the reward for honoring parents to live a long life, the reward also includes
the privilege of living in the promised land. This second lesser-known reward
for honoring parents is surely no less valuable than the first. But what is the
connection between honoring parents and being fortunate to live in the land of
Israel? By honoring our parents, we
demonstrate the humility to understand that the world did not originate with us,
rather, we acknowledge
that Hashem runs every detail of this world. Being a Divine mitzvah it is appropriate that its reward
be realized in Hashem’s Land together with His chosen people in Eretz Yisrael. G-d
created the world, and when it suited Him, He allowed temporary control of the
Land to the Canaanites until the Jewish people fulfilled the divine mitzvah of
conquering the Promised Land, which He had granted us eternally (Rashi, Bereishit
1:1). Since then – a period of approximately 3300 years – the Land has never
been devoid of Jews. “If it were possible that the Children of Israel would be
completely absent from the Land of Israel, G-d forbid, that Hashem would do
this, for He has already promised that He will never completely wipe out or
uproot the Jewish nation, then there would be no possibility of calculating the
months or declaring leap years” (Rambam, Sefer HaMitzvot, Positive Mitzvah 153). Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch explains the
connection between honoring parents and the reward of long life specifically in
the land of Israel by adding the national element. Honoring our parents is a
necessary condition for Am Yisrael to be able to remain within Eretz Yisrael.
This is so because recognizing our personal roots will lead to recognizing our
national roots, which are cast deep within the Land of Israel. This connects
the reward for honoring our parents with a long life specifically in Eretz
Yisrael; for it is not simply a matter of our individual length of days, but
that of our entire nation. Honoring parents stems from recognizing that we are
part of the Jewish people who have been planted deeply within the Land since
time immemorial. Our nation’s yearning for the Land has not changed and will never
change throughout the generations. Thus, the Torah teaches that the reward for
honoring parents is longevity specifically in the Land of Israel (Based on Nir
Shaul, presented by Yedidya Solomon, Honoring Parents and
Eretz Yisrael).
Honoring Parents Confirms the Transmission of the
Torah Fully Applicable in Israel
Honoring parents highlights
the importance of each previous generation’s role in transmitting the Jewish
tradition. It makes us aware of our place in the world,
understanding that we are merely like dwarves standing on the shoulders of
giants, with the previous generations having built towers of Torah and of faith
and imbued Am Yisrael with sanctity. This outlook brings us to recognize the
true historical connection between the Nation and the Land of Israel. Since our faith is based
on the transmission of our ancestors; disrespect for parents would be disrespect
for the tradition they bequeath to us, G-d forbid. In my weekly Kuzari
class, we just discussed the importance of proving the truth of the Torah. The Jewish
people knew about the Exodus, Hashem’s miracles during the desert wandering,
the giving of the Torah, and leading the Israelites to the promised land, originally
from personal experience, and afterward through uninterrupted tradition, (from
parents to children) which is equal to the former (Rabbi Yehuda Halevi, The Kuzari
1:31). The prerequisite to accepting traditions from our ancestors is honoring
our parents, the bearers of those traditions. The mitzvah of honoring parents
is the fact that the very basis of our faith is what has been transmitted to us
by our parents and ancestors, as it is written “Recall the days of old, ponder
the years of each generation. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders
and they will speak to you” (Devarim 32:7). We can only accept the
traditions that we receive from our ancestors if we have an attitude of respect
toward them (Based on Abarbanel, Shemot 20:12). Likewise, the more
contemporary Torah scholar Rabbi David Elimelech Yoles conveys a similar outlook. We received our faith from
our parents and ancestors who transmitted to us the miracles and wonders that G-d
performed for us during the Exodus from Egypt, in the desert, and at the
revelation at Sinai. Therefore, showing disregard toward our parents and
ancestors undermines the strength of the tradition we receive, for how can we
know that our faith is true if we disrespect those who have transmitted it? (Sefer
Keren le’David, Yitro). The ultimate purpose and destination of our
uninterrupted tradition is its complete fulfillment in the Divinely imbued Holy
Land: The mitzvot are primarily for those who dwell
in the Land of Hashem. “We were
commanded to take possession of the Land that G-d, may He be blessed, gave to
our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchak, and Ya’acov; and we must not leave it in
the hands of any other nation or let it remain desolate” (Addendum to Rambam’s
Sefer HaMitzvot, Positive Commandment 4).
Honoring
our Ancestors Entitles us to Our Ancestral Promise of Inheriting the Land
Although the mitzvah of honoring our parents is
a rational, humanistic mitzvah, it is still connected – like all other mitzvot –
specifically to Eretz Yisrael. Therefore, through promising the reward “that
your days will be lengthened upon the land that Hashem, your G-d is giving you,”
the Torah emphasizes that even mitzvot such as honoring our parents apply
especially to Eretz Yisrael. When we observe the early tradition (of honoring
our parents), we will be worthy of the rightful privilege of the early ones,
which Hashem communicated to Avraham initially, “Go forth from your land ... to
the land that I will show you ... To your offspring I will give this land” (Bereishit
12:1-7); “For all the land that you see, to you I will give it, and to your descendants
forever” (Ibid. 13:15). This commitment was repeated to all the patriarchs. If
Israel will honor the heritage of the patriarchs, the Divine promise regarding
their connection to Eretz Yisrael will be fulfilled, and they will live long
lives, “upon the land that Hashem, your G-d is giving you” (Rav Mordechai
Greenberg, The Reward for Honoring Parents and Eretz Yisrael). As a
reward for honoring our parents, we become honored to live an upright life in
our homeland also called our Motherland and Fatherland. In a certain sense, the
land of Israel is our parent, as all human souls are created at the Temple
Mount. The Temple below is connected to the Temple above. From this place, the
souls descend and ascend on the ladder (Kli Yakar, Bereishit 12:1). Perhaps
we can explain that had the reward for honoring parents been merely longevity without
the promise to live in the Land of Israel, it would have been a merely quantitative
rather than qualitative promise, for a life lived in exile cannot be compared
to the goodness of living in the Promised Land, as no life is as worthy as that
lived in Eretz Yisrael. Rather than bowing our heads with a hunched over back
through the effect of millennia of exile antisemitism, here in Israel we live
to see the fulfillment of the prayer, “May the Merciful One break the yoke of
exile from our neck, and may He lead us upright to our land” (Grace after
Meals).
